Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
People get married throughout seminar. You can go to seminar while married. My point is pushing money issues aside, since everyone has their own idea and support- why else is a 17/18 yr old not mature enough to marry?
I think he was being sarcastic
Wolfish Musings: that’s what I meant. But I feel people are waiting for this aha moment when you feel mature enough to marry….it doesn’t work that way.
About parnassha: everyone has their own minhag, ideas, and opinions. In some cricles if you don’t support you a crazy, in some you can get a job at 18. PPlus parnassah is on the husband, in Israel it is possible for an 18 year od guy to get a job to support his wife and family at 18.
lilmod: thank you. When I first came on the CR I wrote like that. I assumed from the way sparkly writes, the username, and the way she treats and responds to other posters that she is a 16/17 female. Perhaps it was wrong of me to just assume, but I was sure I was right.
Sparkly: I have finished high school actually, plus age is not a factor in maturity, however you can tell a person’s maturity by the way she/he speaks, writes, and treats other.
You have still not told me exactly why a marriage with 2 humans around the age of 17 and 18 must go wrong and is a bad idea.
Rabbi, I almost died from laughter from that post. Hey RebYid and Popa, that’s the humor we need around here!! Sarcasm! I want 3 new threads made by the end of today, lol.
29: I was hoping to keep the insults to a minimum. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Thanks for working so hard! Mods rock. BTW do you get paid to do this job? I mean…the annoying ads everywhere must make some sort of money lol. (Well I don’t see them anymore, I have adblocker π
On a side note – Nobody needs to be introduced to that stuff. I don’t want you be the source of people googling garbage.
Back to the subject though, I wonder why 29 didn’t delete it. Oh wait, you didn’t delete it becuase you want a rebuttal? Shame on you 29. lol. Too bad.I was editing from my phone and figured I’d delete it. When I got to the bottom I decided to edit with a warning but had forgotten about the beginning. Sorry – 29
penp, as an american israeli I understand both mentalities. People in america can be very addicted (lihitmaker) to their facebook, twitter, and so on. They won’t admit it though.
I’m a teenager and my friends in the USA can be on it for HOURS. Documenting every part of their lives. But there are some who just have it becuase everyone else does and is not on it as much.
You my friend, need to do more research. You need to find out if she has a smartphone, try and find her profile from a friend’s computer to see how often she writes and what types of things she puts up.
Is it just when she does big things like vacations and outings or is she posting pictures of all her meals, talking to her friends for hours on it, and posting about things that should be private?
You have to see exactly where she is so you can know if you are comfortable with it. I understand you, the struggle is real. I also do not like FB. In any case if you do research and don’t find out enough about what is “yeshivish” I know this is not very normal, but perhaps she has a cousin, or relative you can call who will explain to you how open americans are with these things or even the family themselves.
Know one has to know you are calling for yourself, and I’m sure the family would understand seeing as you just want to understand the hashkafa before you can say yes becuase you don’t know if it’s matim for you.
I think you need to speak with someone. There are too many pratim to do this over the internet with a bunch of strangers.
It’s shady, even if it’s not shady in the gender type creepy way. Are you getting a working permit or something? I don’t know about the laws where you live but most places, if it’s legal need you to register for tax and stuff.
Sparkly: I’ve explained my side. I ask you to at least explain why you think a 17 or 18 year old is too immature to get married. Please, go ahead and tell me. I want to hear your reasoning.
I also don’t think it’s right you are putting me down. We all try and do our best here to not put down others, you may not know this so well because you are slightly new, while I on the other hand have been here for a few years and believe I’m slightly older than you.
On the album: Out of the Box
Unless you are a woman π
Mammele. I meant by being suggested. All my firends were suggested becuase they looked 16, 17, 18. Obviously their mother said “Um she’s 15” and they were like “Oh, okay….but call me back in a year or 2”. But the point was, they knew already they look like girls in shidduchim and people were inquiring. Nobody redted me to anyone throughout high school.
Because any situation where a man (whom is probably in his 30’s or 40’s) is hiring an underage woman and no one else will be around strikes me as creepy, that’s all. Of course there will be patienets, but before, and between, and he might ask her to work after hours on paperwork. I know someone personally who was in such a situation and was actually drugged using drugs a dentist uses (she was working for a dentist). It didn’t end well at all.
