catch yourself

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  • in reply to: Why was trump impeached??? #1831674

    catch yourself
    Participant

    @klugeryid thinks I supported the impeachment…I did not

    @ jackk thinks I am a Trump supporter…I am not, and never have been

    @chash understood that I meant merely to point out the true underlying reason for the impeachment, which @mdg puts so succinctly as, “hatred”.

    I think Senator Murkowski was correct in saying that as an institution, Congress had failed because the pure partisan nature of the Representatives and Senators on both sides precluded any possibility for a fair and honest trial.

    I also think that Senator Alexander was correct in saying that, even conceding that the President did what the Democrats alleged, his conduct, though wrong, did not warrant removal from office.

    I would take it the step further that the entire impeachment was unwarranted, repulsive though one may find Mr. Trump’s character to be.

    in reply to: Wedding Costs….In Law Chutzpah #1831433

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I wonder if the grandfather who made the call is still in full possession of his mental faculties.

    @CTL, the point that @rational was making is that this sort of (in my opinion outrageous) behavior is first presenting itself now as a result of the relatively recent success among religious Jews in general.
    He was explicitly not addressing your case personally, but the more general phenomenon. Your own situation is rather irrelevant to his point, as it could not possibly explain what he says is a new custom.

    In @rational‘s own words, “You are the first generation (statistically, not you personally) to have made it in America…”

    in reply to: Why was trump impeached??? #1831437

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Trump was impeached for being a sort of person absolutely abhorrent to his political enemies. He was impeached for the same reason that people said prior to his election that he was not fit for office. The list of his character flaws is too long to put in to this post, but all of them are the reason he was impeached.

    Everybody knows that whatever political/legal/constitutional grounds were put forth were only the excuse for the impeachment. This is like when your child says he can’t study for tomorrow’s test because it’s already bedtime.

    This is not a comment on his suitability for office, merely stating the obvious about the impeachment.

    in reply to: Issuing calls for Tehillim when it’s (almost) too late. #1831333

    catch yourself
    Participant

    esunzaud7,

    Emotionally, I want to agree with you. However, the Halacha seems not to be so clear as you say. From R’ Akiva Eiger it seems that in a case where recovery would be considered miraculous, one does not Daven for it.

    in reply to: Issuing calls for Tehillim when it’s (almost) too late. #1829433

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I haven’t had a chance to see the חפץ השם yet, but I do plan to check it up.

    I think your קושיא is really interesting. How are we to reconcile the גמרא of אפילו חרב חדה וכו with the מנשה of תפלת שוא?

    In addition to the מעשה רב from Rav Shlomo Zalman ZT”L, I would like to point out that רבי עקיבא איגר in הגהותיו לשלחן ערוך או”ח סימן ר”ל says that in a case where there is no medical chance of survival, one should not Daven for it, and that it is forbidden to ask Hashem to perform a miracle (his specific case is a בן ח’ חדשים which the Gemara says can not survive and it is אסור לחלל שבת עליו. Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, such cases routinely survive and thrive nowadays).

    I’ve only had time to do precursory research as of right now, and I haven’t found any sources on this yet. A thought which occurred to me is that perhaps the מחלה of חזקיהו wasn’t [yet] at a terminal stage. The image of חרב חדה is perhaps different from illness because of the element of בחירה.

    in reply to: TZADDIK #1826726

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I am a great Tzaddik and Ba’al Ru’ach HaKodesh, and a Ba’al Mofeis to boot.
    For a (not so) small fee, I can give you generic advice and a vague Beracha.
    I have advertised on the home page of YWN in the past, but then I saw with Ru’ach HaKodesh that it was no longer necessary to market myself; those who need help will find me on their own.

    Seriously, for advice you are best off with your personal Rav, who knows you and your family, who is familiar with your situation, and who cares for you like for his own family. He is the only person who can bring both objectivity and concern to bear while contemplating your situation in its entirety.
    If you don’t have such a relationship with a Rav, build one. It is the most important thing you can do for your family.

