Ex-CTLawyer

@Daddy’s girl

No wonder you fit in so well.
Youngest CTL daughter was not allowed to drive until this morning

I’m wondering who spiked the punch?

@Joseph
You and the mispacha are welcome any time. More than enough room and food. We love your kids.

Only one warning as you plan the coming year, we eat gebrokhts

30 years ago I had this discussion with a prominent local psychologist.
Many of our parents, born in the 19teens or 1920s suffered from survivor syndrome.
So many material possessions were lost/sold in order to survive the great depression in westen Europe or the Americas or lost to displacement by communists or nazis in Eastern Europe that newly acquired possessions were never discarded. Thus the overstuffed homes full of chatkzes and never getting rid of something made by a child or grandchild.
The current (post WWII) generations don’t know this type of total loss and are more able to discard material things, knowing they can buy as they wish. Even during the economic boom of WWII in the USA the people were limited to how much consumer goods could be purchased with ration coupons due to years of war production. If you couldn’t make do with what you had you could not just go into a store and buy new.

Thank you Joseph………………………

The YW (and rest of the Frum world) must refocus on the fact that a chasunah is about the chasson and kallah and their parents and what they want. It is not about the bochurim, the vendors, etc.

We don’t tolerate bad behavior from our children and don’t have to tolerate defiance from our suppliers. If every Baal Hasimcha just started to put his foot down, things would start to get under control. Louder and excess does not mean better.

@bplady
Yes it takes action instead of talk to accomplish things.
Mrs. CTL is a designer/builder/Realtor She constantly is explaining to clients the problems of ‘hard’ rooms that have no carpet, no fabric on walls, no accoustical ceiling tile. Even if there are 20 people and 10 conversations going on (no music) the sounds bounce off the walls, floor and ceiling and attack you.

I don’t care how many crystal chandeliers the wedding hall hangs, if they don’t spend on sound deadening materials guests cannot enjoy themselves.
When invited to simchas as such venues, we are apt to just mail our regrets and a check, rather than suffer all evening. B”H non of our relatives use these halls so we are not really obligated to attend when invited.

FREE legal advice to baalei simcha. No contract as presented by a vendor has to be signed as is, you can negotiate every point. It’s your money and if it’s important to you, don’t be bullied by the vendor.

@BaalBoose
I have never attended a chasunah where the women rec’d a different meal than the men. We travel in different circles.
I just made a chasunah the Sunday after Tisha B’Av and the menu was the same for all adult guests with the exception of my 2 adult nieces and a great niece who are vegetarian.
I would be very unhappy if while driving home from a chasunah my wife described the lavish meal she was served and I had only rec’d beef stew.
I constantly post that people should make a simcha according to their means. If they can only afford to serve everyone Beef Stew, then serve everyone beef stew. A host cannot create classes of people and serve inferior meals to some at an affair.

@Joseph
These obn oxiously loud band are caused by them wanting to be the star of the chasunah, not the Chassan and Kallah.
It is the baal hasimcha’s duty to set the rules and make the vendors adhere to them. This goes for the band, caterer, florist and so on.
It is the baal hasimchas money and he (and his wife) get to control things.
We are not doormats to be walked on by the paid help

@Yehudayona
The baal hasimcha whose request the volume be lowered by the band is refused has a bad contract. Having married off two daughters in the past 16 months the contracts I signed had a clause added by me requiring the band to adjust volume as instructed by Mrs. CTL, the Kallah, Chason or me. I told the booking agent, either sign the contract and adhere to it or I’d spend my money elsewhere.
It is not the responsibility of the baal hasimcha to help the band get other buisiness.

Personally, if a band leader ever refused to lower the volume at a simcha where I was paying the band, he’d be told he had 2 alternatives, lower the volume or pack up and leave with final payment (and be on the end of a lawsuit). The lawsuit being just a threat…a frum band leader would be taken to a beis din.

NO baal hasimcha or kallah should be intimidated by any wedding supplier, they work at our pleasure, they don’t run the show.

Golfer…………….
I have a sister in law whose nephew (no blood connection to me) was brought up in a Conservative Jewish household. He observes Shabbos, keeps kashrus according to the standards set by the United Synagogue of America, graduated JTS and is a Conservative pulpit rabbi.

He is not frum, but to call him non-observant is pejorative. He observed the law according to the rules of his movement. He is Jewish, not frum.
That’s why I disagree with the term.
If he observed no ritual/belief then he’d be non-observant

@KnPanel

It would not matter how many K-12 same sex Yeshivos are opened in OOT communities. Non-observant Jews will not send their children. The exception is in cities with terrible public schools which are majority minority (in the US that means Black and Hispanic).
Non-observant Jews who fled to suburbs after integration in the 1960s chose communities with excellent public school systems that prepare their children for top colleges and universities and careers in the secular world.
They have no interest in private Jewish education that is same sex and vastly inferior in terms of secular education.
They have no interest in a self imposed Ghetto…that’s why they live OOT.
This does not apply to the observant population.

Written by someone who lives OOT in a small suburban community, who moved from the deteriorating city he grew up in by choice. Who raised his family in a one frum shul town and drove the kids to yeshiva in the nearby city and sent them away for high school, mesifta and seminary…then to college and Law School.

95% of the Jews in my town are ‘non-orthodox’ they have no interest in private Jewish schools.

