The 9 Days have passed, and I’m left with a gnawing sense of discomfort.
Yes, the food was incredible—elevated, creative, and, frankly, delicious. “9 Days Cuisine,” as some have dubbed it, was in a league of its own: gourmet dairy, elegant fish dishes, beautifully plated entrees—many far surpassing the standard offerings of the rest of the year. And no, I didn’t attend any siyumim to get around the meat restriction.
But somewhere between the truffle mac-and-cheese and the sesame-crusted salmon, something hit me: What am I doing?
Yes, it’s technically within the bounds of halacha. But is this really what the 9 Days are supposed to be about?
Halacha tells us not to eat meat during this period as an expression of mourning. And how have we responded? By turning dairy into a culinary art form—going above and beyond, not just to substitute, but to indulge.
It’s as if we’ve outwitted the spirit of aveilus with upscale menus and decadent takeout. In our rush to upgrade our meals, did we completely lose the point?
We are mourning the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. We are meant to feel its absence. And yet, here we are—comforting ourselves not with introspection or restraint, but with soufflés and sushi.
I’m disappointed in myself. I missed the moment. I allowed a time of mourning to turn into a celebration of culinary creativity.
Hopefully, we will not have the 9 Days next year and we will instead be celebrating the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash with Mashiach, bimheira b’yameinu. But if, chas v’shalom, we find ourselves in this time again, let’s look in the mirror. Let’s ask ourselves whether we’re treating this period with the seriousness it deserves.
Signed,
A.M.
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7 Responses
I wrote about this in last week’s FJJ letters. You just realized now? I’ve been saying it for years how disgusting we’ve come to treat our minhagim. It’s a no Brainer. How can someone even Contemplate that it’s acceptable to upscale upgrade their food davka when meat is restricted? What the heck? What part of laying low did we miss. Eat normal food you have to live, but don’t run looking for extravagance and defeat the purpose. But this message has passed our dor like water
Gut gezogt.
What about this – Isnt wearing crocs a lot more comfortable than shoes ?
So are crocs mutar or assur on Tisha Bav
This is a very good point but has nothing to do with the 9 days. Not over indulging and taking gashmius to an extreme is a core torah value that applies at all times. It will manifes in the way the writer explains during the 9 days but is happening throughout the year at kiddushim, bar mitzvot, weddings and all over. This is just a symptom the larger problem of human existence that once one goes down the path of indulgance it is very hard to stop.
2 years from now, Daf Yomi Berochos is being Mesayem on Av 6th in the heart of the 9 days:- Already Shavu’a SheChol Bo, but at least before Ov 7th.
These letters surface year after year. Always with an undefinable measurement. How fancy can 9 day meals be?
We have an alternative to Av that uses the same language.
“When Av starts we reduce our joy”
“When Adar starts we increase our joy”
2 sides of the same coin that can guide us in the correct path.
What happens in the Frum world when Adar starts?
Are schools closed through Purim? Do parents take off work? Do businesses close because the owners are busy fulfilling “increasing joy in Adar”? Do families tour the country stopping at amusement parks & other fun activities?
Not where I’m from. Perhaps a few hours decorating the school or a few extra minutes of recess was about all we could expect.
Chazal said no meat. Not no more than 4 ingredients in a dairy dish.
Perhaps spending Tisha B’Av day in the desert will really show how to mourn the Churban. After all, Chazal says nothing about air conditioning on Tisha B’Av & since they didn’t have it perhaps you shouldn’t feel comfortable using it.
Very well said. It’s sad how materialism is destroying us.