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Joining the bandwagon:
Wolf, if you really do have a low self esteem, it is a puzzle. Just from your posts, we can tell that you are intelligent, thought out, have alot of common sense and a straight head, have a stable job and contribute to your business’ value. You actually stick up for your positions. You do believe that you are at least up to par with anyone here that you converse with. How do you reconcile all that. Perhaps you are just thinking about yourself too much. What’s the difference what you are, be happy and look ahead.
One of the Slonimer Rebbes said that you should look at yourself as a fly amongst flies. Perhaps you’re something, perhaps you’re nothing; what’s the difference.
As far as your Neshama is concerned, you obviously agree that it is holy and your job is holy. Use that as a pride amongst the nations. Even if you feel that you are far from fulfilling your purpose, there is no reason for feeling down or below that. Look ahead and plan ahead. If you don’t like what happened until now, focus ahead. If this situation repeated itself many times, so what? Doesn’t the Gemara say Ad Me’a Pe’amim? Besides, perhaps the reason you don’t feel satisfied is actually a product of a hidden Ga’ava! You set a goal for yourself that is farther than realistic. If that is the case, don’t grump saying, see, I’m a failure; change it.
The point of Sifrei Yir’a is to let you know what the right attitudes are. Few Sefarim give actual tactical advice of how to be able to overcome certain things. And even then, by todays standards, it’s not helpfull enough. We need speakers that can make jokes and tell stories. Most often, the Sefarim are convincing you that you should work on these things.
They speak about Simcha and can even tell you what to happy about, but they don’t make you happy. If someone has a problem with himself and can’t control certain things, he shouldn’t open the Sefer for a remedy, he should consult someone who can help him.
Right, and I’m sure you’d agree that the Shaarei Teshuva would be the wrong place to look for bipolar treatment.
Sometimes humming to yourself can help. Other times it helps to think of the person as an animal that kicks. You don’t get angry at it, you learn what not to do in its presence.
On the path of WIY, you can change aspects of your personality by changing your handwriting. You can curve your letters more and round off the bottoms of g,q.
It takes a long time to change your thought process. But by constantly telling yourself that it doesn’t make sense to be upset, with the logic supplied by the previous posts, eventually you will notice that your reaction will change.
I once heard that when the Chofetz Chaim felt that he was getting upset, he would speak very quietly. This puts you in low energy mode, and thereby dissipates the anger.
One more thing, so far, is to mentally put the problem into words. Once it is an intellectual issue it is no more an emotional one. You tell yourself, this person is doing something terrible by doing this, and it is not right because of that. The more detail you quantify and put to words, the better off you are. This, by the way, works for anxiety, too. Put your problems into very specific words.
Ai yai, yai yai, yai yai, yai yai
There’s a, shark in the, Mikva
Ai yai, yai yai, yai yai, yai yai
There’s a, shark in the, Mikva
Ai yai yai it doesn’t bite
Ai yai yai it doesn’t fight
Ai yai yai it doesn’t bite
It just gives me a fright
Do you need the notes, too?
c6 b16 a8 a8 a8 a8 a8 a8
a8 d8 d8 c16 b16 c2
e6 d16 c8 c8 c8 c8 c8 c8
a8 d8 d8 c16 b16 a2
e8 d8 e8 d8 d8 c8 c4
c8 b8 a8 d8 d8 c16 b16 c4
e8 d8 e8 d8 d8 c8 c4
c8 a8 f8 f8 e2Sorry for leaving out the beams.
Because if someone is sick he goes to the doctor, not a Mussar Sefer.
I do think we are more afflicted these days with emotional problems then in the past, but there was always someone there to speak your problems over with. There is a concept mentioned in the Rishonim and later, called Marra Sh’chora. Literaly it would translate as depression, but it is not limited to that. The Rambam and others, when discussing Midos, do mention that Anivus should not take you to Shiflus.
Aw. <em style=background-color:lightgreen>No styling!
Oh my. He was a Posek but not a Rav?? Are you serious? What he is saying is that when faced with a choice of who to follow, he’d follow the one who actually had a position to Pasken, and who’s writings are based on real world P’sakim. The reason we Pasken like Shmuel by Dinim is because he had experience. We Pasken like Rav in Issurim because he experience in that. Even in their own times Shmuel would tell you that the Halacha is like Rav, although he actually firmly held his own point.
You must shelter yourself, too.
The main thing is to use brains. It depends on what the kid is up to. There is no reason that a person should feel deprived, if he is brought up normal. Your child can know that there is a world out there that people do as they wish, and we despise it. On the other hand we show them Varemkeit and Ta’am in Yiddishkeit. They aren’t supposed to be feeling sheltered. I didn’t grow up with access to movies or stadiums, but I did hear about their existence, and never thought that it pertained to me.
I’m aware of the sort of child rearing that gives way for feeling locked in and eventually breaking loose. That is when the children only hear that they aren’t allowed to do this or that.
