April 16, 2012 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm #1168104
Ah…it was tranquil. My family actually went through a y’t without any fights…for this I think we deserve the nobel peace prize.
Hope you can say the same!
Where’s everyone else? Pipe in!April 17, 2012 2:42 am at 2:42 am #1168105
No way the same for me 🙁
A war zone in my house…between me and my siblings and their husbands/wives…gosh!April 17, 2012 3:57 am at 3:57 am #1168106
why, blabla? What went on or caused that? What was the fighting about?April 17, 2012 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #1168107April 17, 2012 6:07 pm at 6:07 pm #1168108
hi! Doing well, and how are you???April 17, 2012 6:44 pm at 6:44 pm #1168109
G-d Loves You
An opaque fog in front of me,
A hazy mist behind,
So where am I to turn?
My path I need to find.
A future stretches before me
Of decisions to be made,
Where do I go? What do I do?
The past was not at times the best,
But still I learned, I loved and laughed,
Perhaps I ought turn back.
But now that time is done.
And gone is the time for fun.
I have no choice, no say at all.
Into a fearsome, vast black hole.
And the decisions that I do make?
They haunt me night and day,
Yet another torturous stumbling block
Intent on barring my way.
Why does G-d hate me? I wonder,
As my strength saps and I tire.
My every action has a consequence
And all my plans backfire.
I never seem to get my way
Because when, for a moment, I do,
Something else pops up to ruin things
And greater troubles stew.
I wryly think about our G-d,
Just watching as I choke?
For someone wise once told me something
That gets me through each day.
She told me that G-d loves me.
He loves me and He cares!
He wants for me to gain!
Like one day she made her bus
As He loves each and every one of us.
From then on I saw it more and more,
A clear, ever present fact.
How G-d easily pulls the strings,
Maneuvering my every act.
Essentially I do have a choice
Which is best for my soul.
So if I see Him in good things,
Why is it that in troubled times
I so desperately seek to hide?
If anything I should go out,
My arms outstretched wide,
Allowing Him to take the reigns
While in His warm embrace I hide.
But that is not quite how it works,
I too must do my part.
And frantic becomes my ever beating heart.
I doubt His involvement in my life.
I doubt I have His care.
And then I hear that voice again,
That floats in the back of my mind.
It strengthens me, I think clearly.
So though the struggle may be fierce
And though it may be long,
I know that I can do this,
I will someday see the light.
Has been just beyond my sight.
G-d is holding your hand.
Just close your eyes – believe!
In all that which you perceive.
When you see G-d on your side.
Sit back, enjoy the ride.April 17, 2012 6:59 pm at 6:59 pm #1168110
hehehe… so just sorta reading this stuff now for the first time (after already posting 2 poems, mind you 😉 and… blabla… man, can I relate. I’m in the same exact place. I always felt like scum watching it… still do, actually… but it wasn’t something I could stop. I couldn’t help it. I want to say I can’t help it… but that’s not true, so I’m not going to bother. I also felt all alone, because no one knew what I was doing, and who else could possibly be so screwed up as to do the same thing??? I never realized how tragically common it is, and maybe other people feel the same way that I do.
I’m so aware of my yetzer hara for it… right from the beginning I can feel him. But in my mind I tell him, hush. I try and keep him quiet. Sometimes I win… but sometimes I fail.
I think the reason I fail is because, after all, the argument is all in my head. Sometimes, when I’m alone in my room and feel like watching some of the yuck, I say out loud, “No way! I’m not doing this!” and that seems to help. It takes the fight out of my head and makes it something more real. It’s something that’s actually happening.
Because this fight really is taking place. It’s NOT just in your head, no matter how crazy it sounds.
