BigGolem

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Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 126 total)
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  • in reply to: Bar mitzvah gift #1571937

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Like those small shtenders on the table to tilt a sefer..

    in reply to: Good book on parsha #1361680

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Thanks. Are there any other ideas?

    in reply to: Chosson music #1337488

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Thanks for the input.
    Also, saw in the chasson/kalah guide, a dance teacher in Lakewood. Is there one in Brooklyn?

    in reply to: Chosson music #1335084

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Thanks. Can you provide links to the songs or videos?

    in reply to: Things chosson should do #1332562

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Thanks, the olam has been helpful.
    Can anyone recommend a song for the choson to walk down to? Something more recent is best.

    in reply to: Frum daytraders #1249974

    BigGolem
    Participant

    no one?

    in reply to: Trying to get rid of good junk #1249546

    BigGolem
    Participant

    in boro park

    in reply to: What to do when attacked by anti-semite? #1222712

    BigGolem
    Participant

    You should be thankful more being reminded that you are in galus.

    in reply to: Bachurim/yungeleit wearing sweaters #1222179

    BigGolem
    Participant

    a serious bachur wearing a sweater is no doubt the greatest threat facing the klall. There should be mandatory attendance asifas to address it. Community resources must be committed to resolve it.

    in reply to: Providing rides as chesed #1219552

    BigGolem
    Participant

    tomchei shabbos only delivers on thursday, i can’t do thursday. And I want to drive people, not food.

    Called those other organizations, no takers. I’m not going to beg someone to let me help them.

    in reply to: Providing rides as chesed #1219551

    BigGolem
    Participant

    “OP just offer 100 grand then”

    If 100 grand is the price for respect, think i’d keep it.

    in reply to: Providing rides as chesed #1219544

    BigGolem
    Participant

    I’m not as well connected as you seem to imagine. Wanted to work through a tzedakah that does this so I’ll just get the requests and drive. You’d think they’d accept an offer from someone able and willing. They didn’t even bother to call the reference I gave. All because I’m single.

    in reply to: Need shadchan for perfect shidduch candidates #1220523

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Sarcasm doesn’t carry well in a text.

    Let’s just say I expressed your sentiments in stronger words.

    in reply to: Need shadchan for perfect shidduch candidates #1220521

    BigGolem
    Participant

    A shadchan who specializes in perfection. Who only seeks to match the perfect with the perfect.

    Does such a thing exist? Does our community produce this mentality? Shame.

    How elitist and insulting to the rest of us.

    40 days before these perfect people are born, are they matched only with each other?

    in reply to: shidduchim calls #1219340

    BigGolem
    Participant

    If you want to, tell, if you don’t, then don’t. Why do we complicate such things?

    in reply to: chesed car rides #1216314

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Does anyone know of a tzedakah in ny that offers rides, or matches drivers to those needing rides? I called chesed of boro park but was told not to bother because I’m not (yet) married and therefore, in their eyes, not reliable.

    in reply to: shidduch advice #1218156

    BigGolem
    Participant

    rebshidduch- then you get yourself a new/another shadchan. Plenty of fish in the sea.

    in reply to: Everyone has a bashert #1211161

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Amazing isn’t it? All these unanswered questions. This word bashert used endlessly in shidduchim. And we know little about.

    in reply to: Volunteer opportunities #1210852

    BigGolem
    Participant

    I know of Tomchei Shabbos and masbia. Is there anything else?

    in reply to: Volunteer opportunities #1210851

    BigGolem
    Participant

    I called Tomchei Shabbos. They only need drivers to deliver packages Thursdays.

    in reply to: Free Verse #1209111

    BigGolem
    Participant

    He who would pun would pick a pocket.

    in reply to: Being a good shadchan #1207875

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Indeed, what makes a good shadchan? Those of us either dating or married, have dealt with many shadchanim. What were the qualities of a good shadchan that made him/her, in your opinion, good? What ‘standards and practices’ should all shadchanim follow?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207420

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lightbrite- it’s not about avoiding talking and opening. But doing everything one can do to invest in a relationship and move it forward.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207416

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Mussar47 – thanks for the great contribution to the discussion. What do you think think of gifts, or leaving notes? Of mild romantic gestures?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207411

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid- in dating, how is it possible to never hurt someone, however much you try?

    Say you’ve got out with a guy 5 times, or so, and he’s really starting to like, and is under the impression things are going well. But you’re not feeling it. So you end it. He’ll be hurt, and no amount of words or mechila will change that.

    This is the risk we take when we date and allow ourselves to get emotionally involved.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207408

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid- it certainly isn’t my intention to make u feel bad.

    I don’t know how I feel about being asked mechila, never have.