On Shabbos in order to stop my child from doing a Melacha, I don’t shower them with notta-lattas; I remind/tell them “Shabbos!” emphatically. This is so that they know that they are refraining out of awe of “Shabbos.” When you listen to OTD Yidden rant about how they weren’t allowed to do anything, you can tell that the wrong message was imparted.
The point is that everything is supposed to be in a natural manner. When somebody’s child is r”l already not a typical Yeshiva boy, the parents must not ignore that, and act accordingly. Often times, it is at this stage where they mess up.
Wolf, is it an Aveira for you to support someone to bow to the statue of limitations:?)
Mod, The Gemara mentions it as a difference but knocks it off saying that regardless, you must be carefull.
Yes, because it is bad to others.
Sacrilege, it did cross my mind. I think all three are one. (Uh oh. What does that sound like?)
Not every problem is a global one. If something happened, well we can feel for the ones involved. That, however, does not automatically negate the whole world. If someone slips on something. Does he stop walking? Nor can you expect people here to know what goes on in your neighbor’s house.
myfriend, are you anyone else’s friend as well?
Why doesn’t Rush Limbaugh chime in, too?
Please. It’s got nothing to do with Ga’ava. It’s called boredom. And yes, it is rude.
Sacrilege, your case is not just boredom; it sounds like what you describe it as – misplaced Hasmada. If these family members are in sphere of influence, you can point out that you’ll never see an Adam Gadol learning from a Sefer by a Simcha. If they really want to emulate Gedolim, they can speak Torah to each other and to the family.
I think that having a gender identification would make things worse. It would make conversations much more advert. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt.
You can view it like a public bulletin board; everyone is posting to the public even if it is about a different sign, that could have been written by someone from the other side of the Mechitza.
There are, however, two other issues. There must be a level of appropriateness. Although you don’t know the other person, so there is no real Hirhur involved, it is still inappropriate. It is a style and behavior issue. The other point is that there is a level of Al Tarbe. Chatting over the Mechitza is a whole different conversation, and anyone keen enough can spot it.
As many have said, when boys and girls are talking it is a whole different thing going on. Many studies have shown how the behavior of each one changes in the presence of the other. If you follow the threads that turned trans-Mechitzadic and personal, you’ll notice how it spirals into a game and being cute and some me-and-you talk. That is still not technically Hirhur, but it falls into some other categories.
Because of this approach, I do respond to posts written by anyone, because I’m writing to everyone. (The person him/herself usually doesn’t end up agreeing anyhow, so what would be the point of writing if it were only for that poster?) However, I’d refrain from kidding around and even addressing someone that has an obvious other-gender screen name. I just can’t find myself saying, “Hey, Sister…”. Address the point, not the person.
Seems like your great thread was attacked. Perhaps you should start a new one.
I would put the Dr. in his 40s or perhaps 50s.
WIY, Why it should be very simple: just look out for the guy who always Davens in the front in Shomer Shabbos, and who is carefull not to walk in front of others during their Shmone Esrei. I just don’t know if you are still there by the time I show up, when I go there. That means that you’re definitely not the guy collecting:)
Chazal aren’t telling stories, they are teaching Torah. Often you’ll find different depictions from different places in Chazal. In the Medrash you can see more to the conversation that Reb Yochanan Ben Zakay had with Vespasian, than what the Gemara mentions. It is not a contradiction of the facts, it is merely a difference of depiction. Each one is pointing out the important facts.
If we would read about our time in Chazal, we would also be surprised at what is left out. As the Maharal often explains, what we see in the Gemara is Chazal’s perspective of what is important and noteworthy.
It may be that Avaraham Avinu said those words exactly, and it can also be that he didn’t even mention those words at all. Chazal are telling us what his answer was, in essence.
To further explain this concept, if I were to tell you that a fence tells you not to enter, even if it is very simple to step over it, you wouldn’t ask, ‘but a fence can’t talk!’ Actually, a fence can talk, albeit it can only say one thing. It also does not have a choice to say it or not. Often, something is considered said, when actions are what spoke it.
Nobody listened in to the conversation of Avraham and Eliezer. Chazal knew what the reason is that he didn’t want to be Meshaddech with him. Chazal also Darshened from the Pesukim that Eliezer hinted that he would want to be Meshaddech. The answer is implicit in Avraham Avinu’s actions. Eliezer might have understood himself or he might have not. If the latter was the case, then Avraham Avinu answered him, surely in a nice way.
By the way, it says that after this Shlichus, Eliezer’s status was changed to Baruch. So it definitely wasn’t a personal insult. It was a Yichus issue. We find in the Gemara an instance where a Talmud did not want to marry his Rebbe’s daughter because he felt that his Yichus is better.
If you want a quick fix, plastic table cloths are pretty good insulators, and you get to keep the view.
When Chazal say what he answered it is not a quote, it is his reason and therefore the root of any response he said no matter how he said it. He might have told him, I love you very much and you’re a great guy, but there is a certain Yichus problem which is not your fault at all.
Why should he be worried about an adult? It was bad in his eyes to send out his son. Hagar was Sara’s maid
There is a concept of Yoshav Velo Avar Aveira, but that’s only when the situation comes up and you refrained because of the Mitzva. It could be that even if you can’t do it, but you have in mind that you will not do it now because of the Mitzva, it also has merit. I think I once heard of something like this.