    You can donate to Kupat Ha’ir if you really think your hatzlacha / yeshua depends on getting a Beracha from the “right” person. But the truth is that your Father “wants” [כביכול] to hear your voice; ask Him for whatever you need, show Him that you are striving to become closer to him, and rely on him completely to do what is best for you.

    in reply to: Now, that’s Jewish(?) #1821563

    catch yourself
    Participant

    “When saying or looking with jealousy on the good fortune of someone can awaken the accusers above (kitrug) to check his books whether he is worthy of it. As mentioned above, the red stting (sic) acknowledges his guilt, thereby quieting the kitrug, giving him foregiveness (sic) and protecting the child by showing mercy.”

    Rav Dessler (and others) say the idea of Ayin Hara is a kitrug only if the person is somehow responsible for the jealousy of the other. Acting in a way which invokes jealousy in others is a failure which exposes one to prosecution.
    When I gave the example (in my previous post) of “wearing a shesi v’eirev”, I didn’t realize how well it fit the conversation, because I had missed the post quoted here. The idea that a newborn child is somehow guilty and in need of forgiveness is one of the most fundamental mistakes of Christianity, and undermines the entire basis of Torah and Mitzvos, as explained at great length by Rav Hirsch in Parashas Bereishis and many other places (and, I’m sure, many other Gedolei Hadoros as well).

    in reply to: Now, that’s Jewish(?) #1821549

    catch yourself
    Participant

    The midwife is the logical one to tie the string, not the parent (she tied it even before he came out). Peretz clearly did not get a red string, or it wouldn’t have had any value לאמר זה יצא ראשונה. There is no reason to impose any sort of foreign idea on the string, when 1)the Pasuk clearly tells us why she tied it on, and 2)the foreign idea is against the Torah.
    I can easily cook up some flimsy basis in the Torah for any practice that may somehow insert itself into our culture, including wearing a “shesi v’eirev”. This doesn’t mean any of it is true (obviously), it just shows that “boich svaros” can be very dangerous, and we can only rely on the actual Halacha and true Mesorah.

    in reply to: Now, that’s Jewish(?) #1821257

    catch yourself
    Participant

    If anything, the case of the midwife tying the red string on Zerach’s hand proves that there is no general custom to wear such a thing. She tied it there because there were twins and it was important to know which was born first. The younger brother obviously would not wear it, and presumably neither would the older brother, once each could be identified without external help.
    In any case, as mentioned, that red string was for a simple, pragmatic purpose: to identify the firstborn. The red string worn by many people today, as rightwriter pointed out, is for a superstition. As I mentioned earlier, this is Assur.

    in reply to: Now, that’s Jewish(?) #1820968

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I don’t know anything about the eye and the chamsa.
    As I mentioned, Rav Yaakov Hillel does in fact decry this practice. I have heard other Rabbanim do so as well.

    I also wonder why the Rabbanim do not take a more public stand about certain prohibited practices which have become unfortunately not uncommon. One example is that in the past ten years or so, I have seen an increasing number of otherwise frum men who shave their heads completely, or who trim their hair so short that it is under the minimum length of פאת הראש.

    in reply to: Jewish Music #1820930

    catch yourself
    Participant

    @rightwriter
    You wrote, “I’m aware of advanced technology but i still like using a CD for driving which I can control from the car buttons easily and not have to be distracted looking at the phone to change a song.”
    Sounded like you have the capability to play the music off your phone, but that you didn’t want to have to look at your phone while driving.

    in reply to: Now, that’s Jewish(?) #1820908

    catch yourself
    Participant

    There is no credible source for the red string in Judaism. Rav Yaakov Hillel in his Sefer Tamim Tihyeh writes as much, and that the practice is forbidden as superstition. It is unfortunate that this practice has become so common, when it is antithetical to our way of life.

