Forum Replies Created
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Posts
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MR – You’re welcome. And I enjoy helping people/doing Chessed, in spite of my reputation here in the CR.
Avi K -“Health,
1. I am realy tired of this yes they did/no they didn’t argument about the rov. I dispute you.”
And I’m tired of your Zionist propaganda!
“2. The Satmar Rebbe in fact admitted that he was a daat yachid but denied that we go according to the rov because there was no meeting or quorum.”
He was only a “Daas Yochid” (which he really isn’t) in ignoring the Medina right now, but not that the Medina is a good thing.
“3. In any case, the rov can be wrong.If they are the halacha is reversed and they and those who went according to their pesak bring ????? Rambam Hilchot Shiggot ch. 12).Write down your debt in your notebook.”
And how do you know they are Wrong? Do you have Nevuah? So this is exactly the Din of Rov – when Gedolim/Poskim are arguing and you don’t know who to follow -you go after the Rov!
“4. The Medina has been established. Today nobody outside of the NK quacks is against it.”
More Propaganda! Almost all the Gedolim are against it, but the question is what to do about it now. A lot of Gedolim hold we should have Political Parties to try and put some Yiddiskeit into the Medina! There are quite a few like Satmar and Brisk that say have nothing to do with them – Don’t take their money and Don’t vote for anyone!
takahmamash -“Actually, I don’t like coffee and I don’t drink coffee. I survive quite well, B”H. (For the record, I don’t drink hot tea either.)”
Ditto. But I do like some brands of coffee/tea and some flavors, but I could go years without it and do.
OOmis -“But there is no reason for the other female members of the household not to light, and it is mehudar for there to be several menorahs shining.”
OOmis -LOOk Up! Plenty of Shittos saying Women and Girls Should Not light and it isn’t Mehudar.
I personally – when I was married – gave my girls the choice, but not my wife. I think they lit until Bas Mitzva, but not after that.
MorahRach -“Health -When you say the Rav and therapist are absolutely the ONLY ones who can decide if there should be a divorce or not, do you also mean ” and the two parties involved”?”
No, I don’t. They are obviously the ones considering it, or at least one is, but they/he/she Should Not make it final without the approval of both their therapist and their Rov.
“Please Gd I should never be in this situation and no one else here should, but I see this attitude or opinion a lot here that every decision in life should be made by you Rav.”
Life and marriage – which is part of most peoples’ lives – is Scary!
No Rov should ever just go tell s/o to get divorced. If he sees a major problem with one or the other he should inform the other and possibly the one with the problem – to seek help by a mental health professional.
“Hashem bH gave you a brain and a heart, shouldn’t we be able to know what is right for us, at least part of the time if not all?”
Hashem also gave us a Yetzer Hora and we don’t know what really is good for us a lot of the time.
“Of course consulting a rabbi close to you is important I am definitely not saying otherwise, I just feel like ultimately the decision should be up to you.”
The Rabbi can be making a mistake -that’s why I said both your therapist And your Rov. If you feel that the Rabbi is making a mistake and your therapist agrees that he is -then you have to find a different Rov. (Or perhaps you and the therapist are wrong and it’s time for a new therapist. This is why it’s so important to use a therapist that is a Ben/Bas Torah.) Usually both the therapist and the Rov are on the same page! E/o is human and e/o makes mistakes. If a Rov can make mistakes -how much more so will the party involved with this divorce not be able to think clearly?
“If someone is miserable in a marriage, does not have love for their spouse anymore, cries themselves to sleep, no longer has attraction to the other, or feels unloved and gets berated.. Any number of things that boil down to a miserable marriage, and your rabbi says stay together, what is wrong with making the decision for yourself?”
If both your Rabbi and your therapist say to – stay together -then obviously they are looking at the total picture. It might be true all these feelings, but if they both are on the same page – you are looking at it wrong. If anybody has these feelings and they are told Not to get divorced, then the next step is to try and change the marriage to be happy. Sometimes there is no basis for these feelings, and even when there is and you’re told to stay together anyway find out how to improve the marriage – that these feelings go away. I’ll tell you this much -it will take a lot of hard work on both spouses to make e/o happy!
BC -“addiction/OCD, anger/rage”
While anger and rage go together, addiction and OCD don’t. They are two separate Mental Illnesses. It’s possible that he has both. How are you considering divorce when you don’t even understand his illness? Did you go to his therapist and ask him/her to explain it?
farrocks -“Dressing “attractively” is designed to “attract”.”
Even if you’re right -maybe they are trying to attract other women?!? Why is everything (almost everything) in our generation about how women aren’t Tznius?
