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N.G -“Some girls don’t want to get married.”
I agree but with a specification. They want to get married to what they decided through their peers and family – what they should look for. They keep waiting for that guy “that they deserve”. They keep waiting and waiting until their middle age, but lo & behold – all of a sudden they can’t have kids anymore.
So now the middle age guy who hasn’t gottten married yet, can’t marry them because he has a Chiyuv to get married and have kids.
So yes – “1 in 10 girls will not get married”, if not more or less. And no Org. that exists will stop this. You might actually have to implement my suggestions in my topic of “Who wants to be a Tzadaikes like Rus” to put a dent in this fact.
DY -“Okay, I went to that topic. B”H no more shidduch crisis!”
Not just reading the topic, but what it says there will help tremendously.
himiss – One should not be based on the other. There are many health clinics in NY that charge based on Income. Some even cater to Frum people. Depending on your income the care could be free.
Also, if you want to go to your own provider that you have been using all the years most local neighborhood Bikur Cholims will be able to give you money towards that. G-luck.
To solve this problem go to my topic here in the CR called “Who wants to be a “Tzadaikes like Rus”.
Whether guilty or not I surely don’t know. Is there a smoking gun like in other circumstantial cases? No, it doesn’t appear to be.
I do see many Frum bloggers here and other places jumping for joy at this guilty verdict. This I believe is due to Sinas Chinum on their part. Forget about what Bais Din would have done – nothing near life in prison, but let’s look at this from a Goyishe perspective. They say the Jury saw circumstatial evidence and that’s why they found him Guilty. Let’s look at a different case in our Court system (even though a different State, but they all work basically the same) – the Anthony trial. There was tons of circumstantial evidence against her, more than this Satmar guy, but the Jury claimed it wasn’t enough to convict. Over here, there was much less and yet guilty on ALL counts?
It seems juries in general are basing their decisions on emotions rather than on facts. In Florida it was a young “innocent” girl on trial for murder – poor girl. In NY it was a Chassidish Middle Age guy supposedly molesting a young girl – poor girl.
Forget about guilty or innocence, forget about what the Torah requires, how could anybody with any brains, let alone s/o who was brought up Frum, have faith in a Jury system that is a total failure? You see clearly time after time Juries basing their decision on emotions, not on facts. Eg. OJ, L. Nelson, besides the above.
So perhaps all these Frum bloggers should Not jump for joy just because some Jury decided what they wanted to hear?!? It’s even more saddening to hear from Frum bloggers -“Justice has been served”. Justice is Not possible with a Jury system, even if sometimes they get it right!
nishtdayngesheft -“And considering he used another screen name to write this comment, I guess the truth bothers him.”
You might not be frustrated but you’re a liar. I never ever had another SN. Do you always lie?
HaKatan – Well Written!
ketzy – There are posters that come across as very haughty. When you prove that they are full of hot air they resort to put-downs.
I wouldn’t have put so much time into this, but I know when posters quote resources and have the attitude that they are 100% right they will influence others.
In this case I have heard of this Chumra but to quote Achronim and say the Halacha is like these Achronim and the Achronim hold this Chumra is Halacha is the most dangerous thing. This is why the Torah said “Lo (Baal) Tosif”.
IMHO changing Halacha is like Kefira that’s why CHAZAL say “Megalah Ponim B’Torah Shelo K’halacha Ain Lo Chelek L’olam Haboh”.
It’s very sad when s/o openly lies to push his way after putting me down – from above:
“I don’t know your level of yedios, but with respect I ask, have you heard of the Biur Halacha (it is authored by the Mishna Brura and published in that sefer)? The M.B. in his Biur Halacha paskens like that R’ Akiva Eiger (although he adds some unrelated qualification).”
Did he really think I wouldn’t look it up? My only Limud Zecus for him is he heard this from s/o else but didn’t look it up himself.
Because if he knew what the BH wrote and changed it for his Nefarious purposes – this is a Mazid. Misquoting Halacha on purpose is Playing with Fire!
just me -“Bottom line seems to be that halachically there is nothing wrong with ankle length skirts or denim.”
There definitely can be something wrong with it. Tzinius requires that the woman doesn’t stand out.
I think this would be more of a problem in Lakewood or BP than in Flatbush or 5 Towns – where lots and lots dress like this – so you wouldn’t really stand out.
PBA -“long sheitels and skirts and long heels and long nails and long sleeves”
Yes, plenty in Lakewood also dress this way. What I don’t understand is they get dressed in the morning like they’re going to a Chasuna, but how does the denim skirts fit in? Denim is casual and the rest is like they’re going to a photo shoot. Where did this style in the Frum community come from?
shmendrick -“The opposite of a kal she’bikalim is one who collects chumros. The more chumoros one has the more he is choraid lidvar Hashem. One who acts lifnim mishuras hadin is also treated that way min hashomayim.”
