Forum Replies Created
October 28, 2014 3:40 am at 3:40 am in reply to: When will Boro Park have a Shabbos Project and host thousands of BTs? #1038392
“That will bring in a few dozen cumulatively, at best, “from far out in the USA”, not “thousands”.
I disagree. Each Mr Shtotty in BP has at least a hundred wannabes. There are B”H many Mr Shtottys in BP, as evidenced by the numbers of really Shtotty houses in BP. You obviously arent too familiar with BP Shtotty personality (and numbers thereof) and wannabe mentality (and numbers thereof).October 28, 2014 2:19 am at 2:19 am in reply to: When will Boro Park have a Shabbos Project and host thousands of BTs? #1038390
If a Mr. Shtotty in BP invites a potential BT from far out in the USA, so will all his wannabes invite potential BTs from far out in the USA! They will do exactly as he does.
Mr. Shtotty in BP, are you listening?October 27, 2014 2:53 am at 2:53 am in reply to: When will Boro Park have a Shabbos Project and host thousands of BTs? #1038386
Im really ROTFL.
But lets get serious!
Who would perhaps set a Boro Park Shabbos Project into motion, cuz SOME (heehee) “in town” people do E X A C T L Y what the people they perceive to be shtotty do. Its the in town copycat syndrome.
All we need is ONE “shtotty” person to involve themselves in a Shabbos Project and its D O N E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
People will be clamoring to get involved with Mr Shtotty and company.October 26, 2014 8:08 pm at 8:08 pm in reply to: When will Boro Park have a Shabbos Project and host thousands of BTs? #1038381
I heard and read that people came from other states.
Why do those who come have to be from Brooklyn or even New York?October 26, 2014 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm in reply to: Shabbos Project results #1191704
DY, financial cost or other cost? Please clarify.October 26, 2014 7:11 pm at 7:11 pm in reply to: Shabbos Project results #1191702
Yes, Chabad surely has lost much, with locations and followers around the world, and followers who follow not just because thats the only way they know and are pressured to conform exactly or else!October 26, 2014 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm in reply to: Shabbos Project results #1191700
Perhaps it’s because the gedolim of previous generations understood cost-benefit analysis of organized kiruv.”
Ha! Thats why Chabad is the failure it is! (VERY SARCASTIC)October 26, 2014 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm in reply to: Shabbos Project results #1191683
As humans, we make mistakes and try to rectify them.
We see what went wrong and what went right, and we refine and correct.
We dont eliminate Kiruv events!
Perhaps Kiruv events should be held separately for men and women. How about that?October 26, 2014 4:28 pm at 4:28 pm in reply to: Shabbos Project results #1191680
Id love to hear the organizers’ opinions on whether it was more of a success or failure, and why.October 22, 2014 2:10 am at 2:10 am in reply to: The Klinghoffer Opera at Lincoln Center- Where is everybody? #1036394
Would de Blasio be fighting for the right to stage art/opera where other races are negatively portrayed? No way.
What a letdown you are, Mayor de Blasio!October 6, 2014 8:36 pm at 8:36 pm in reply to: The Klinghoffer Opera at Lincoln Center- Where is everybody? #1036383
charliehall, “The main effect of these protests is to generate free advertising for an opera that would have played to half-empty houses. The Met isn’t going to cancel the opera as it has too many contractual obligations in the way.”
Never say never.
You say- Grin and bear it? Would you feel the same way if you were a blood relative of Klinghoffer? We are all blood relatives of Klinghoffer.October 6, 2014 1:58 pm at 1:58 pm in reply to: The Klinghoffer Opera at Lincoln Center- Where is everybody? #1036381
This is an important enough issue to busy ourselves with, even during the Yom Tov season. We have to understand that the Gdolim arent going to offer opinions on an Opera or encourage going to rallies involving Operas, but the souls of our 6,000,000 and Israeli fallen soldiers and terror victims are depending on us to both daven and speak up and not allow the equivalent of fresh swastikas to be painted onstage every night of this performance, without public reaction.October 6, 2014 1:16 pm at 1:16 pm in reply to: The Klinghoffer Opera at Lincoln Center- Where is everybody? #1036379
Im not sure which of our other papers have called attention to this, but The Jewish Press has condemned it loudly.
