Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Are there any other shadchanim/ organizations in BP, Williamsburg or Monsey that one can go to that focuses on mainstream chassidish shidduchim?
Part-time chinuch & Full time college student whose planning on changing her major.
People are more likely to stare at the man’s shtreimel and make unintelligible comments about his veisse zacken and crazy comments about shaving heads with no knowledge base?
most economically savvy option: Take a semester or so worth of courses online from your local community college. Must be courses for general education credits. English 101, math, psychology, biology.
then go to Touro…
Basic phones at this point of time are capable of using Facebook and internet. If you are looking for a specific android, Verizon had a few cheap(er) phones. They were like $150 or less.
Cricket has cheaper androids also. They have a Samsung one at the moment for less than $100.00.
There are more litvish girls who switch over hashkafically to a chassidishe hashkafa than you would think. I personally know a few and have friends that have other friends who did as well. Each has different reasons for doing it, some more hashkafic, some having to do partially with the lower level of kollel support expected… each to their own on that part.
Usually, they switch over when its time for shidduchim and have no problem getting a shidduch. Going to chassidishe high school at age 14 in order to get a shidduch sounds a bit weird to me. I think that people should not raise their children for “a shidduch”. Instead, they should raise them as children.
I guess if your daughter is thinking of switching directions at a younger age, I am sure a chassidishe summer camp may agree to take her in, it would give a more social atmosphere without four years of commitment to a high school.
In regards to Mashiach Agent, the materialism part is simply not true. Long term Lakewood style learning after marriage is not a communal norm in the chassidishe velt. Chassidish men are expected to know when to go to work (when wife is pregnant/ parents stop paying your bills). Plenty of chassidishe women I know wear high heeled stilettos and fancy clothing that looks extravagant in nature. Upscale brands and feel a significant amount of pressure. A condo in BP today costs $1 million to buy. Families with 8+ children are living in condos with pressure to keep things extremely neat, have upscale things and stay thin after having kids. To say that Chassidishe people are not into material objects is not even remotely possible.
If simple lifestyle means trying to take a more natural approach in your connection to Hashem, with emphasis on intent as opposed to doing everything or else, then yes, chassidim are more simple.
Litvish is more likely to say “If you make three shidduchim in your lifetime, you will go straight to Gan Eden.” Almost implying that failure to make three shidduchim in your lifetime sends you straight to gehenom.
Chassidish is more likely to say “Making shidduchim helps men fulfill the mitzvah of pru ur’vu and as a shadchan, you are Hashem’s agent in helping a man fulfill that mitzvah”. Implying that you should want to help other people serve Hashem and fulfill mitzvos.
Also, for the record, not all chassidishe married women shave their heads.
Some very yeshivish families have more than 10 kids, I have seen ranging from 11-16. Some Chassidish families will have less and keep it there (like seven or less and no plan on having more).
Chassidish families are less likely to be so into the idea of kollel support to the extent that they are in the yeshivish circles.
The process of being set up is different. In order to get a shidduch in the Chassidishe velt, someone who has enough information about you like = to vetting through end of third date in litvishe velt, has to vet for you. Shidduch resumes have to have at least 10 references and the beshow thing.
Yeshivish is dating oriented. But both litvish and chassidishe have shidduch resumes and see shadchanim themselves.
In the chassidishe velt there is a bit more of a drastic caste system. BT is either expected to marry a BT or someone from a non-chassidishe FFB background. If you are a BT and look for a Chassidishe FFB from Chassidishe family, you will find yourself with someone who has a disability such as needing a wheelchair, or undisclosed bipolar… something like that. Some chassidim go on dates in addition to beshows.
Yeshivish also has somewhat of a caste system, but people do not think about it as much. Basically, if you have been frum less than five years people may do a more deep search into you. But if your dating, you can break up with someone more easily than with a Beshow. Yichus with yichus and so on.
You have many options:
1. You can try looking for one full-time job at the moment that utilizes any skill-set you have. If you have extensive experience as a teacher assistant, try finding a JCC to work at. Even if you do not have a degree, many daycares with benefit packages and higher salaries will hire you as an assistant. If you have a skill somewhere else, try looking for a full-time job in that something else.
2. Go to school; the US government pays for vocational training in “high demand” fields that are trying to actively recruit employees in your area. You need to meet certain eligibility criteria. The law is called WIA. They may pay for training in fields ranging from pharmacy technician (which is a 30k salary starting for full time and often can come with insurance benefits/ store discounts). The courses are offered at community colleges and will at least get you a skill so you can have a more stable work schedule. Depending on the program you choose, they may even cover the full cost of an associate degree. Then you may be able to transfer some of those credits to a four-year college to finish your degree. https://applications.labor.ny.gov/ETPL/_rlvid.jsp.faces?_rap=pc_SearchResults.doResultDetails&_rvip=/SearchResults.jsp&index=5&a=cttl
3. You can stop with the certificate or use your new stable work schedule to enroll at a school to finish up your degree.