And even if it is all in your head… it effects your soul. In other words, not worth it.April 17, 2012 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #1168111
bly- wow! No other words describe it. Just wow! That was amazing. Described the emotions, the back n forth, the knowing but not feeling, the ups and downs… You really captured the struggle in words. And it gives hope to hear that repeating the message inside does make a difference. And your words to blabla, so understanding, and so encouraging even while you admit to still struggling. Thank u for joining the poetry threadApril 17, 2012 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm #1168112
I’m so sorry 🙁 How have you been? I read about the watching problem, I don’t have any constructive advice and don’t want to sound redundant, but I can only imagine how hard it must be and what pains you are going through to try and stop it. Have you tried rewarding yourself for every day that you don’t watch it?
Sheesh, that’s SOME poem! I especially liked this line:
I found that so true, many times I find myself repeating mistakes of my past because it’s familiar and what I know. The future is scary and blazing new paths is a terrifying thought.April 18, 2012 5:13 am at 5:13 am #1168113
Honestly, I’m having a really difficult time. Someone close to me is in the ICU in the hospital immediately after a very difficult pesach. I’m in school as regular, doing work, etc. and very overwhelmed. I can’t believe Hashem did this to me!April 18, 2012 5:16 am at 5:16 am #1168114
Right at the moment, okish. Someone got me very annoyed and upset earlier in the week. I actually wrote something (!) maybe I’ll post it… Thanks for asking. 🙂 (Although I did actually post to say hi…)April 18, 2012 5:57 am at 5:57 am #1168115
I stand here,
groping in the dark,
fumbling in the black,
floundering in the deep,
searching for a ray of light,
a spark of hope,
to ignite a bright future,
things seem hopeless,
pains searing through my soul,
bullets and arrows,
piercing my wounded heart,
my disfunctional mind,
and I’m left to swim in the dark,
rise above the roaring waves,
find the hidden light,
see the invisible,
oh where could it be?
how can I see it?
when life’s so dark and gloomy.
when pain doesn’t cease to inflict you,
when challenges arise in piles,
when you think you’ve got your dose of pain and you just get more…April 18, 2012 8:09 am at 8:09 am #1168116
Blabla- may the creator be with you and five you all the strength you need to free yourself from all that wish.
Saysme- thanks for asking, pesach was awesome! Really awesome ! Yomtov was really nice and chol hamoed was great chilled did some hiking out in the woods and enjoyed the nature for hours without any interruption of technology or 21st century stuff just plain old trees and bushes.
I highly recommend hiking for an hour or two whenever you want to beat some stress it really takes into a whole different world. You can actually think and “feel” hen the only sound u hear is. Birds chirping or differnt types of animals rustling in the leaves. Mi bara eleh? You can really connect with ur creator.
Glad that were getting back hereApril 18, 2012 10:45 am at 10:45 am #1168117write or wrongParticipant
Liked your poem blabla. Life can be really difficult.
Refuah shlema to your friendApril 18, 2012 4:37 pm at 4:37 pm #1168118
kapusta- you said hi, and i pushed for something more :). Sorry for your frustration and hope it passes fast
think first- glad it was so nice! I love walking, even just in quiet neighbourhoods that have some treesand birds around! It’s my escape
blabla- that is so hard, and wishing a refuah shleima. Iy”H we should hear good news. Yes, it is soo difficult and challenging when someone close to you is suffering too. But if Hashem did this to you, it means He believes in you, even if you question yourself!! And if He brought you to it, He will bring you through it. If it seems to much any time, try to let go of the need to control and tell Hashem, it’s overwhelming me. And i am turning it over to You. Help me because its too heavy for me to carry alone. And mean it, and try to truly loosen your grip on things that are really out of your control. Let go of the map and daven for Hashem to guide you, because He knows the directions best.April 18, 2012 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #1168119
blabla… this might sound bad but… to me it sounds like you and Gd need to have a little conversation. But don’t just talk. Yell. Scream. Cry. Ask Him why. Be real. You don’t have to be strong when you’re talking to Him. He’ll be strong for both of you. Know that now, when you’re in pain, He’s in pain too. He’s hurting because you’re hurting, yet He’s also making you hurt and Himself hurt for the sole purpose that somehow this is what’s best for you and all the other people involved. He really loves you.
