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wow! that’s really deep stuff!
So yes, I have found that despite your superior intelligence and cynicism combined, there are times when you certainly display cunning that you then deny. Can popa truly be so innocent? I should account for that possibility when reading your posts.
Right. So for example, I have no idea what you are trying to say in that last post, Syag.
Yes you do, you chose that writing style on purpose. And you said it was I who inspired it. ergo, you think I was rambling.
This is a good learning for both of us.
Is it now? What have you learned?
And your format is that of rambling. I don’t ramble. I just know that there are certain posters who latch on to side points and try to redo your whole post so I was covering all bases.
assuming this is the thread that was inspired from the other thread – a smidge insulting to the gender, wouldn’t you say?
ZD – Absolutely correct!
popa – Uh oh!
gavra – a riot, but so well put.
but, as I understand, in most cases it is worked out with no scene at all.
I don’t buy it. And I don’t think it’s always self-proclaimed activists. And it doesn’t change the point that you can’t get on a plane and expect that your religious beliefs should be accommodated through possibly inconveniencing others. It’s a ridiculous premise. If your religion REQUIRES you to sit in a seat that is not next to a woman, than you need to worry about making that happen, not getting on a plane before take off expecting people to make changes for you. Pay for preferential seating, pay for an extra seat, pay for first class, pay for really bad after shave that will make the passenger move on her own. If you believe it is required by your religion, than it is YOUR job to take care of it BEFORE it involves others.
Popa says he read
nuff said
Gavra, you are welcome to sponsor.
Really? If it’s important enough to make a scene on an airplane, inconvenience another passenger who has NO obligation to comply to your religious accommodations, to make an airplane full of people LATE, it should be imperative that you get that money, or figure something else out.
(There are times, we even roll the sefer Torah in front of the tzibbur instead of making the tzibbur wait (if I recall correctly))
If you believe that it is your religious obligation to have a free seat next to you or a male, then pay for it. Just as you do with kosher food, tznius clothes, Yom Tov needs and everything else. Chutzpah and Chillul Hashem are not economic choices.
have no idea. I don’t think they can deny service, but they CAN send you through the “no insurance” system which would include whichever doctor happens to be on call. Either way, it’s been 20 years and there are many more frum people giving birth there so things have probably changed.
Eim Habanim Smeicha – Al tikra Smeicha, ela Smicha
in high school my straight-ish hair became too curly to wear straight and too straight to wear curly. It always looked like I hadn’t brushed it. I used to perm it curly so it would be consistent and look more “mentschlich” (?). I have to tell you that it only came out the way I wanted it too 1 out of 3 times. Eventually I stopped because it was too annoying to live with that. It gave me split ends but they grew out so who cares. My daughter had stunning curls that started looking more half and half as well so she irons it. I think that has damaged her hair way more than the perms damaged mine.
I hate to say it tho, but I do agree that it is more important to be happy with ourselves as we are. I do believe that we think what we don’t have is somehow better than what we have.
I was mechalel shabbos. Several times that day. I use a midwife at a hospital who works with a doctor. I called the midwife, probably twice. She called the doctor. I called the cab, too. I didn’t have to sign in tho cuz they knew I couldn’t so they let me make an ‘x’ with my left hand. And I definitely was outside the eiruv because we don’t have one.
Yes, I was kidding. However, I did have my first and third on shabbos and I was told I could bring “anything I needed to make labor and delivery easier”. My midwife actually told me that I should bring a pillow because the L&D was very crowded and they were low on extra pillows, hence the shaila.
Maybe your mother was having a baby and your parents already left but they forgot their insurance card so you had to bring it to them to make sure they got care but you couldn’t drive under those circumstances and the rest of the bag is filled with other things you thought your mother would want, like a security blanket or favorite pillow or something.
For some families one pay check is not enough to pay all expenses, including tuition. This is why both parents have to work.
agreed, we definitely did not have enough. But for some families one parent isn’t enough to raise a child and still instill certain values. This is why one parent has to stay home.
become a housewife and watch your friends kids too
My son was in agony waiting to have root a canal. He said to me, “You know what? I wish I could just delete this tooth!”
