As Pesach approaches, I find myself sitting with a question that is both deeply personal and, I suspect, not mine alone.
Each year, we gather around our Seder tables and recite “Ha Lachma Anya” — “Let all who are hungry come and eat; let all who are in need come and celebrate Passover.” These are beautiful words. They are central to who we are. They remind us that no one should be left out, that freedom and belonging are meant to be shared.
And yet, I am writing this because I don’t know where I belong.
I am an older single person. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have siblings. I don’t have children. I don’t have a home where I can host or create a space of my own. When a holiday like Pesach comes, I feel not just alone, but invisible — like a third wheel in a world built around families.
I don’t say this with anger, but with sadness and confusion. Where do I go? If the community does not take me in, who will? If the words we recite are not meant for people like me, then who are they for?
I know that many people assume others have somewhere to be. That invitations are extended within circles that feel natural and familiar. But there are those of us who live outside those circles — not by choice, but by circumstance.
If you are going with your family to a Pesach program and have the means to do so, why not also extend an invitation to widows, divorcees, and singles?
If you have the means to make Pesach, why not teach your children the greatest lesson of all — making room in your heart and in your home for others who are less fortunate?
Pesach is the story of going from isolation to belonging, from oppression to dignity. It is the story of not being left behind.
So I am asking, gently but honestly: can we live those words a little more fully?
Can we look around and notice who might not have a seat at a table?
Can we stretch just a bit beyond what is comfortable or familiar?
Can we make space not just in theory, but in practice?
Because for someone like me, one invitation is not just a meal. It is a reminder that I matter, that I am seen, that I am part of something.
I share this not to place blame, but to open a door — for awareness, for compassion, for action.
This Pesach, I hope that “Let all who are in need come and celebrate” becomes more than words we recite. I hope it becomes something we live.
With sincerity,
D.W.
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7 Responses
The Lubavitcher rebbe after he lost his wife he was invited on Pesach to a number of Seders by his chassidim. He refused to go and conducted a Sefer all by himself. The rebbe wanted to feel the pain of the many who are sitting alone by their Pesach Seders. Years ago I conducted the highest Seder I ever had. I invited about fifty non religious Jews. It began at ten pm and at one AM we began to eat. Some of the guests didn’t know there would be food. They thought it was just a service. To describe the intensity was beyond words. At the point of Eliyahu Hanavi entering a 16 year old boy broke down in tears as his mother tried to restrain him but his emotions came out so strong that his crying lasted an hour. Everyone of the fifty guests had their neshomas lit. This Seder inspired me and my family to levels that spark me up every Pesach. To this single woman writing. There are Seder programs possibly through Chabad. Maybe google Passover Seders.
“I don’t say this with anger, but with sadness and confusion. Where do I go? If the community does not take me in, who will? If the words we recite are not meant for people like me, then who are they for?”
If you are a member of a shul and community, and are in touch with the Rabbi or shul President/other officer, then wouldn’t they be able to contact an appropriate member of the community who would be glad to have you at their Pesach seder/meals?
May you have a happy and inspiring Yom Tov, among the rest of Klal Yisrael.
Dear DW
You are heard and seen. I read your painfully honest article and would like to offer some help. There are Chabad shuls and Chabad shluchim, emissaries, in virtually every community. Every Chabad shul makes Pesach sederim for the community and opens their arms to welcome all who need a place! Contact your local Chabad. If you need help, there is a website called Chabad.org. On the drop down menu is an option called “Chabad Locator.” If you enter in your zip code or name of city, a list of Chabad resources in your area will pop up. If you are unable to find a local Chabad, please email me at moshiachmom@gmail.com. Wishing you a chag kasher v’sameach!
Dearest DW,
I don’t know you, and there are probably many of you whom I don’t know.
My heart bleeds for you!
It must be unfathomably painful for you!
I am davening for you that HKBH grants you simcha and places you in the best places possible.
May we share the Geula Shelaima together!
Devarim Ha’Yotzim Min ha’Lev.
You’re invited to our Seder!
Hi DW,
maybe leave your email so that people can contact you and set you up with meals or give you the free hotel program that you requested.
DW,
I’m sure you know this already as an older single woman, but do NOT leave your email on this or any other site.