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Its one thing to advocate one way or the other,
But there are those here who said, a Mixed Seating Wedding is Traif or they will not attend a Mixed Seating Wedding and possible insult the host.
I know plenty of very frum people who will attend a mixed seating event (They prefer seperate seating of course) but they will not insult the Baal Simcha by boycotting the event. Their only request is to sit with immediate family members and their spouses and they dont want to sit between 2 women even if the women are their Wife and Mother or 2 Daughters. or Wife and Sister .
If its on a Sunday Afternoon I will stay. If its on a weeknight wedding I will never stay. They end too late for people who work.
What happens if the chief rabbi tells israeli not to wear sandals or sneakers on shabbos?
He would never do that and if a Charedi Rabbi became chief rabbi and did that nobody would listen if he did. Anyone applying for the position knows this.
Thats not his job anyway. His job is government issues, Like Marriage, Divorce, Some Kashruth and representing the government in religious matter
In Israel even if you are not religous, you are requied to follow some religious laws , like the laws of marriage and divorce and usually burial.
So the non-religious need a rabbi to perform the wedding or give a get.
There are also other issues that concern the non-religious in Israel.
Its those people who the Chief Rabbi serves.
For those against mixed seating?
What do you do when you have Shabbbos guests over. Do you have a Mechitza in your own home.
Is there really any difference between a Family Shabbos meal and a Family Simcha?
When there is mixed seating at a simcha, you are usually sat with your family anyway
For those against mixed seating?
What do you do when you have Shabbbos guests over. Do you have a Mechitza in your own home.
Is there really any difference between a Family Shabbos meal and a Family Simcha?
When there is mixed seating at a simcha, you are usually sat with your family anyway
Teach him how to fundraise. Gedoli Hador get that way by being a R’Y of a yeshiva and you get to be a R’Y by opening a Yeshiva (Or marrying into the R’Y family)
I am not familiar with this specific case, but the Chief Rabbi is actually the Rabbi of the Non-Relgious.
If you are Gerrer, you go to the Gerrer Rebbe, If you are Belz you go to the Belzer Rebbe, If you are Litvish you go to Rav Shteinman or similar.
But if you are non-religious then you dont have a rav , so the Chief Rabbi is in charge of relgious life for those people.
Rav Shlomo Auerbach was at an affair of some sort and there was mixed seating.
Someone went over to the Rav and asked him how he could be at such an event. The Rav then gave the person a sharp stinging rebuke on derech eretz and then proceeded to sit next to the Rebbitzen
I think its a Medrash that says Adam was wrong. This is not his own chiddush.
It does say you are not supposed to verve from the torah left or RIGHT. Everyone realized there are dangers by allowing to many makels, there needs to be a realization that there are dangers by adding too many chumras as well
I dont know if you are in NY area, but PC Richard has a Dent and Scratch warehouse in Commack, NY Cheap prices
The Ramban held that the Moon was not a physical place and was a spiritual place. Therefore a lunar landing was not possible
You can say what you want, I was there, It was mixed Shmogasbard. It was that large building near the road that is blocked to the main part of New Square. (Sorry I dont know the name of the building. I am not so familiar with New Square), But it was the main building and it was very nice.
. Like I said I left after the Chuppah as I had to get back to the City area so I dont know what the meal and dancing looked like. They couple were definatly Chassidic though. (If it was a big room with a Mechiza , or seperate floors)
Almost all frum places allow mixed seating even in Williamsburg. Its mixed dancing they will not allow
What people do is have areas of mixed seating for those who wish it and seperate for those who dont. (The host should know in advance who wants what)
As far as the “socialize” comment. I was at a chassidic wedding in New Square (There is some big hall there) and while I did not stay for the meal, I was there for the Smogosgord and it was a mixed Smogosboard.
And what really frum people do who go to a mixed seating event is sit next to their spouces on one side and a member of the same gender on the other.
I know than I am willing to post on this forum. And its not just family its good friends too. Trust me it was no fun hearing from a best friend that not only is he going OTD, he is going off the “straigned” path as well. That was a shock to me. And this was a Yeshiva guy no less.
I know more people than Id like to admit and none of them came back and I am currently dealing with someone who worked so hard to become religious and it appears due to attitudes and corruption in the community (Both Charedi and Modern , neither was innocent here) they are about to leave. I am doing my best to stop it, but there is only so much I can do. If I can keep them in the community I think they will stay for a while, but if they leave , they will be gone forever.
