Forum Replies Created
Ryan is no good.
Haley would be a good job as VP pick.
It’ll be interesting that a mother should put off a potential shidduch because a boy is 20 years old. Its likely that something else that was involved in this decision.
You write “one person pointed out, perhaps maybe the girl shouldn’t be in shidduchim if she just let’s her mother push her over,”
This mother has good intentions and isn’t “pushing her daughter over”. I’d be cautious dating this girl if she ignores her mothers opinion.
I divorced recently and haven’t started looking into Shidduchim yet. How big is the market out there?
Just a follow up question on this topic:
It seem that I’ll need to go for the Heter Mayah Rabbonim option as my (future) ex will not take a get. I have offered generous amounts of monies for kids. I have tried all forms of negotiations. Nothing worked. She has refused to come to Beis Din even after a few Hazmonus.
I suffered a very lot in this marriage. And don’t want to wait around a few years with the hope that she might agree some day to take a get.
My question is, will this have an impact on my future Shidduchim? If yes. How much?
“Joseph; he was told by her friends that she is a quiet and reserved girl. She was completely the opposite”
C`mon. This is not something to complain about. He clearly saw this in the first date and moved on. (Btw. Is he only dating girls that are “quiet and reserved” ? )
I do agree that it is clearly wrong to withhold information that can have an impact on ones life . (eg. Medical / Emotional ..) Not sure if handing out fines is the best solution….. Perhaps give it a try and report back to us how it went.
“parts of her personality just wouldn’t work for him”
This is something that is difficult to pinpoint with just asking friends.January 14, 2018 10:12 am at 10:12 am in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1449019
“The charedi Oilem seems not to want to take responsibility for these people “They arent charedim and they wont listen to anyone anyway” , so someone needs to take responsibility for them and save them from themselves”
Who are these people ? The people that protest against chilul shabbos or again gezeiros geyus ?
Or is it the Drug addicts thats disturbing you?January 14, 2018 10:12 am at 10:12 am in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1449020
“some of the chardim hashkafa about the army and you turned the whole Isreal into rude crude people by”danim them lkaf zechus”.sorry this is not called dan lchaf zechus”
Rude? They are fighting for the survival of Yiddishkeit in Israel.
It’s called Marketing.
Evidently it’s paying off.January 14, 2018 6:02 am at 6:02 am in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1448880
zahavasdad “Yeah the shmad of the disciple of the army vs the shmad of the streets with drugs and other Juvenille deliquencies ”
Do you want everyone drafted of just the ones on drugs ?January 12, 2018 11:19 am at 11:19 am in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1448605
zahavasdad – “here is the solution DRAFT them and the army will whip them up into shape”
I’m glad that your being honest with your beliefs and ideology.January 12, 2018 11:13 am at 11:13 am in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1448620
“ZD, you want an army full of druggies?”
ZD wants “..whip them up into shape”January 12, 2018 7:32 am at 7:32 am in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1448527
You have clearly explained you how you fight these radicals.
Can you elaborate on how you fight Chillul Shabbos.January 10, 2018 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1447307
100%January 10, 2018 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1447254
“And one wonders why Moshiach hasnt come yet. Who wants to live in Eretz Yisroel when you can live in Borough Park”
We all need to move to Israel? Is this what’ll bring Moshiach? Am I missing something?January 10, 2018 3:17 pm at 3:17 pm in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1447189
“..especially in Jerusalem which is a terrorist flashpoint”
It’s a failing Country. Wasn’t worth the effort. Time for everyone to move on. No safty. No money. No religious freedom. What a waste of time.January 10, 2018 3:15 pm at 3:15 pm in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1447187
“Imagine if you said such a thing to a US marine officer walking through Borough park”
I can’t imagine seeing marines in the streets of Boro Park. BH we live in a safe Country that has freedom of religion. Bucharim can learn in Yeshivah (or earn nice money on a job).January 10, 2018 2:02 pm at 2:02 pm in reply to: Why Are We Not Fighting The Radicals That Bother Soldiers Like Chillul Shabbos #1447141
“Why are we not fighting the radicals that bother soldiers like chillul shabbes”
Please describe hoe you fight the Chillul Shabbos?
I will not support anyone that bothers these chareidy soldiers but they should respect the ultra orthodox community and not [internationally] walk in these neighbourhoods dressed in uniform. (They treat in like chillul shabbes).
“I want to tell you lb that this is not a normal Torah value, to put physical beauty above all else and therefore there is no need to succumb to such pressures”
I totally agree – but if someone decides to do for eg. Rhinoplasty then obviously they do in some degree care about physical beauty. The question then is do the need to reveal this while dating with someone which possibly shares the same values..
” Why would a man care? Because maybe he doesn’t want to have children with noses that look like ski jumps!!!! ”
I kind of find it far fetched that a man should think about how his kids will look. Whatever.
Didn’t think of that… In the case maybe she’d need to present a before picture..
If his taking home a box with a pie of Pizza I would think it’s for his wife and kids. This is a כבוד. Shows that he helps out at home and has some מידות.
Don’t see the issue in Rhinoplasty. Why would a man care?
Why is this labelled as ” Controversial Topics ” ?January 8, 2018 10:45 am at 10:45 am in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1444477
Borderline Personality Borderline can not be treated with Medications. (certain medications may help with symptoms).
Borderline personality disorder is not curable, but it is treatable and recovery is possible. … To understand the terminology it may be helpful to compare BPD with some cancers. Treatment is available, and many people recover, but it’s unlikely that a person will ever hear the word “cured.
This is getting a little complicated for a Motsai Shabbos. Perhaps get working on it Monday morning?
