New news story- OTD Lakewood woman with 4 kids wants custody

This isn’t preventable because e/o has Bechira and a Yetzer Hora!

Usually though people with good upbringing -it doesn’t happen to!

The way she was dressed in the NY POST, and the fact she wants to go into modeling & acting, sounds like the issue isn’t just pants. And she strikes me as confused about her relationship to Judaism, like that “Unorthodox” girl who left Satmar.

Behold the latest media trend: “Frustrated Chassidic Women.” The POST seems to be capitalizing on it.

This is really none of your business.

This is really none of your business.

Agreed %100

She made it the publics business with her posing for the media.

Why are women who go OTD automatically labeled as “promiscuous”?

Very sad. another chillul Hashem in the papers 1 wk after the deb feldman fiasco …sounds like this pearlperry woman is trying to get media attention bec shes losing the custody battle for her kids in court. Apparently , she was found to be unstable (bipolar mayb?) to get custody..

Without knowing the facts, you still havta ask yourself what type of mother she will be for her children, when this woman is pursuing a modeling career and sharing her inappropriate pictures and language with the papers and fb world…doesnt sound like a good role model to me….religious or not…

based on the OP’s screen name, i don’t think she/he was trying to be a yentah, etc. It seems that as a shadchan s/he was wondering out loud if there are signs or whatnot to look out for while dating.

keeping far away from the topic of this particular couple, i can only imagine the pain of either a terrible marriage that causes one spouse to go off, or the terrible pain of a marriage that breaks up because one spouse no longer wants to be frum.

“Forgive me. Possibly Im not as smart as all of you who are shocked. Only Hashem knows if this question should be considered shocking.”

everyone has bechira and a chezkas kashrus, therefore discriminating against people who may or may not go off the derech is wrong and disgusting. we all may go off the derech. yochanan kohen gadol became a tzeduki after 80 of service.

People’s knee jerk reaction reminds me of the mattisyahu deal. Hey just because someone is no longer chassidish doesn’t mean they are no longer frum. In some cases it could be they leave the rote of non thinking robot behavior and find a true kesher to hakadosh baruch hu.

As for the original question: perhaps if you see a young beautiful 18 hear old being arranged in marriage to an abusive man with the face of a horse you can safely predict this may not go so well in a few years.

Smart Gal You Said:

“sounds like this pearlperry woman is trying to get media attention bec shes losing the custody battle for her kids in court. Apparently , she was found to be unstable (bipolar mayb?) to get custody..”

This is not true. The reason she may lose in secular court is because she agreed (under threat of not receiving a Get) to Arbitrate custody in a B”D. Once you sign an arbitration agreement the secular courts will generally uphold anything the “Arbitrator” (in this case B”D awards. The B”D awarded her custody ONLY if she stays within certain guidelines of frumkeit.

And that’s were the problem is. If she had not signed an Arbitration agreement there would be no question that she would get custody.

Without knowing the facts, you still havta ask yourself . . .

Without knowing the facts, the only thing you have to do is worry about yourself. This discussion is the worst example of lashon hara.

Are any of you so perfect that you really have the time to worry about people who don’t know you, and don’t care what you think?

Mind your own business, people!

She is chayiv misa for having relations outside marriage.

As for the original question: perhaps if you see a young beautiful 18 hear old being arranged in marriage to an abusive man with the face of a horse you can safely predict this may not go so well in a few years.

Like!

It’s not the girl or boy that goes OTD, it’s the failure of the relationship (in many cases, and seems to be true here as well).

“If a Yid does aveiros, it is Klal Yisroel’s business!!!”

It is Klal Yisroel’s business to improve itself and to do t’shuva; that’s it. Leave the rest to our Rabbonim; that’s why we have them.

Mod’s i beseech you to please close this thread.

I doubt she went OTD because of her failed marriage.

But a sucessful one would have prevented it. It also seems he is not innocent (as he is on Facebook!, which no Chossid would be on).

zahavasdad

“A man who refuses to give his wife a Get or uses it as a weapon definatly doesnt practice my religion”

You have not defined what your religion is, and many of your posts leave that fact unanswerable.

I don’t know this woman, or the ubiquitous Deborah Feldman, or anyone else in the news for going off the derech. I have said that I find Feldman’s leverage of her upbringing and bad experiences to be wrong on a number of levels, and this individual may simply be leveraging the media to get something that she couldn’t get in court or beis din. I don’t know. But I do know this. There is an elephant in the room, and few people are willing to talk about it. That is the following: None of us is perfect. I am not, you are not, our communities are not, and, even though they are on a (much) higher madrega, neither are our leaders. There are problems and challenges in our communities we need to fix, and it shouldn’t take publicity to maneuver us into fixing them. Not every mechanech does a good job. Not every shul or shteeble is welcoming or warm. Not every frum businessperson makes a kiddush hashem. Instead of wasting our time giving a geshrai over what I agree can be at the very least misleading and incomplete pictures of chareidi life, if not outright falsehoods, let’s do the necessary introspection on how our community can improve its capacity to inspire Jews rather than provoke them into turning away, beyond lengthening our skirts and sleeves, or looking down when we see a woman, which, while they may be admirable endeavors for some, do nothing to address the problems that bleed away our young people.

Medium Size Shadchan -“There are professional people (social workers) who speak to both guy and girl before the engagement and offer their opinion on the likelihood of success of this union. Theres one in Far Rockaway who comes to mind.”

Even if there is merit to this program, which I highly doubt because it takes many, many sessions for any therapist to get to know their clients; how could a therapist possibly know who is going to go OTD or not? Ya know e/o nowadays wants to live in utopia, but the truth is – this world wasn’t meant to have everything given to them on a silver platter. Marriage is not meant to be perfect. I know first hand that a lot of these marriages of people going OTD is because they didn’t get the professional help they needed. Either people mixed in or they didn’t go to good therapists. If you want to stem this tide -start pushing people to go for therapy if marital problems arise. We have to stop this attitude of stigmatizing therapy. We also have to ostracize family or friends that give any advice besides telling them to go seek counselling, either by a Rov with Sholom Bayis experience (not any Rov), or by mental help professionals!

000646,

Or much more likely, we will read a memoir from a child whose custody was granted to a mother who became irreligious and became part of the modeling culture which disrepects women to utmost degree, only looking at them as sex objects. The child grows up with such a woebegotten image of self worth and falls to using drugs and abusing their body in the most unnatural ways (loshon nekiyah).

Lot more likely scenario than yours. Because you think nothing should be done about it.

Her husband has not given her a Get for 5 years