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I live my life the exact same way as these girls. I just wasn’t born that way.
For to marry a girl with the same background would require me to change my values.
I am not fixating on any girl.
The shadchanim told me that the girls would rather marry closet apikorsim and then simply divorce them, ”
while bochurim like myself or my roommates whom are considered “100% Leshem Shamayim” are טמאים for not being born Yeshivish…
This thread is not about me or my roommates. Rather, it is about the girls.
If these girls had to choose between the two options, would they rather
(A) marry Yeshivish bochurim from LWMO homes
(B) would they rather go under the chuppah with bochurim from Yeshivish homes whom are closeted atheists???
Many of the girls suggested to me are looking for working bochurim.
I would be much happier in a marriage to a girl who would constantly scream at me for not having been born Yeshivish,
as opposed to being married to a more open-minded girl who would give me a hard time for being too machmir on many inyanim.
As I said in the OP, my roommates and I chose the Yeshivish velt after becoming disaffected with Modern Orthodoxy over their extreme laxity with shmiras hamitzvos.
A girl who grew up LWMO and became RWMO (Rav Kook follower) would have serious shalom bayis problems if she married a bochur who grew up LWMO but started following all of the piskei halacha of the Chazon Ish. The same applies to such a girl if she was to marry a LWMO-raised bochur learning full time in BMG or who learned in Brisk.
@Joseph – What interests me in these girls is that our values are 100% identical.
If I (maybe not my roommates) marry a girl who is less than that, then I will absolutely get divorced.
My values are out of touch with other hashkafos.
Why should I knowingly enter a marriage to someone who would feel tortured by my hashkafos if she is not on the same madreiga???
Do you think that is truly better than marrying a girl who is on the same madreiga???
The only types of girls who hold where I hold are the “cookie cutter Lakewood” types.
@Puhlease You are not answering the question in context.
By “allowed”, I was suggesting that these girls are being indoctrinated into believing
that it is better to remain single at 24/25
than it is for them to date ex-MOdox bochurim who are interested in them.
Please stop fixating on that minor loshon, and focus on the object reality:
These girls are WILLFULLY keeping themselves single, simply because they don’t like the one fact that these bochurim who are interested in dating them happened to have grown up in MO homes,
despite learning in yeshivos which are closer to these girls’ hashkafos in more recent years….
@Puhleaze, in what way do you feel that your daughter having Left Wing Modox machtonim is a form of being treated like cattle???? Please elaborate.
“Allowed” is an appropriate loshon bedieved the shidduch crisis.
If this was YOUR daughter, would YOU ALLOW HER to turn down a bochur for a shidduch simply because she didn’t like that his parents were not the same hashkafa as you?? Why or why not?
@jjj Please elaborate further, eg which stressors…
Just to clarify, I would like to know what dafka could possibly go sour in marriages between formerly MOdox bochurim (like my roommates and I) and super Yeshivish girls???
If the answer is “nothing”, then there is absolutely no reason why these girls should be allowed to turn down myself or my roommates.
Especially since the value systems of both parties are 100% identical, in spite of the difference in family backgrounds.
None of are you answering the question.
What are the reasons for the taboo against BY girls marrying bochurim like us?
Is there a potential for shalom bayis problems if the husband wasn’t born Yeshivish?
I am a bochur who has been trying to get married since my 21st birthday. I am almost 24 and still single. Unlike the rov of my chevre, I am a bechor in my family which means that I do not have the luxury of being set up by siblings’ in-laws.
Yet my engaged and married friends who have the option of being משדך by their married siblings’ in-laws are the ones whom the shadchanim take more seriously, while the בכורים are being left behind and forced to remain single longer!!March 12, 2019 12:19 pm at 12:19 pm in reply to: Setting up a MO girl with a serious Lakewood bochur = good idea or not? #1693621
If the girl grew up MO and became much more BY-type in seminary, then there should be no hashkafic issues between them.
I am an ex-Modox bochur in the parsha who became Charedi in Yeshivat Ohr Yerushalayim. I have been in the Yeshivish velt for four years.
A lot of BY type girls (some as old as 23!) refuse to go out with me because they truly believe my family’s lower level of frumkeit can cause Shalom bayis issues!! This is wrong!January 29, 2019 12:34 pm at 12:34 pm in reply to: If Nassi is wrong, how do you explain why 1000’s of older girls are stil single? #1670560
From my personal experience, his organization is hurting these single girls because they are very stubborn and exclusive with the bochurim they will interview!!
I’m a bochur who has been to trying to reach Rabbi Friedman for a while, and whenever I do, his secretary incoherently responds that he is not accepting appointments at the time. They have since blocked my number from contacting them. All while complaining about too many single girls!!!
If my values are 100% identical to the Yeshivish velt, then why should the other parties raise an eyebrow over the co-ed mosdos I went to when I was younger?
If My yeshiva in E”Y had and my limud hatoireh כיום have much stronger impact on my values than the Hollywood propaganda I grew up watching on my parents’ television, then why would a standard Bais Yaacov girl say no to me? And are these types of girls at greater risk of having Shalom Bayis issues if their husbands grew up MO????
I became too greasy for RWMO girls.
I do tell shadchanim that I am looking for a girl on the same level as me now.
In spite of that, the shadchanim send me the opposite of what I am looking for.
When I inform shadchanim that I am open to dating girls with MO backgrounds who became Charedi.
But rather than sending me ex-MO Yeshivish girls, they are instead suggesting RWMO Bnei Akiva type girls!!!
I am too greasy for girls who follow Modox hashkafos.
I live in NY, and I am 23. I started the parsha when I was 21. I have been having the same problem mentioned above ever since.
Shadchanim I’ve met with have not suggested many out of town girls, in spite of the fact I have always been open to dating them.
Please be serious and follow my initial question. Thank you
I am not demanding to date a model. And I learn only part-time.
I am just asking for eitzus. My question in the OP was,
WHAT DO EX-MODOX BOCHURIM THAT BECOME MORE YESHIVISH DO FOR SHIDUCHIM?
My rebbeim from yeshiva have encouraged us to meet with shadchanim, but the shadchanim I’ve been using are too overwhelmed.
E120, I am thoughtful of others. I happily breach my comfort zone to be helpful to others.
I just simply don’t know how I can find myself the one if family and friends can’t set me up since they do not know any single girls outside of their Looksteindig LWMO bubble.
Again, my family is on the left-wing of Modern Orthodoxy, which is borderline OTD. Like most LWMO people,
My family is prejudiced against frummies, and they and they turn their backs on people with sons that are shtark or with daughters who are tznius and marry before 27.
As I have said, I am seeking an alternative to the shadchan system.
I grew up in the posh left wing of Modern Orthodoxy (not Open O, which is borderline OTD. I was zoche to escape that market-driven cult after learning at Yeshivat Ohr Yerushalayim.
I am on my own regarding shiduchim. My oilam has tried to set me up with girls that claim to be frum but dress like kadeishos.
July 4th 1776 was Shiva Asar BTammuz 5533.
For bochurim it’s a typical beis medrish day. Only bochurim in the parsha should see fireworks with their dates, as these types of venues are the most supervised dafka during this tkufa