Your definitely onto something BIG.
You are permitted to read it over and over. This may also be read on shabbos and Yom Tov according to most poskim.
Don’t really get it. Wanna put everyone in the ocean?January 6, 2018 9:47 pm at 9:47 pm in reply to: Sharing Your Armrest on the Plane… Amusing Solutions #1443790
The armrest unofficially belongs to the person sitting in the middle seat.
You can try the pen trick as a social experiment. You may wanna take it a step further then try eat some garlic – you will possibly get the entire seat/row…. all arm rests inc.
(I take no responsibility for any consequences).
Perhaps wait until you know if the babies gonna be a boy or girl and then decide on the name. No rush! 😀
Joseph. Not sure how this works in you business but I find that you need to be generous with the workers pay. It pays off in the long run.
No offense to anyone but i employ men only. It may sound a radicical but it’s not an official company policy.
Some of the reasons:
1. I found that in many cases by the time I finish training they took maternity. And after a few kids some quit and needed to recruit again (recruiting good staff is from my hardest part of running my business)
2. Women tend to take off work much more times the amount then men. They take off for got reasons! – like if a child isn’t well ect. (However it’s hard on the company..)
3. With men it’s more likely that I can hand over the job and they take the full responsibility. They’ll deal with it after hours – if needed – and they breathe the business. (I pay more then the going wages so the staff are energised). With women it wasn’t usually the case. (And they are right not to be so involved-they have kids to take care of!)
All kinds of business’s vary. I don’t advise anyone to make this a company policy! There’s plenty women that are much better then men workers and I’m sure we can list reasons why not to employ men.
This is just what works for my business..
There’s hundreds of aspects to your question.
Here a small point on this issue:
Keep your mouth shut when the young couple does something stupid/irresponsible/immature. This includes not talking to your daughter behind her husbands back – not even a small comment or ‘suggestion’ This can undermine there marriage and put your daughter in a difficult position.
(I’m obviously refering to minor things and not if you have see real red flats that are of concern to your daughters well being..)
Joseph. Got you. Just figured you were too stop on.
“B. More and more women are managers and CEOs”
Because it was economical.
Joseph – a little gentle pls.
Lightbrite – Smoking has different levels. If a boy is a chain smoker then run a mile. If he smokes on a night out with friends that’s a different story.
Lightbrite. Do more praying and less worrying for a Shidduch.
Build you self confidence and all will be fine!
You don’t need to pay a secretary the same pay as the CEO. So The secretaries will continue to be mostly women, and thr CEO / managers – men.
It’s called equal pay!
Unemployment with women will rise.
BY Meidel: This is not “ladies learning Gemara issue” it’s a feminist issue you seem to be struggling with ( based on your comments on this and other discussion in the CR). This is something that you’ll never satisfy yourself with ( even the secular world is not “perfect” – women get lower wages basically evewhere – even in Hollywood). Don’t devote your life fighting for this “cause”.
God created men and women differently each with there own strengths and there own tafkid. I pray that you have already overcome your struggle and see the beauty of Yiddishkeit.January 2, 2018 7:43 am at 7:43 am in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1440852
Why don’t we see more coverage of this in the Ami, Mishpacha and other publications. It’s definitely getting more coverage then in the past but it’s rare that it’s discussed in depth.
I’m in a situation where my wife is refusing to take a get. She suffers from extreme mental illness and has nothing to loose by not taking a get. I have offered extremely generous amounts of money but this got me nowhere (im want surprised as money isn’t the issue here..) She has advised Beis Din that that she won’t discuss a get at all.
Beis Din has mentioned to me the HMR option and that it may need to being used. However it seems that it’s something that they’ll do after a total of approx 2 – 3 years of waiting..
I’ve been told that some Beth Dins in Israel do it in a quicker time frame.
Is this something worth looking at?
Takes2-2tango. Why is that? Most difficult people?December 31, 2017 1:10 pm at 1:10 pm in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439952
I was never a believer of using Graphology in shidduchim. But it’s the best way to pick up on illnesses like BPD.December 31, 2017 10:37 am at 10:37 am in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439694
Thanks “the little I know”
I read your post a few times!!
I have a friend that was in a Marriage with a woman that has BPD.
Getting out of these marriages is terribly hard!
It’s a myth that these people can be treated..December 31, 2017 7:36 am at 7:36 am in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439668
The answer is NO.
With Medical Illness people are usually more transparent. Matches are made accordingly.
Mental illness needs to be treated the same. There should be Shatchunim specialising in this field to make matches.December 31, 2017 7:36 am at 7:36 am in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439669
I also think that singles also need more tools to pick this up in a in the dating process.
In the chasidise would it’s IMPOSSIBLE to pick up if the other boy or girl is suffering from BDP. It’s a non starter. Maybe the system needs to be reformed!December 30, 2017 10:44 pm at 10:44 pm in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439593
Matan1 I admire your approach!!December 30, 2017 10:35 pm at 10:35 pm in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439587
Ferd. V We’ll written.
Too many people choose to take a gamble and marry off kids with mental illness… and hope for the best…. There is not enough awareness. It’s criminal. Perhaps we need to make a database of people that have committed this crime so others can keep a distance and not take a chance with the next kid in line.December 30, 2017 9:59 pm at 9:59 pm in reply to: Keeping Mental Illness A Secret In Shidduchim🤕 🤒🤐👰🤵 #1439575
Mental Illness needs to be discussed much more openly in the community. People need to be more aware of illnesses like BPD.
A girl of boy with BPD doesn’t stand a chance on being a normal spouse without intensive therapy. (Therapy usually doesn’t help..) It’s criminal to marry off such a child!