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Out Of The Mailbag – To YW Editor (Purim-Tzedakah Request)


yw logo10.jpgPurim is a time of simcha and giving. Many mosdos, and excellent organizations send numerous groups to collect money for these worthy causes on Purim.

While the simcha these boys generate is very often a highlight of Purim, I caution the organizations they collect for to offer them this small piece of advice.

This past year has seen a sharp decrease in the incomes of many heimisha families. Hardest hit are those in the mortgage industry with other real estate related industries taking a great blow as well.

While in years past one may have given a very nice donation, this year they may be unable to pay their basic expenses much less give a large donation.

Please ask the Bochurim not to be so persistent and to insist that more money be given. This serves not only to embarrass the one giving but leaves them with a very depressed and negative feeling.

Many associates of mine have made plans to flee the city and spend Purim in an atmosphere where they don’t have to be reminded of their desperate situation with every knock on the door.

Please, make this Purim special for everyone.

Thank you

Brooklyn, NY.



38 Responses

  1. Very well said. This has been a tough year on everyone. However this concept should be told to the boys every year! We have no idea what the cheshbonos are of the Baal Tzedakah and it’s none of our business. Whatever they give is good and that has to be a collectors attitude.

  2. I think its important when asking for Tzedaka (especially this year, but this is true always) to not tell the person “Last year you gave this amount, can you match it this year?”

    Everyone’s financial matzav changes from year to year (based on what Hashem granted them that Rosh Hashana)

    Whatever someone may give, its important to thank them for their generosity.

    Wishing everyone a freilichen Purim!

  3. Good point! When went collecting as a Bochur, a Baal Habos also gave me this advice & it is a good thing for Bochurim to keep in mind.

  4. How about telling telemarketers to be more sensitive when they call to pple @ home? They are rude, pushy, & one actually lied to me & told me I’d pledged when I wasn’t even here then!!

    Purim is 1 day, but these callers really do embarrass & humiliate every day. My matsav changed a lot this year for the bad, & when I have to refuse requests because I can’t keep to any commitment the pressure is terrible. They make me feel like a wicked person. I give what I can in MY neighborhood. So why do I have to justify myself to these rude people? Who gives them the right to tell me what/where I give?

    When you call my house be a mentsch. One day I WILL have plenty of money for Tzedaka!!

  5. Absolutely right! And maybe bochurim can give “ma’asr” by stopping off every so often by a house that they see is quiet, as the ba’al habos isn’t someone of great means, and make it leibetik for them. I did this a little bit as a bochur, and it completely livened up some people’s Purim.
    Just to add a nice story- a certain wealthy individual lost all of his money in a very publicized manner a few years ago. A friend of mine went to his house (and in the past he had received upwards of $10,000) that year Purim. He found it quiet. The ba’al habos offered to write a check for him from his wife’s account, but my friend refused. He just wanted to visit him as in years past, and warmly wished him a bracho that he should be able to resume giving his generous donations in the future. As he left the home, the ba’al habos’ brother pulled him aside and said, “you should know that you are the only person that came this year, and we are truly touched, and my brother will never forget this.”

  6. Excellent letter
    These bachurim should also be cautioned not to discuss with anyone including their parents (even among themselves) how much a particular person gave. I have overheard comments about someone’s big house or late model car and the small check he gave.

  7. Feif Un, i would like to get in touch with you as we think alike & enjoy very much your comments.

    Is it possible to meet you ? Thanks.

  8. Thank you all for your sensitivity. May I add that there are Almonos and Yesomim who can use this boost of moral support from the masses as well.

    Thank you

  9. krunch – Thanks for that story. Nice story.

    To address the general point, I clearly remember whaen I was a bochur collecting in the late 80s during the real estate bust. We bochurim (14-15 years old) were very aware of what was going on and we davka did not push those that we knew were in the real estate business.

    Also, don’t think that people get very intimidated by a bunch of drunk 15 year olds to give more than they could.