I’m not going to get into this Chumra bit with you, but one thing I can tell you is anybody who is Megalsh Ponim B’Torah Shelo K’halacha, like you did, is NOT a Choraid Lidvar Hashem!
nishtdayngesheft -“The one who blew the whole topic completely out of the original topic was you. And you said that someone who was doing this because of a chashash of R Akiva Eiger was being machadesh ponim batorah. Pretty heavy words for someone as low as you to say about R. Akiva Eiger.”
You missed my posts by a mile. R’AE never said this – period and that’s why it’s Megaleh Ponim etc. Saying Good Shabbos in no way is being Mekabel Shabbos.
“Someone asked if there was an inyan. Yes there is an inyan, meaning a reason. You turned this into making up chumros.”
So tell me what’s the Inyan? The reason has to have some logic to it. That’s what the making up of Chumros is all about.
nishtdayngesheft -“And by the way I presented straight facts, which is the reason you can’t present refutations. Certainly not when you contradict yourself continually on the same thread.
May you be zoche to ????? ????.”
You might not like my explanations about why I said 1 RY – so what? How about focusing on the topic? Do you agree with some of the others that have turned some Chumra based on “I dunno what” and claimed it’s Halacha? Perhaps you (if you agree) should do some soul searching to figure out why you have gone so far off the beaten path? Keeping Chumros, even if you could call this a Chumra and not a Naarishkeit, is Not what Yiddishkeit is all about.
shmendrick -“My friend and fellow Yid, that statement is troubling! It is a form of ‘miskabed bi’klon chavero’ (raising oneself by denigrating someone else),”
You don’t know that I’m not doing it L’shem Shomayim. You just decided not to Dan Me L’caf Zecus. Stick to the topic at hand.
“which Chazal strictly forbid, and can cost olom haba c”v (see Rambam Hilchot Teshuvah 4:4).”
I wouldn’t talk about Olam Haba if I were you since you were just Megaleh Ponim B’torah Shelo K’halacha.
MorahRach -“Although I am very happy, I don’t have SO much faith in happy marriages. It sounds really horrible, but I never have and I hope that changes. Until I got married I whole heatedly ( and sometimes still do) believe that most married people aren’t really all that happy. My parents legitimately hated each other 75% of the time.”
All your negativity sounds like a book I had to read in College called “Against Love”. Even though my parents didn’t have a good marriage and mine ended – I know that there are plenty of happy marriages. Some marriages have to be worked on, but not all.
And happiness doesn’t mean what you read in the fairy tales as a little kid. Perhaps try reading “Gateway to Happiness” by Z. Pliskin to find out what happiness is. Noone is perfect and the quicker the husband or the wife learn this – the less rocky the road of life will be.
shmendrick – After thinking it over -I’m begining to understand how you or your friend who fed you this got lost. It probably went like this – saying “Good Shabbos” is making Kiddush, once you made Kiddush you accepted Shabbos.
Nope -saying “Good Shabbos” is Not making Kiddush; just R’ A. Eiger had a Sofek if you were Yotzay Kiddush D’oraysa by saying “Good Shabbos”. It works only forwards, not backwards.
shmendrick -“Heath, if you have a Piskei Tshuvos (by my chaver tov Rav B.Z. Rabbinowitz), look up s. 271, s”k 6 at foot note 66.
There he brings the shitos both for and against the underlying rule which is the MG”A who holds that we are yoteh kiddush midoraysa in tefilah, since “saying” is all what is requird midoraysa. This is consistent with Reb Akiva Eiger and the Tshuvos HaRarshba (Vol 4, s. 295). The olom follows this MG”A (which is why women who normally may not daven ma’ariv during the week, daven ma’ariv Friday night – to equalize their chiyuv of kiddush with their husband).
The M.B. has issues with the MG”A and RA”E as I noted but that is besides the point.
Also and related, see Be’er Hetev s. 307 s”k 2 and Mishna Brura s”k 5 in name of Shal”ah the ma’alah of saying “shabbata tova” (gut shabbos) – v’ten l’chochom v’yechkam od.”
You seem to be a learned person, (unless s/o is just feeding you this stuff), so how come you didn’t understand my simple post???
“In any event, since we are dealing with a situation of issur dioraysa of chilul shabbos, this is very serious, and one must be machmir rather than laugh off the issue.
This isn’t merely a debate over ego matters or to shtoch someone or be holier than thou.
Be mekabel for your own sake, and if not, at the very least do not let your ego be machshil es harabim to accept your folly.”
