Forum Replies Created
Really open everything just seems so far away maybe eat out or activity
Is her family situation regular?Hate to do this but maybe shes for me I am looking for an out of towner that age
I personally ended it with a girl recently after going out over 10 times it is very sad and heart breaking for all parties involved but I did what I had to do I tried everything to fix the issue and I just wasn’t happy Many many advisors rabbeim and friend pushed me to just go for it but in the end its your life and you must be happy!!Cant emphasize that enough! Mabye we are a shidduch for each other you never know….
Im kind of with jewishfeminist02 on this one though I do agree with my turnatbat partly dont think a person should just look for a half decent person and marry them Marraige is a special bond that is for life and you only get one womanman so heshe better be special to you or theres going to be alot of unhappy people!However I do agree a person should stay focused on marriage dont get caught up in the side show that the secular world promotes the fireworks major excitment falling in love thats all a bunch of fake terms and just look more some one you kind of click with feel comfortable with enjoy being with and respect
Regarding shadchanim we definitely need more people to get involved I was red a few girls by a shadchan and my friends wife is on all of them as a reference why isn’t he trying to red them himself to me(maybe theyre not good ideas not sure)More young marrieds need to try but please think before u red don’t just red “pants-skirts” shidduchum its not fair to the boy and girl wasting their time and efforts To the professinal shadchanim out there many of you look at it as a business(not sure why don’t think theres much money to be made)some of you like the hock and others are really lshem shamayim but whatever it is that motivates you please spend the time to really get to know the singles and so many more shadchanim will be made
to notasheep: could be you know some singles but as I said don’t think anyone can really understand the pain and the emotional roller coaster that is the older singles world on a daily basis no shadchan or married person that hasn’t experienced it but I guess its true in many of the tzaros of life The boys have it hard as they have to do all the driving planning and running the conversation. They also have a million suggestions people chepering them and mad at them when they don’t go out with their suggestions etc Girls sit at home without any suggestions feel the pain of being judged if they are not a size 2 etc The boys are in the foreast(lost among the trees) and the girls are in the desert.
to notasheep:its true I do not know you and may have come of a bit too critical but the way u reacted did seem like you dont realize the magnitude of the problem I personally feel the person that can judge the system are the older singles that are in it and go through the emotional roller coaster of it the good and the bad.Ask any older single and they will admit in my experience to the fustration that something is just not working here Just because many do get married does not mean the system is not broken and could be greatly improved Regarding pictures: I do feel its wise if and only if an older single can look at it with an open mind that it might not be a great picture etc and is not looking for a model It can save alot of time when looks are totally not in the ballpark
to YW moderator-42:dont know these events in the mainstream yeshivish world if they are occuring please tell me about them regarding all the comments from randomex :Im suggesting a speed dating event where boys and girls who would have dated each other anyway meet ie same backgrounds haskafos etc so youre not just meeting girlsboys that have no shaychus and would be controlled atmosphere
to Baruch10901:If it doesnt bother your daughter what are you worried about? Mabye the stutter is not so bad or mabye your daughter is very mature and can see the boy for his amazing qualities even though he has a speech impediment
to notasheep:seems you are a sheep youre comments seem to indicate that you dont know how to think out of the box and buck “the way we do things”…speed dating doesnt have to be a goyish concept if done right it can save alot of time and heartache and produce many shidduchim If you are not american mabye you should not be judging the american dating system and if a person dates stupidly I feel he may not meet the right one for a while because of it
to the bigone:I have been dating for a while and more concerned with finding out if chemistrywise its a match then worried about being infatuated and losing my head think we should trust our commen sense a bit more.Dont think guys would just go for prettiest girl in the room meeting a person makes a big difference All I know is system is broken causing unnecessary emotional stress and wasting precious years of singles lives lets find a solution!
to thebigone: Im not suggesting no research just meeting a bunch of girls through speed dating selecting which ones seem in the ballpark then doing research and dating regular
I personally had a friend that married for money the marriage lasted three months its definitly a plus if its there but if you dont do it for the girl herself dont do it
Im not old actually in my 2os but mean the past 10 years etc and no I dont deserve an answer but just asking if anyone wants to contribute
It would solve:the pressure I feel from not being married,the distance and divide I feel with all my married friends, the heartache from not knowing if I made the right decision of saying no to that one girl,the feeling of being in flux and not really knowing where do go based on what will people think of me in the shidduchworld etc the list goes on…August 8, 2013 9:56 pm at 9:56 pm in reply to: Boys can't be so picky: A shidduch crisis solution! #970003
Jewishfeminist02:guess your name says it all you dont understand what boys are going through the pressure from all the people that red shidduchim,the dates one after the other that are just a doa etc so dont speak till you have gone through it
Dunno gets what Im saying I know marriage is not a pancea to all problems just would solve a lot in my life now
Mabye someone just wants to marry me and solve my problems…rrr just very frustratingAugust 6, 2013 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm in reply to: Boys can't be so picky: A shidduch crisis solution! #969997
What I don’t think everyone knows is that its a crisis for the boy too but in a different way having a million resumes is not great it just gets you all confused and you have ten million random people friends and shadchanim driving you crazy to go out with their girl Bottom line:Girls are in a desert- no trees but boys are in a foreast everything looks the same Not saying that boys have it as bad as girls but its definitely not easy either To those who say just go out I cant go out with a million girls monetarywise and because of the drain on emotions
To says me and poppa bar abba: No I don’t want to stay in learning part time just to get a girl that fits(even though it is a worry of mine) I also believe in the idea of starting married life learning full time or part time It brings a whole different start to a marriage To dunno:I get the same reaction from shadchanim sometimes where are u?Here or there?Learning or school?When I go out the yeshivish girls are many times too sheltered and are kind of boring but the non yeshivish ones are not as frum as I would like its rough
also To rc: are u a shadchan?I really don’t like those people who just try their hand in shidduchim without much thought and just put skirt with pants without realizing the emotional investment involved but that’s a whole other topic….
There are those girls out there but they seem to be few and far between
TO rc:not sure if I want to give out too much info abt myself on a public forum TO vogue:why are you intreasted in a guy like me?Just curious-beacause I feel like Im in between two worlds girls wanting college boys who wont respect my years of learning and yeshivish type girls who think Im not shtark if Im starting to transition over to the secular world
I do realize Im not going to find a yeshiva up to BMGs standards that also offers college courses but still trying to stay in yeshiva part time and do college as well since A)the girls who are looking for a full time college boy I feel are a different type than Im looking for ie frumkeitwise B)leaving the torah world fully and entering the secular world is avery dangerous step for someone like me whos not married and trying to stay shtark
Regarding poppa bar abbas reply:dont think you really get my situation my learning is utmost in my mind so just getting a chavrusa somewhere or going to a yeshiva where I don’t fit in is not worth it for me but do want to start college and begin some degree Im 26 and its time How young are the guys in Landers?does anyone know?
was also wondering if guy that suggested landers is there now?
Thanks so much to everyone for their replies Im not 63 by the way I would rather stay in lkwd and go at night somewhere if possible Accountings not for me would like to hear more abt that Yeshiva@IDT whats that all about? Also landers has a dorm situation?Im always davening that’s the only thing that works ultimatly