Forum Replies Created
you call yourself ultra frum but do not have emunah and bitachon in the aibishter that you’re are just as shayich to a phenomenal shidduch as miss perfect? frum does not mean being a chinyuk. you should work on your bitachon to the point that it overshadows any self doubt
excellent question hit me square between the eyes. so many shiurim are so far removed from the actual word of G-d its almost like the Rav/Maggid shiur is trying to come up with his own torah – which is literally a phrase people use
I think part of the trick is not to need “THE” rav, meaning if you can humble yourself to accept from someone that may not be the absolute perfect person with divine insight then perhaps you will be able to take counsel and inspiration and chizuk from those surrounding you in your house/family/own backyardJuly 26, 2018 10:54 am at 10:54 am in reply to: Yeshiva Tuition – question for executive directors #1565381
exec dir told me anywhere from 12-15% another told me no more than 10% – I may be wrong about this but a yeshiva being considered a public charity has obligations to the public it serves – and a yeshiva does “serve” the public – at least in stated mission. some yeshivas file a publicly available tax return or financial statement and some do not. The yeshivas/mosdos that don’t file for public viewing must take the position they are exempt from filing because they are a congregation (like a shul). I don’t know if that is correct but presumably this is done so no one will see what faculty gets paid.
My understanding is that Reb Shlomo felt is pikuach nefesh for some neshamos and if they would get a hug from someone (a rabbi, a pop star, a known person) this would restore their confidence and remove a lifetime of disenchantment and rejection. mutav to be oiver one aveirah thereby hopefully capturing mitzvos harbey was cheshbon. can a therapist give a hug acc to halacha? and like story of Acher – had we been there would we have acted any different? the guy’s dead decades let him rest in peace, let the fact that his song withstood the test of time be testament to their sanction
as far as I know Reb Shlomo was shomer Shabbos and shomer Kashrus and baal emunah and baal bitachon – there are stories of him being over aveiros – does that paasul an entire person? but the vibe I get from the questioner is really a sneaky way to discuss how bad the deceased was disguised as an innocent halachik/hashkafik question, I am not fooled, it is clear to me that this is an attempt purely and simply to discredit, demean, and disparage someone with fans and admirers. I cannot believe that this toyles harabim to save people from chas vshalom singing a niggun which by doing so would have them be oived avodah zarah. it is simply a very sneaky way to white wash an obviously negative vent and rant
side point; the OP question is textbook phrasing of loshon hora. main point: who is arbiter of “pure” music? is abie rottenberg music better Mr. Judge? how about the Slovakian peasant or Russian shepherd songs the chasidim sing? it’s clear that Reb Shlomo’s songs resonate deep within the heart and it is really painful to watch this smear campaign. Is MBD a tsadik oilam? you seriously better take a good look in the mirror and think about if you are in position to judge who’s music should be sung and who’s is off limits. sarah schnerir would probably be castigated as a feminist activist in today’s world, Reb Shlomo in his time was accepting of all people and was noach im habriyos, unquestionably his contribution to tons of kumzitzin and Shabbos/yom tov davenings are a zchus and tremendous benefit for those that reach higher madraigos through niggun. stop hating
point was that for my nephew to have what probably 75% of his classmates/friends are having (weekday affair + Shabbos ) it’ll cost 30k. those are the numbers. my BIL can put out rugelach after Monday morning Aliyah too. that’s pathetic and unrealistic. He needs to accommodate traveling family that don’t live local which is why Shabbos meals need to be catered. the price gets to $30,000 real quick and as you can see there’s nothing ostentatious and didn’t even cover leining
bar mitzvah lessons (parsha and haftorah) are typically $65 for 35 min once a week for a year before the bar mitzvah = approx. $3k
ingesting/smoking marijuana for sure will leave one lightheaded and not able to learn. it also affects memory. so if you’re a serious ben torah then these are serious reasons against. I can’t imagine it’s healthy so there is that issue as well. (“well I guess I’m not serious then” is stupid answer to serious question)
obviously one can’t compare aveiros but if one could then most probably ingesting/smoking marijuana would be lower on totem pole then other infractions. I agree it’s not necessarily a gateway drug (depending how liberal you are) but how many people start with heroin?December 19, 2017 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm in reply to: Explaining to girls that only boys light the Chanukah Menorah #1430292
I’m trying to think about this from a girls perspective. Sh’asanee Kirtzono, mommy doesn’t make kidush, lulav and esrog, all the action in mens section – women just spectators from ezras nashim….I’m sure they feel like second class citizens and all the logic in the world is not going to change that…my simple answer is that men and women have different roles and we’re all supposed to fulfill our tafkid (ask not what your country can do for you but rather…) It’s a huge arduous task in today’s day and age and need to battle herd mentality mores and a value system antithetical to our mission statement. Gotta have emunah that hashem will bring things around to true reality and each will be happy with their place and role
Slonimer this is very much me. I listen to or go to shiurim I find interesting and basic. I used to listen to shiurim that were so complicated I never walked away with anything. Now I only listen to simple digestible shiurim, usually on tikkun hamiddos. It is not a good feeling doing homework with my gemara learning son but with an English translation I get by and BH he’s getting good report cards.