Avi K -“The worst are those who continue to back-bite. They are truly the Erev Rav as they try to prevent people from making aliya.”
This would include the Satmar Rebbe Zt’l. He held it is better to live in Chutz L’aretz than under the Zionists in Israel.
Anybody who has the Chutzpa to call the Rebbe – Erev Rav is truly in the Geder of “Kol Hapoisel B’momo Poisel & Mum Sh’bechah Al Tomer L’chaveiro”!
just my hapence -“I am trying to present a balanced view of the inyan, that’s all.”
It’s Not balanced because most Gedolim were against the Medina.
Acc. to the Torah we always go after the Rov!
Racheli5959 -In Lakewood all the stores sell Adwe and other Kosher brands. I personally am Not Makpid on a Hechsher.
ARWSF -It’s even difficult for therapists to answer this question. Some don’t even try and base their therapy on CBT.
But what I’ve seen is that whatever one spouse’s sickness is – it can be exacerbated from others who don’t know how to deal with it including the spouse and family members.
This is why it’s so important to have a good and competent therapist. Books in No way can be an alternative to real live therapy.
BC -“We have been in touch with numerous Rabbonim, even lawyers, and well on the way to divorce but now my spouse has been asking for another chance.”
Read my post. It has to be Your Rov and Your Therapist! Numerous Rabbonim Cannot be all yours. And maybe Not even one is Yours. The decision has to be made by the people I just mentioned, noone else. This is a much more major decision that even getting married in the first place. How do I know? Because I experienced both!
shmoel -“The children are never divorced from either parent.”
In the real world many times this unfortunately happens, no matter what the popular belief is.
BC -“When is it time to divorce?”
When I got the divorce papers in the mail then I knew it was time.
LOL.
Seriously, one should Not undertake Divorce from a spouse unless your Rov AND your therapist both say you Must. It must be so clearcut that they both agree.
mogold -“Health -Nobody ever condoned praying in aisles where its usually a inconvenience, I was commenting about praying in the galley when its not being used,”
You are Wrong. Tower/Metro let people Daven in the back in the aisle. It was tolerated, since if a person had to go to the bathroom they could squeeze by. Nowadays the airlines don’t tolerate it because Frum Jews and their practices are second-class citizens. They make enough money off us to try to find someplace where Frum Jews can Daven.
Avi K -“Health, as I have mosted many times it is simply not true that most gedolim were against the establishment of the Medina.”
And others have posted that you’re wrong. We even listed all the Gedolim. Repeating something that was posted many times before doesn’t make it true or more true each time around.
shmendrick -“To Health – do you know that it is very likely that among the Erev Rav there were some who were lamdonim and potential gedolim? Korach himself was also a lamdan and a pikayach (wise man) too and he was considered a “godol” (leading many choshuv yidden)!”
Stop making things up just to promote Zionism. Korach wasn’t from the Erev Rav. Look up the Parsha in Chumash. And there is no Proof that the Erev Rav had any big Choshuve people. The Erev Rav was probably like the Freye Tzionim nowadays. Not wanting anything to do with Torah, but just joined up with the Jews to be on the winning side. How come so many kids of these Zionists are running away from Israel and moving to Chutz L’aretz, if Zionism is the Torah way? Just because some “Frum” Jews are Zionists -this doesn’t make the Chazer (Zionism) Kosher!
just my hapence -“nem621 – The Or Hachaim says so, as does the Zohar and Rambam, so it’s not a ‘kabbalistic vs. rationalist’ thing.”
I think the Maharal holds this way too.
Mogold – Why should it inconvience El-Al? Tower/Metro always used to let the people Daven in the back. It’s only an inconvience if you think that there is no purpose for a bunch of religious Jews to get up in the aisle to pray. If you think praying is a waste of time – then it becomes an inconvience to you, whether you’re the crew or the passengers.
shmendrick/ Zionist -“That is how we can tell who is from the Erev Rav – so it is really a brocha, when some Jews are against Israel, their mask is removed and they show us that they are Erev Rav. Only then can we can know who is an impostor in our midst.”
Really almost every Godol was against the Medina and we posted their names in the CR in the past. Some Gedolim held once it’s here we join the Gov. to protect Frum interests. So s/o who is pro the Medina and against almost every Godol are the real imposters -namely the Zionists and their supporters.
147 -“I always fly with El Al, even when they are more expensive than Delta, as I want my hard earned money to go to a Jewish & Shomer Shabbos company.”
So what you’re saying is – Satmar should be like you – a Farbissena, Farbrenta Tzioni and pay more money just to fly with a Zionist airline.