Different rebbes do different things. That is true. On the other hand, the Klausenberger rebbe was known for taking a very long time to daven. Each word very enunciated. Friday night davening could easily be on motzei Shabbos.
Bobov Shabbos davening is also a long time as well. I was there once, my lunch meal where I was sleeping in BP was at 1 pm and they were just in the middle of mussaf.
Karlin-Stolin on 16th in BP starts earlier and ends earlier. When I was there it ended by 10:30-10:45 (in Summer).
<I>A yeshiva bochur who is 17 when walking past a 16 year old girl on the sidewalk from a local bais yaakov on shabbos will say “gut shabbos” as a reflex.</I>
Is that true where you come from? I wasn’t 17 too long ago, and iirc, greeting a girl your age was certainly not a reflex! Have the standards changed that fast?
It’s never a full-on conversation. It’s just those words “gut Shabbos”. People do not even realize it. Not everyone is 100% perfect about doing it or not doing it every time- maybe reflex was slightly dramatic, but yeah, I have been greeted by Yeshiva Bochurim before like this. The standards though may depend on where you are living though. I tend to travel a lot.
The main, fundamental differences between Chassidus verses Yeshivish religious practice are as follows:
1. Religious practice based on sincere intent (Chassidus) vs. Religious practice based on you do… or else it’s an aveira.
2. The rebbe is definitely a spiritual leader, but its also an organizational structural difference. It is a more personalized approach. vs. Litvish rely on Gedolei Yisrael/ Gadol hador/ rosh yeshiva for mesorah. Its pretty much impossible for most litvaks to meet any of these gedolim for themselves (I live in America, the likelihood I will ever meet a gadol in Bnei brak is…).
3. The social mechitzah is different: A yeshiva bochur who is 17 when walking past a 16 year old girl on the sidewalk from a local bais yaakov on shabbos will say “gut shabbos” as a reflex. Vs. In BP, Williamsburg, a married man walking down the street will never say “gut shabbos” to a five year-old girl/ female period. They will not even respond if you ask them for directions (went through that one time and ended up inside the men’s section of Bobov-48… oops!).
4. Fervor- By the chassidim, the davening takes much longer because there is more intense concentration on each word. vs. Litvaks go more quickly.
5. Nusach: I know yeshivishe people who daven nusach sefard and others daven ashkenaz, chassidish people may daven nusach sefard, but there are other nusach sefard variations as well. Karlin-Stolin has its own siddur, as does Lubavitch, there may be others as well.
maybe a chabad type of school would be a good place to start.
Maybe try calling a kosher restaurant and asking if they have any speakers come in for Jewish classes. Also, try Torah Anytime.
I would never assume any restrictions on bathing suit color. BY girls when they swim in women’s only pools will have no problem wearing bikinis. So to assume that karliner chassidim have bathing suit color restrictions would be ridiculous.
Honestly though, I think a lot of people are relatively uninformed about Hasidism in general and therefore have a resistance towards it. Then they shun or try to dissuade others from going that direction.
I heard stoliner mesivta in ny goes up to the Catskills in the summer and they swim there.
It depends. Maybe seek out a trusted mentor for guidance.
KJ chusid. If your chassidish, what chassidus do you belong too?
Dr Jekyll and mr hyde
Yeshiva of Elizabeth was 8,900 for nursery through 14,000+ for eighth grade. I think there was a certain discount per child if more than three were enrolled. They are the feeder school into bruriah and rtma.
Out of curiosity, I heard that in order to keep/ maintain the chassidishe payos look. That you have to curl them with a curling iron & use hair gel to make them stay, is that true? I figure since we have been talking about the payos it would be interesting to know.
I heard that some stoliner women wear seamed tights. Is this true? Also, are there any men who wear shtreimels, have chassidishe peyos and white socks? Or is it really unheard of?
What are the rebbes views in regards to this? Are there any specific recreational activities that Karliners are not allowed to do that other frum Jews can do? What about peronal interests (such as not being allowed to swim at an all female beach, running outdoors for exercise, hiking)?
I know many chassidim do not wear shtreimels when davening, some do though.
oh, got it.
I heard that women can get a heter to drive though if they live in the states? Is that true? Also, do boys who are single drive?
Which Rebbe? There are so many of them.
I find it interesting that secular studies would start in sixth grade. Do mean wear bekishes (or the weekday version of them) on weekdays? Is trendiness ok, assur or not encouraged but allowed?
I have some questions?
What about the current minhagim:
Women’s attire (ie, tights)
Davening Nusach
Anything that makes them unique from other chassidim
Men’s attire
General hashkafos: women driving, technology (aside from the whatsapp ban article just posted), importance of secular studies in schools (boys and girls), what parts of limudei kodesh do girls get to learn (some chassidim don’t have girls learn chumash).
cheder policies?
Maybe working as a dayhab counselor in hasc?