“What should he do?” well if you really earnestly want to learn from seforim (in original) the only answer is not to get discouraged that it isn’t going at the rate and speed you want and little by little with yegiya and hasmada continue working at it. what else is there to do?
I sense you have a similar feeling to me that if you aren’t a gaon olam that knows shas, shulchan aruch with the nosei keilim, Rambam and all halacha/mussar sforim you’re basically an oisvorf and its all futile. If you read that sentence out loud though you’ll see you disagree with it and it answers your questions.
Hatzlacha and may we all go m’chayil l’chayil
thanks all. Will be sure to check out!
agree with Avram in MD, the schlepping is annoying for me but that’s not what MAKES people talk/not talk. People are lax in this inyan and some other guys made it they’re raison d’etre to wage jihad against it. In my opinion these shushers need a good frosk in punim and the talkers need to be educated and inspired…in my experience its not the talkers that are “shterring” its your lack of kavana…for some of these shushers its a power trip a to z, for others its easy way to frum on yenim’s cheshbon, for the yechidim it actually bothers – the erinsta aidele ones double their kavana – my guess is R’ Elyashiv a”h would have been oblivious to it
ivy league literally opens doors in a job search. whether guy goes to fallsburg or waterbury he can still go to the mir
why do some people talk loshon hora? They do know its assur (lechal hadaiyos) and they do go spurts of time without talking so why not just never?
smoking very difficult to quit, very.
I totally understand where you’re coming from – if you figure out a quick easy answer please let me know!!! The obvious answer is no pain no gain. Is this case of yagati v’lo matzasi?September 27, 2017 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm in reply to: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Why Are Guys Stuck With The Dating Bills? #1372215
first to all those preachers condemning the choice of venue – get real
to bachur – 1st of all any amount you’re spending now is heck of a lot cheaper than divorce and cheaper than kids. 2, go dutch or open your mind to more options (central park and starbucks). 3, whatever you do don’t let on that it hurts to spend money because for most girls that’s a big red flag.
all in all though I sympathize with your plight and hope the right one comes your way real soon. Here’s idea, let the air out of your tire and as you drive off and “discover” the flat you can kill time changing the tire – you’ll look like a hero and can catch restaurant next time. tell the guy that lent you the car you changed his tire for free
often (for sure in Brooklyn) people pass many shuls on their way to daven in their shul and one doesn’t need to be concerned for “ain ma’avirin al hamitzvos” by passing any of these shuls – lechoira the same sevara that applies to allowing one to pass those shuls on the way is the same sevara that one could apply to switching shuls. As to how to approach it – that is simply a question of mentchlichkeit – feeling I get is that you would like your switching to leave some sort of roisham on the shul your switching from – that your switching should have some bite to it. If that is the case and my hunch is right then my guess is that you will be sorely disappointed – most times an employee leaves the bosses recover just fine. If you are switching because another shul is a better sviva for you then you can relay that to your rov and he should understand. I know a town where a young guy opened up shop and all the younger chevra left for his shul leaving the existing shul a ghost town and the rov was very bitter about it so be careful and considerate of the rovs feelings but ultimately you need to care for yourself and not avoid a decision that’s good for you and silently suffer so another place doesn’t (possibly) feel hurt and rejected.
