Shticky Guy

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Viewing 31 posts - 1,651 through 1,681 (of 1,681 total)
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  • in reply to: yiddish #717293
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    BP: Funny post! 🙂

    Actually I learned in a chasidisher chaider but didnt learn to write yiddish hence the (mis)spelling!

    in reply to: Davening – Do we really know the translation??? #717635
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    WIY:”people are obviously not looking for public humiliation” ???

    Thats why I wrote that all posters are “obscured by an anonymous user name” so no humiliation involved. I’m just amazed that so many ppl claim to have known some of these pesukim, eg ?????-???????, ???????-?????; ????? ????????? ?????????? and a few others

    in reply to: yiddish #717289
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Of course a real brisker would think that litvisher yiddish is easier. Its whateva you’re most used to.

    BP totty: From the way i wrote my post nothing is obvious. I just wrote it using abc letters instead of aleph beis. Just cos i mentioned that i went once to ponevezh to hear shiur pesicha in an elul zman? Everyone went fin aller kreizen! And whys BP never caustic? Remember the BP oil spills recently?

    Lets be controversial now. I used to go every shabbos with a litvisher but nusach sefard friend to all tishen, toldos aharon, karlin, gur, belz etc etc. One day he turned chassidish. Suddenely yener rebbe toigt nisht, yener toigt oich nisht! So i told him he was obviously more chassidish when he was litvish than when he was chassidish…

    in reply to: Davening – Do we really know the translation??? #717631
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Thanx ken zayn. I’m glad there are honest people out there willing to be modeh al haemes and stand up in front of millions of people on YWN, obscured only by an anonymous user name, and admit that they also could not teitch each and every word above.

    The rest of you posters are remarkably quiet… Which elementary schools did you go to?

    in reply to: yiddish #717283
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Ich farshtay nisht! Ver ken nisht a bissel pusheter mama lushon? Shaym zich nisht? Afilleh in mitzrayim hoben mir aller geret nor der yidisher shprach. Zayt zich ois as der hayntiger gulus is doch erger ve demulst!

    Its really handy to have a 2nd language. In ponevez, rav shach zatzal would say the best parts in yiddish when the tv were recording him by the elections.

    Forget feldheim, oygevalt.com, gevaltgeshriggen.com or any other such method. Stick to Lippa!

    in reply to: Davening – Do we really know the translation??? #717627
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    WIY

    Thats the exact siddur I was refering to in my opening post. Still, if you really knew every word of all the phrazes i posted then you have a good memory and you’re really using your siddur well. I have tested ppl and many chashuve ppl couldnt manage some of these pesukim (of course I only asked one or two at a time!).

    Other posters. . . How did anyone else do?

    in reply to: Girls' Taste in Dating Process #717068
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Re opening the car door for her, you know what they say? If a guy opens the car door for his partner you can be sure of one of two things. Either the partner is new or the car is!!! 🙂

    in reply to: Kiddush Hashem Stories #717486
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Eishes Chayil:

    But in this story, which actually happened, the guy obviously hadnt expected the jew to stop for every single stranger he came across. The KH is that while his co-religionists continually drove past him without stopping, he found that Jews do stop to help each other!

    #metrodriver:

    A shtickel KH? I’d say thats a full blown KH!

    in reply to: Limericks! #1221312
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    For limericks i have a feel

    So it really was not a big deal

    To make up this one

    I had lots of great fun

    And I’m proud of your approval seal

    in reply to: Limericks! #1221310
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    I went shopping to get us a wick

    and didnt know which ones to pick

    cos from floor to the door

    he had varieties galore

    so i took multicolored for a shtick

    Then I looked to buy some olive oil

    And made sure also to get foil

    Cos otherwise my wife

    Would make difficult my life

    If my Shabbos room floor did spoil

    It is now Zois Chanuka

    I’ve had no mess from my menora

    But my young daughter Fraidel

    Still loves cheating by dreidel

    And always wants the biggest latka

    Now cos I am such a smartie

    And am also exceedingly arty

    I dont want to boast

    But I’m making the most

    Unparalleled Chanuka party!!! 🙂

    in reply to: Stories of Hashgacha Pratis #716283
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Hi guys and thanks for joining my thread.

    Could we please put the boxing gloves away now and get back to the topic of hashgacha pratis stories. There must be great inspirational stories out there, some new and some previously published, that the many members of ywn coffee room can share here with us all. Come on! I look forward…

    in reply to: Things Kids Said/Did #1185223
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    When our daughter was about to be 2, we taught her to say ‘I am two years old now’ so we could get nachas from her. On her big day she got it almost right. She stood up and proudly announced loudly to everyone:

    ‘I am too old now’!!!

    in reply to: Limericks! #1221301
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    A message to poster blinquie

    I thank you for welcoming me

    But havent you read

    My limerics earlier in this thread

    I had posted not just one but three!

    in reply to: Limericks! #1221289
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    A pharmacist from Bangalore