  10. I think if a baal habas says with all sincerity that he appreciates the visit but can’t give this year, I hope that the bochurim will have the derech eretz not to ‘muchin’ for money.

  11. Krunch
    it is obvious from the tone of the letter that they are not only speaking to Bachurim but apply to anyone raising money for a cause. This may include people from E.Yisroel who come to the door. They are often not satisfied with a small donation and insist on more. How does one stop this without being extraordinarlily rude?

  12. this goes not only for bocherim but as a code of conduct for all meshulim, all year long – if you dont want my donation , you think its too small, give it back and i will donate it to a more appreciative cause. When you argue with me you are nor going to get anything at all

  13. Totally disagree, first of all as mentioned on YWN, with falling dollar and huge inflation the old donation may not cut it for the organization.
    additionaly, even those that have the money have to be given a push to do the right thing, as chazal say everyone really wants to do the right thing, but SOME are just afraid that they won’t be able to have funds to their vacation or for their entertainment system that they would like to purchase..

  14. PERHAPS THE RABONIM SHOULD CONDEM THE COMMERCIAL ASPECTS OF PURIM.HUGE CANDY BASKETS ARE BEING SOLD AT EXPENSIVE PRICES IN THE NAME OF ‘SHALOCH MANOS’.GIVING MORE FOR TZEDAKH WOULD BE MUCH BETTER….SIMCHAS PURIM.

  15. That is an absolutely wonderful note.
    Though it’s frighteningly hard to get young, drunk, occassionally belligerent, Yeshiva bochurim to leave the house even after a decent donation. I think I’ll have a policy of giving more to whomever doesn’t frighten my children or throw up on my porch.
    Oy, it’s a symptom of the times.

  16. dear true word writer no im not leasing a brand new car every year or vacationing lavishly im trying to pay full tuitions at the yeshivas

  17. true word
    how do you know who has money?
    Chazal tell us that people can be pushed if you are 100% sure that they have to give. Unless you are the persons accountant (in which case you are pushing for a larger fee) how can you possibly know?

  18. Oh right. Flee the city so you don’t have to give tzedakah. Where are you going? Your mansion up in the mountains or your lovely luxury condo outside the Old City walls in Jerusalem? Or maybe that glatt kosher resort in Switzerland? And will you be driving in your 2008 Lexus as you are fleeing the money-grubbing men with long peyos? I’m sorry, but nowhere in Torah does it say that one is exempt from the great mitzvah of Matanos L’evyonim just because he is not as rich this year as the last. The author of this letter should be ashamed of himself. No one should be making excuses for anyone shirking their obligation to give tzedakah on Purim, which by the way applies to EVERY JEW.

  19. My daughter works for Bear Stearns and is pretty sure that she will be layed off. She and my son-in-law usually give out several thousand dollars to tzedoka on Purim. This year will be so difficult for them. The people who come to them on Purim are used to receiving large donations and this year they won’t be able to give out money on such an oiffen. They are crushed and it hurts them to have to disappoint the tzedoka collectors by giving them nominal donations.

    You have to put yourself in the shoes of the baalebos and understand that they gave the large sums of money in the past with a laiv shalom. This is painful for them – aside from all the other anxiety they’re experiencing now because of their matzev.

    May The Rebono Shel Oilam ease the pain and difficulties of all yidden, send a refuah shlama to whom ever is in need of it and bless Klall Yisroel and Eretz Yisroel with Kol Tuv V’Shalom and send Moshiach B’rachamin Bimheirah.

  20. #25 Give me a break.
    No one is “shirking their obligation to give tzedakah on Purim”. They just can’t necessarily give as much as last year so bachurim are being urged by the letter writer not to push too much or for as much as last year.

  21. Velvel:

    You are m’kayeim the mitzvah of Matanas L’evyonim with a relatively small donation. $5 to two aniyim will clearly be yotzei the mitzvah. No one is talking about being exempt from mitzvos. We are talking about pushing people to give more than they feel they can afford to give. There is no basis in halacha to do that, even on Purim.

