Ex-CTLawyer

@770Chabad
An observation, not a put-down
I don’t care how good you think the Yiddish education is in Chabad schools. Your English education has been terrible. You are posting in an English forum and can’t spell, can’t write proper sentences and are all over the place.
I get asked to hire frum young women as secretarial and administrative staff (because Shabbos and Yuntif is no problem in our firm) but would never consider someone who exhibits the writing level such as you post.

BTW, this goes for non-Jewish employees as well.

Food for thought>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

In the past half century, the birth rate for frum Jews has increased and the birth rate for most secular Jews and non-Jews has decreased (USA).

Lower birth rate, fewer marriages in a community. Fewer marriages, fewer divorces. This doesn’t even deal with the non-religious (Jew and Gentile) living as partners without the benefit of marriage.

huju…………
There are those couples who enter marriage counseling because they are experiencing problems in their marriage. Counseling does not resolve the issues and they divorce.
Then there are those couples who reach the judge for dissolution of marriage….the end of the divorce process and are asked ‘did you undergo marriage counseling?’ If they answer no, they are sent to family relations in the courthouse to arrange for counseling and the divorce is put on hold.
I did not (nor did the speaker at the APA seminar) include this second type of couple in the observation.

Competent family law attorneys will ask the prospective divorce client if they have gone to counseling with their spouse. If the prospective client is the one seeking the divorce, they are told to come back after counseling if they still want to start the process. If it is the spouse being sued for divorce, they are told that they will be required to undergo marriage counseling before a divorce is granted.

Anecdotal evidence from years in the courthouses, the vast majority of those sent by the judge to family relations to arrange counseling (instead of the divorce being granted) are those couple not represented by counsel.
CT procedure has a minimum 90 day period for a divorce. Those with less than $35,000 in assets, who have no children and don’t own real estate in an uncontested divorce can fast track to a 35 day divorce.

If you have minor children and will have any type of custody or visitation after the divorce you are required to attend parenting classes.

Haimy…………………………
You post VERY FLAWED numbers
You quote Dr. Schecter about a divorce RATE of 10%
You then quote a statistic that 9% of those in NJ describe themselves as divorced.

Divorce RATE and MARITAL STATUS are not the same thing.
I had a non-Jewish client get divorced on Thursday and married to the next spouse on Friday.
The divorce goes into the rate, but if asked to describe herself on either Thursday or Friday, she could have honestly answered married.
Once a divorced person marries again they no longer describe themselves as divorced, but have contributed to the divorce rate as a percentage of marriages that have been dissolved.

As for why the divorce rate is increasing in the frum world? The frum world is often decades behind the non-frum world in many actions.

@Geordie613 Thank you
@NevilleChaimBerlin There have been many scholarly studies about today’s youth and desire for instant gratification. I make no judgment when I point this out to Daddysgirl. My generation, baby boomers, grew up when news came in a daily newpaper or hourly newscast on the radio. Nightly network news on TV was only 15 minutes and stations signed off overnight.
As for technology, I learned computer programming back when computers used punchcards and have kept up.

My advice to Daddysgirl was fatherly and said with love, she took it the right way and B”H will learn from it. Patience is acquired through the aging process and life experience.

Daddy’s girl>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..
The first question that must be answered in both cases is:
What is the statute of limitations in the jurisdiction. That sets out the time limits for filing lawsuits after an incident. It varies by jurisdictions, and also may vary by type of lawsuit.
In some places it is two years, other states are three years. Please don’t ask for specific info on your state, as lawyers are not licensed country wide in the USA. I only maintain CT, MA and FL licenses at this point in my career. I can’t answer specific questions as you or the hurt person is not my client.

The next question to ask is:
Who owns the property where the injury occurred?
For example, if the park is town owned, a suit can be filed against the town. If it was a state park, many states, including Connecticut, may not be sued without first gaining their permission, They have ‘sovereign immunity.’

Just because someone is injured in a location, doesn’t mean the owner was negligent and that a lawsuit will be won.

This is why a consultation with an attorney (they generally don’t charge for this first meeting to evaluate whether there is a case to pursue) is important.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
Let’s talk about the fall on the ice,
The attorney will inquire whether there was a storm going on, or how long the fall occurred after the storm ended.
Some communities give property owners anywhere from 4-24 hours after the end of a storm to clear ice and snow. That may be daylight hours, so that if a storm ends at 2 AM the clock starts ticking at 8 AM

Did the person that fell see the path was not cleared and entered anyway. If so, contributory negligence may be a factor and in some states could reduce or eliminate the award in court.

