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In America there are many kosher substitutes for Gatorade. In Israel there are none.
During the summers in Israel many adults, especially Americans who made Aliya, need additional electrolytes to prevent dehydration.
My children,(adults) often dehydrate during the hot Israeli summers and MUST drink electrolytes (gatorade, powerade, etc.)every day to avoid going to the hospital for an IV of electrolytes. I have been schlepping powder packages for years for them and I can finally stop now that gatorade here, and in Israel, has a hechsher. Yay !!!!!!!!!!!!111
I always send food that could be served at the Purim Seudah. Last year I sent a platter with a container of Vegetarian Liver, cut up veggies and a bottle of flavored seltzer.
I just spray pam into pot before I add the chulent. After Shabbos, I wash, if anything is left over, just put a couple of inches of water and dish detergent into pot and bring to a boil. Stuff comes right off.
Most of the time, a Bat-Mitzvah celebration is just for the girl and her friends with Jewish music only. It is usually in some sort of catering hall or shul hall with a kid oriented meal and decorations. Often the grandparents and siblings are invited with a couple of the parents closest friends. If the parents want to celebrate, as well, we often do a kiddush in shul (low key) or a Friday night tea with divrei Torah.
I know how hurtful it can be, how invasive, and I also know how difficult it is to ignore, BUT there is nothing you can do. Putting your husband in the middle won’t work, because, I guarantee, that he has spent a lifetime “ignoring” his mom when necessary and he will tell you to do the same.
The reason why this feels so terrible is that you probably do not have an invasive relationship with your own mother and this is so foreign to you. Truly, keep remembering, she means well, ignore her and just keep saying thank you for caring.
I know a wonderful young man who broke his engagement and 6 months later started dating again. I wanted to set him up with another girl and asked his mother “what should I say” (I knew the whole story) she told me to simply say, they were lucky enough to realize it was not meant to be. That was all I was to tell a potential young lady.
The mother told me, that after the 3rd date, if it seemed to be going forward, the young man would then introduce the subject and explain what had happened This was the advise he got from his Rov.
He is now married to a wonderful girl !!
I remember years ago, my daughter was engaged to a man that over time, appeared to be very innapropriate for our daughter. After much thought and tears, we went to our Rav who told us we must break the engagement immediately. After the engagement was broken, we called our Rav who said “mazal tov, mazal tov”. I asked, why mazal tov and why twice. His response was, breaking a “bad” engagement was even more a cause for joy than an engagement. He said a broken engagement ended the possibility of years of unhappiness or worse.
So you see, from my point of view, a broken engagement CAN show maturity and guts, it all depends on the why and how.
I am very concerned by many of the posts here. I think the message this young man is giving is not being heard.
If a young man, from a home where jeans are not worn, perhaps not acceptable, and goes to a yeshiva where jeans are not worn and perhaps not acceptable, then the wearing of jeans is sending you a message. He WANTS you to ask why !! He is making a statement with his clothes that, perhaps, he is afraid, or unable to do with his mouth.
Any “unusual” dress is a cry for a conversation. Not an accusatory tone, simply a query as to why. Watch his face and body language more than listening to his words. If you feel uneasy, you need to speak to a Rav who knows and understands both your son and your family for guidance.
I am a firm believer in allowances. When our children were young, they were given a certain amount of money each week. They had to give their own ma’aser, they had to save a percentage and the rest, they could do what they wished. Some of our children hoarded every penny they got, and some spent it all. But they all learned that an allowance was never enough and they all learned to look for jobs to supplement their allowances, according to their time constraints.
When our kids were in seminary. We began with no allowance. They had to write down every penny they spent for the first month (after the Chagim) and we reviewed the amout spent, where & when and then we gave them a “firm” monthly allowance. Anything over and above said allowance needed our approval.
When they were in college their allowances were dependent on their schedules. If there was time to work, they had to work. If their workload was very heavy, they were not allowed to work and we paid for gas, books, clothes, etc. We tried to be very fluid, but they were always accountable for what they spent, if we gave them the funds.
As adults, our children are (for the most part) very responsible and careful with their money. They would never live over their income and only spend what they can.