Let me try again. I honestly don’t know why this RY or whomever it was, started this Chumra, but if it comes from the R’ A. Eiger it makes No Sense! R’ A. Eiger was wondering whether saying “Good Shabbos” on Shabbos is good enough for s/o to be Yotzay Kiddush with. And I already posted that the Biur Halacha finds this Shaila to be a Pelah so obviously he doesn’t agree with it – Not like you said above.
Now let’s talk about the R’ A. Eiger. Let’s say he holds for sure (in reality he had a Sofek) that you’re Yotzay Kiddush. This just means that saying “Good Shabbos” you have mentioned Shabbos acc. to the Mitzva of Zechira. This has nothing to with Kabbalah. You can’t possibly learn from this that saying Good Shabbos means you accepted Shabbos. So you have no proof that if s/o says Good Shabbos this means he is saying to Mekabel the Shabbos.
So stop with it’s Ossur to say Good Shabbos on Fri.
At the most it can be a Chumra – perhaps it lacks in Kovod Shabbos saying Good Shabbos when it’s Fri. But this is doubtful because you are wishing the other person now for later on.
nishtdayngesheft -“No that is not what you said, what you actually said was “It comes from “1” Rosh Hayeshiva -so if you’re his Talmid..”. The emaphasis on 1 is yours, not mine nor from any one else. Not that you know of one Rosh Hayeshiva, rather that there is only one. Which you are obviously incorrect about.”
And what I meant was, since you have to nitpick, that this Chumra came about as far as I know, from 1 RY, not that long ago, who was Mechadesh it. It doesn’t mean noone else keeps this Chumra that this RY was Mechadesh, whether they are RY’s or not. Now put all my posts together and see if it makes sense? I didn’t think I had to spell everything out. If you Still need futher clarification, I’m not like Chazal -you can still ask the Mechaber.
“Besides the OP asked if there is any inyan for saying a gutten erev shabbos, which you eventually turned into someone being megalleh ponim batorah sheloh kehallacha.”
No, he turned it into this. Reread my posts and his.
“Your intolerance of another’s opinion is disturbing. To the point that any small sort of logic you may have had flies right out the window. And it is something you do consistently. On another thread you were already were passuling the geirus of someone based on something you think you saw while eating in a restaurant. And there are a myriad other examples.
Perhaps this midah contributes to your current situation. You should seek help in rectifying it, you may find yourself to be much happier.”
I’m happy when I point out fallacies in certain posters. You might enjoy putting me down, but if you don’t like my posts bring logic to argue. Since you aren’t able to, how about admitting you’re wrong? By your constant put-downs – this is more of a reflection of you than of me!
shmendrick -“Health – “why take on this Chumra?””
My post wasn’t put up yet. We crossed posts.
MR – Coming from a similar home all I can say perhaps you’re right. But one thing about that generation is that they didn’t get divorced no matter what. It was very stigmatized. Sometimes they should have.
While I’ve found in our generation just the opposite, people get divorced for almost No reason. I blame my wife’s friends for mine. These women are Not Frum, no matter how they look on the outside.
shmendrick -“I don’t know your level of yedios, but with respect I ask, have you heard of the Biur Halacha (it is authored by the Mishna Brura and published in that sefer)?”
This is pure Chutzpa!
“The M.B. in his Biur Halacha paskens like that R’ Akiva Eiger (although he adds some unrelated qualification).
I think nearly everyone follows the halochos of the M.B., it is not considered a “fringe” daas yochid, or frivolous chumros!!!”
Actually you were just Megaleh Ponim B’torah Shelo K’halacha.
Don’t worry because I’m sure s/o told you this and you didn’t actually look it up – so you’re only a Shoggeg.
When I first responded to you -I was going from memory, but you scared me – so I looked it up. Where did you pick this up? Whoever told you this is an Am Haaretz Gomor.
Just for the curious all the Biur Halacha says is that R’ A. Eiger is Mesufak if you can be Yotzay the Mitzvos Aseh of Kiddush with saying “Shabbos Tova”. The very next words he says -“It’s (This is) a Pelah etc…”.
This is what happens when you take on a Chumrah and you think you’re Frummer than e/o else.
First you say that it’s Halacha – if you say Good Shabbos that it’s a Kabbolah when you didn’t even mean it, like on Fri., not like the R’ Akiva Eiger were you meant it because you said Good Shabbos on Shabbos.
Then you say we Pasken like this R’ Akiva Eiger, which we don’t!
