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The Shadchan


chupa.jpg“Hello, Rabbi Stein? This is Mrs. Gross. I hope you remember us. My daughter, Ettel Leah and I came to meet you last month. She’s a lovely girl and we hope you are keeping her in mind.” Click

“Hi, Rabbi Stein? It’s Shua Applebaum. Faigy, my daughter, is anxious for you to come up with something. Why are you not returning my calls? My number again is 516-332-4136.” Click

“Hello? Hello? Yes, Rabbi Stein? Uh- cough- this is –uh- Mrs. Aviva Goldstein. I have a daughter who just returned from seminary in Eretz Yisroel. She is really an outstanding girl. She does chesed all the time and was top in the class. I have many references…We – uh – we would like to set up an appointment with you. Please call me at 845-777-6767. Or I guess I can also be reached at…” Click

“Yes, hello. Rabbi Stein? This is Mrs. Gross again. I just wanted to let you know that Ettel Leah just received her M.A. degree from a correspondence course. She’s so bright and she just wants a boy who will sit and learn. We’re hoping you will come up with something soon. The number here again is 718-565-1212. Hope to hear from you real soon!” Click.

“Hello? Yes, Rabbi Stein? This is Mrs. Gross again. I also just wanted to remind you that Ettel Leah is looking for a tall boy. If you remember, she herself is quite tall – 5’7” The number here again is 718-565-1212. That’s 718-565- twelve, twelve. Thanks so much!” Click.

It was 11:01 p.m. The messages on my ‘business line’ kept on coming in as usual. Aaah!. It wasn’t easy being a shadchan. Sometimes I even wondered why I had gotten started in the ‘profession’ at all. Lately, it seemed that I had neither a day nor a night to call my very own! I wondered if the President of the United States was as busy as I! But, ah, yes, as my Rosh Yeshiva had reminded me, I was involved in avoidas hakodesh. I thought back to how I had actually gotten into this in the first place. As one of the first of my own group of friends to become engaged and married, I and my wife had attempted to set up my two chavrusas who had, of yet, not been so lucky. And lo and behold! Before you knew it, they too had marched down the wedding aisle! It was a sweet taste of success for me at the time. Soon my reputation had grown and – voila- here I was today: a bonafide shadchan! But- aaah! – it sure wasn’t easy!

I made some markings in pencil in my little black ‘shidduchuchim’ notebook. I stopped to digest the messages of before. Now, what to do about this Mrs.Gross? She didn’t stop calling. True, her daughter was a fine girl – but there were many such fine girls. And, it seemed the Gross’s were quite picky. The boy’s family had to be just so. The boy had to be just this shnit and have had to be from just that yeshiva. When? I thought, would people understand that no shidduch can be custom ordered! Only Hashem was able to create spouses. Certainly not me! Oh well! I could only try.

The next morning I made it to the yeshiva bright and early in the morning . It wasn’t easy getting up at this hour but when I could, I did. It gave me that extra slot to learn before davening with the regular minyan and getting on with my busy, super hectic schedule. As I passed the room leading into the bais medrash where the early risers davened in the vasikin minyan , I noticed the same tefilin bag that inevitably was there, propped on the table, whenever I made it in this early. I recognized it well. The gold embroidered lettering bore witness to the fact that it belonged to that bochur, Eliyahu Langer. Hmm, I thought. He certainly is a real catch! Tall, yeshivish, litvish, good midos, good learner, good family…and now this…outstanding! To actually get up each morning so early! Unusual! I had never really considered Eliyahu to be the type. Hiding his true pnimiyis…A real find!

Then I had my brainstorm! That’s it! Ettel Leah Gross! Eliyahu Langer, the serious bochur who made a point to get up for the vasikin davening every morning…now I knew that Eliyahu was everything the Gross family was looking for. And more.

I immediately got straight to work. I knew where to locate the Langer phone number. I’d spoken with the bochur, Eliyahu numerously. How bashert it was that I had chanced again upon that tefilin bag this morning! It had been what prompted me to think of the Gross girl. As the saying goes – Hakol Bidei Shamayim, everything is in the Hands of Shamayim!

“Hello, Mrs. Langer? Yes, this is Avi Stein. I’ve called you in the past about several suggestions for your son, Eliyahu. I have another name for you to look into. Her name is Ettel Leah Gross…”

It didn’t take long for the Langer’s to leave their reply message on my answering machine. “Yes,” Mrs. Langer sounded excited. “If she is what her references say about her, Ettel Leah Gross is exactly what my Eliyahu is looking for. We’ll give it a try. Looking forward to hearing good news from you!” Click.

