By Rabbis Moshe & Yitzchok Fingerer 

Who is the gentleman who showed up in the middle of davening with a big ponytail and was fervently shuckeling away with such Kavanah? It seemed like an irony, a dichotomy, a contradiction. 

If he looked so secular, how did he know how to daven? 

Everyone saw this young man but no one knew the back story. 

I met him ten years ago when he worked at a medical office in Flatbush. He had a very Jewish, even frum sounding first name. No Yarmulkah. A ponytail. Secular looking. Very dismissive, even slightly defiant of any overture from frum people, especially a rabbi. 

Nevertheless, I made eye contact, smiled, took an interest and got his phone number. 

After reaching out numerous times throughout the years, I didn’t elicit a response. Until, he finally replied last year. I invited him for Rosh Hashanah and he said he would come. That’s when he showed up in the middle of davening with his ponytail.  

The Mishna in Avos says to judge “Kol Ha’Adam” favorably. Asks the Sfas Emes that seemingly there is an extra word here. Why does it say “Kol” which can also mean the entire person? It should have simply said, “Adam” – judge a person favorably.  What does “Kol” the entire person mean? 

Answers the Sfas Emes, it means that when assessing, analyzing or trying to decipher a person’s actions, conduct or behavior, one needs to look at the entire person. Not just merely the person.  

One must understand that the person comes from life circumstances,  a background, challenges and difficulties that you may not be privy to. The person isn’t acting a certain way because he wants to necessarily but because of the struggles and battles they’ve encountered.  We must take the entire person into account and lovingly bring them back to Hashem.  

The fellow with the ponytail was someone from a religious upbringing who went astray.  Without knowing his “entire” story one can easily judge him. However, if we only would understand that there’s more to a person than meets the eye, we would be patient, kind and loving. 

Long story short, the young man with the pony tail is now enrolled in the BJX weekly learning program and is enjoying learning Torah and growing. B”H another BJX miracle!  

This would never have materialized had we just looked at the “Adam” and not “Kol Ha’Adam.” 

Next time you meet someone, keep in mind there is background, there is more than meets the eye, there is more to the story. There is a soul waiting to be kindled and nurtured.