    Unfortunately he is no more

    He got thirsty and so

    He drank some H20

    Which was really H2SO4

    in reply to: Things Kids Said/Did #1185217
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    During a particularly violent thunder storm one night, a child called his mom into his bedroom. “Can you sleep in my bedroom with me” he asked? “I’m so sorry” said his mom, “but daddy wants me to sleep in his bedroom”. The boy looked at her and said “You tell daddy that he’s a big sissy”!!

    in reply to: Things Kids Said/Did #1185212
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Our little angel told us he knew exactly what he wants for chanuka. He wants a jumpaleen. Whats that we asked? He looked puzzled and said its what our neighbours have in their garden and people jump up and down on it!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201338
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    BS”D

    A restaurant had a sign “Kusher lechol Hadeos”:

    The entree was puchois mikeshiur

    The soup, einoi ben Yomo

    The main course, nifsal meachilas kelev

    The desert noisen taam lifgam

    and the bill, a hefsed meribo.

    in reply to: Jokes #1201335
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying “Mrs. Cohen, I’m sorry to have to tell you but your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered: “So did my arthritis!”

    in reply to: Jokes #1201334
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    The MOTHER of all jokes

    Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a

    plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.

    The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts

    flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

    ‘This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old

    now.’

    ‘Yes, I remember him as a baby,’ says the other mother cheerfully.

    ‘He’s a martyr now though,’ the mother confides.

    ‘Oh, so sad dear,’ says the other.

    ‘And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.’

    ‘Oh, I remember him,’ says the other happily, ‘he had such curly

    hair when he was born.’

    ‘He’s a martyr too,’ says the mother quietly.

    ‘Oh, gracious me . . . , ‘ says the other.

    ‘And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would

    have been 18,’ she whispers.

    ‘Yes,’ says the friend enthusiastically, ‘I remember when he

    first started school.’

    ‘He’s a martyr also,’ says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

    After a pause and a deep sigh, the second mother looks

    wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words,

    says . . .

    in reply to: Things Kids Said/Did #1185197
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    A friend was babysitting and she saw a really cute picture on the table of one of the kids. She said to one of them your parents must be really adore this picture. No said the child they hate it. Why do you say that she asked. Cos i heard them say they want to blow it up!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201307
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    A young chazzan was bragging yet again about his voice. “Do you know that i insured my voice for $200,000?” he said to a friend. The friend had had enough. “And have you finished spending your insurance money?” he asked…

    in reply to: Limericks! #1221151
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Its a favourite project of mine

    A new value of ‘pi’ to assign

    I would fix it at 3

    For its simpler you see

    Than at 3.14159

    An exceedingly large friend of mine

    When asked at what hour he’d dine

    He replied at 11

    And at 3, 5 and 7

    Then at 8 and again after 9

    A school boy who lived in Japan

    His limericks never would scan

    When they asked him “but why?”

    He would say with a sigh

    “Its because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can.”

    in reply to: Jokes #1201299
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    (#202) Jewish Doctors

    The following quotes were taken from actual medical records from Israeli hospitals…

    in reply to: Jokes #1201294
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Baron Fritz… Dont you follow the news? Its about that woman captured by the Taliban who was killed by the American troops who were trying to rescue her

    in reply to: Jokes #1201286
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    What is worse than being captured by the Taliban? Being rescued by the Americans…

    in reply to: Jokes #1201279
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Jewish Dictionary extracts

    AFIKOMMENTS n. Adult arguing that occurs as children search for hidden Passover matzo.

    BIALY ACHE n. The result of lunch at your mother’s and dinner at your mother-in-law’s.

    BLINTZKRIEG n. A late-night assault on the refrigerator in search of leftovers even though “I won’t be able to eat for a week!” Particularly common four to six hours after special-occasion gluttony.

    BUBBEGUM n. Sweets one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

    CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby’s nappy.

    DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face but not knowing exactly when.

    DISKVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, medical school, or business

    school, as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. (In extreme cases, simply choosing to study art history when Irvine’s son, David, is studying biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.)

    DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

    HEBORT vb. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s Bar Mitzvah.

    HEBRUTE n. Israeli after shave.

    IMPASTA n. Someone who eats leavened foods during Passover while maintaining he/she is observant.

    JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one’s favourite celebrity is Jewish.

    JEWDO n. A traditional form of self-defence based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot.

    KINDERSCHLEP vb. To be called on to car pool more children than one has fingers, in a car that was made in Japan.

    MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.

    MATZILATION n. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

    MEINSTEIN slang. “My son, the genius.”

    MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.

    MISHPOCHAMARKS n. The assorted lipstick and makeup stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.

    RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from Leyton to Edgware and finding all your old neighbours live in the same road as you.

    SANTASHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for when they celebrate Hanukkah while the rest of humanity celebrates Xmas.

    SHOFARSOGUT n. The relief you feel when after many attempts the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

    TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

    TRAYFFIC ACCIDENT n. An appetiser one finds out has non-kosher in it after one has eaten it.