    in reply to: Jewish Music #1819293

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Spotify and Apple Music are both 15 dollars a month, so look at it like accessing all the music for the cost of 12 albums a year (although you don’t always get access to the newest albums right away).
    You can create your own playlists (Spotify also allows you to access others’ playlists that aren’t private), which you can then navigate just as easily as a CD using your car’s controls.

    in reply to: Yeridas Hadoros, prime ex: Kibbud Av v’Em #1814072

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Just for the record, the Torah actually says: איש אמו ואביו תיראו.
    Now that you point it out, the change from third person to second person is striking.

    in reply to: Yeridas Hadoros, prime ex: Kibbud Av v’Em #1814010

    catch yourself
    Participant

    You said the answer yourself. Parents had genuine love for their children, so they were able to inculcate proper respect in their progeny.
    Today’s parents who are so self-absorbed that they can’t even give their kids proper attention, let alone love, should not be surprised to find that their offspring don’t show them the respect the parents feel they deserve. Do today’s parents model respect in the way they act towards their children, spouses, Rebbeim/Rabbonim, and friends? Do today’s parents model respect in the way they act towards their own parents?
    You complain that today’s Yeshiva Bochrim are holier-than-thou and disrespectful to their parents, whose rebukes go unheeded. Could it be that the Bochrim are acting the way they learned from their parents? How do the parents react when criticized by others? Do the parents make a point of belittling others? How, for example, do the parents speak about “today’s Rabbonim/Gedolim/Mechanchim?”
    Yaakov Avinu waited forty years to rebuke his son because he was wary of the effect it would have. Moshe Rabbeinu learned from him and withheld from criticizing K’lal Yisrael for a similar length of time. How long do today’s parents wait to criticize their children for even the slightest misbehavior? How often do they criticize their children?
    There is also the effect of the culture around us, which can not be discounted.
    Good parenting does not happen by accident. It takes a lot of patience, time, effort, introspection, planning and deliberation.
    It has been noted that the Holocaust erased an entire generation of Torah leadership, and that we are still suffering the effects of this until today. This would explain the rapid deterioration in this area, as in many others.

    But of course, blame the Mechanchim. It’s their fault for not teaching and emphasizing Kibud Av va’Eim enough. Well, if your children ever heard you say something like that – even once – there’s your answer. You taught them not to respect those who are supposedly deserving of respect.

    The fact is that this, like so many other things, can only be taught in the home. Mechanchim do spend considerable time and effort to teach Kibbud Av va’Eim. However, Mechanchim can support the lessons learned from parental example, but they can not replace such example. They certainly can not overcome a negative example provided by parents.

    in reply to: Parking IN driveway #1812285

    catch yourself
    Participant

    @ctlawyer
    I often disagree with you, but I think here you are right on the money. A person being in a difficult financial position does not justify bad behavior. You are well within your rights to expect your own driveway to be available whenever you want without having to give prior notice.
    Even if it was a driveway which you never use or intend to use, there could also be the issue of שחרוריתא דאשייתא which may remove this from מדת סדום, depending on the exact circumstances.

    @mistykins
    Someone I know lives very close to one of the most heavily attended Shuls in New York, and people regularly park in his driveway without permission, with the rationalization that, “I just have to run in for Mincha – it’s only fifteen minutes!” The practical result is that he doesn’t really have a driveway. It’s safe to assume (based on רוב) that most of the people parking there are struggling financially. Does this justify what has been done to my friend? To me, this sounds awfully similar to the type of theft that was popular during the דור המבול.

    in reply to: Applesauce on latkes is better than sour cream: Prove me wrong. #1811489

    catch yourself
    Participant

    There is a מנהג to eat fried food on חנוכה as a זכר to the נס of the פך שמן. Eating food fried in anything but oil, then would be a less than optimal way of observing this מנהג.

