by Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com
The following are eleven rulings from Rav Elyashiv zt”l on making a shidduch with the same name as a family member. [For those who wish to partake in the Mitzvah of Hachnasas Kallah, please see the following link. https://thechesedfund.com/zechornilah/weddingoftwobaaleiteshuva]
SAME NAMES
BEING CAREFUL ON SAME NAMES
- There are those who are quite strict to ensure that the bride’s name should not be the same as that of the groom’s mother, nor that the groom’s name be the same as the name of his future father-in-law.
- There are also those who are strict to ensure that the names of both fathers-in-law and both mothers-in-law not be the same. All this is from the Ethical Will of Rav Yehudah HaChassid.
THE MAIN CONCERN
- The main concern, however, only involves that of a bride and her future mother-in-law. The other scenarios are merely minor concerns, and there is no need to be so uneasy about them. However, the prevalent custom is to be strict on these matters. However, one may not be lenient regarding a bride and her mother-in-law except through making a change in the name.
ADDING A NAME
- If the Shidduch is appropriate in all areas, but the names are the same, it is possible to remedy this by adding a name to one of the parties. This can be done lechatchilah, with no reservations. There is no difference whether it is added to the bride’s name or to that of her mother-in-law.
DISCOVERED AFTER THE WEDDING
- If the concept about the concern for the same name only became known to them after the wedding, then an additional name should be added to one of their names at that point.
WHAT CONSTITUTES A NEW NAME
- In order for a name to be considered a new name it is necessary for at least three people to call him either by the newly added name alone or with both names together. Regarding a bride and her mother-in- law it is necessary for the majority of those who know her to call her by the new name.
THE NEW NAME
- If the groom’s (or bride’s) new name was used for thirty days or more, it is necessary to use it in the Kesuvah.
PARAMETERS OF ONE NAME VERSUS TWO NAMES
WHEN ONE HAS TWO NAMES
- If one of their names is, “Moshe Yaakov” and the other’s name is simply, “Yaakov” – this is not considered the same name, but rather two separate names entirely.
WHEN BOTH ARE CALLED BY THE SAME NAME
- However, if this “Moshe Yaakov” is referred to by everyone as “Yaakov” alone – then it is considered one name. It would make no difference even if he is called to the Torah by the name “Moshe Yaakov.” However, it would certainly be effective to start referring to him from that point onward as either “Moshe Yaakov” or just “Moshe.” However, regarding a bride and her mother-in-law it is necessary that everyone start referring to her with both names or at least the majority of people. It is not sufficient for only her close family members to call her with both names.
WHEN THE HUSBAND AND THE WOMAN HAVE THE SAME NAMES
- Ideally, a person who is named “Simcha” should not marry a girl whose mother is named “Simcha.” Rather, they should add a name to one of them. Post facto, however, one may be lenient.
IF A NICKNAME IS CONSIDERED A DIFFERENT NAME
- Someone whose name is “Yaakov” but everyone calls him “Yankel”, or someone whose name is “Moshe” but he is called “Moishy”, or if her name is “Esther” but she is called “Estie,” all of these and other similar cases are considered to be one name and are included within the concept of a bride and mother-in-law with the same name.
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6 Responses
A glaring omission. This article needs to be corrected!
R’ Moshe Feinstein clearly held otherwise as his sons-in-law are also Moshe!
@silentmoishe Rav Elyashiv ZT”L seems to be meikal on son-in-laws. And Rav Moshe ZT”L’s son-in-laws had a second name, so they weren’t really the same name as his.
I was thinking the same thing, but the article does say other than bride and mother in law, others ar einor concerns
silentmoishe: Section 3 of this article is all true, the practiced custom by most is to be strict. This doesn’t need to be a contradiction to Rav Moshe who was lenient, because when you say “the custom is to be strict”, it may simply be referring to the fact that people are actually strict in practice, and not intended to say that Rav Moshe was wrong in any way for choosing to be lenient for his family. In addition, even those who allow it in practice may agree that if there is a choice one should choose a son-in-law who has a different name, and only be lenient in a case where there is a great opportunity, no other choice, or some other similar circumstance.
“#8. If one of their names is, “Moshe Yaakov” and the other’s name is simply, “Yaakov” – this is not considered the same name, but rather two separate names entirely.”
Following that logic, a father can name one of his sons “Moshe Yaakov” and the second son simply “Yaakov”. Or one son “Zvi” and the second son “Chaim Tzvi”. After all, they are “two separate names entirely”. Agreed?!
L’hagdil Torah!
My Father & Maternal Grandfather had exact same Hebrew name and managed so absolutely fine, so this entire topic is so non consequential to me.