Much Hatzlacha…April 18, 2012 9:12 pm at 9:12 pm #1168120
bly- where were you a few months ago when i needed to hear that? 🙂
nomtw- a delayed reply, cuz i just realized i didn’t. That is awesome news!! for that, your family deserves…. more days of the same! I’m so glad for u! teach me????April 19, 2012 2:02 am at 2:02 am #1168121
honestly… prolly doesn’t matter where I was a few months ago… don’t even know how much it’ll do, if anything, for our pal bla. I think this sort of thing is what you have to hear when you’re in a good place and get used to it so that when you’re in a bad place, you have this in your arsenal, should you need it. Still, yelling at Gd is something I only ever did out of desperation… and it helped exponentially.April 19, 2012 4:00 am at 4:00 am #1168122
Thanks guys. Bly-believe me I’ve had plenty of talks with him. Somehow none did the trick yet…April 19, 2012 4:39 am at 4:39 am #1168123
Hey there poetry friends, Happy birthday to me! And since one has a special tefilla power on their birthday, I pray that all of you have a wonderful life with your spouses current or future and have a wonderful family which is full of chesed happiness success contentment health wealth strength kedusha tahara hatzlacha parnasa b’revach and may all your tefilos be answered for the good. Amen.April 19, 2012 2:26 pm at 2:26 pm #1168124
Happy Birthday! Many more filled with health,happiness and peace of mind.April 19, 2012 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #1168125
Nomtw – thanksApril 19, 2012 5:44 pm at 5:44 pm #1168126
Happy birthday 🙂 Amen… thank you for the bracha… I was going to add in an adjective to describe said bracha but I don’t think I can do it justice so I’m gonna leave it as is.
Blabla, that’s great. Now just keep going no matter what. It may sometimes feel like you’re talking to a wall and that no one’s listening… but it only takes one time to knock down the wall!April 20, 2012 8:59 pm at 8:59 pm #1168127
This is based on what happened to me yesterday morning. 🙂
Poseach Es Yadecha
This morning upon waking
I looked at my clock
felt a rush of despair-
the numbers filled me with shock.
It seemed that today
I was gonna be late.
There was no hope I’d get to work
by five past eight!
Got into my car
in a rush and a flurry
I’d woken up five minutes ago-
I had to hurry!
I hate being late!
It ruins my day.
And so to Hashem
I started to pray.
“Gd,” I thought,
wearily in my head,
“please let me be on time!”
I begged and I pled.
It was then that it hit me-
gave me quite a start!
At this moment Gd’s pumping
my ever beating heart.
Letting me fill my lungs
and digest my food
encouraging me, helping me
to stay in a good mood!
And He’s not just doing
all this for me;
every second He does the same
for each person I see!
And each of them is praying
each with their own request,
hoping and begging
for what they believe is best.
I felt pretty silly then…
He’s busy, that Gd of mine.
He’s keeping the world spinning,
so who cares if I’m on time?!
Such a measley request,
insignificant and small…
He’s so busy with other things,
taking care of it all!
It’s not so important
whether or not I’m on time,
if the world is still running
when the bell finally chimes.
If hearts are still beating
and people are growing
I’ll be happy though I’m late
you see, it’s all in the knowing!
But… while this thinking is healthy
it is admittedly flawed,
because, you see, there’s this awesome thing about Gd…
Do you know how much energy
He requires to keep hearts pumping,
the world spinning and all children
laughing and jumping?
To grow healthy crops
to bring forth rain
to satiate, to starve,
to bring joy, to bring pain?
To keep cycles going
and the earth ever spinning,
bringing lives to an end
and still others a new beginning?
Though for His attention
there’s no higher demand,
He accomplishes it all
just like opening his hand!
With the strength that’s required
to move fingers from palm,
He maintains equilibrium,
keeping everything calm.
So to add to His huge list
one prayer, comparatively small,
He’s listening, He’s caring,
He wants to hear it all.
For you see, you’re His child!
The world’s running for you!
He wants to help in every way
that you need Him to.
So you want to be on time?
Go ahead! Ask away!