    Those who made their Latkes with schmaltz (probably a relatively recent innovation, which has been, like so many others, artificially and incorrectly invested with the aura of “Mesora”), therefore, are the ones who are in the wrong.

    The analogy to switching from Nusach Sefard to Nusach Ashkenaz, therefore, is quite appropriate, since Nusach Ashkenaz is the one with a real Mesorah, and Nusach Sefard is a relatively recent innovation that does not even pretend to be based on a Mesorah going back to אנשי כנסת הגדולה. This is why Rav Moshe Feinstein ruled that one may switch to from Nusach Sefard to Nusach Ashkenaz but not the other way.

    There is also a מנהג to eat dairy foods on חנוכה as a זכר to the נס of the מלחמה (and the story of יהודית).

    It is proper to combine these two מנהיגים so as to express the idea (put forth by the Maharal and many others) that the purpose of the נס פך השמן was to demonstrate the miraculous nature of the military victory.

    Applesauce, on the other hand, has absolutely no basis in מנהגי חנוכה and is only being eaten for תאוה, which is part of the legacy of the Yevanim.

    It is probably for this reason that Hashem ברוב חסדו וטובו made it that Latkes taste so much better with sour cream than with applesauce (and, in fact, even plain is better than with applesauce).

    in reply to: Parking IN driveway #1810845

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Leave a note explaining to him that he parked in your private property, which is both illegal and asur. Inform him that you have taken down his license plate number, and if he does it again you will have him towed at his expense.

    In the meantime, if you need to park, you can block him in.

    in reply to: I’m engaged! ✨🥂💕 #1809065

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Mazel Tov!
    May you be zoche to build a Bayis Ne’eman B’Yisrael!

    in reply to: I realized my mistake, did you realize yours? #1808668

    catch yourself
    Participant

    When I was in twelfth grade, I realized one day that I had been pronouncing the word שמו ( in the שיר של יום ליום רביעי) as “Shemo”, when the word is actually “Samo”.
    Also it was many years before I properly understood the importance of two “subtle” points of Dikduk:
    1. The difference between Sheva Na and Sheva Nach, and
    2. The difference between Mil’eil and Mil’ra
    each of which dramatically changes the meaning of many words.

    @joseph,
    What a ridiculous thing to say. Fortunately, you are as wrong as you are inconsiderate. I have actually discussed this with leading Poskim, and their unanimous consensus has been that every good faith attempt at Tefila is a fulfillment of the Mitzvah/Chiyuv, and is accepted, regardless of mispronunciations.

    I’m not sure the same is true of the Tefilos of one who violates ולא תונו איש את עמיתו.

    in reply to: Inviting divorced women to your Shabbos table? #1808395

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Learn to appreciate people, even if they are different from you.
    Like we read in the Haftarah on the morning of Yom Kippur, if עניים מרודים תביא בית then אז תקרא וה’ יענה תשוע ויאמר הנני.
    Who could be more עני מרודה than a person who eats alone on שבת?

    in reply to: Everyone Must Answer: Your Favorite Song #1808064

    catch yourself
    Participant

    B’siyata D’shmaya, Miami Boys Choir

    in reply to: Does a Divorce indicate a Family lacked Shalom Bayis? #1806148

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I am personally acquainted with a Kohen Ba’al Teshuva who had to divorce his wife when they found out that he wasn’t allowed to marry her since she was a Giyores. There were no Shalom Bayis issues, but the Halacha required the divorce. I was good friends with one of their sons who is a Challal, and whose younger brothers [from his father’s second wife] are Kohanim.

    cantgetit, seahorse:

    The Gemara there is discussing the legal possibility that a divorce may happen over such trivialities, not whether it is recommended. In fact, that same passage of the Gemara says that if someone divorces his first wife, even the Mizbei’ach cries over it. Divorce without strong grounds is strongly discouraged in our Halachic literature and in our culture. Halacha also prohibits a man from divorcing without legitimate cause.