In quite a few topics you posted this news – it seems to me that you’re looking for a fight when there is none. Stop being a storm in a tea cup.
Even if I wasn’t Anti-zionist, why should s/o pay more money to fly with Israel’s official airline, esp. when they don’t believe in the Medina? You might disagree with them when it comes to the Medina, but your posts are illogical when it comes to them flying Delta over El-Al!
PBA – Looking back at that old post -I started wondering – How come noone asks you to donate fat? Even though I won’t give blood -I most certainly would give anybody who wanted some of my fat.
dolphina -“Please clarify the current rules of tznius (circa 2012): Is it assur to wear clothing that makes one look attractive? Is one supposed to walk into a clothing store and fine the most ill-fitting/ugly thing to wear that is loose and covers knees/elbows/clavicle? The line of what is/is not permitted isn’t clear to me, that’s why I ask.
Also, at what temperature is it permitted to wear boots?”
Please don’t learn Orthodox Judaism from the posters here.
As far as I’m concerned you can wear boots any time of the year.
Women are allowed to wear clothes for fashion. It only becomes a problem when the fashion is at an extreme. If a good percentage of Frum women are doing it -it probably isn’t extreme. If it’s the latest fashion out of Pari’ and it’s not common in the Frum circles (yet) then this could be a problem of Tznius.
“And what is wrong with being into the latest fashion, if you’re covered up where you’re supposed to be?”
Simple, because you’ll stand out and this isn’t Tznius to stand out amongst other Frum women.
PBA -“But after the wedding, it switches. Then the woman is in charge.”
Even if your implication is true all the time, which I don’t believe it to be (just some of the time) -I disagree with your post. You say if the men would know the truth -then you imply they wouldn’t get married. I do agree with you that some women are like this, but what makes you think their husbands’ wouldn’t have married them? These guys would marry them anyway -some because it’s a Mitzva and some because they need to be henpecked -they can’t make a decision on their own!
HH -“B’choll Dor V’dor Omdim Aleinu L’chalosaynu V’HK’BH Matzilainu Meyodom!”
And btw, they aren’t Palestinians -just Arabs. The only Palestinians are Jews.
WIY -“Its mostly personal bias.”
True, but you should still answer him up logically.
crdle -“Everyones suggestions are good, but seriously, for the lousy $25 , IF YOU CAN JUST GET A DIRCET transfer, I think it’s worth it, I mean, why would you want to take the subway, LIRR and PATH?!??”
If you’re traveling once in awhile you’re correct, but if you’re a commuter and have to travel around all the time every dollar adds up.
Ya’know they used to have something called an Airtrain that ran on the “A” line and went to JFK. I guess it wasn’t profitable for the MTA to run it anymore.
GAW -“Then take that to the PATH @ WTC”
The “A” doesn’t go to WTC. Only the “E” ends at the WTC.
You can walk underground from the Chambers St. stop – first to the 2&3 station @ Park Place and then onto the “E” station at WTC.
What I’ve done is gotten out at the Fulton St. Station (make sure you’re at the far west side) and walked a block above ground west to the WTC.
GAW – It will take hours your way.
The way I’d do it is like this and it probably would be quicker than a shuttle -depends on traffic.
1. Take Airtrain to Jamaica LIRR station -$5.00.
2. LIRR to PENN Station, NY – Off Peak only -$6.25 @ ticket machine.
(If traveling on Sat. or Sun. buy a City Ticket for $3.75.)
3. Walk a block (above or underground) to 33rd St. Take PATH train to Newark Penn Station. -$2.25.
(Sorry GAW -price has gone up.)
4. Bus to Airport -$1.50.
Total possible cost: $15.00 🙂
Yenta – Didn’t snow in Lakewood, just rain. That’s what happens when you live in North Jersey.
besalel -Your post reeks of the Anti-Kollel Chevra. While I don’t think Kollel is for e/o – Chazal say 10 Batlanim in a town. Your posts insinuates there should be none because e/o writes a Kesuba. You must know more than them.
And btw, there is an obligation for a woman to work -Battala Mavi Leiday Sheemum. This isn’t a voluntary thing, it’s a Chiyuv. Some women think they don’t have to.
And it’s a Shaila in the Gemmora if a woman can say -I’ll keep my Maasey Yodayim and I won’t take your Mezonos. I think we Pasken that she can’t say this against the husband’s will.
OOmis -“The cost is not the inyan, the halacha of tatooing is.”
Sorry to inform you – wasting money Is against the Torah/Halacha whether you admit it or not.
