Joseph

oomis – you’re only fooling yourself. Call Maran Hagoen Rav Eliyashev (to randomly pick one Godol.)

cantoresq – Sure, and the Reform twist the Torah itself (r’l) into something it is not.

And we are talking 1,000 + years of Torah learning in it. Ivrit goes back several decades to Ben-Yehuda.

RY: HTML should work automatically in GMail.

No Pepsi is weird. Coke is good.

You are okay.

moish, we heard you are a man of your word, and once promise to tell something over you always keep it…

Hilchos Krias Shema She’al Hamitah

1. When one removes one’s shoes at night one should untie and remove the left shoe first.

Shulchan Aruch w/Mishnah Brurah 2:5 MB8

2. One should not sleep in one’s regular clothes, and one should not place one’s clothes under the pillow {as this will cause one to forget one’s Torah learning}. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 71:5

Parnassah Self-Help

There are many ideas brought by our Chazal regarding how one can improve one’s Parnassah from Hashem. All these segulos involve the strengthening of one’s Emunah in Hashem, and/or diligence in the performance of a particular mitzvah, whereby one may expect Hashem to act in kind, midah k’neged midah (measure for measure). Inasmuch as we are living at a time when many are finding their financial situation more difficult than ever, each day we will discuss one Parnassah self-help technique mentioned by Chazal.

The Power of Emes – Truth. One should scrupulously adhere to the truth in all situations in life, and Hashem will provide him with Parnassah. Sefer Hamidos Hatzlacha:14, Likutei Eitzos Parnassah:26, Imrei Pinchas R’ Pinchas M’koritz Emes:11, Hanhagos Tzaddikim Parnassah:5

Of the 613 Mitzvos, there are Six Constant Mitzvos. Rather than requiring the performance of a certain action, these mitzvos are a state of being, of living with the reality of God’s existence. The Six Constant Mitzvos are:

* Believe there is a God.

* Don’t believe in other gods.

* Believe God is one.

* Love God.

* Fear God.

* Don’t be misled by your heart and eyes.

noitallmr, please explain your absence?

do you have a note?

its okay if you are in 8th grade. we’ll still like you. 🙂

Ways to Get Rid of Telemarketers (And expected hang times)

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bank-ruptcy and you SURE COULD USE SOME MORE MONEY! Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back?” (10 seconds)

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” start to sniffle and say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, “my sciatica is acting up,” “my dog just died,” describe your recent surgery… Continue talking about your problems over their sales pitch. (4 minutes)

3. If the person says he’s Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located, how do you spell that… (5 minutes)

4. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, “Judy!!” (Assuming her name is Judy,) “Is this really you? I can’t believe it! Judy, how have you BEEN?” This will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from. (1 minute)

5. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up. (3 seconds if they know the Federal “3-No’s” law, 2 minutes otherwise)

6. If a phone company calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, “I don’t have any living friends…would you be my friend?” (6 seconds)

7. If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat or chicken or even human blood too? We had this kinda wild party the other night on the full moon…” (3 seconds)

8. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or, “That’s fascinating.” Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get back to the sales, just tell them you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a complete stranger. (6 minutes)

9. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: “This is Bill from Watertronics.” You: “Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?” Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.” You: “Great, they have a group there too? How’s business/the weather?” (2 minutes)

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home. If the person says, “Well, I don’t really want to get a call at home,” say, “Ya! I know HOW YOU FEEL!” (smiling, of course…) (1 minute)

11. When they ask for a specific person, get choked up, then tell them he/she just died and hang up sobbing. (12 seconds)

Things to do when your ISP is down

Dial 911 immediately.

Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

You mean there’s something else to do?

Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

Work.

Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

Get that kidney transplant you’ve been putting off.

How to be annoying online

1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing) to show that they’re “hep” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for (“You don’t know that? RTFM”).

2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!

3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your “creative criticism,” do it again. Continue until they go away.

4. Software and files offered online are often “compressed” so that they won’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like “Thanks.”

5. Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like “JackieMasonI,” then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.

6. cc: all your e-mail to Al Gore so that he can keep track of what’s happening on the Internet.

7. Join a discussion group and tie whatever’s being discussed back to an unrelated central theme. For instance, if you’re in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct others to ignore you.

squeak, can you clarify your point (and position) vis-a-vis Terri Schiavo?

Do you agree she was murdered in cold blood by corrupt Judges and her abusive unfaithful husband?

intellegent, what is it about you and “e”‘s?

102030 – Thank you

oomis – call up the Gedolim and voice your concern that they should stop using Yiddish and stop teaching Torah in Yiddish.

Please let us know the results.

(Btw, ivrit is a corrupt language.)

ames, and you can sound so sophisticated to boot!

By the authority and duties vested in me by section 81, part II of the YWN CR Rules & Regulations.

The Coffee Room is now closed.

hmmm… I thought I did? or perhaps I know you, without knowing it?

moish, if you were stam a tzaddik perhaps you wouldn’t be as complicated as the Tzaddik Nister you are.

(But then again, who isn’t complicated?

ICOT –

Whats your excuse for being here at this ungodly hour?

Jothar – The Chasidisha families that speak Yiddish as their first language are not any poorer (as a rule) than other frum Yidden. (In fact, anecdotally, I think they are better off financially.)

wish granted.

you have 2 more wishes.

asdf, are you going to get a permit when you become 17?

Yeshiva Toras Chaim is a good Yeshiva. (And the guy who setup their auction is great guy.)

Slightly off-topic, but a little bit halacha:

Hilchos Krias Shema She’al Hamitah

1. If one has already said the beracha of Hamapil, one should act stringently and avoid even drinking, or doing any activity before going to sleep. {The opinion of The Mishnah Brurah is that Hamapil is a beracha on sleeping and therefore one should not make a hefsek (interruption) between the beracha and the activity of sleeping.} Shulchan Aruch w/Mishnah Brurah 239:1 MB4

2. However, Bi’dieved, if one has an urgent need to interrupt after saying Hamapil, (e.g. to attend to a crying baby) according to many poskim, one may rely on the more lenient ruling of the Chayei Odom who permits one to talk or eat after saying Hamapil {because he holds that Hamapil is a beracha of praise to Hashem and not on sleeping}. Aruch Hashulchan 239:6, Piskei Tshuvos 239:17, Minhag Yisroel Torah pg. 321

The Power of Amen Yehei Shmei Rabah. In the name of Rabbi Matisyahu Solomon, Shlita, one should recite Amen Yehei Shmei Rabba (V’chulu) with special intensity: The Gemara (Shabbos 119B) states that one who says it with all his might (Rashi-all his kavana) will have a bad gezeira against him torn up. The Sefer Chareidim (Chapter 73) writes that this is actually a segula from Chazal and is a most potent factor in the Teshuva process.

What does “all his kavana” mean? It means that one must be listening attentively to Kaddish beginning with the words Yisgadal V’Yiskadash, and understanding what the Chazzan is saying. He is praying that the Moshiach come as soon as possible (not only”bchayei d’chol bais Yisroel,” not only”ba’agola,” but also “bizman koriv”) so that Kiddush Hashem will come to the world – so that Kovod Shomayim is reinstated and that Hakodosh Boruch Hu is finally recognized by everyone as the Source of all Blessing.

To demonstrate our dedication to the principle of Kaddish, the Shulchan Aruch (Orach

Chayim 56:1) states that a person should run to hear Kaddish. We run for what we really want.

The Middah K’negid Middah is self-evident – since you fervently want Hashem’s status in the world to change from its current state of Chilul Hashem to a glorious state of Kiddush Hashem, Hashem will change any negative decree against you to a positive one.