There’s dan likaf zechut, and then there’s being sensibly safe. Unfortunately women have to always make sure that they are safe from predators.
Unfortunately there’s a lot of bad people in this world.
I know, I am a feminist too, but I don’t think guys on here are anti feminists.
Ok, definitely creepy, davka because she IS underage. If chas vishalom he wasn’t yiras shamayim and was planning other plans it’s easier to intimidate younger girls and blackmail them, especially ones underage.
Not saying you are young, but I mean like under 18 but old enough to work…
It’s definitely not a safe situation. Even if there are cameras he technically has control over them and can choose whether he wants to hide, erase, or edit the film.
I’m sorry, but someone had to say this. There are creepy people out there, unfortunately-even frum ones. People assume because there are cameras or because they are online and things are anonymous or because, because, because this or that it’s okay. It is NOT. I have heard way to many stories of people relying on things in their envirement.
For your own safety please please try to work something out so that you will never be alone with him.
What expirience do you think a 21 year can have that is not possible for a 17 year old? Please give me examples. My chassidish friends have been through many challenges and experiences, more so than many 21 year olds I know.
You can do marriage without those experiences of college. There’s many different types of experience you know…
When I say prepared for marriage it means
1) knowing what you are getting into
2) have expirience with life challenges: money, abuse, dealing with different types of people, being aware of your surrondings
3) From a phsycological point chassidish girls are aware they are getting married at 17. It’s not like you taking a nice litvish girl in 12th grade who only thinks about tests, fun, and I don’t know what and saying “Hi, want to get engaged tomorow?” they’ve been in shidduchim and redted to people for a few years now. People I know who are chassidish get redted as early as 15. It’s not a new idea. It’s like a kid getting ready for high school, she’s known her entire life at the end of 8th grade is high school, she’s better prepared then a girl who grew up in middle of no where and knew she’d go to school when she got big.
What exactly do you need to preach to them about? Were not stupid you know. I know what type you are talking about, those girls are the ones who csn be found in litvish circles too. The ones who don’t internalize it till they are 30 (if ever)
?? ?????? ???? ???? ??? ????? ??? ??? ?????? ??? ????? …. ??? ???? ???? ???? ?? ?? ????? ??????
????? ???? ????? ?????? ?? ??????? ?? ????? ?????? ????? ?? ?????? ????? ??? ?? π
??? ??? ?? ?? ?:”??? ?? ????? ?____ ????? ???? ??….” ?? ??? ???? ?????
??????? ??????? ??? ????
Mods: if you don’t understand use google translate π
Mods you are correct, I wouldn’t know. I’m saying I’d support Shira because we don’t judge and there’s always time to do teshuvah, whether she did it or not. She missed a chance to do more mitzvos.
zahavasdad: I dd not know. I did not know of Shira until this thread.
Politics aren’t that important in a marriage.
Now sparkly don’t switch around my words. I meant that the pace you mature at depends on your environment not your spiritual level. It just happens to be chassidim marry earlier, so they prepare and help mature kids earlier to be ready. If we did that then we could also marry at 17, but we don’t.
Pringles: so with this theory, some litvish people CAN be ready, if certain variable are in their favor: personality, family, schooling, and more all helps contribute to how fast (or if) a person matures. But most litvish families and schools do not prepare kids to marry at 17. If a kid is ready, it’s most prabaly based upon personality, family, neshomah- not schooling. Verus chasidish families where schooling prepares them to be ready at 17 and all families do too.
Plus you are going to change even if you marry at 22 or 30. It’s life. But marriage is NOT friendship, and it’s not based on what style of clothing you like today.
You’ll never fully be “mature”. What do you think mature even means? According to psychology people these days aren’t full adults until they are 23-27 years old. Who said you have to be an adult to marry? You don’t need to be an adult to: smoke, drink, do drugs, and even more.
Even Hashem says as young as 12 you can be accountable for your sins. Sins so hard for a 12 year old like loshon hara, not being jealous-things that kids have to deal with.
Marriage isn’t easy. It won’t be easier if you marry at 18 or 23. You have to understand you don’t come back from college magically “mature”. You might never feel mature. Everyone is going to be like those bubbies who still believe they are teens. Because you don’t change that much ater 18. Sure you change but not as drastic as your teen years. Your husband will change too, and that’s not bad. You change together…
Sparkly: when they marry young they mature TOGETHER.