The first performance of this Opera called a “beautiful” work of art by critics, will take place on Monday October 20, and there’s a Rally planned against it at Lincoln Center at 6:30, at Broadway and West 65th street, with a caravan of 100 wheelchairs.
Posters are out publicizing this event, that say “Shame on the Met for Glorifying Terrorism” and “We are all Leon Klinghoffer”. How true. If it were up to those terrorists, it definitely would have been all of us.October 6, 2014 4:25 am at 4:25 am in reply to: Why do the moderators delete all the posts? #1034539
OK, thanks so much. I didnt realize ALL links are problematic. Im glad you clarified. Its on it way soon, minus all links.October 6, 2014 4:07 am at 4:07 am in reply to: Why do the moderators delete all the posts? #1034538
I feel the same way! Im baffled. I just read all the rules and cant see why my thread about the Klinghoffer Opera that will be shown in Lincon Center is a horrendous anti-semitic pro-terrorist propaganza vehicle, and the only reason I could understand Yeshiva World not allowing my thread, is if they have pro-Palestinians among them.
That was because we do not allow links.September 28, 2014 5:59 am at 5:59 am in reply to: Why R' Rechnitz is incorrect #1035717
Agreed, 100%, without the Bima Klops nothing will happen!
d e f i n i t e l y
knows as well as we do, that without the Bima Klops nothing will happen!
The Billion Dollar question: Why did R’ Rechnitz even bring this idea up to the public, without FIRST orchestrating the Bima Klops?May 28, 2014 3:22 am at 3:22 am in reply to: Mechitza at Har Sinai? #1017856
There might not have been a Mechitzah at Har Sinai but there were definitely Shtreimlach and Spudiks. I saw pictures.May 27, 2014 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm in reply to: This is Hakaras Hatov to the Shadchan? #1017178
Good ending! This was a total misunderstanding. There was no “party”, Chassan just called to say some friends and family ate out.
Oh brother, am I relieved! I thought they were upset at me.
Sorry if I ruffled any feathers here.May 27, 2014 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm in reply to: This is Hakaras Hatov to the Shadchan? #1017176
apushatayid, you are asking random strangers what you may have done wrong, on the other hand when those same random strangers suggest what it is you may have done
Perhaps you have comprehension issues. I asked “How do I get to the bottom of this?”, translated simply as
How do I get THEM to tell me whats bothering them after a year of efforts on and off, leading to them finding their lifelong soulmates!
Anyhow, Hashem is good! I just became aware of another Shidduch materializing tonight iy”H!
Thank you Hashem!!!!!May 27, 2014 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm in reply to: This is Hakaras Hatov to the Shadchan? #1017173
Hashem is good! I just became aware of another Shidduch materializing tonight iy”H!
Thank you Hashem!!!!!May 27, 2014 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm in reply to: This is Hakaras Hatov to the Shadchan? #1017166
Sheesh! Please folks, none of us are perfect, so please hold off on the negativity! Look in the mirror if youre in a Mussaring mood!
I will try to let it go… but after consulting a number of other Shadchanim, they all say its a unique situation. I just want to know if I did anything to upset them. I deserve that.April 23, 2014 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm in reply to: How do we get Jroute and Nissim back on the air? #1012750
Epis, I didnt realize that a White House petition is the only effective approach to getting them on the air.
If advertisers feel they will benefit from advertising on Jroute programming, voila, things will happen.
Both Nissim and the idea of 24/6 Jewish programming was amazing and is sorely missed for both inspiration and enjoyment.April 23, 2014 1:28 pm at 1:28 pm in reply to: How do we get Jroute and Nissim back on the air? #1012748
Am I the only one who feels that Jroute and Nissim were amazing?April 20, 2014 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm in reply to: Judaism is not a religion of superiority #1012871
???? ???? ?????… ??????? ???? ???????? ?????
While I am not sure of the exact meaning of this (and no underlings are sure), and I try not to judge, something about that quote might teach us not to think we are G-dly or have an iota of correctness in any superiority and judgmentalism!
Whatever we know, theres way more we dont know about the ways and “thoughts” of Hashem.April 20, 2014 6:46 am at 6:46 am in reply to: Judaism is not a religion of superiority #1012856
What a troubling discussion….. Do ANY of us underlings, including those we hold in very high esteem, really know for 1000000000% certain what Hashem desires of us and considers of utmost importance, causing us to feel superior and judging others to be inferior, because of level of observance?