    Unfortunately, there’s no way to go about dating without getting hurt and hurting someone else. It’s just not possible. There are many things about dating I wish I was told early on. But this is something someone should tell us. That you will get hurt and you will hurt someone not deserving of it.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207406

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid +1

    If the guy really likes the girl, he will be consumed with thoughts on how to move the relationship forward, take it to the next level. Things like giving gifts require a lot of thought and listening to the girl. It really is a lot of work. Sometimes I wonder if the girls realize how much work a guy might put in, while being careful not to come on too strongly.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207404

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Wow, everyone offered real good advice. This thread is looking like a community, isn’t it?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207396

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lightbrite- thanks for the kind words, I agree with everything you wrote.

    The next question is what kind of gifts to give and how/when/where to give them.

    Also, all this doesn’t only apply to gifts. What about randomly given or placed cards or notes? Something as simple as a handwritten note wishing your date or fiance a good day. Or a greeting card with an added personal note.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207394

    BigGolem
    Participant

    They say, if you want to get to like someone, feel closer to, give a gift.

    What about the giving of gifts, or small gestures, to help foster that emotional connection?

    in reply to: Hold my beer… #1206151

    BigGolem
    Participant

    I like Gillian’s Irish Red and boston lager.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207384

    BigGolem
    Participant

    The issue of love with in marriage has been brought up here. Does the frum world discuss this enough, not enough?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207382

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Would you agree with someone ending a relationship due to lack of emotional connection, even if the other party has everything this person is looking for?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207377

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Let’s also stipulate that there should be a love before marriage, but there are many levels of love. There’s the strong attraction, healthy infatuation, at first. That, over many years together, through ups and downs, blossoms into a deep love.

    A shame such discussions almost never happen in our world. So many of us go into dating blind to what we should expect and feel.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207376

    BigGolem
    Participant

    “Secular fairy tale “love” stories always end with, “and they lived happily ever after” right when the real love story is supposed to be beginning!”

    That’s fantastically correct. Who knows how many marriages, in the secular world and in ours, could be salvaged if the culture understood this.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207362

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid- thanks for that heartfelt post. I’m sure many girls feel like you do.

    “…because my life is meaningless since I’m a girl and have no chiyuv to learn, and my only purpose in life is to support someone in Kollel.”

    That line is like a stab to the heart. How tragic that girls today are getting such a message.

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207360

    BigGolem
    Participant

    How do you mean it’s not encouraged as much as it should?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207355

    BigGolem
    Participant

    I know, this a serious topic. Why do the frivolous threads get more responses than this?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207352

    BigGolem
    Participant

    This talk got me thinking. Say your dating someone and it’s getting serious, are there any strategies you and your date could use to help reach that connection? Things to do, things to say?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207339

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Any married folks with insight?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207338

    BigGolem
    Participant

    That’s a good question. What is meant by emotional connection?

    in reply to: Can an Emotional Connection Be Created- Shidduchim #1207333

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Great ansers.

    What if the guy and girl have great chemistry, they praise and appreciate each other, and hashkafos, aspirations, personality, temperament, are the same. Does that lead to an emotional connection? A deep one?

    in reply to: Shidduchim – asking the girl first #1203156

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Boy first, girl first, who cares? Why do we put up such obstacles to making a shiduch?

    in reply to: Is Dating Tznius? #1212045

    BigGolem
    Participant

    benignuman- if so many of the Rosh Yeshiva are not protesting loudly to choice of dating venues, maybe there is simply nothing wrong with those venues at all.

    in reply to: lounge in queens #1198737

    BigGolem
    Participant

    In your experience guys dont put in effort?

    in reply to: It is so wrong to park your car in midair. #1198747

    BigGolem
    Participant

    And when they forget to put the thing in park and it just drifts away…

    in reply to: Is Dating Tznius? #1212017

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid- I don’t think anyone has numbers to back it up. It’s an assumption we all make because it’s something we want to believe is true. The frummer we are = the more restrictive the dating is = less divorce.

    Sp let’s assume that it is in fact true. Does fewer divorces automatically mean happier marriages?

    in reply to: lounge in queens #1198735

    BigGolem
    Participant

    lilmod ulelamaid- those be kind words.

    I can’t begin to describe how much effort I put in. Or how many miles I’ve driven.

    in reply to: Is Dating Tznius? #1212014

    BigGolem
    Participant

    “I agree with you 100% that the more Yeshivish the community the less divorces (in general, imho).”

    How do we know this? Are there numbers to back it up?

    in reply to: lounge in queens #1198730

    BigGolem
    Participant

    Meno- the Ungame sounds like torture.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 126 total)