He’ll help you if that’s how
you’ll maximize your day.April 20, 2012 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #1168128
I hope this won’t be a double post…
Thanks, SM 🙂
TF, Amen! Happy birthday!
Good Shabbos, all.April 22, 2012 4:18 pm at 4:18 pm #1168129
What was once a structure is now shattered glass.
What once was formidable is now fatigued.
What once was arrogant is now anxious.
What once was focused is now forlorn.
What once was carefree is now careless.
What once was dedicated is now dismissive.
What once was eccentric is now ensnared.
What once could subdue is now subdued.
What once could terrify is now trapped.
What once was wonderful is now wicked.
& no one mourns the wicked.April 23, 2012 7:23 am at 7:23 am #1168130
.April 23, 2012 7:25 am at 7:25 am #1168131
who once was strong is now collapsed
who once was determined has now given up
who once was focused is now defeated
who once was warm is now cold
who once was bright has now gone dull
who once was a spark is now sizzling out
who once was energetic is now exhausted
who once was fighting has now become weary
who once was clear is now a mess
who once was sunny is now a stormy sky
who once had hope is giving up
who once had support is being left alone
who once had a smile is left with a frown
who once had a sparkle is full of tearsApril 23, 2012 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm #1168132
Says me and nomtw- I hope things get better and ur days brighter real soon, and remember,
Who once was alone now has the support of the poetry family.April 25, 2012 4:04 am at 4:04 am #1168133
bly- amazing how u can repaint ur morning like that, and amazing poem
nomtw- sorry for the copyright infringement :-/. Signed in to reply and reread ur post, and that just came pouring out of me…
Think first- belated happy bday and amen, and thanks.
Its been very quiet. How is everyone? PE, MP-its been a while. How are you doing? Busy with school just? Blabla- how are you doing? How is the person who was hospitalized doing? All the rest-hi!April 25, 2012 3:23 pm at 3:23 pm #1168134
Hi SaysMe. You have no idea how much I appreciate you asking about me. Yes, I’m busy with school, but unfortunately, that isn’t what’s been keeping from the cr lately. What’s been keeping me away is the intense emotional suffering I’ve been going through the past couple weeks. I’ve been suffering from severe loneliness. It may sound not so bad, but when one doesn’t have any support from the people who matter, in this case, friends, family, and community, it gets unbearable. I’ve been staying away from here because I didn’t feel entitled to continue giving encouragement and support to people here if I myself needed it so much. Also, I don’t want people thinking that I’m above anyone, or so strong and never sad or depressed, because in reality, I am just as weak as anyone, probably even more, and I didn’t know how to ask for a helping hand here because I never know how to ask for it, since I’m not used to being helped. Also, I’m no poet, and don’t know how to write a poem to express myself. I express myself by writing music.
And I need to apologize to everyone here, first of all for not being here the past few weeks. And secondly, for all the support and encouragement I’ve given.. because I’ve been doing it for a selfish reason, to make me feel like I am making a difference, to give me some sort of purpose. Did I REALLY have all of your well beings in mind? Was that my first priority? I don’t think it was, and I really apologize for that and hope you can all forgive me.April 25, 2012 6:52 pm at 6:52 pm #1168135
Don’t be so hard on yourself! ‘entitled’ to give support? How about you are able to and its a strength you were given. Even though none of us always practices what they preach, we can still say the right words, and know what we should be striving for. Until 3 years ago, I was a closed shell and NEVER opened to or wanted to ask anyone for help. And now i’m a completely different person, though i’m not sure I like how much I changed :). this thread is absolutely not only for poetry any more. Its just one way of expression for me, tho music is my first too. This thread is for venting, sharing, support, and of course poetry too.
I can only speak for myself, but apology accepted and unneccesary. Mitoch shelo lishma… I also felt like this thread gave me my only purpose in life, and you know what? I don;t think thats a bad thing. If you are feeling down, by focusing outside yourself and giving though in pain, that helps you overcome the low. At least in my opinion. The best thing when hurting is to go do chessed or give to someone else. So if I can speak up, come back, even while you are suffering. You can still help others, and we can try to help you too. Hoping things get brighter and soon!April 25, 2012 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm #1168136Too CoolMember
What is black,
seems to be white.