I can also tell you that its best to only practice tough love to a point, If you want to punish him in the house and make rules in the house that he must follow, that is ok, but NEVER throw him out, because that will likely BACKFIRE and backfire badly.
Unfortunatly many people here are telling you either he will come back or tough love will work. In my life they dont come back. Thats why I think you need to accept it.
Finally I think sending him to the US is a bad idea. Not because he needs the change, but because I fear it might get worse. At least in Israel he will go into the Army and hopefully meet a nice jewish girl. Maybe not religious as you would like, but I am sure a nice jewish girl and hopefully you will get some nice jewish grandchildren (Even if they are not religious) . If you send him to the US, Its very possible he will meet a nice shiksa. In Israel the Arab women dont usually go for the Jewish guys (The Arab men do want the jewish girls though) but here in the US many shiksas want a jewish husband (They think they make better husbands) And then not only will you have an OTD kid, you might have non-jewish grandchildren as well.
I was in a 5.5 Earthquake once in California. I didnt feel a thing and when I heard about it on the news, I was upset that I missed it
I dont know if this exact story is true, but there are plenty of similar stories.
People who are “Late” for minyan and block your driveway.
People who are runnning late on Friday afternoon and demand to jump the line in the supermarket.
One of Charedism greatest weaknesses (And one of its Greatest Strenghts as well) is its no compromise attitute.
It has served charedism greatly with that attitude, but in many cases it has hurt as well. Especially with OTD. Are you willing to compromise with your son. What if you are told banish him from the house and lose him perhaps forever. I have read many cases of OTD people who were banished from the house and the result was not positive. It seems those who were not banished did not return, but at least dont have as much a negative attitude as those who were banned.
Finally I am upset you are using the word “mourned” . There is a major news story around the NYC area about a 28 year old Korean Woman who has Terminal Brain Cancer and had a stroke about a month ago because of it that left her paralized from the neck down. She lost the will the live and was originally fighting her parents for the right to die. Her parents have spent the last year helping her with her chemo and the chemo did not work, And soon they will have her bury her daughter (In Korean Culture they feel she is their good luck charm) and when she dies they will feel all is lost, THEY ARE MOURNING. In the end your son will live, maybe not as a life as you want for him, but he is still there. These people wont be so lucky.
Imaof3
May I ask if you daughter is more or less a respectable member of society. I realize you are not happy she is not religious, but is she at least working at a normal job and living a normal life (according to secular society anyway) It might not be a job you approve of (Like an Actress for example) but a job considered normal by the world
Ive been following this from the begining and I see you are tearing you hair out over this.
And ive seen nothing has really changed over the last 5 months. For whatever reason he doesnt want to be religious at this time in his life and I dont think at this juncture you can change that, thats why I think you need to accept it. It really could be alot worse, What if you son was really sick and there was no hope, At some point you would have to accept it as well.For your own mental health.
You need to accept for your benefit, not his. You need to decide what you want to do, Do you want to throw him out and accept the consequences of that (It might sound good now, but in 5 years you might feel very differently). It might entail disowning your son. he may never speak to you ever again. I see people say “Tough Love”, well tough Love doesnt always work and does backfire.
Do you want to let him go his own way and accept those consequnces that he might influence your other children to also go their own way, Maybe the neighbors will also disown you as well for this choice.
I dont think Therapy for HIM to become religous will nessasily work either. Some people just have a bad experience and its best for them to go away for those things to heal themselves. Maybe he had a
Most college professors nowadays are Adjuncts and not tenured professors. Tenured Professors are the ones who get paid for about 20 hours of work a week and cannot be fired and have all the benefits.
In order to save money colleges and universities are hiring Adjuncts more and more, they are paid Per Diem, may or may not get Health Benefits so if they dont work they do not get paid.
Most workers get at most 2 weeks of. Very rarely do you get more than that. And Yom Tov does NOT count so after using up all your vacation for Tom Tov you might have 1 or 2 days left. Chol Hamoed. Forget about it. You are not getting those off.
Optomotrists, dental assistants, law clerks, law professors, and therapist
These people are many times self-employed meaning if they dont work they dont get paid or they are paid Per-diem meaning they are only paid if they work.So if they work 30 hours they will get paid for 30 hours, but if you work 40 hours you will get paid for 40 hours.
There are probably fewer Yekkes because there was higher assimilation in Germany than elsewhere. While there were plenty of secular jews in Poland they still were somewhere seperate than the regular population. They were Jews not Polish.