Did the person who fell notify the owner promptly?

So many questions?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Basic answer, if you are within the statute of limitations and the entity is one that may be sued according to the law, you can sue. Will you win is quite a different question.

Joseph………………..
More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages…………
Having seen that divorce ended an untenable marriage the first time and life goes on, people will end a bad second marriage more quickly than the first

@Golfer
two years ago I attended a symposium on the success of marriage counseling given by the local chapter of the American Psychological Association.
The subject of the success of marriage counseling was discussed in detail. The results presented by the panel of practicing CT marriage counselors mirrored my observation of couples going through the civil divorce process.
Few marriages are saved by marriage counseling. Once the marriage is so far broken/damaged that both members of the couple are willing, or court ordered to undergo marriage counseling, the marriage is not saved. The counselor often shows the couple why the marriage should be dissolved, often reinforcing the feelings of the party seeking the divorce.

this is quite DIFFERENT from one partner seeking a therapists help in trying to improve the marriage. Individual, or even couples therapy may strengthen a weak marriage, but that is not the same as marriage counseling which does not deal with an individual’s underlying psychological state

Joseph………………
I am honored that you picked this quotation out form my post ion another thread.

Everyone should be aware that I am referring to counselling by a licensed therapist (social worker, psychologist, etc.) not a clergy member when making this observation. In fact, our court system which requires counseling prior to divorce lays out the categories of authorized counselors and does not include pastoral counseling.

My statement should not be taken to impugn the advice of a couple’s Rav, or possible success or failure in saving the marriage by that Rav.

@Daddy’s girl

No wonder you fit in so well.
Youngest CTL daughter was not allowed to drive until this morning

I’m wondering who spiked the punch?

@Joseph
You and the mispacha are welcome any time. More than enough room and food. We love your kids.

Only one warning as you plan the coming year, we eat gebrokhts

30 years ago I had this discussion with a prominent local psychologist.
Many of our parents, born in the 19teens or 1920s suffered from survivor syndrome.
So many material possessions were lost/sold in order to survive the great depression in westen Europe or the Americas or lost to displacement by communists or nazis in Eastern Europe that newly acquired possessions were never discarded. Thus the overstuffed homes full of chatkzes and never getting rid of something made by a child or grandchild.
The current (post WWII) generations don’t know this type of total loss and are more able to discard material things, knowing they can buy as they wish. Even during the economic boom of WWII in the USA the people were limited to how much consumer goods could be purchased with ration coupons due to years of war production. If you couldn’t make do with what you had you could not just go into a store and buy new.

Thank you Joseph………………………

The YW (and rest of the Frum world) must refocus on the fact that a chasunah is about the chasson and kallah and their parents and what they want. It is not about the bochurim, the vendors, etc.

We don’t tolerate bad behavior from our children and don’t have to tolerate defiance from our suppliers. If every Baal Hasimcha just started to put his foot down, things would start to get under control. Louder and excess does not mean better.

@bplady
Yes it takes action instead of talk to accomplish things.
Mrs. CTL is a designer/builder/Realtor She constantly is explaining to clients the problems of ‘hard’ rooms that have no carpet, no fabric on walls, no accoustical ceiling tile. Even if there are 20 people and 10 conversations going on (no music) the sounds bounce off the walls, floor and ceiling and attack you.

I don’t care how many crystal chandeliers the wedding hall hangs, if they don’t spend on sound deadening materials guests cannot enjoy themselves.
When invited to simchas as such venues, we are apt to just mail our regrets and a check, rather than suffer all evening. B”H non of our relatives use these halls so we are not really obligated to attend when invited.

FREE legal advice to baalei simcha. No contract as presented by a vendor has to be signed as is, you can negotiate every point. It’s your money and if it’s important to you, don’t be bullied by the vendor.

@BaalBoose
I have never attended a chasunah where the women rec’d a different meal than the men. We travel in different circles.
I just made a chasunah the Sunday after Tisha B’Av and the menu was the same for all adult guests with the exception of my 2 adult nieces and a great niece who are vegetarian.
I would be very unhappy if while driving home from a chasunah my wife described the lavish meal she was served and I had only rec’d beef stew.
I constantly post that people should make a simcha according to their means. If they can only afford to serve everyone Beef Stew, then serve everyone beef stew. A host cannot create classes of people and serve inferior meals to some at an affair.