However, try as you might, there are always individuals who simply will not live within a budget no matter what their age, and they always have monetary issues.
Personally, I am not a concert goer, so I have no opinion there, however, I find the music so uplifting. Often when I am driving and listening to Jewish music, I almost feel like I am davening, the words have such an impact. And what a wonderful way to get ready for Shabbos, listening to shabbos niggunim, tapping my feet and cooking !!
So, I am sorry, buy I truly feel music has a real impact on ones soul, if one connects to the “One Above” by listening and being moved by the beat and the words.
I remember my daughter saying to me years ago, “Mom, that song makes me FEEL the words I daven every morning” what a wonderful statement about music that makes.
Because we are separated by gender so much, I find it refreshing that this is a place where I can see the point of view of both genders, without being “personally” involved.
40 years ago, when I was in Yeshiva High School in Brooklyn, I was shocked by the language and behavior of public school teenagers on the public busses. by the time I got to college (yes I did go to college in NYC) I was immune to the language and dress around me. but it came at a cost that I did not want to pay with MY children.
When our girls, ages 1 & 3 were playing on our front porch one day, and a group of public school kids passed, talking using very inappropriate language, I went inside and called my husband and said we HAVE TO MOVE.
I did not want my children exposed to such language and dress. I did not want to expose my kids to inappropriate behavior, constantly explaining that WE do not do that, that WE do no say that, that WE do not act that way.
We moved to the suburbs where, quite honestly, these problems do not exist. Our children traveled on private busses to Yeshiva, our children played in our backyards, unexposed to the “other kids” and their exposure to the outside world was very, very limited until they were 16 or 17 and able to travel to the city by railroad. And boy were they shocked by what they saw and heard !!! However, they were older, and better prepared to handle it. But more importantly, they were able to easily differentiate between “us” and “them”.
I truly believe that parents need to find a way to keep their kids away from the pervasive “treif” environment found in public places. Perhaps taxi car pools instead of busses, etc. To this day, I find that I am not as easily shocked as my kids are by inappropriate behavior and language, and that is just not right.
My daughter also hates the routine of constant housework and cannot afford, nor does she want a housekeeper.
She hired a Yeshiva HS girl who comes in twice a week in the evening for 2 hours. She washes pots & pans, folds laundry, cleans/checks vegetables, and mops the kitchen floor. For a little money, my daughter feels like a mentch.
(working full time with a large B”H family.)
I buy most of my clothes and clothes for my children and grandchildren online. I always buy from LandsEnd, when they have sales. Their clothes are incredibly durable and they have a “forever” return policy.
I also love Talbots clothes for myself, so I go into the store at the beginning of a season and try on the clothes to see the right size and if I like it, then I just watch their sales online and buy at very reduced prices.
Buying Shabbos dresses for my granddaughters is more problematic and I usually need to actually shop discount stores.
I buy all underwear online at the hanes outlet stores, they have sales year-round on underwear and stockings & tights.
I find that by shopping online I ONLY buy what I need, with no impulse shopping, and I can shop at night when I am too tired to go out.
My “Chareidi/Yeshivash? nieces get engaged after 6 dates, and will make a decision about marriage after only 3 dates!!?
I do not understand this at all !!! How does one get to know someone without contact and conversation.
You MUST get past “your best face forward” before you even begin true communication and the sharing of intimate values.
Getting married is scary, it SHOULD be scary, this is an enormous decision to make, but how does one make a decision without information?
AND, so I was told, that once the couple get engaged, their contact is limited, he goes back to learning full term, and she takes care of the wedding. This makes no sense.
If you only get to know your spouse after the Chuppah, what happens when you find out you don’t really like him/his hashkafah/his attitude towards family/his attitude towards his partner, etc, etc, etc.
I have two nieces (amongst many) who have already divorced – how sad and traumatic for them and for all of us.
I asked my Rav this question years ago. It was getting so bad, that there was little money left to give to the organizations I wanted to support. His answer to me was, give a couple of dollars to anyone who rings your doorbell but give your ma’aser where you choose.