What is wrong
is actually right.
So then what is black?
What is white?
What is wrong?
What is right?
If black crossed with white,
and white crossed with black,
then everything is gray.
If wrong crossed with right,
and right crossed with wrong,
then what is everything?
What technically is wrong,
is now technically okay.
What technically is right,
is now technically not so okay.
There is no black,
There is no white,
There is no wrong,
There is no right,April 25, 2012 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #1168137I can only tryMember
The Ruined Pants
His wife wondered silently why he was in such a good mood
His wife asked him about his day as she prepared his food
And so he happily told to her the story of his day
And so his anger poured forth, and he had this to say:
The bagel store guy dropped my drink, spilling coffee when he tripped
The deli store guy dropped my food, ruined my sandwich when he slipped
My work day was mundane, no unusual events
It was a normal day, neither laid-back nor intense
But while I was driving home, my front tire got a flat
But on my return commute, I hit a nail and that was that
Yankel, the repair guy, was in quite a good mood
Yankel, the repair guy, was crabby and quite rude
He fixed my flat in no time and sent me on my way
He said he was off-duty, come back another day
On my way home I saw Shimon, so I gave him a lift
I started my long walk home, feeling very miffed
We schmoozed as we drove home, and I mentioned our daughter
On the long walk in the rain home, I was splashed with dirty water
I tripped and tore my new suit pants, and gave my knee a bad scratch
Yankel, the repair guy had been upbeat all day long
These famed words of the wisest of all men are true in so many ways
The story above is fictional, perhaps a bit unsophisticated
But the value of kindnesses that you do cannot be overstated
Everyone here is human; we all have our bad days
That you still come to cheer up others is worthy of our praise
May all of us be zoche to tranquility and peaceApril 25, 2012 11:13 pm at 11:13 pm #1168138
MP, I’m sorry to hear about that. One thing I’ve picked up (a lot from this thread) is that encouragement is like pointing a finger at someone else; and three fingers point back at you. Smile at someone and you help yourself too. Feeling needed (or as you say, “having a purpose”,) is a normal human emotion. And it’s probably a good thing because without it, not too much would happen. At the end of the day, someone who needed a little encouragement got it, and it went back on you too. Is that so bad? You’ve done a lot on this thread, it didn’t come from nowhere. I hope the real-life support you need comes soon, but until then, stick around here. 🙂
(I hope no grammar teachers read that…)April 26, 2012 12:27 am at 12:27 am #1168139
SaysMe, kapusta, thank you so much for your words of support and encouragement. They greatly help.
SaysMe, I’m not really a social person, and getting out and meeting people is something I would have a difficult time doing. But you’re right about the purpose of this thread, and I need to keep that in mind. I am sorry your mentor recently stopped helping you. It must be very difficult for you right now, and I’m sure you can relate to how I’m feeling. Your positive attitude definitely helps me, and though I usually try my best to maintain a positive attitude, I have pitfalls just like anyone. Thank you so much.
ICOT, what a fantastic poem, I love how it was written. And a great message as well. It really helped me. Thank you so much for posting.
Too Cool, nice poem, and yes, many times things can be confusing, and we may not know what is wrong and what is right. There are different approaches we can take when in that situation. We can ask others for guidance, we can use our intuition. Ultimately, making choices is just part of being human, and though we may sometimes make the wrong choice, we can always use that as a learning experience, and grow from it.
Kapusta, you’re right, that’s a good way to look at giving support. I hadn’t thought of it like that. It definitely was helping me as well. And that’s apparent from the fact that in the past couple weeks, I haven’t been giving support and my feelings of loneliness were definitely related to that. Thanks for the wishes of finding someone in real life I can look to for support, I appreciate it.