I had 3 rejeccted.
Is there like a blanket ban on threads started by me? Why are none accepted?
I see one deleted thread. And it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out why
skald89: I agree that more effort should be put into learning halachot. In high school halacha class was the one everyone tuned out really. It’s the mentality that we don’t HAVE to learn it so much, girls say: “I don’t need to learn kashrut, I learned from my mother by doing what she did” but limasseh it will be problamatic when there is one thing that goes wrong- everything will be a sheilah.
I know many girls, myself including who learn on their own time halacha. Either getting emails, learning from a book, or from a whatsapp group. Awareness is spreading.
I still don’t know about halacha. I hope to learn more, but I also hope I can rely on my future to be husband. Women have much to worry about, the house, kids, even parnassah (in many cases, although it should not be this way). I believe, although it is very nice you want a woman who knows halacha, it is impractical.
But now reading through more of your posts it seems to be you are more looking for someone who knows the Halachot for the mitzvot she does every day, and a desire to want to learn more and not be uneducated about the other mitzvot she is doing as her tafkid in this world. You are looking more for someone who is open to learning and also sees the value in the idea of learning halacha and mussar.
I wish you all the luck in finding a wife. Maybe we should have some shidduchim done over the CR lol. Seems like plenty of single people here. About mussar, in my school we learned mussar from books not just speeches, and discussions. We learned chovos halevavos, and other books.
I totally agree with you Abba S
adocs: there’s been studies on it. Google it.
Pringles: and a lot of people DO wait even when they are ready. How can a litvish 16 year old go into shidduchim? Most girls want to live a normal life, enjoy being a teen, so even if they are ready they won’t marry that young (unless they are chassidish). But if a good shidduch is presented, even if the girl is 16, why wait?
Tzipi Caton married at 17 I beleive….and was engaged at 16.
Plus a 16 yr old is NOT a child, she is a young adult. I was posting on the CR before I was even 16.
“Conversion therapy” can physically harm or even kill the induvidual. Therapists may use drugs, illegal substances, make you do things that cause much pain, such as shocking you. As it’s legal to force minors to do this as a parent.
My haskafah on the issue is let people be. I don’t support their lifestyle, just like I don’t support a secular lifestyle. But I’m not going to give them a mussar shmuze on it. I will also not support them. I will respect them as a human being, a jewish neshoma whom is struggling. I am sure they all want to do the right thing. So limasseh, I would not go to a parade, although I would support Shira as she died before she was given a chance to do teshuvah.
That is a pretty severe statement to make about someone, how would you know?
Wolfish Musings. Now one will 100 percent be ready for marriage, it’s like jumping in the pool for the first time. You can know how to swim but you can’t know how it feels to jump in the deep end til you jump.
I can tell from sparkly’s writing she’s a girl. We female teens have this writing style it’s easy to pick it out from the crowd.
Sparkly,what I’m saying is marriage is much more than “knowing what goes on out there”. In this specific friend, she actually knew about the outside world at an age younger than I (an american BY litvish girl) did.
But even if she did’t, they know what they need to know. You don’t have to know about TV or what a movie is to have a great marriage (her husband doesn’t) and that’s okay! I know it may seem like you do, but you don’t.
Sure some couples really aren’t ready and are pushed into it because if they don’t marry at 18, they are considered “old”. But the same thing happens by us. There are 21 year old girls “not ready” and people push them into it for the same reason.
Sometimes it feels like (when you are a teen- I have a right to say this to you, for I am one myself although I think perhaps a bit older) that one who does not know about certain secular ideas must be a fool/moron/immature/dumb/naive/and more. But it really isn’t that way, we just put those people down because our neshomah knows they are more pure because they haven’t watched, seen, and listened to the things we have. Our neshomah is jealous of them. So we put them down as being sumb and naive to make us feel better.
They aren’t dumb and naive. Marriage is about selflessness, caring for one for than you do, knowing you are giving up your single life to take full time care of a yeshivah bochur and turn him into a man. Knowing that it won’t be easy, knwoing you need to compromise, that they’ll be fights, the life has problems, that things aren’t perfect
And none of those things depend on the “outside” (secular) world. The time you understand all of this depends on how your parents brought you up, personality, older sisters, life expirience, schooling.
This is my point. Rivka knew all this at age 3. It’s ok. It’s ok to say other girls can get all this before you do.