The older we get, the smarter we become, and realize the less we know.
I think the safest bet is to “Leave the driving to Greyhound”, and the judging to Melech Malchei HaMlochim.February 16, 2014 5:42 am at 5:42 am in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003366
If you are a shadchan who will not set up singles unless they fit specific criteria and pay certain fees, who do YOU believe the rest of us should go to?
Im not sure who youre addressing, but personally Ive never complained when I got little or no Shadchanus, where I havent seen ostentatiousness dangled in front of my eyes. And I dont mean costume jewelry! In this recent case, I am aware of uniquely expensive celebration of the engagement, one totally out of the ordinary. That stings, when you dont hear anything about Shadchanus.February 6, 2014 9:14 pm at 9:14 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003323
“A Shadchan relative of mine”
You caught me. Youre right, Im wrong.February 6, 2014 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003319
“to avoid the bickering and potential bad blood”
The OP is proof it happens.
I thought I was done with this thread but I couldnt not respond.
I made my first Shidduch over thirty years ago. Since then Ive never complained to the parties involved when I got no Shadchanus at all and I never said anything but Thank You when I received Shadchanus of any amount. Im not sure where you gathered that I did otherwise. No bickering, no bad blood with anyone. Thats not my style.
Interjection, all I can say is Thank You Thank You Thank You.February 6, 2014 6:03 am at 6:03 am in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003309
“the community loses out when talented/capable shadchanim leave the field.”
Because Hashem will have all these awesome zivugim and no way to facilitate them?
I couldnt resist. Im gagging.
Perhaps in the interest of budgeting, we can rid our communities of expensive Shuls and Yeshivahs. Because Hashem will accept our prayers from anywhere, and we can educate our children in Torah ways anywhere. Lets get creative here.February 2, 2014 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003270
This WHINING Shadchan together with many other WHINING Shadchanim often deals with difficult people and difficult situations, including FFB, Gerim and BTs, trying to offer a kind word that softens the pain and lightens the load of singles and parents, and to the best of their ability, tries finding life mates for them, with the knowledge that they generally dont get more than one successful Shidduch for every 100 serious attempts, if that, and get nothing monetary or otherwise, except for the Mitzvah B”H, for attempts.
Thank you. Im done here.January 30, 2014 11:42 pm at 11:42 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003249
There are takanos for everything else, rabbonim can institute a takana for this too.
Thats an amazing idea. Work on it!
DY and Avram, I apologize. Youre right!January 30, 2014 10:50 pm at 10:50 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003244
Avram, do you have evidence that AZ’s numbers are not correct? If not, you should not be jumping on the OP for inflating them.
All Avram has to do if he’s sincere, is ask ten people of AVERAGE means in the New York area, encompassing Flatbush, BP, Queens, 5 towns, who are Yeshivish, Modern Yeshivish, or close, etc what they paid their Shadchan lately.
Trust me, he wont! Some people are just “koch-leffels/hock-a cheiniks”.January 30, 2014 8:36 pm at 8:36 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003240
If anyone is aware of any well known Rov who feels the community norm in any frum community in the tri-state area is below $500 per side, Id love to hear the Rovs name. He should have no qualms about going public with his Psak.
IMHO Shadchanim should yield to ANY well known Rov’s estimation of the “community norm” and respect it (Rov who is willing to state it proudly and publicly and for the record).
I know its coming…. What constitutes a “well known Rov”? 😉 To that I answer, I define a “well known Rov” as any Rov consulted by large groups of people and quoted regularly and positively in frum newspapers. I think thats a fair criteria.January 30, 2014 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003235
Paying the “community norm” is the way to go, outside of dire situations, according to what Ive heard and read from Rabbonim and Seforim. Correct me if Im wrong.
If anyone is aware of any Rov who feels the community norm in the tri-state area is below $500 per side, Id love to hear the Rovs name. He should have no qualms about going public with his Psak.
