CS

I have a neighbor who I could see this working for. Personally my husband and I wouldn’t take that approach because in a sensitive topic, you have to be very careful with how you say things or you are less likely to be effective and more likely to be lashed out at.

In this case, the attitude I feel coming across is I am perfect and you need to work on yourself and I’m willing to pay you for it. See how generous I am?

I think this is usually wrong and that’s why I’d find it offensive. As has been brought up before, usually people marry a spouse with a compatible level of yiddishkeit, so if he found her less than tzniusdik look attractive, then he is part of the problem and shouldn’t be playing tzaddik now.

What would be taken much better by me, would be something like, “Chanale, I know when we got married, this is how you dressed and I was fine with that. However, you’ve helped me grow so much that now, your way of dress bothers me. I know it would be hard for you to change so can we make a deal? I will stop watching movies/non Jewish entertainment, or some other comparable kabbala, and you will go shopping, and buy a new tzniusdik wardrobe?

Here I would feel motivated because a) we are in this together and if it gets hard for me, I know he is working hard as well.

B) he is not making himself look good at my expense.

C) I get the zechus of helping him improve as well.

Disclaimer 1: I dress tzniusdik and my husband doesn’t watch movies or sports

Disclaimer 2: HaRav Miller said you have to know who you are talking to so I am not in any way negating what he said, as this is included within that, I am simply giving another approach/example.

@zahavasdad

I’m pretty sure a shliach will only settle in a place that has enough Jews to sustain his family. That’s policy. Now you don’t see them all in shul (at least in the beginning) because some of them don’t even know what shul is. Like both my parents never heard of Yom Kippur before they met a shliach.

Many shluchim start off with enough money to last a year, either savings, or now I think there may be grants available. After that they need to fundraise locally. So many shluchim don’t start off renting- they’ll give classes from their house and house the shul there as well. As time goes on and more people hopefully get involved and support their activities, they’ll expand, and keep on expanding with Hashem s help.

@Syag lachochma- I’m sorry if I struck a personal nerve. I should clarify that many of my own friends yell at me that there should not be any such thing as family consideration aka gezhe/ffb vs bt background in shidduchim, and many of the gezhe people believe so as well. Personally it makes sense to me but I should clarify that that’s my personal opinion.

For example the shluchim who mkareved my own father, and are well known and respected throughout the chareidi world, the husband is from a very gezhe family of chassidim from the chassidishe town of nevel, while the wife is herself a baalas tshuva who became one with her on when she was 12 years old.

*Tof kuf zayin

Yeah it’s very sad when the yetzer hara gets in the way. My teacher showed us a handwritten note of the Rebbe when I was in high school, that said (in yiddish) “The yetzer hara saw that Moshiach is almost here so he laid himself across the threshold of the doorway, and sought to create machlokes… And rachmona litzlan he succeeded.”

Although interesting you mention the small breakaway kinus because just this year, I saw a video going around on WhatsApp that looks like the main speaker was calling for an end to this foolishness and that chassidim should all learn the sichos (talks) of the Rebbe together, and work together to discuss the best way to implement it.

As long as it’s kosher, it’s kosher, so of course we can be yotze. The reason we prefer using a Lubavitch mikva is because of the hiddurim involved which basically make it that a woman toivels within the bor itself. This is accomplished by it being built bor Al gabei bor, and the bottom one is cold, and 80 seah, so no chashash of the original 40 being whittled to less than the shiur. Also the water filled in on top is hot, while the bottom is cold, so that avoids mixing.

This avoids many problematic issues involved with other kosher mikvaos such as the one that’s next to the bor with a hole in between, kept apart with a plug- let’s say the mikva lady forgets to remove the plug CVS, then the woman didn’t toivel in a mikvah because it wasn’t connected to the bor… There are other issues with the other prototypes, and this model was developed to avoid all issues

Sure. As mentioned, I think, gezhe refers to Chabad chassidim who are part of a family chain (geza) of chassidim going way back. Usually used in comparison with terms of ffb, bt, yichus.

All Chabad children go to the same schools, seminaries, yeshivos etc, and can go on shlichus, depending on how badly they want to go, without distinction. The only time it really comes up is with shidduchim, and that is fair.

There is an advantage to families being compatible, if I would’ve married into a gezhe family, I wouldn’t feel my parents are on equal footing with my supposed in laws and that can get awkward.

My parents are amazing incredible people who turned their whole lives around to because frum and that is their advantage because they passed over to me the conviction that yiddishkeit is the best thing out there and the goyishe world is so empty, it has nothing substantial to offer me.

Otoh, I can’t compare their aidelkeit to the aidelkeit of a gezhe family…

There is also a difference in upbringing: gezhe people mainly raise their kids to toe the line of their ancestors, whereas BTs focus on rebelling against or revolutionizing the secular world…

But many gezhe people are open to their kids dating bts kids, just the bt background is understandably not seen as a plus in family compatibility.

As far as other differences, no unique minhagim other than family minhagim like what they can eat on pesach.

Hope this clarifies

Hi, I decided syaglachochma is right and happy to take any questions. I’ve been following this forum for a bit, must say Joseph’s comments are mostly entertaining:) anyhow, happy to answer any questions. Both my parents are BTs and I’m married, on (chinuch) shlichus. Happy to join as love interacting with the greater chareidi world.