It wasn’t so easy to convince the Gross side that their daughter’s future might lie within the Langer family though. “I don’t know.” Mrs. Gross pronounced slowly. “My Ettel Leah is looking for someone very, very serious. We did hear very nice things about this particular bochur, however, he may be a bit too leibidik for her. I’m still quite hesitant to begin this whole parsha. Why waste everyone’s time?”

“Listen, Mrs. Gross.” I used my honed business convincing skills now. I knew where to strike, when, and how. “It is true that Eliyahu Langer is a leibidik bochur. But, believe me, I know from my own personal experience that he is as ehrlich and serious about yiddishkeit and learning as they come. In fact,” My voice now dropped for a dazzling dramatic effect, “he is maybe one of the very few bochurim who make a point to daven early every morning – rain or shine, winter or summer – in the vasikin minyan of the yeshiva!” And then came the clincher.” Mrs. Gross, I myself, bear witness!”

“Really?” Mrs. Gross’s tone was changing. “That is quite unusual for a young bochur! Hmmm. I’ll talk it over with my husband and Ettel Leah and get back to you soon. Thank you!”

Indeed, it was not long afterward that I listened to my answering machine with the Gross family’s message of consent. “We’re interested. Let us know about the details of the meeting,” Mrs. Gross’s voice said.

After that, there was little to talk about. Within a month Eliyahu Langer and Ettel Leah Gross were chasan and kallah!

MAZEL TOV! It was another worthy shidduch facilitated by Avi Stein!

But as the handshakes and words of gratitude reached me, I modestly declined to take the credit. “No,” I said shaking my head to the negative. “The credit goes to The One Above. Hakol Bidei Shamayim. I was merely the shaliach.”

Soon the actual chasuna took place. What an affair it was! The music! The atmosphere! The chasan himself, known to be a leibidik vibrant soul was the true life of the party! It was a simcha to behold. I reaped the nachas.

Just before I, the honored shadchan, was requested to speak at the last sheva brochos, I got up to greet the choson with my notes in hand. “Dear Chasan,” I said with a smile.

Tell me, you’re not making it to the vaskikin minyan also during sheva brochas, are you?”

The chasan looked at me without a trace of expression. Then- “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I daven always in the regular minyan.”

I felt my eyes widen. “How is it that your tefilin bag is on the table in the room in front of the bais medrash when the early minyan davens vasikin then?” I asked, quite taken aback.

“Oh!” The chasan was grinning widely now. “That tefilin bag must belong to the chassidish guy with a similar name. Join the club! People always mix us up! His name is Eliyahu Lenger – L-e-n-g-e-r! Mine’s Eliyahu Langer – L-a-n-g-e-r!”

As I got up to speak, I threw the notes heaped with the chasan’s and kallah’s praises aside. “Rabboisai!” I began. “Speaking as a very experienced shadchan, I would like to enlighten you with one thing. Hako Bidei Shomayim! Everything is in the Hands of Shamayim. Hashem is the true Shadchan and if he wills one party to become a life partner with another it will happen by hook or by crook! I would like to wish the chasan, the kallah and all the mechutanim a heartfelt wish of Mazel Tov!”

And with that, I, Avi Stein, the shaliach of Hakodesh Boruch Hu sat down with echoes of Mazel Tov from those present at the Langer – L-a-n-g-e-r / Gross sheva brochos.

“MAZEL TOV! MAZEL TOV!” The good wishes resounded.

(M. Wyzanski – YWN)



9 Responses

  1. very nice story!! it just shows how a person has no control over his life-

    wen did this story happen?

    it should be in the coffee room- y is it by the news???

  2. I don’t get it, isn’t easier to meet for coffee for a half hour than to spend a week being a “roichel” trolling for information half way around the globe.

  3. This is no laughing matter! too many people are distraught over the issue. People who go for weeks without a call for even a prospect! If Hakadosh Boruch Hu said of himself that since Krias Yam Suf He is, kavYachol, busy being mezaveig zivuggim for klal Yisroel, then we must beseech Him and ask for His help in being the right shalich to get “A” to “B”. Many many tears have been shed over this difficult Inyan.
    May the Av HoRachaman bestow us with His Rachmanus and help shidduchim AND THE $$$ NEEDED FOR CHASUNOS to become plentiful.

  4. if you would have children in the shidduch parsha the beginning of the story would bring back the terrible memories that parents have dealing with the so called pro shadchens in Lakewood. The fact of the matter is if you don’t have money, don’t have yichus or are not well connected you will not even get a call back from these shadchens. We need shadchens for the regular hamoin aam and let the pros deal with the upper class. If anyone knows shadchens who deal with “regular” down to earth shidduchim please post their names

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