It’s a new world . . .
ubiquitin – so well put. especially the last lines.
I dont think you get to decide what should and shouln’t offend a large number of people.
bingo!
just as an aside, (since the point of this thread seems to be to validate people’s desire to do what they want to do regardless of how others feel about it) I have complained about the use of that word several times. I do find it offensive. I also find that my finding it offensive is meaningless to both the posters and most mods. And I don’t care WHO you are calling that name, it is your use of it that offends. And when you are asked to respect other’s feelings and your answer is to make an extreme remark that is obviously not the issue, it says a lot about you. whomever “you” may be.
Not every mod approves of the word, but we do not delete everything which we disagree with.
Matan1:taken from page three of the CBT thread
Matan1
Member
Can the moderators close this thread? Only harm can come from this discussion. A person should seek mental health advice from a trained psychologist, and only a trained psychologist. To argue back and forth on this website is pointless, especially since most of the posters here (my self included) have no formal training in psychotherapy. The only thing that
Posted 8 months ago #
and
Matan1
Member
Hi,
I’m kind of new to the coffee room, although I have posted in the past. I am a student in psychology, and was wondering about the typical views that orthodox Jews have of psychology. I am curious what folks in the coffee room have to say about therapy (any kind, like CBT or psychodynamic),
. . .
Matan1
Posted 17 hours ago #
What gives?
i think you are either a troll, or a friend of popas
Syag: I’ll examine the mareh makom DY posted and see what I concede.
dont bother, that link was meaningless. read the thread, you’ll find it.
Matan – whether or not I was offended isn’t the point. My point was that I think that having that stereotypical and grossly incorrect viewpoint, would be detrimental to your treatment. I would not feel comfortable being treated by someone who is expecting all “frum people” to follow in the ways of the overexposed subjects of some mishpacha and binah articles. And maybe a yated or two.
To respond to your follow up “why is it hogwash,” please see my published works. You might try googling: Yeshiva world Popa_bar_abba CBT
is that the one where you rant and rave against CBT and then at the end you realize that you really had no clue what it is or how it works? Cuz that’s how I remember it.
I have a feeling that many here in the coffee room are uncomfortable with therapy and/or medications.
I would be uncomfortable seeing or recommending a therapist who makes such assumptions. Because this is a frum forum we must all be uncomfortable with therapy or meds? That is somewhat a ‘dark ages’ attitude toward the frum community that will not help you in your practice. Although there are certain groups of people/communities who seem to avoid intervention, generalizing these attitudes to frum Jews across the globe would be an injustice.
watching them write is really the best way to get the info. Even better is when I have a sample of a paragraph they wrote by themselves vs. another paragraph they copied off of something.
HaLeiVi – exactly right. it is not mystical at all. I can tell a lot thru handwriting because it is composed of many neurological components. And many neurological features share commonalities with certain personality features. Not conclusively, but if I see something that is almost always seen in an ‘x’ type of person, I will not assume ‘x’, but I will certainly consider looking for it.
Gamanit – I don’t really ‘read’ that kind of stuff in handwriting. I usually learn about more physically/neurologically related stuff. And once you have some of that stuff, you can build a small picture about some specific, related info. There are certain patterns that show up over and over again and are almost always on the mark.
I have no doubt, though, that if someone spends years ‘reading’ handwriting, they would be able to do so up to a point. In the limited way that you can read faces. As with the story about Moshe Rabbeinu you can learn what a person was born with, but possibly not what they have shaped themselves into.
Zdad – that is very true. even if it is not mental abuse, there are certain behaviors that will be manageable for some and intolerable for others. I remember a friend telling me about certain things her husband did that she just couldn’t tolerate anymore. It was causing a lot of problems between them. inside I cringed because some of them were things I/my husband did all the time but in the context of our house it wasn’t an issue. (for a mild example; bringing home company for shabbos unannounced)
HaLeiVi – You seem to be a highly structured, maticulously organized (tho mildly boring) individual who leaves no room for error.