    In any case, if there were true Shalom Bayis, it is inconceivable that a man would divorce his wife over a burnt supper, or because he found a prettier wife.

    in reply to: Why does my son’s Rebbi have a smartphone ? #1805793

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Trachtgeet – “Nowadays some people become rebbeim just for the fact that they need a job and not because they want to teach and help kids reach their full potential.”

    The Chofetz Chaim considers this the most reprehensible form of Lashon Hara/Rechilus: יורד עמו לחייו, and on an entire group of people to boot. Good luck getting all Rebbeim to be mochel you.

    Way to malign the people you entrust with the education of your children. And then you wonder why “they’re not good role models?” It’s because you strip them of any respect they might have commanded in your children’s eyes before they even get to meet the students. Your children deserve better treatment for their Rebbeim.

    I can’t imagine a person who doesn’t truly care about his students lasting in the field of Chinuch more than a year or two. It’s incredibly demanding and stressful, and that would be true even if Rebbeim were paid a decent living wage. Consider the typical compensation package at our Mosdos, and the idea that the Rebbe is doing it because he needs a job is laughable.

    <Cue the ignoramuses who will bring up the 5% discount at certain stores, the $1000 Yom Tov bonus, and the need to find another job which doesn’t pay enough during the summer. Do you really think I can support my family because some grocery store owner feels bad enough for me to let me save ten bucks off my Shabbos shopping? Do you think I can buy new clothing for my children for Yom Tov with $1000? Do you think I can cover the massive extra expenses of summer vacation because I got a job as a Learning Rebbe/Counselor in some bungalow colony which doesn’t even have a bungalow for me to use for the summer?>

    Your post is a direct insult to every Rebbe who has ever had to spend hours every week thinking about your son (that is, every Rebbe who has ever had your son in his class).

    in reply to: Why does my son’s Rebbi have a smartphone ? #1805768

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Speaking as a Rebbe who has a smartphone (albeit in an out of town community and school), it’s definitely a bigger issue that he checks it during class and davening than that he has it in the first place. Of course, everybody’s phone should be tagged (Rebbe or not), and I’m sure his phone is tagged. In the community where I live, there are dozens of Rabonim, Dayanim,Roshei Yeshiva, Roshei Kollel, Kollel Yungerleit, Menahalim, and Rebbeim who have smartphones, and a handful who don’t. I know of only one of those people who doesn’t have a cellphone at all (his wife does). With all that, these Klei Kodesh present a magnificent set of role models for the youth of our community (as well as the adults). Perhaps this is because we don’t use irrelevant and arbitrary markers to determine what constitutes a good role model. It’s more likely, I think, that parents here are very good at exhibiting respect for the role models of the community even when there are things with which they disagree.

    in reply to: Caution: People in YWN-CR may be lesser than they appear #1805491

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Would you say the same about a person who doesn’t say everything he thinks when talking to you in person (which, hopefully, is every sane adult you talk to)?
    It’s well known and well documented that people are less likely to self-regulate when communicating over the internet (even without the sense of anonymity, such as via email or social media) than they would when talking in person.
    In that light, the Mods are, in a sense, compensating for the lowering of personal boundaries to which many people fall prey in a forum such as this one.
    So the image presented by the posts that get through may be closer to the impression you would have of the person IRL than the OP suggests.

    in reply to: Boomers #1802118

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Perhaps the difference is that “okay, Boomer” went viral and became a motto, so it caught my attention in a way that the other didn’t. For example, “Millenials…”, after all, as far as I know, was never used on the floor of Parliament to dismiss an opposing politician.

    Maybe the difference is that I never saw the “Millenials…” epithet used directly at a specific person (at least, not that I recall at the moment).

    It’s possible that I see them differently because it’s one thing to decry a particular character trait that a person (or generation) has, and quite another to write off the person himself (or the generation itself).