In Germany the were German not jewish and many German Jews had intermarried which did not occur in the east
Nisht
Planned Parenthood is not just an abortion clinic, They are a womens health facility. yes they perform abortions, but that is not their sole purpose and not even the majority purpose.
My friend personally does not perform them and yes she knows exactly what a chassic woman looks like.
This clinic is about 20-25 miles from the Chassic areas so they are far enough away as not to create a disturbance in their neighborhood or Lashon Harah why she is going there.
I am sure these women had Heters to go there and Planned Parenthood also dispenses the pill directly after she sees the doctor so there is no need for 2 trips.
While publically Rabbanim might declare no helping hashem. Privately they might paskin different esepcially given specific circumstances that it might not be a good idea (IE the woman could get sick or die from being pregnant)
I know this is unpopular, but have you thought about just accepting the situation as it is. I didnt say you have to LIKE it, just accept it and try to make the best of it.
‘
This thread has been going on for 5 months and there doesnt seem to be any change in the situation and I realize this thread has been thearpy for you, but at some point you will have to accept it. I wouldnt worry what others say, Its between your son and Hashem and only he knows why he feels this way at this time. You really dont know exactly what he went through or is going through his mind
Accepting it doesnt mean it will get better in the future, it might not, It might stay the same, but it will likely stabilize the situation.
Not everyone is meant to be in the same place in life.
It does seem to me that immaof3 did accept the situation (I didnt say she liked it, but accepted it)
WOW
I hope the mods allow this, but this might be important, you dont have to answer publically. But does you son like girls?
I am not saying every guy who wears an earing and wants to wear jewerly is “different”, but you need to think about it and somehow broach the question without being judgemental like saying the torah says its an abomination. I have heard of many people who went OTD for this reason.
Who do you think sits on school boards? Morahs or baalei batim?
Depends which kind, MO schools do have a board, but more right wing schools are run by the R’Y and the board has actually very little power as they are unwilling or unable to overule the R’Y
Its not “against the torah” to stipulate how many children you have.
I know someone who worked for planned parenthood in Orange County and many of her patients were chassidim (At least she called them chassidim) who were working to limit the number of children.
Which schools deserve the money. Can you imagine the Satmar Schools fighting with the MO schools for the money.
Will Chassidim marry MO, Will MO Marry Yeshivish?
And the School DO have too many days off. I have no problem with Chol Hamoed and maybe even Isro Chag, But I have a serious problem with the days between Yom Kippur and Succos.
Or 3 Days off for Purim and 2 weeks off BEFORE Peseach.
And while PBA was being Sarcastic, It really is difficult to have the kids go to School on Thanksgiving, December 25 and Jan 1st and have 2 different vacations in January . That I have to beg and plead for car pools on those days or wind and wind up driving myself, and find child care on the others.
An electronic item with rechargeable batteries needs downtime to re-charge the batteries or else at some point the item shuts down.
The idea of vacation serves the same principles. Take some down time and recharge your batteries.
Its truly a shame that learning days are getting longer and longer and Bein Hazmanim gets shorter and shorter. Even teenage yeshiva boys need downtime to recharge their batteries. Burnout can be a terrible thing as witnessed by many threads posted here
Grow a Willow tree in your backyard, and Pick them as needed
Good to see you back Soliek and dont let some people get you down
The problem with the questions is in many cases the people in Chinuch shouldnt be there, They did not get the job via merit but rather nepotism.
And people are unwilling to question the Rabbi because its “Not Kavod” and the problems fester.
There is a major difference between respect and awe.
henry VIII was not an anglican , He was a Catholic. He only became an Anglican when the pope didnt allow him to divorce. He COULD have legally divorced Catherine, but he needed a dispensation from the pope, but Catherine was the daughter of the King and Queen of Spain and they were threatening the pope who then denied henry VIII of a dispensation for divorce.
Also Aurora, you can drive Today (Wendsday October 3) Tommorrow , Friday and Sunday to a Succah.
I am sure Chabad of Philadelphia has a Succah and might even have some sort of Succah party that you could attend
Auora, It more depends where you live
In Williamsburg and Boro Park (Brooklyn) I think less have Succahs and the ones that I see are mostly on a Balcony (You can only use the Balcony if there is nothing on top of the Balcony and it goes straight up to the Sky)
many people there live in Apartment Buildings. In Manhattan Lower East Side and the Upper West Side almost nobody has succahs.
