From the outside, everything may look fine. But it isn’t. I am falling apart — quietly, privately, and painfully. This struggle is no longer abstract or temporary. It is affecting my health, my home, and my children. I have fallen on hard times in a way I never imagined possible.
My business has struggled. The bills have not stopped. My savings are gone. Like many who once stood firmly in the middle class, I now find myself unsure where to turn. I wake up each morning carrying a weight I do not know how to put down, terrified that my family will feel the consequences of my failure before I can protect them.
I write this not only for myself, but for the many families like mine who are suffering silently.
Baruch Hashem, there are people among us who have been blessed with the ability to give. I ask — no, I beg — that before giving to campaigns, dinners, kolelim, or organizations, you look first to those closest to you: siblings, neighbors, friends, even parents. Help the living while they are alive. This is not a rejection of tzedakah structures; it is a plea to restore balance.
It pains me to ask. It pains me to accept. And it pains me even more to realize how invisible struggling families can be when they do not fit the usual profile. We are not always knocking on doors. We are not always in newsletters. We are often too ashamed to speak at all.
But this is the Torah way. The Rambam teaches that the highest form of tzedakah is enabling someone to stand on their own feet — through partnership, employment, or opportunity — with dignity intact. There are medical bills. Household expenses. Costs for children. And beyond that, there is the possibility of offering work, partnership, or a chance to rebuild with respect rather than charity alone.
Save families before they collapse. Help while there is still time.
Sincerely,
Many Struggling Families
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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8 Responses
Absolutely correct. Not just rebbeim who need assistance. Many Middle class working people are also struggling mightily.
So sorry to hear about this, how do you want to be helped
First, may Hashem please help you and resolve all the problems of His precious children, Klal Yisrael.
Your headline implies that people should not be donating to organizations if their neighbors need the help first. But you further indicate that everything “looks fine”, which means that your neighbors would not even know that you need help.
So, then, why do you seem to imply that they are wrong for not helping you first, before “organizations”, when they aren’t even aware of your need for help?
Have you contacted your Rav? Does the shul have a Rabbi’s Discretionary Fund for difficult situations like yours? Has the shul told its membership about the need for more funds to be contributed to that fund?
This would be a great opportunity and vehicle for those in a position to give – locally.
To repeat, may Hashem please help you and all of Klal Yisrael, smoothly and sweetly.
How will people help if they don’t know your situation? Part of suffering silently means nobody gets to know what’s going on. I have no doubt in my mind that it’s better to help a fellow Jew than it is to give to the billionth new sefer torah campaign where the shul on average doesn’t need a new one
the best way to help people like the one writing this article is lowering our standards, no money in the world can help the regular guys today’s once business goes sour. what you could do is leasing a regular car making modest simchas and dressing your kids nice, etc, this will help your neighbours,siblings , friends, and one day it might help your kids
Thank you for writing this article, it was thought provoking, honest and respectful. May you have a yeshoua quickly and all your fourtune turn around within the blink of an eye.
Your points are very well made. The problem is that it is very hard to identify those who need help but won’t reach out. What I believe we need as a community funded Lishkas Chashei (private gemach) set-up for community members only. Perhaps in that way, we can somehow reach those who are too ashamed to ask for help. There are likely better ideas to address this problem. I just offered one possibility. But, I believe it is truly each individual community’s mandate to have such a fund first and foremost.
Thank you very much for bringing this vital issue to our attention. I truly hope iy”H that those who can will take action because just pointing out a problem is simply never enough.
This is indeed a serious challenge that needs addressing. Thank you for highlighting this issue.
As a couple of other people noted, it can be quite impossible for others to know to give money to you, if you’re suffering privately and too ashamed to speak at all, like you said.
Although, my experience has been that people have asked what they can do to help, I have told them explicitly despite the shame – and they didn’t help at all.
I hope that you’ll have more helpful messengers in your experience.
When davening for your situation to improve, you can also daven for gracious and generous messengers in the time being, and also the koach to receive.
Also, there is a systemic problem in society today – to hold onto pretending that our lives are perfect, as if our very lives depend on that alone. However, our lives aren’t perfect, and for many of us – far from it. That is because the whole point of living our lives with struggles is for our neshama to grow. It can take a lot of inner strength to admit to others that you are experiencing significant challenges, it can really be humbling, and a very growing experience for the neshama. It can also seriously assist others in being real with their situations and in a way that they can actually be helped (because people will know) and also have the support they need, and also being real with each other will help all of us in our individual struggles.
So, you can use this very hard and painful life-changing experience to give inner growth to yourself, give to others in a significant way, and receive the basic help that you and your family need. Hatzlacha!