    Personally, I never used the Millenial epithet, and I do not agree with it, or with stereotyping in general.

    Whataboutisms aside, I do think that using pejoratives reveals poor character. Same for not appreciating the value of an older generation.

    And I reiterate that the Torah attaches great importance to respecting elders.

    in reply to: Boomers #1802085

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I’m not a boomer or a millenial.
    I don’t think it’s an offensive term per se (it has never been considered one), I just think that using it in a dismissive, disrespectful way to show the contempt in which you hold an entire generation is offensive.
    It is offensive to me as a human being, because it shows that the people who use it really do not appreciate the value of another person.
    More than offensive, however, it engenders a profound feeling of dismay. When I hear people in general (and especially members of governments!) use this term, it makes me worry about the future of human society.
    It is precisely in opposition to the attitude the Torah teaches us to have towards our elders.
    Use of this term reflects very poorly on those who use it, and not at all on those against whom it is used.

    in reply to: Ding Dong, The Wicked Witch Is Dead! #1800208

    catch yourself
    Participant

    “Many”, of course, is a relative term.

    Of all the possible candidates to put up against Trump, why would they choose the only one who has proven she can lose to him, and who will not be able to make his corruption the major issue of the campaign?

    Either she’s just looking for attention, or she is delusional (I know, they’re not mutually exclusive).

    in reply to: Jewish music with english words=Goyish. #1799223

    catch yourself
    Participant

    LOTR92

    Thanks for this thread, it’s really entertaining.

    in reply to: Is playing a musical instrument a negative??? #1798610

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Randomex,

    True. The point I was trying to make is that frustrated talents (and interests) often force themselves to be expressed in a way which could be more detrimental than any supposed danger of cultivating and channeling them properly.
    This is not to say that a person who does not have an inborn talent should not pursue a skill in which he is interested.

    in reply to: Keeping the Siyum Hashas Sacred. #1796767

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Haimy,
    With all due respect
    Please do not denigrate Va’ad Hashemitta
    They are working to preserve קדושת הארץ in a very real way
    And advertising works

    in reply to: Geneivat Daat #1796746

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Well…
    If it’s the same people who return their air conditioner to Walmart at the end of the season,
    If it’s the same people who pretend that their children are young enough to get the cheaper rate at attractions,
    If it’s the same people who perpetrate any number of other types of geneivas da’as and/or geneiva,
    Why are you surprised?

    in reply to: Is playing a musical instrument a negative??? #1796495

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I think we need look no further than Dovid HaMelech, נעים זמירות ישראל, to answer this question.
    I have no musical talent to speak of, but one of my children does, and we are trying to help her cultivate her talent as much as we can.
    On a basic level, it’s always best to “go with the grain” of a person’s individual nature for so many reasons.
    On a higher level, if Hashem gave someone a talent, it is obviously meant to be utilized למען השם.
    On the other hand, if it is not channeled properly there is a danger that it will force itself to be expressed in a negative way.

    in reply to: Following Halacha #1794553

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Of course, there is a Mitzva of Hochei’ach Tochi’ach. However, the Torah cautions, Lo SIsa Alav Cheit. Correcting your friend must be done in a way which does not offend him, and which will cause him to do the right thing.

    The first step is to determine whether in fact the “Halacha” in question is a bona fide Halacha. For this, do not rely on “what you were always told,” or even what your Rebbe said in High School. Go ask a competent, practicing Rav. Proceed only if a true Halachic issue is present.

    The second step is to determine whether there is some extraneous factor which will prevent the other person from listening to you. (For example, is there some existing relationship between you and him in context of which he will automatically feel defensive when you approach him?) If so, get someone else to approach him.

    The third step, once the first two have been satisfied, is to prepare a nonthreatening, friendly, SINCERE, way of presenting the problem to him. (It is important, for example, that this is done in a dispassionate manner, without condescension.)