It depends on the person. My best friend got engaged at 17, she’s chassidish and YES she was ACTUALLY ready. She was aware from a young age that marriage is in 12th grade, she saw other family members maturing at a quicker rate than the outside world.
Throughout high school she thought about shidduchim, it wasn’t as though one day a shidduch was suggested and she decided to marry the guy.
Everyone is different. I know people married at 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23…and they were all ready. The 23 yr old ans 16 yr old were equally ready.
Some people know about the real world at 16 and 17. I sure did. But just becuase you know what’s out there doesn’tmean you are ready for marriage. Marriage isn’t about that.
I llive in Israel where I see firsthand that it is no less than racism. People avoid sefardim, etheopians. Feel uncomfortable around them, don’t want to be neighbors, send their kids to the same nursery. NURSERY.
Yes, but I go to school with girls who are chassidish and NOT litvish. Heck, there are some chabadniks too. We have some sefardi in my schools, let’s just let down the barrier. We are ALL Jews!!!
The racism must stop! One of my good friends is sefardi and was rejected from a top seminary because of this. Itis not fair. They don’t know or care that she gets straifght A’s, is in charge of Chesed, has the biggest heart, perfect BY girl, and they didn’t even CHECK who her friends are! Because they accepted EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS ECEPT HER.
Why? Because they saw her last name and said “nope”
I am so done and disgusted by the way Jews can act. It’swrong, it’s NOT TORAH! THIS IS NOT EMES!
It’s not “they are different” it’s pure racism. People stereotype them and say automatically think BY sefardi girls are crazy party animals just because a percentage of sefardi girls are that way. But it’s not the majority. It’s not fair to put them down or shame them.
In halacha class we all right on top of our papers if we are sefardi, ashkenazi, and so on so we are graded fairly. Some teachers make us learn both halachas because “you never know who you marry”
It’s the 3 weeks. Share the ahava and stop the hate
I believe the Esther Hamalkas son although not religious ended up being king. He was definitely Jewish.
Pokemon isnt dangerous, people are just idiots.
Remember texting and driving is much older than pokemon.
wannabegood7- google it. Many webpages explain it.
coffee addict. What I wrote is based on talks I’ve had with rabanim, rebitzins, and teachers.
I tried to get in to ImaMother, big sisters that are like mother don’t count.
@Colors11-kudos for you! When you go out hiking or to amusment parks I ussually just wear comfortable baggy clothing. They make shirts and skirts out of bathing suit material that are wonderful for water hikes.
Tzniyus is not really nessesary in an area only for women so most women go to pools or beaches that have women only hours. Everyone is on their own level (self respect wise) so some will wear nothing at all (I’m serious about that one..it’s quite disturbing), while others will wear dresses. But that has nothing to do with tniyus. Around your mother, father, sisters, brothers, you can wear not tzniyus clothing but not like..go naked if you know what I mean.
What shows were these?!
The non jewish world has no morals. What are you going to do about that jewish source?
Movies are worse. You can see disgusting things that you will never forget..
oomis I am so sorry.
Baruch Dayan Haemet
Loevlyme: Its a whole DMC conversation but in a nutshell:
– Ideas of giluy arayos to put it in a nutshell are found in everything
– It goes against the commandment to watch our eyes and our hearts about what we see.
– Leads to bad thoughts, ideas, taiyvos, the songs and videos replay
– Music is the language of the neshoma. So just as you would not talk to some people because the things they talk about are disgusting and go agiasnt the basic principles of the Torah, you are going to let your soul have a talk with their soul!??!
Sam2: Notice you said “affect men MORE than women”. Ok, so let’s say a kids parent dies, just becuase there are kids with both parents dead the first kid shouldn’t be sad? That argument is futile. Of course it affects women A LOT. Women are much more sensitive then men, and affects women more emotionally. Of course it probably affects the average male more than the averge female, but how much more? Not that much…
No. Why does it make a difference as men or women in the first place?
Harambe wasn’t 100 percent proved a threat. In the past gorillas have saved childrens ives who fell into their enclosures. He just got very scared from all the yelling. Of course though because they weren’t sure it was no question, they had to kill him. But it still sad.
I know hebrew and I’m having trouble finding a job. That’s why I’m so skeptical about a sem girl finding one.
Be a counselor. There are many english speaking camps: machanayim, yachad, M and M….