    You obviously have no idea how most families struggle to make ends meet.

  22. i understand that the ultimate goal of the groups of bochurim that go out on purim is to collect as much tzeddaka as possible for their moissad. however, perhaps, they can, at the same time think of the people they visit. my father used to be a “givir” in town and had every group come knocking on the door. We were known to have one of the most leibidig houses over purim. all the kids loved having their friend over.but then my father got sick. and the money dried up. and the groups stopped coming. the younger children in the house could not understand what had suddenly happened to their purim. why did noone like them anymore? why did their friends want nothing to do with them anymore over purim? why did the house stay silent? yes, the groups wouldnt have gotten the same amount as other years, but surely they didnt have to rub the families nose in their own tzoros? Bochurim, please remember those families who are carrying extra burdens this year and take some time out to go and have an extra dance in their house. you may not line your pockets as heavely, but you will line your neshama!! Thank you for listening and understanding.

  23. #25
    Ask anyone who works for tomchei shabbos how many gorgeous houses with a lexus receive packages. These items were leased or purchased when the person had the ability to pay for them. You condemn to guickly

  24. but SOME are just afraid that they won’t be able to have funds to their vacation or for their entertainment system that they would like to purchase..

    I think the insults towards those unable to give as much as expected are just downright rude and they obviously come from those who have never had to bear the expenses of paying for the necessites of family life. Rent/mortgage on a modest home + food + tuition + transporation to get to work + basic clothing and shoes purchased on sale costs money. .. . lot of it!

    Yes it can be hard to give, but it is insulting to insinuate it is because of extranous expenses and not just the expenses that are probably eating people alive, such as tuition.

  25. People have many Mosdos to support and financial obligations. If a collecter argues with the Nosain then the Nosain should take back the money ASAP!! there are other aniyaim unfortunatly that will accept the amount with better Midos. It is not worth the time having to answer.

  26. To add to number 36. I was in attendance during a shiur in shul one night when during the shiur a fellow came in collecting money. Nobody told him “nu, we are in the middle of a shiur, wait 15 minute until we stop before maariv”, instead, people reached into their wallets and quietly gave, each based on what he felt appropriate to give. After 25 or so people gave a donation, the fellow either emboldened with chutzpah or simply didnt get it, or truly was desperate to collect tzedakah right at that moment, went over to the Rav saying the shuir and asked for tzedakah.

    The Rav reached into his pocket, without missing a beat in the shiur, and handed over several bills (I was too far away to see how much was given – but apparantly not enough – read on). The person collecting suddenly got very beligerent and DEMANDED (not asked) more money from the Rav, he wouldnt take what the Rav was giving!!!

    As we all sat open mouthed, the Rav told the man to leave the shul and not come back. He then told us, as a general rule, if someone cant accept whatever you give with a smile or, at least a thank you, you should be suspicious as to the true need. Someone who truly needs the money will take, whatever amount you give.

  27. The culture of sending boys out in limos to collect can have unexpected consequences. It has come to my attention that a young neighbor of mine spent Purim night going to shuls to collect money- for himself. While tzeddaka is a great mitzvah, if done improperly, it may lead our youngsters on a devastating downward path.

  28. Yitz-99. I have news for you, a young neighbor of mine came to my house collecting and after repeatedly asking him who he was collecting for (no pushka, no pamphlet, nothing, and his saying “mir” was rather suspicious in that he attends a well know chassidishe yeshiva, not “the mir”) he finally said, ME!. He figured people are handing out money so he may as well get some for himself.

  29. Hey – theshmoozer:
    That’s a riot.
    It amazes me that some people go into conniptions about seeing a woman’s picture in the Jewish Press but fail to see the long-term effects of sending kids out half-drunk in limos collecting money. Then we wonder where our future embezzlers come from.

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