@Joseph
These obn oxiously loud band are caused by them wanting to be the star of the chasunah, not the Chassan and Kallah.
It is the baal hasimcha’s duty to set the rules and make the vendors adhere to them. This goes for the band, caterer, florist and so on.
It is the baal hasimchas money and he (and his wife) get to control things.
We are not doormats to be walked on by the paid help

@Yehudayona
The baal hasimcha whose request the volume be lowered by the band is refused has a bad contract. Having married off two daughters in the past 16 months the contracts I signed had a clause added by me requiring the band to adjust volume as instructed by Mrs. CTL, the Kallah, Chason or me. I told the booking agent, either sign the contract and adhere to it or I’d spend my money elsewhere.
It is not the responsibility of the baal hasimcha to help the band get other buisiness.

Personally, if a band leader ever refused to lower the volume at a simcha where I was paying the band, he’d be told he had 2 alternatives, lower the volume or pack up and leave with final payment (and be on the end of a lawsuit). The lawsuit being just a threat…a frum band leader would be taken to a beis din.

NO baal hasimcha or kallah should be intimidated by any wedding supplier, they work at our pleasure, they don’t run the show.

Golfer…………….
I have a sister in law whose nephew (no blood connection to me) was brought up in a Conservative Jewish household. He observes Shabbos, keeps kashrus according to the standards set by the United Synagogue of America, graduated JTS and is a Conservative pulpit rabbi.

He is not frum, but to call him non-observant is pejorative. He observed the law according to the rules of his movement. He is Jewish, not frum.
That’s why I disagree with the term.
If he observed no ritual/belief then he’d be non-observant

@KnPanel

It would not matter how many K-12 same sex Yeshivos are opened in OOT communities. Non-observant Jews will not send their children. The exception is in cities with terrible public schools which are majority minority (in the US that means Black and Hispanic).
Non-observant Jews who fled to suburbs after integration in the 1960s chose communities with excellent public school systems that prepare their children for top colleges and universities and careers in the secular world.
They have no interest in private Jewish education that is same sex and vastly inferior in terms of secular education.
They have no interest in a self imposed Ghetto…that’s why they live OOT.
This does not apply to the observant population.

Written by someone who lives OOT in a small suburban community, who moved from the deteriorating city he grew up in by choice. Who raised his family in a one frum shul town and drove the kids to yeshiva in the nearby city and sent them away for high school, mesifta and seminary…then to college and Law School.

95% of the Jews in my town are ‘non-orthodox’ they have no interest in private Jewish schools.

BTW>>>the description ‘non-observant’ is pejorative and offensive. Non-frum or non-orthodox Jews may observe the norms/rules of Judaism as laid out by their branch of Judaism (Conservative, Reform). It may not be what this community considers Torah Judaism, but they are Jews (unless following Reform Patrilinear determination). When the shoah arrived, they didn’t check to see if you were frum before requiring you to wear a Yellow star, live in a ghetto or worse.

Importance of Life Insurance….a different perspective

Sidestepping halachic viewpoints (and my Rav believes in life insurance).
Here in CT (where my family law practice is).
If a couple divorces and a spouse is ordered to pay alimony and/or child support, it is standard practice that the civil courts require that spouse to carry life insurance for the entire term of the alimony and/or child support so the ex-spouse and/or children don’t suffer economically if the paying spouse dies, AND the government doesn’t end up supporting them through social welfare programs.

I own both sizes………….
My 17″ is set up on a desk and never travels.
My 15″ is often in a case and goes into court with me. I find 17″ models to be cumbersome to tote around

Most people use laptops the way we used to use desktops. They spend their entire life on a desk or table plugged into an electrical outlet.

In our legal offices 90% of our employees use laptops, 17″ in the office and 15″ or smaller to take to clients, court, etc.

My mother always sent the ironing out. She’d do the washing and drying and every week a basket to be ironed would be dropped off at the home of our ironess.
Today, the only things that get ironed are my dress shirts (which I send out), pillow cases (not copper) and table linen.
Our youngest daughter always did that ironing, but now that she is newly married, we’ll have to do it ourselves.

@mentsch1
There were no states under the English King, just an assortment of colonies. Thus the states did not pay more taxes than the average British citizen. In fact political divisions don’t pay taxes, individuals (and now businesses do).
“Can anyone deny it?”
I just refuted it