I’ve realized that many times, all I need is for someone to ask me “how are you?” or to wish me a good day. Such a comment, though it may seem small and pointless, can raise my spirits to the point where I feel cared about and can comfort me for a long time. We should never underestimate the power that a simple greeting or well-wishes can have. So, I hope you are doing well, and wish you all a great night. And thanks.April 26, 2012 12:45 am at 12:45 am #1168140oomisParticipant
ICOT, whose poem is that? Did YOU write it? If so, (and even if not) I must acknowledge that it really resonated strongly with me. Thank you for posting it.April 26, 2012 12:58 am at 12:58 am #1168141
We should never underestimate the power that a simple greeting or well-wishes can have.
+2April 26, 2012 1:50 am at 1:50 am #1168142
ICOT that poem was AMAZING! I’ve never seen one of that style before and it blew my mind, and the message was really great!
MP- i must admit i didn’t realize that my simple greeting could carry so far. Just goes to teach me the power of my every word, and remind me to be more careful too! So glad to have you back though, and hope you have an amazing night and tomorrowApril 26, 2012 3:46 am at 3:46 am #1168143
why why why WHY?!?! :'( It’s a slap on the face, and if thats what u have to offer, then i’ll pass! I am tired of crying myself to sleep! Stop hurting me please????April 26, 2012 4:10 am at 4:10 am #1168144April 26, 2012 5:08 am at 5:08 am #1168145
Middle path – I’m sorry to hear ur going through a hard time now and I really hope you’ll be encouraged real soon! We love you here, although you may not be a poet ur the pillar or our thread for the last while, you really are. We so much enjoy hearing your very kind comments on what we express here and I feel that ur a very genuine and special fellow, and about being selfish, ur right that you may feel really good when helping others and I think that thats the s’char b’olam hazeh for the mitzvah of gemilas chasodim that you do so beautifully.You’re encouragement to us is so wonderfull and very
Much appreciated by myself and all of us.
Your poetry friend
Think firstApril 26, 2012 7:21 am at 7:21 am #1168146April 26, 2012 3:53 pm at 3:53 pm #1168148
SaysMe, I’m so sorry for your difficult night last night. Hope today is a better day.
Think first, thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
Thank you to everyone here for your kind words and support, they really helped an enormous amount. I hope to stick around here.
Hoping that all the others here are doing alright.. PE, blabla, NOMTW.April 26, 2012 4:43 pm at 4:43 pm #1168149
kapusta- thanks. it was exactly what i needed…
MP- If i can push a point i believe. If you’re not a social person, its more the reason to get out and try. I really think you should try to find a friend too, it can make a world of a difference to have someone IRL to talk to. I’m not social either- actually super shy. But i tried. I used to go to a weekly shiur, and force myself to stay for 5 minutes after, when everyone shmoozes. And i actually caught up with some former classmates like that. My high school class does a once a month get together, and its my only social event i look forward too, though only around 6 ppl show. or volunteer somewhere. whether regularly or on the odd occasion. but most imp would be to try and connect with someone and build a friendship. just one.
Okay that was rambling at its best :). i’ll stop now! hope todays easier in some small way…
blabla? NOMTW? how are you two?April 26, 2012 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #1168150
Thanks kapusta , Middle Path I’m glad you’re back,April 26, 2012 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #1168151I can only tryMember
Thank you for the kind words.
Thank you, too.
Your posts are well written and I like the positive theme(s).
I hope things are OK with you and your friend has (or, better yet, already had) a refua shelaima.April 26, 2012 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #1168152
SaysMe, you are definitely right. I should try that. Thanks so much for your help, today is much better than yesterday.
Thanks, Think first, me too.
ICOT, thanks for posting it, and you are right about that.
I’d just like to share a thought that someone emailed to me: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain”.April 26, 2012 9:53 pm at 9:53 pm #1168153
Mp ur right about dancing in the rain, things wont always be great however we have the ability to always make the best of any situation. We all fall at times and feel like we’re done, remembering the good times wil help us be encouraged to pick up and move on.April 26, 2012 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #1168154
B”H they are home now and recuperating slowly
I’ve been doing a lot better since! 🙂 Thanx guys ur awesome!
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