Rabbi Yaakov Edelstein, Rav of Ramat HaSharon was approached with an interesting shailah, what is the chevra kadisha supposed to do, if anything, regarding a woman who purchased a plot and has now placed a living tombstone on that plot.
The story begins when the chevra kadisha noticed a tombstone on a plot of a woman who is still alive. They were made aware of the matzeiva because of a complaint pointing out there were “unsuitable images” on the tombstone.
The 72-year-old owner of the plot decided to make a unique stone, which covers the plot of her late husband and her own plot as well, side-by-side. Chevra kadisha officials explain the women is an artist, and she erected a 2.5 meter stone (8.2 feet) which includes pictures of her and her late husband.
The inscription reads “Our dear mother and grandmother. Born in Budapest, Hungary, 9.5.1939 — an international painter, sculptor and perfectionist without borders. A champion swimmer and gymnast — a teacher and educator. A passionate and courageous woman. She learned to fly airplanes and parachute jump. An iron lady. Faithful to her husband and children. Survived alone at the age of 3 like an orphan. A women, devoted mother and special grandmother”.
According to Chadrei Chareidim, the chevra kadisha has consulted with legal experts to ascertain if they have a legal right to act, as well as asking the city’s chief rabbi for a halachic ruling. In addition to the unique inscription, they are concerned the concept of a ‘live tombstone’ may lead to a problematic trend.
“For one thing, inyanim regarding marriage, divorce and agunos are at times determined by tombstone” one chevra official explained.
They are also trying to see if the height of the stone may be sufficient grounds to compel a change, as well as the photos, which are viewed as ‘out of place’ by some people who have seen them.
The woman insists there are higher stones so she has no intention of making any changes, adding she is not aware that anyone is bothered by the stone. She simply feels that now, after the stone was set in place, her late husband George no longer feels alone.
“I rely on myself and only myself. This has been the case since I was a child during the Holocaust. My children were not opposed to my erecting the stone” she concludes.
(YWN – Israel Desk, Jerusalem)
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4 Responses
I knew a woman who was widowed young and had a double stone erected over a double plot, her husband’s on one side and the other side waiting for her when her time would come. She never planned on remarrying and was buried there many years later when she was niftar. What’s wrong with that?
Why harass a holocaust survivor and her needs to be near her husband even in life? Let it be…
They should litigate this in full, with much scholarly discourse and many appeals. By the time the matter is resolved, the woman will have died and the matter will be moot.
I don’t understand the objection. And what exactly is “out of place” about the photos, unless that simply means “unusual”, in which case what’s wrong with unusual? Why must everybody be usual?
inyanim regarding marriage, divorce and agunos are at times determined by tombstone
And those who decide such shaylas are aware of how often tombstones are wrong, because the person who has the correct information is no longer there. From that perspective people should be encouraged to write the nusach for their own matzeivos, even if they don’t actually inscribe them, just so that the information should be correct.
I knew a woman who was widowed young and had a double stone erected over a double plot, her husband’s on one side and the other side waiting for her when her time would come. She never planned on remarrying and was buried there many years later when she was niftar.
And I know a case where the widower later moved to another country and was buried there, and the plot next to his wife, with the double matzeiva, was used for another family member. In that case the other side of the matzeiva had been left blank, so when the plot was reassigned they didn’t have to replace the matzeiva; it looks a little odd that two women share a matzeiva, but there’s nothing wrong with it, and nobody has ever objected. There are enough rabbonim and talmidei chachomim in the family that if there were something wrong with it someone would have spoken up.