The rest of the City is probably more private houses.
And Even those Balcony Succahs, I am not sure exactly how someone would sleep in one, they are tiny and barely enough room many times just to eat on a Card table
In the Frum world it has become idolized what a “Frum” person is.
WOW mentioned her 13 year old son is learning 12 hours a day. When is there down time. I was talking over the Yom Tov about Bein Hazmanim. Bein Hazmanin is becoming shorter and shorter and you are supposed to learn 8 hours a day during bein Hazamin instead of 12 hours a day.
Its a bit hard for me to read the “textspeak” of S1. But she is a teenage girl. Without seeming to condone the behavior, thats what teenagers do. It isnt the end of the world. It seems she is having the choice of the guy or god. She can like the guy and god too.
Think about it, How many people say Dayenu and say, if I have to learn 12 hours a day, cant have summer vacation , cant hang out with members of the opposite gender. Cant use the internet, cant read books, Cant have a smartphone etc.
Many people would say they would give up all those things, But there are plenty given the choice, Do you want to be frum or watch movies and use the internet will make that choice.
Aurora,
There are various opinions about sleeping in the Succah, especially in NYC.
Probably the biggest issue for most is actually having a Succah, espcially if you live in an apartment building and cant have one. If you cant have a succah and have to use a communal Succah, you are not sleeping in the Succah.
Many people do have houses and this depends , Some people have private yards where safety isnt really an issue, Then it depends if you sleep in the Succah or not. Many people today dont sleep in the Succah even if its safe (There are opinions that many hold that in Northern Climates , you dont have to sleep in the Succah)
There is of course the safety issue for others, whether its people or wild animals as well (There are Possums and Raccons in NYC and I would not want to wake up next to a Raccoon)
One of the reasons Tay Sachs is a problem for jews is Cousins Marrying
The Lubavicher Rebbe went to the Sorbonne surely he read Alexandre Dumas , I am sure he read The Three Muskateers or the Count of Monte Christo
Ready Now since you say secular books are Prohibited
Where does it say that in the Mishna Brurah or similar books (Shakespeare was written after the Shulchan Aruch as was most classic literature)
Certainly the Chofetz Chaim must have heard of Shakespeare or Charles Dickens.
What is unfortunate is some will say reading Shakespeare leads to the reading of the New Testament. (Avareah Goreth Averah) which is totally false.
WOW,
There is no solutuon, Unfortunatly the solution must come from leadership and we really dont have leadership anymore. Until we get real leadership this will continue.
FYI The X in xtian is not actually a letter “x” its actually comes from the greek letter “Kai” which was short for the meaning our lord and savior
So there is no difference between writing xtian and christian.
Now its a “Aveirah” to read secular books, I guess all those Rabbanim who are the heads of Bais Yakkovs, Many Boys Yeshivas, YU, and Touro are major reshiam. Not only have they read secular literature they have encouraged good Yingerlach to sin greatly
With such poverty rates and so many people struggling, better spend less on a estrog and more on such things as food.
Its not, In fact its illegal in 38 states. 1st cousins can only marry in 12 states (NY is one of them)
Why did Klal Yisroel start using a Christian religious innovation for their bible to import for use in our Torah?
During the middle ages, the jews were subject to “debates” with christians usually conversos. Most famously the Ramban against Pablo Christiani.
The christians had already adopted chapter and verses and they would say things like during these “debates” In Isaiah chapter 1 verse 1 it says the messiah has come and in order to refute them for the audience, the Ramban and others would say, Well in Isiah Chapter 2 verse 2 its says something else and he has not come.
Exactly when it was adopted by all I do not know, but I am guessing The Rabbanim of the time felt it made learning easier.
Another way you can tell it was done by the christians, is they actually divided the chapters incorrectly. Did you ever wonder why Parshas ended and a New parsha began in the same chapter. The proper way to divide the Tanach is with Peh’s.
I guess you dont drive, Put gas in the car, Change a flat jump a car, That is Goyish Knowlege
I guess you never use plumbing, After all flushing the toilet, Using a plunger, Using a snake using drano is goyish Knowledge.
I guess you never use electricity, turn on the lights, change a light bulb, change a light switch, change a light fixture, That is “Goyish Knowledge” too.
Dont take pictures and videos of Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, Bris too after all that is “Goyish Knowledge” too
Dont use Perek and Pasuks either, Do you know that came from the christians