The idea of Lefum Tzara Agra doesn’t negate S’char from a Mitzva that was easily come by – it only adds to it.
Thanks, Pashuta Yid. Very powerfull.
Other than focusing on the reasons for going off, which are as many as there are people, we can focus on the routes to going OTD. Either Emuna starts to go or interest in the outside world gains a bigger and bigger place in the mind or the Taava.
Each of these things target different situations. What makes someone susceptible to any of these could be anything, but the challenges available are pretty specific, and can be addressed. The Gemara does say about the Taava of Arayos that it takes the person till the end. It doesn’t say about Lashon Harra that thinking about it is worse than doing it.
Sacrilege. (fake), MosheRose?
Does embarrassing someone in the CR count?
But isn’t that the best thing for the human race? I mean, instead of bad genes laying dorment for generations, let nature root it out right away! This should be good German logic.
SJS, why are you talking about commitment and coercion within the framework of a regular legal agreement of money and medical decisions? It should be an option to have again agreements and one way agreements, too.
If they want to they can make a new kind of arrangement without any mention of marriage that would be exactly what you mention, a legal contract for visitation and inheritance. The document should work for siblings and dogs or caretakers. The fact is, they are after the Marriage title. They are actualy after the Marriage Institution. So look at it this way: We, the people at Marriage Institution, want to keep our institution running. You can open your own if you so desire, but don’t knock down my time honored institution.
If the government sanctions this redefinition, it is the new norm. Government is not your quiet neighbor. It is the creator of standards, or breaker thereof.
I’m considering Tumtum as one Kasha (not anymore) and Aylonis as a second.
While I consider the first Kasha answered, the second one is definitely a hard one. It was an attempt, not definitive. Anyhow, not necessarily does it have to mean that there was nothing at all. It could be refering to essential parts.
Thanks Venish, and I fully agree with your serious note. As I wrote earlier, when I couldn’t stand the Hashkafos in the other site, I stopped going there. It just doesn’t make sense that he would consistently post the same thing.
- Cooking with a microwave. Since cooking in direct sunlight is Muttar because it is not Derech Bishul, although cooking by something heated from the sun is Assur. So is a microwave the new Derech or is it too similar to other methods and therefore has a Din of Tolda Dechama or is it Muttar?
- Is it Doresh El Hameisim to communicate with a spirit through white noise?
- Would one put on Teffilin on an artificial but fully integrated arm?
- Is pressing buttons on an electronic device Assur on Shabbos? Is any closing of a circut considered Nolad, Tikkun Manne, Makka Bepatish, or Binyan; or only turning on the device?
With regard to Tumtum, Tosafos in Yevamos 64, I think, says that obviously that was resolved by the time they were married. The point is more that anyone that was that way can’t have or is unlikely to have children. As far as Ailoness goes, perhaps it is still possible to have a cycle with out being fully equipped.
He didn’t ignore it. He wrote that he sees now that there is a Hetter but he will continue to be Makpid Keshuras Haddin. V’tavo Alav Bracha.
As a rule, if you want people to admit to you when you are right, you have to allow them. If they know that you’ll laugh and say, “See? I’m right and you’re wrong!”, they’ll just refrain from admitting. Just as you must be a gracious loser, so to must you be a gracious winner. Ben’fol Oivecha Al Tagil.
Now let’s see if we can figure out what his other screen name is. Is it one of the moderators, just to add some spice to the conversation? Hey, y’know? It’s growing on me. Why would the moderator let such a conversation go on if it’s not really him, and the Moderator is the only one who took him really serious! McCarthyism?
Check the Midrash.
Do you work for the KGB?
mw13, you can’t make up my position and then argue with it. I did not mention what you said in my argument, and you did not refute or mention what I wrote. Only helpful Helpful addressed my last point.
BeHappy, are you mosherose? We are discussing a screen name, and are trying to decide if he is for real or not. Am I falling into a trap by answering you?
Strong instead of B, And EM instead of I.
It’s very improbable that he is genuine. He doesn’t join any conversation, or say anything other than his rubber stamp. Also, someone that has such different views than the whole crowd and doesn’t find any like minded comrads, would leave. When I saw how the other site was full of Hashkafos that I despised of, I left. Neither would he have kept quiet on this thread (now it’s too late).
I wonder if he has another screen name in which his Dr. Jeckel side gets to have a say.
He doesn’t sound for real. I forget which thread it was, but there was a discussion questioning a Halacha and he posted his rubber stamp there, too. Even someone with extreme Haskafos knows that Torah is to be discussed.
The kind of person that makes people feel good is the one that actualy means it. That is the real trick: to first tell yourself or think so in the first place, and then tell the guy Devarim Hayotzim Min Halev. I know people who spray wonderful words at everyone, and I have a very hard time talking to them. You just know when someone is saying something because the words are nice.
WIY, Is it a valid conversion if he thinks it’s fine to pass in front of someone Davening :?)
island, there was a large