    My experience (repeated many dozens of times without fail) is that if this procedure is followed, people are grateful for the assistance and happy to change.

    in reply to: Parking in two spots #1791471

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Honestly, as much as I find it highly inconsiderate to park in multiple spots, it has never occurred to me to “do anything to their car.” If I could, I would move it over so that I (or someone else) could park in one of the spots.

    As far as the point that was made that “you never know what’s going on with the other guy,” this logic works for an extraordinary situation. Unfortunately, I see the same cars parked in an inconsiderate manner very often. I do not believe that these people have “emergencies” or the like every time I see their car taking up two spots when I’m trying to get to night Seder.

    דן לכף זכות does not mean that we should assume that the owner of the vehicle is secretly also a field medic performing emergency surgery in some undisclosed location. It just means that we should assume he doesn’t do it deliberately to bother other people, he perhaps doesn’t even realize that he did it, and if someone would tell him about it he would be more careful in the future.

    in reply to: Which One is Outrageous?! 🖱️💰🖱️💰 #1790166

    catch yourself
    Participant

    “Also, lets reiterate the main point, infortunately (sic), the secularists in israel (sic) are so hateful of the orthodox…”

    This gets to precisely the point I wanted to make in the op. If they get treated anything like the soldier who went to Selichos, it is hard to blame them for that attitude. Not to downplay the wrongdoings of others, but let’s clean our own house.

    in reply to: Should Wedding gowns for the extended family be discontinued? #1781802

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Ubiquitin,

    The issue here (for me) is not about “farginning”. I am very happy for people who have the means and who enjoy a higher standard of living than I can afford. This includes the well-known “mega-gevirim”, as well as the wealthier members of my own community and family. I do not feel resentful or bitter in the slightest towards them, or about my own (rather difficult) financial position.

    The issue (for me) is that, as a society, we have adopted norms which are beyond the reach of a huge portion of our people. Now, one might say, “You’re a big boy; if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.” To me this sounds as contemptuous as “Let them eat cake.”

    If I lived alone on a desert island, I would not spend that money. However, I am fortunate enough to live in a wonderful community. Part of the cost of this is a certain degree of conformity to societal norms. I do not think it is fair to tell my daughter, “Listen, sweetie, I know all of your friends and classmates are getting married in beautiful halls with gowns, etc, but we can’t afford it, so your wedding will be in the school gym with regular Shabbos clothing.” How do you think the typical 18-24 year old girl would feel about that?

    The fact is that the joy of the wedding would not be any less if done in a cheaper venue, with Shabbos clothing, without makeup artists and hairstylists, and with a more economical menu and guest list. However, the switch to such weddings can only be done on a broad scale.

    Think about this: The cost of a cheap Orthodox Jewish wedding today is at least $20,000. The average annual household income in the United States is just about $60,000. Does this make sense?

    in reply to: R” Yoel Roths free chasunas #1743164

    catch yourself
    Participant

    יהי רצון שירבו כמותו בישראל
    The amount of money that is spent on weddings and related expenditures is obscene.
    There is absolutely no reason for it. It does not make the married couple any more likely to have a happy marriage (I wonder if the opposite is true).
    The person who successfully implements a change such as this one on a large scale will have innumerable zchusim to his credit.
    If רבן גמליאל were alive today, he would make a point of marrying off his own children in such a way.

    in reply to: Unacceptable Grammar #1737975

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Shtusim.

    in reply to: Switched At Birth #1737521

    catch yourself
    Participant

    GH,
    Well, then, we would have finally put the question of nature vs. nurture to bed.

    in reply to: Switched At Birth #1737303

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Joseph, I don’t remember the exact details; his father was a Ba’al Teshuva, and I think his mother was a Giyores. Presumably, his father subsequently found out that he was a Kohen.