SYAS, for instance, orchestrates Shiddcuhim throughout the world, and doesnt move a step without consulting Poskim. They recommend (on their website, Laws of Shadchanus area) paying $1,000 per side, and if you cant pay that amount, to consult your Rabbi.January 30, 2014 12:50 am at 12:50 am in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003213
You know, I’m here posting. So obviously I’m not too much in the camp of those who speak out strongly against such forums. But this thread is just about enough to convert me.
As long as we’re sticking to opinions, fine. But it has been made abundantly clear that this is an issue firmly rooted in Halacha. Yet we have “alternate feelings”, and “disgust”.
Why do we bother having threads bashing certain yeshivos and people who fall out of the pale of normative Judaism, when we have such posters among us to deal with ?
Wow, wow, and wow again! Brilliantly put! Pick and choose Judaism…. Some observe vus se gefelt !January 29, 2014 11:39 pm at 11:39 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003209
To all those who think Shadchanim shouldnt get paid any specific amount… start getting a taste of it NOW. Go red a Shidduch and report to us here how its going every day.
Lets not be armchair know it all Shadchanim!
Go do it NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!January 29, 2014 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003197
…what ever happened to us?
If the Sforim Hakdoshim tell us this is how its done, then this is how its done.
Do you really think that the Average Joe and Jennifer will start redding Shidduchim if those who were getting paid for it, stop getting paid and stop doing it? Me no think so.
Theres a reason Rabbonim tell us to pay.
You know the people walking on the main streets of your town doing and saying funny things…. r”l. Sometimes it feels like Shadchanim are a mm of an inch away from that, after dealing with difficult situations and difficult people. Thats how frustrating redding Shidduchim is.
Theres a reason Rabbonim tell us to pay.January 29, 2014 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003194
If this shadchan has done several shiduchim in the past and gotten $50- $100, perhaps that is the going rate
BTs and BT’s children were the ones who gave that amount and it was accepted happily. Never from FFB families.January 29, 2014 4:26 am at 4:26 am in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003184
Link removed. This is from an archive on the Aish.com website.-100
Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with a shadchan requesting payment for services rendered just as an attorney or accountant has every right to demand payment for services.
Although it sometimes sounds strange, shadchanus fees are halachically categorized as brokerage fees. Just as one pays a real estate agent for arranging a transaction, so too one pays a shadchan for making the arrangements necessary for the engagement and marriage to transpire. Therefore, we must first explain the halachic sources for brokerage fees.
BUT WHAT IF I DIDN’T ASK HIM?
People easily understand that if you approach a broker or agent, you thereby obligate yourself to pay him for his services. However, some people assume that if you did not solicit the service, are not obligated to pay. Does this distinction have any basis?
HOW MUCH DO YOU OWE THE YORED?
You are required to pay the yored as much as you have benefited. If he performed work for you that would normally require you to hire someone, you must pay him the market rate for hiring someone for this work (Gemara Bava Metzia 76a; Sma, Choshen Mishpat 375:1).
WHY MUST ONE PAY THE SHADCHAN?
When a single person or the parent of a single person asks someone if they know of any marriageable prospects, they are asking them to perform a valuable service on their behalf. This service has a market value, just as any other brokerage or recruiting fee has a market value (Rama Choshen Mishpat 264:7).January 29, 2014 2:57 am at 2:57 am in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003182
Hee hee…..If everyone felt that O T H E R people should be working
t i r e l e s s l y
at Shidduchim with little or no expectation, then caterers, musicians, and florists would, as a result, probably have lots more free time to be Osek in Shidduchim themselves… because theyd have less work because of less weddings!!!!!!
Pollyannaish thoughts my friends, oomis and frimet! You should be dictating to YOURSELVES how to improve in YOUR Mitzvah observance! Dictating to others isnt as effective and isnt praiseworthy.
pollyannaish – def.: pleasantly (even unrealistically) optimistic
To those who are being Osek in Shidduchim with little or no expectation: You ought to find a way to clone yourselves, because everyone knows the Klal needs more, not less, Shadchanim!January 28, 2014 2:08 pm at 2:08 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003173
Also also, I would really be wary of making assumptions as to what the family does or doesn’t intend to do based on a vague comment made at the vort.
Possibly, but in the past this Shadchan has gotten $50 and $100 checks, in one case from comfortable people where the wedding was held in a fancy establishment… yes, I know… I know…. you never know who paid for the wedding…and you cant judge.