    YENTILITY n. A deceptively sweet manner used to extract information. Key phrases include “Trust me”, “Your secret is safe with me,” and “If you can’t tell me, who can you tell?”

    YIDENTIFY vb. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor

    in reply to: Jokes #1201267
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    October 15, 2002

    British High court hang-ups

    By Miles Kington

    A most extraordinary trial is going on in the High Court at the moment in which a man named Chrysler is accused of stealing more than 40,000 coat hangers from hotels round the world. He admits his guilt, but in his defence he claims that – well, perhaps it would be simpler just to bring you a brief extract from the trial. We join the case at the point where Chrysler has just taken the stand.

    Counsel: What is your name?

    Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler.

    Counsel: Is that your own name?

    Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?

    Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name.

    Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?

    Counsel: It is not unknown for people to give a false name in court.

    Chrysler: Which court?

    Counsel: This court.

    Chrysler: What is the name of this court?

    Counsel: This is No 5 Court.

    Chrysler: No, that is the number of this court. What is the name of this court?

    Counsel: It is quite immaterial what the name of this court is!

    Chrysler: Then perhaps it is immaterial if Chrysler is really my name.

    Counsel: No, not really, you see because…

    Judge: Mr Lovelace?

    Counsel: Yes, m’lud?

    Judge: I think Mr Chrysler is running rings round you already. I would try a new line of attack if I were you.

    Counsel: Thank you, m’lud.

    Chrysler: And thank you from ME, m’lud. It’s nice to be appreciated.

    Judge: Shut up, witness.

    Chrysler: Willingly, m’lud. It is a pleasure to be told to shut up by you. For you, I would…

    Judge: Shut up, witness. Carry on, Mr Lovelace.

    Chrysler: I am.

    Counsel: Can you explain how this came about?

    Chrysler: Yes. I had 40,000 coats which I needed to hang up.

    Counsel: Is that true?

    Chrysler: No.

    Counsel: Then why did you say it?

    Chrysler: To attempt to throw you off balance.

    Counsel: Off balance?

    Chrysler: Certainly. As you know, all barristers seek to undermine the confidence of any hostile witness, or defendant. Therefore it must be equally open to the witness, or defendant, to try to shake the confidence of a hostile barrister.

    Counsel: On the contrary, you are not here to indulge in cut and thrust with me. You are only here to answer my questions.

    Chrysler: Was that a question?

    Counsel: No.

    Chrysler: Then I can’t answer it.

    Judge: Come on, Mr Lovelace! I think you are still being given the run-around here. You can do better than that. At least, for the sake of the English bar, I hope you can.

    Counsel: Yes, m’lud. Now, Mr Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?

    Chrysler: Is that a question?

    Counsel: Yes.

    Judge: In fairness to Mr Lovelace, Mr Chrysler, I should remind you that barristers have an innate reluctance to frame a question as a question. Where you and I would say, “Where were you on Tuesday?”, they are more likely to say, “Perhaps you could now inform the court of your precise whereabouts on the day after that Monday?”. It isn’t, strictly, a question, and it is not graceful English but you must pretend that it is a question and then answer it, otherwise we will be here for ever. Do you understand?

    Chrysler: Yes, m’lud.

    Judge: Carry on, Mr Lovelace.

    Counsel: Mr Chrysler, why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing as you must have that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?

    Chrysler: Because I build and sell wardrobes which are specially designed to take nothing but hotel coat hangers.

    Sensation in court. More of this tomorrow, I hope

    2002 Independent Print Limited. Permission granted for up to 5 copies. All rights reserved.

    You may forward this article or get additional permissions by typing http://license.icopyright.net/3.7463?icx_id=opinion/columnists/miles-kington/high-court-hangups-747313.html?service=PrintICopyright into any web browser.

    ‘Why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?’

    More from Miles Kington [http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/columnists/miles-kington]

    in reply to: Jokes #1201266
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    An old man on his deathbed says to his wife “I’ve left everything to you”. She replies “you’ve been doing that for years”

    in reply to: Jokes #1201249
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    A blonde and a brunette worked in the same office. The brunette wanted the day off, so she told the blonde that when the boss comes in she would get him to send her home. Sure enough when the boss came in, the brunette hung upside down from the ceiling and began making strange noises. What are you doing up there asked the boss. Why I’m a lightbulb she said. The boss said I think you’re overworking. Go home and rest. So she climbed down and went home. Suddenely, the blonde began walking out. Where are you going asked the boss? Well, she said, you cant expect me to work in the dark!

    in reply to: Jokes #1201246
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    At a packed conference, a womens lib speaker was thundering about her cause. And do you know where would man be today were it not for women she shouted? From the back of the hall, old Abe Cohen called back he’d still be eating fruit in the garden of eden…

    in reply to: Jokes #1201244
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Research studies have shown that 5 out of 6 people enjoy russian roulette

Viewing 31 posts - 1,651 through 1,681 (of 1,681 total)