“Unless you are also a Rov in addition to being in the health field, B”H what you hold does not have any impact on the women I was thinking about.”
So are You a Rov/Rabbanit that posts here?
No, you probably are just s/o expressing her opinion. That is what the CR is all about – expressing opinions – I was expressing mine.
“Do you also object to women spending thousands of dollars over the course of time, to buy NON-permanent makeup?
(wait, you probably do)”
If that’s what normal women do -then No. If a woman exceeds the normal spending on makeup -then Yes.
“The issue was brought up striclty from the halachic view. Maybe Chassidim should not spend a fortune on fur shtreimlech.”
It’s for a Mitzva.
“Maybe no one should pay a fortune to someone to find a shidduch for them.”
Again, it’s for a Mitzva.
“Maybe none of us should ever pay to eat out in a restaurant (surely you can cook at home!). And definitely no one should ever pay to go on a vacation of any type.”
Acc. to the Torah you’re allowed to have a break – so you can do these things. If you’re the type that does these things in excess -then No you shouldn’t be doing them.
dhl144 -“wow this forum is so funny with the back and forth argueing…feels like im in HS again..LOL”
It sure is HS or even elementary school because we get to read posts like yours with incorrect spelling. LOL! (:0
Wisey -NIRC, Balto., Md.
Wolf -“I guess, according to Loyal Jew (or whatever he’s calling himself these days), the R”Y of Lakewood isn’t familiar with the proper comportment of a Jewish woman vis-a-vis tznius.”
How do you know what he (LJ) holds? Maybe he holds Elu V’elu?
As far as I’m concerned, whether a man or a woman is allowed to drive is not Halacha. This is called a Chumra. If you want to have Chumros -this is fine, just Don’t push them on others!
zahavasdad -“The wife of the R’Y of Lakewood drives, I saw it with my own two eyes and he went into the passenger side”
Yes, those 4 are some of the ones I was talking about, but it’s beyond me what’s wrong if a man drives. I know a Chashuv RY who drives himself.
BE – He was once giving a Shmuz and said “My brother – a Rov in Baltimore”. At that time he was a Big Rov in Washington Heights.
I assumed that he meant a Musser tidbit. That your Chashevous (greatness) comes from your beginings, not from your lofty position that somehow you got appointed to. Even though the job in Balto. he was also appointed to, but there really wasn’t much Kovod attached to that position.
old man – I think there is a similar story with the Alte from Sladbodka.
oomis1105 -“I know for a fact that several women have had permanent eyeliner or eyebrows tatooed on, and in each case they asked shailas and were told it was halachically permissible, because it is NOT under the umbrella of k’soves kaaka, which was done in ancient times by Ovdei Avoda Zara as part of their rituals of A”Z.
The women who have permanent eyebrow makeup are primarily doing it for the purpose of replacing something that they are missing due to chemotherapy or skin conditions that destroyed the follicles. Others have permanent eyeliner or lipstick and sometimes flesh colors tatooed over an unsightly birthmark, which sounds very painful to me for them to do, but if they have a heter, who am I to judge?”
You bring two Heterim in your post:
1. It’s not K’soves Kaaka.
2. They need it due to a disfigurement.
If the #2 doesn’t apply, ie. they are doing it for beauty, even though there still is #1 – I hold it’s Ossur.
Why? Because it’s a waste of money -Baal Tashchis.
The little I know -“If her husband is in town (and they are NOT behind a locked door etc.), it is not yichud. There are plenty of halachos that discuss these details. All I said was that yichud is assur, and therapy does not render an issur to become heter. What precisely is your argument?”
How about looking up the S’A before Posting?
Again the S’A Doesn’t say it’s Ossur, as a matter of fact he says it’s Mutter. That’s right – the S’A says she can have Yichud with a man. He doesn’t differentiate if the door is locked or not.
The PT does make distinctions. See my above post.
So as far as I’m concerned – therapy isn’t Yichud in the first place for a married woman. But you should ask a Shaila like I just posted above anyway.
I posted this above -“To outright say it’s Ossur is ludicrous.”
elmos world -“@HEALTH -I believe there is a difference between yichud when the husband is in the same town from their home and work correct me if I’m wrong.”
The S’A doesn’t differentiate, but the PT does. He says only in her house, but in s/o else’s house not because he doesn’t know where she is. And even if he does know and gave her permission for sure it’s Ossur.
Whether a workplace is like s/o else’s house or the workplace is like her house – ask your LOR. Whether we Pasken like this PT or not – ask your LOR.
(PT = Piskey Teshuva)