Interestingly though, from experience throughout the years, most of those who have paid the typical average to generous amount, have been the poorer simpler people, and it was paid at the Vort, and we’ve heard the same from other Shadchanim.January 28, 2014 4:54 am at 4:54 am in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003169
Why is the Shadchan’s time and effort less valuable than the caterer, musicians, and the florist’s time, etc most of whom get paid with much profit after having spent way less time? In cases where there is no payment made to a caterer, musician, and florist, etc. its understandable.
Big bucks? $2,000 a year? C’mon.January 27, 2014 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003167
Oomis, you must be a big tzadekes (I assume youre a woman), and very out of town…. even on Shidduch websites like SYAS, which is not farfrumt or heimish or New Yorky by any standards, the site generates an email to recently engaged couples, recommending that each side give $1,000. This doesnt make anyone a millionaire, being that most SYAS and other Shadchanim dont make more than one Shidduch a year after a years worth of days and nights of unsuccessful attempts.
….THEN PEOPLE COMPLAIN WHY NO ONE WANTS TO BE SHADCHANIM AND AS A RESULT LOTS OF SINGLES ARE GETTING OLDER AND OLDER!
After a years worth of days and nights of unsuccessful attempts, most are human and want more than a candy dish.January 27, 2014 1:03 pm at 1:03 pm in reply to: Is there a tactful way to say Shadchan prefers money? #1003164
AFAIK Shadchanim in frum communities get $1,000 per side, minimum, these days. My relative IS Mochel on Shadchanus for their BT/Gerim Shidduchim, because theyre not familiar with the Halacha/Minhag of Shadchanus. Both sides here are FFB.
Just wondering, do poor people feel they dont have to pay Shadchanus and are patur with a candy dish, etc? Although Ive heard from a well knwn Shadchan that they got less from their wealthy Shidduchim and more from their Shidduchim involving people who dont have any money.January 2, 2014 4:13 pm at 4:13 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998117
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Imho, the road to hell is more likely the road of passivity, the road not taken at all, when people are clearly crushed and in tears.
As much as I was always uncomfortable with NASI ideas, I still think theyre innocents who are trying and havent hurt anyone. Moneys will be returned.
Has anyone come up with better suggestions?
What are others’ suggestions, now that people have to be fully aware of the scary growing numbers of older single girls, nebach?January 1, 2014 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998107
Part of the problem is girls, most of them bright (brighter than most guys), wanting either the bright “good learners” or bright “learner/earners”. These bright guys are more limited in numbers than bright girls. This leaves over lots of bright girls bec there arent enough bright guys. Also guys up to high twenties will get dates w girls in low twenties. The reverse is never true. A girl in her upper twenties or older, has almost no one to go out with, relatively.
Anyone agree?January 1, 2014 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998102
Sorry, DY, Ive been on Sabbatical from the CR for almost a year and forgot who is kidding who about what…I came out of my deep slumber when I heard about the NASI news.January 1, 2014 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998100
“if more people would be solution oriented as you are, and buy multiple rolls, there wouldn’t be as many left over”.
No roll wants to be just another one of their owner’s rolls. Anyhow, to my knowledge there is presently a prohibition for any customer/owner to buy more than one roll. If we disregard that prohibition, then roll purchasers and rolls can BOTH be shared and swapped, depending on desire. Thats whats going on in much of secular society today. Different customers tasting different rolls and vice versa. Not the recipe for a life of satisfaction.December 31, 2013 11:28 pm at 11:28 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998080
AZ, I constantly read how Shadchanus money paid in advance and held in escrow is the MAIN fuel and key to the success of Nasi, and therefore so crucial to be paid, if the money advantage to the Shadchanim, is no more, what will be the attraction to the Shadchanim now?December 31, 2013 10:57 pm at 10:57 pm in reply to: Shidduchim – NASI's escrow program has run its course #998078
AZ, my friend!
I spoke to a close friend this morning who had MUCHO BUCKSO invested in NASI, who got an email this morning saying shed be getting back all her money because the Nasi Program is no longer functioning, and a new program is being designed…..
Who here has comprehension problems?
She was sort of happy/sad that she’d be getting all her money back (happy) but all her dreams dashed (sad).
AZ, my friend, can you clarify?