Ben Levi – so well stated!
Would you say the same thing if you were looking for a job?
without question.
I can tell a tremendous amount from handwriting. It’s a learned ‘science’ that you can pick up with tons of exposure. Very much like a councelor learns how to read body language or faces.
Again does anyone have positive light to shine?
Yes, I have my doubts that it really happened
Randomex – please tell your father that it was a sudden change in the temperature of the atmosphere or possibly a comet.
what are you talking about? what is passive aggressive about saying that the skirts may be long enough but they are extremely narrow? She was recommending these skirts as more tzanua, I was telling her they aren’t.
Was there some misplaced underlying agenda I added subliminally without realizing it?
Franco – although I agree with your post, the store does not provide the choices, but the tailor does. Those skirts you speak of that brush the floor are only wide enough for one leg on many people. They may cover ground but they are horrifically tight. That is no better, skirts need to be adjusted if they do not fit, you cannot rely on the stores.
If I marry a new BT than I’m marrying someone who wasn’t in the shidduch pool to begin with. So technically,if I still haven’t found my bashert in the shidduch pool, am I still single?
Randomex – no need, you were right about every word you said. I’m a bit skeptical about that last post of hers, that advice was not for new moms and it wouldn’t have worked on a dime. Maybe she’s really DY’s wife.
Some women do sew their own clothes. It is ridiculous to say that the length of your skirt is not in your control. You may not be able to control what is being offered, but you sure can control the length of the skirt you put on when you get dressed. “lack of control” is one of the lamest and most overused excuses of this generation.
I have to laugh at the theoretical nature of all these discussions. A divorce is one situation where you can sit and hock from today until tomorrow about what would be/should be but you will never ever get enough honest details to have a clue in real life. Even the people involved get so caught up in their negius that they can’t always keep straight who threw the first proverbial punch.
I have a friend involved in a divorce where one side spread all kinds of rumors that are so easy to believe. People can’t help but take sides, and mostly not his. The truth is so crazy that you would never believe it without seeing it with your own eyes. He offered her a get a year ago and her lawyer refused it. He offered it again now and the lawyer told the bais din “no”, not until the case is closed (custody is actually already decided). Oddly enough, they have already spread the word around that he is refusing to offer a get. perhaps they will continue to refuse the get until he has sufficiently been smeared beyond what has already been done. But any of you who heard the rumor would certainly believe it and would never think that the lawyer is the one writing letters of refusal to the bais din.
The facts are so hard to pin down unless you are there at every turn. We can never ever know who is really at fault or how true their allegations are. Splitting hairs over what should be done in certain situations doesn’t help if we can never really know if a certain situation even applies. It always boils down to a he said-she said and how can anyone possibly rule on anything but speculation.
preferably ones written in English with no apikorsus or pritzus in them. Good luck in your search!
I wouldn’t call frustration at people’s ignorance, pain.
I haven’t seen any specific examples of how our values incorrectly manifest themselves.
than you must be typing with your eyes closed
PAA – my feeling of self worth and knowing I didn’t want to be married before meeting the right one did not stop others from treating me as if I were worth two cents. You are correct, society has it all wrong and they need to learn the difference between valuing a goal, and showering disdain on those who have not yet reached it. But there are so many other critical things they have not yet learned, my hopes for change on something like this are close to nil. Especially since it is such a struggle to just get other to admit their part in it 🙂
don’t use me as an example, I was agreeing with the author and disagreeing with you.
The author and I BOTH understood our own value and that a shidduch would come when the time is right. It is society who has decided the deadline. You are completely missing the point she, I and PAA are making. It isn’t about whether or not marriage is important, it isn’t about whether or not we can sense our own value, it is about the people around us who think that if it is important to be married, than those who are not married cannot possibly feel/be important. And worse than that, they project their sense of pity upon us, expecting that we can’t possibly feel any intrinsic value if we have (gasp) reached 23 unmarried.
Neither. And that is why we were saying the exact SAME thing.