    Laskern, yes, they would be. I don’t believe there is any question about this. (There was a debate among the Poskim about fifty years ago regarding the status a child from artificial insemination using donor sperm. Rav Moshe Feinstein ruled that he is not a Mamzer because the Mamzeirus status depends on a מעשה ביאה).

    in reply to: Switched At Birth #1737161

    catch yourself
    Participant

    It is Assur for them to remain together. They must divorce. Any children they had together are Challalim (their sons are not Kohanim, and their daughters may not marry Kohanim).
    A good friend of mine is a Challal for exactly this reason (no DNA test involved, but it was a case of accidentally violating the Halacha).


    catch yourself
    Participant

    YO,
    R’ Elazar Ben Azarya was chosen because he had Zechus Avos (which, it was hoped, would protect him from whatever K’peida Rabban Gamliel might have), but not because he had “rights” to the position. It should be noted that he was approximately four hundred years removed from Ezra.

    in reply to: Is Star Wars Kosher? #1733907

    catch yourself
    Participant

    If you listen to many of the Chassidishe Maiselach, the Ba’al Shem Tov sounds like a Jedi, complete with force projection.
    So maybe Yoda was the Frierdik’e Rebbe?

    in reply to: Shidduchim between FFB and BT’s #1724975

    catch yourself
    Participant

    @Neville:
    “So, you’d be fine marrying a Reform Jew, I assume? They are all Jews, no?”
    At best, that’s a straw man argument. At worst, you are equating all Torah-observant Jews who are different from yourself with Reform Jews.
    The point Jewish1 was making was that the differences between Jews of all these varying streams are actually much less important than the similarities. Therefore, the general question, “Would you marry X type of Jew?” is much less important than the specific question, “Would you marry this particular Jew?”
    Of course, in the case of a Torah-observant Jew marring a Reform Jew, the similarities are, unfortunately, decidedly less important than the differences.
    To be sure, this in no way undermines the love, care, and concern we ought to have for our irreligious brethren; it simply renders us incompatible with them for building a home together.

    in reply to: How Shidduchim became a beauty pageant contest. #1708732

    catch yourself
    Participant

    I’m so confused. Are we now making the argument that the increasing commonality of divorce is a good thing?

    I must attach myself to those who rejected the outright libel of the Modern Orthodox community. The premise that people marry in the same way they try a new flavor of soda is not only absurd, it would be rightly perceived by members of that community as hurtful and condescending, to say the least.

    Most boys, being human, do prefer to marry someone they find attractive. It has been this way since the beginning of time. The Gemara states clearly that a man is required to see the woman before marrying her to avoid problems stemming from a lack of attraction.

    It is true that our society has become obscenely obsessed with materialism and pleasure, and this certainly expresses itself in Shiduchim. Nevertheless, most Bochurim seek and receive guidance from levelheaded, objective, experienced Rebbeim, and are able to make appropriate decisions about whether or not to marry a specific girl, considering her physical appearance as well as a host of other factors.

    It is easy to assert that others are practicing “fake religiosity,” but this is no more than slander. The fact that many people purchase homes, cars, and many other things which are unnecessarily ostentatious is not, in today’s world, irreconcilable with sincerity in Limud HaTorah, Avodas Hashem, or Gemilus Chasadim.

    It’s worthwhile to make the effort to see the positive side of people; it makes your own world a much brighter place.

    in reply to: No blackface this Purim #1680281

    catch yourself
    Participant

    RebYidd23

    “Rather than “playing nice” how about being nice?”

    One of the best comments I ever read on the CR.

    יישר כחך

    in reply to: Dramatize stories & facts/twisting facts etc #1675041

    catch yourself
    Participant

    Joseph, excellent example of the dramatization that Shopping613 was talking about.

    It’s easier to believe that there were “a bi-yon” people at Trump’s inauguration than to think of him and a Lamed-Vuvnik in the same sentence.

    in reply to: Pointless conversations #1653129

    catch yourself
    Participant

    ubiquitin

    The reason people do this is that we are not careful enough about צניעות.

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