Go back to whomever told you this and tell him to go back to school before he tells e/o False Halachos.
nishtdayngesheft -“You commented that it is “1” Rosh Yeshiva. Inferring that it is only 1. Shmendrick pointed out how ridiculous that was. You, as seems typical, totally went off a rampage and Connor fathom, let alone accept that you are wrong.
Why would that be?”
I said I know of only one RY that had this Chumrah!
Perhaps there are more, but unless it’s Your RY why take on this Chumra?
shmendrick -“Is his name Reb Akiva Eiger???
Reb Akiva Eiger paskens in his glosses to S.A. that when a person says Gut Shabbos (“Shabbata Tova”) he is making kiddush midoraysa!
This would be a kabbolas shabbos if said on Friday after plag hamincha. It would be followed by an instant issur melochah!!”
My point was I don’t know anyone besides one RY who said you have to follow this R’ Akiva Eiger.
“Therefore, no matter who your Rosh Yeshiva is, one must refrain from saying Gut Shabbos on erev shabbos. Better to say “a gutten EREV shabbos”.”
Unless you’re telling me e/o Paskens like this R’ A. Eiger -I see no reason to refrain from saying “Gut Shabbos” on Fri.
Stop mixing up Chumros with Halacha!
iced -“Is there an inyan to not say Gut Shabbos before it is Shabbos?”
It comes from “1” Rosh Hayeshiva -so if you’re his Talmid don’t say Gut Shabbos before Shabbos.
OOmis -“Perhaps I should have said that my Rov disagrees with those SHITTOS (and not you personally for having mentioned them),”
Yes, that was My point.
nem621 -“what i mean is we have to help the state survive while obviously praying for geula and an actual frum state but this secular government is much better than many other options and one can be haredi and attend yeshiva with no problem and the army? well now they are instituting haredi brigades and if some one is capable of learning all day he is allowed to do so (and he should).”
Your post sounds like you are trying to talk it into yourself.
“secular government is much better than many other options”
Who says? Maybe giving the Medina to Turkey would be better for Yiddishkeit.
“and one can be haredi and attend yeshiva with no problem”
Really -“no problem”? I think most Frum people consider a Draft -a problem.
“well now they are instituting haredi brigades”
And even here you can be Oiver things like Kol Isha.
Wake up to reality. The Medina is Not conducive to being a Frum Yid.
OOmis -“My deepest sympathy to you. I would point out, though, that when one suffers from a true addiction, though they must be held accountable to a degree for their actions, the addiction controls them and not vice versa.
I do not, nevertheless, believe that addiction is a disease, in spite of what the AMA would have us say politically correctly. It is not a disease to smoke that first marijuana cigarette, or swallow that first amphetamine. It may be that one person’s body reacts more quickly addictively to a drug than another, and maybe one person can metabolize alcohol more easily than another, but NO ONE FORCES ANYONE TO ABUSE ALCOHOL AND DRUGS. Ditto for internet inappropriate websites.”
I think that Toeiva being classified as Not a Mental illness was based on PC, nothing else.
What kind of education do you have to proclaim that these are Not Illnesses?
I don’t think you have the foggiest idea what a Mental Illness is, quite frankly!
With people like you – we Frum Jews will never stop Stigmatizing Mentally Ill people!
Just FYI, noone claimed that first or first few whatever was part of the illness, e/o knows that was just s/o not controlling themselves.
uneeq – I don’t think a Ger is any different than anybody else regarding this.
I think there are too many divorces nowadays, not for the right reasons, with E/o.
I think if we were living in the time of Chazal -the Bottei Dinim would not allow all the Gittin that occur in our day & age!
iced -“So can they drink water to make up for the loss?”
Yes and No.
Osteoperosis can be prevented or somewhat prevented by taking certain Vitamins throughout life. Calcium is one of them.
ZK & Iced – Thanks for responding for me. I hate repeating the same thing over & over & over & over, etc.
So why do I? Not to convince Avi K and his like-minded guys, but that they shouldn’t influence others with their Zionist Propaganda!
Dash -What do you mean -if there is No Hechsher -it’s Not Kosher!?
(And this is sarcasm for those that can’t figure it out.)
OOmis -“My Rov disagrees with you about girls lighting,and there are also shittos that it SHOULD be done (we don’t in my family, but that is our choice). He agrees that married women should not, but believes that the more members who each have his/her own menorah, the more mehudar the fulfillment of the mitzvah.”
First of all, why did you say “disagree” -when I just posted that I told my girls to light (if they wanted to) and not my wife?
Are you not able to comprehend my post?
Second of all, unless you live in Passaic, I doubt you and her have the same Rov.
But from Reading the Whole Topic here -it seems that many hold Girls Should Not light. So You Should Not tell her what to do, but she should ask her Own Rabbi/Rov!