my guess is that there should be some shikul hadass like will my leaving have an impact to the shul – if you are number 10 to the minyan I’d imagine you probably have a weightier decision than if you one of a hundred. Did you help start the minyan? Are you one the pillars and main benefactors? Are you an influencer that your leaving will affect other members leaving? in a vacuum I doubt you “owe” any pre existing shul your commitment and can leave as a personal choice. For all you know your current shul and rabbi will be happy to be relieved of your attendance. bottom line its a personal decision and if you are torn you should consult some sort of mentor, if the rabbi in the shul you currently belong to can’t be approached because he is too nogeya b’davar that is probably in indication that you would be better served by another Rov. That’s my opinion, in Prague when the alteneushul broke away there were many teshuvos written and you can research those
based on a shiur I heard this morning (siman kuf ayin aleph in shulchan aruch) it seems to me there is a difference if the shul seats are priced based on place (mizrach wall = premium pricing) or if just pay membership which gets you a seat. if you paid a certain price for certain placement I think you’d have more of a “right” to a seat, if you pay general membership which gets you a seat you have less of a “right” to a specific seat. the fact that people get so worked up over getting their particular seat says to me that in general people feel a certain expectation to get “their” seat and if someone is in their seat it leaves a lot of people feeling rattled. If someone walks into a shul as a guest and doesn’t ask where to sit they are clueless and inconsiderate imo
there are strategies to be employed but takes seriousness and determination. need to take a good look inside and see if you really want this or don’t really hate the guilt inculcated. it’s not easy to change habit and routine and takes a lot of work – this is good opportunity to see how real you are with yourself judging by how you address this since it’s totally within your grasp and not a chemical makeup (nature) – you totally have within your power to make these changes you say you want (I’m assuming you are referring to yourself – if its someone else like a kid or roommate or talmid I can’t help you and don’t think it’s your choice to make)
“This has nothing to do with rights or entitlement.”
I beg to differ. If the seat is not “yours” if you’re not entitled to that seat by right then what right do you have to kick someone out? Because you want to fulfill your makom kavua (OCD?) need? why is that the other guys problem? of course can ask politely to move, why not, can ask to cut line in grocery, but it certainly isn’t something that should be done with a sense of entitlement if that is not the halacha or minhag. the question started out with two people arguing over who should get a sertain seat as one guy has bought it in the past but doesnt daven there or hasnt davened there in months and someone else has been sitting there suddenly the traveler shows up and says “this is my seat” the question is – is it “his” seat? can someone leave for 15 years and ask for the seat back? no. Can someone be away for a week and want his seat? Yes. so whats cut off point? If seat “belongs” to a purchaser I would think the timeline is more extended than if its just etiquette to a usual inhabiter. So putting aside etiquette and middos my question is if makom kavua actually establishes some sort of chazaka or entitlement or if its simply a habit one should practice (same place) but not that one would have some claim to. not asking legally sense court of law but what would a rav say to two mispallelim
bottom line – can a seat be a particular someone’s to the point that they’re entitled to it? if it’s your makom kavua and someone else is there when you walk in you should be patur
I think the issue hinges around is there any “ba’alut” to a specific seat in shul. if not then even if your makom kavua what “right” do you have to kick someone out or ask them to move? its not “yours”. and if it is “yours” then through what means? if kinyan of membership fine, you can leave for 6 moonths and come back and its yours. if by chazaka, then if someone sitting in your seat while you travel then you lose it
if you’re the professional why you asking the amateurs? I don’t get how this is any of your business…people make they’re own choices…you do you’re best to get another person to see things from a “jewish” perspective but they’re ultimate decisions and choices are theirs…Hashem gave us the slav in the midbar, he didn’t deny us the slav he said if thats what you want I’ll give it because hashem doesn’t make choices for us. we do.May 10, 2017 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm in reply to: Do you believe you are right about everything you believe? #1273689
obviously some things are clearer to you than other things but almost all of life is perception so one can never be too sure. certainly when offering views of how god created the world – to say you understand the underpinnings of the nature of existence is probably a tad arrogant – I was always taught in yeshiva to say “I don’t understand Rashi” rather than “this Rashi makes no sense”
there’s someone for everyone and plenty of fish in the sea – there’s no science to this and no “right way”. don’t worry about it now just make good moves in the right direction and you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. may you have good mazal