BTW>>>the description ‘non-observant’ is pejorative and offensive. Non-frum or non-orthodox Jews may observe the norms/rules of Judaism as laid out by their branch of Judaism (Conservative, Reform). It may not be what this community considers Torah Judaism, but they are Jews (unless following Reform Patrilinear determination). When the shoah arrived, they didn’t check to see if you were frum before requiring you to wear a Yellow star, live in a ghetto or worse.

Importance of Life Insurance….a different perspective

Sidestepping halachic viewpoints (and my Rav believes in life insurance).
Here in CT (where my family law practice is).
If a couple divorces and a spouse is ordered to pay alimony and/or child support, it is standard practice that the civil courts require that spouse to carry life insurance for the entire term of the alimony and/or child support so the ex-spouse and/or children don’t suffer economically if the paying spouse dies, AND the government doesn’t end up supporting them through social welfare programs.

I own both sizes………….
My 17″ is set up on a desk and never travels.
My 15″ is often in a case and goes into court with me. I find 17″ models to be cumbersome to tote around

Most people use laptops the way we used to use desktops. They spend their entire life on a desk or table plugged into an electrical outlet.

In our legal offices 90% of our employees use laptops, 17″ in the office and 15″ or smaller to take to clients, court, etc.

My mother always sent the ironing out. She’d do the washing and drying and every week a basket to be ironed would be dropped off at the home of our ironess.
Today, the only things that get ironed are my dress shirts (which I send out), pillow cases (not copper) and table linen.
Our youngest daughter always did that ironing, but now that she is newly married, we’ll have to do it ourselves.

@mentsch1
There were no states under the English King, just an assortment of colonies. Thus the states did not pay more taxes than the average British citizen. In fact political divisions don’t pay taxes, individuals (and now businesses do).
“Can anyone deny it?”
I just refuted it

They accumulate no more dust than other surfaces and yes they must be dusted.
The chair rails in my office are natural wood with a clear stain and need weekly dusting, the chair rails in our kitchen are painted with a high gloss paint and only need dusting about once each month.

We have crown moulding in the living room and it is dusted weekly with an extended swiffer, this is no different than dusting the surface where the walls meet the ceiling so that no cobwebs, etc. accumulate

@mammele
Mrs. CTL ordered a Roomba last June. She wanted it for the room where we feed our dogs. There is always kibble all over the floor.
The Roomba was great at swatting the kibble and sending it flying into the corners, but not in sucking it up.
The vacuum was more than $600…it went right back for a refund

My local hospital of choice operates 7 of these centers. All of my doctors/surgeons have sold their practices to this same hospital.
So, when I have an occurrence that needs immediate attention, or I don’t feel like waiting for an appointment with my internist, I head there. They are open 7 days each week from 8 am to 8 pm.
They have access to all of my medical records.
I pay a $20 co-pay to see my primary physician, and $25 to use urgent care.
Why wait until Monday to try to make a doctor’s appointment if you think you have a sinus infection? For $5 more I can book an appointment on line, not have to wait when I show up and start a Z-Pak treatment that day.

Moot Point…………….
Here in Southern Connecticut, all we saw was Cumulus Clouds….no evidence of an eclipse

@lesschumras
I never used the term Jim Crow. I am an attorney, I specifically referred to legal discrimination in public education which was found legal by the US Supreme Court in Plessy v. Ferguson (which stood for more than 50 years).

@Huju
Most white southerners did not own slaves. The average soldier in the Civil War was supporting his state. This was on both sides. The idea of fighting for the country really evolved much later. Soldiers didn’t join up to the US Army or the CSA Army, they joined units such as the 1st Illinois or Lee’s Army of Virginia.

The statues erected in the late 19th and early 20th Century south were rallying spots for those practicing discrimination, much of it legal. Plessy v. Ferguson (separate but equal) was the law of the land until the 1950s and Brown v. Board of Education, These statues were not rallying points for slavery which was no longer legal.
I don’t agree that a statue on a town green commemorating local boys/men who answered the call and fought for their state and country is a bad thing. This is quite different than statues of Generals on horseback used to foster ill feeling towards African-Americans and other minorities.

I live in a town settled in the 1600s. On Memorial Day American Flags are placed on the graves of deceased service men and women. We don’t skip those who served in the local militia under a Royal Governor before the Revolutionary War.
There is no reason to erase history, better to use it as a teaching tool.

Remember, here in the north, we call it the Civil War. Some in assorted places call it the War Between the States (which reinforces my point about soldiers joining up to support a state, not a country), BUT in parts of the deep south, especially those areas who suffered the carpetbaggers of Reconstruction, it is known as the War of Northern Aggression.

@huju
Hanging behind my office desk as I type is a framed $1,000 Confederate States of America Bond bearing coupons for six percent interest. Issued in late 1864, the purchaser was only able to redeem 2 interest coupons ($30 each) before the war was lost and so was his investment.
I don’t think of this as a tribute to the racist south, but an interesting piece of American political and banking history.
As for the statues, I believe that states are entitled to have statues of their sons who donned uniforms and fought to protect their states. This is fine from a historical perspective, but when they become rallying points for a return to a system of discrimination, their misuse is the problem, not the statues themselves.

Proud to have voted for Clinton. Hope you’re all satisfied with the offensive buffoon in the White House. Who will he offend next?

The only thing I’d thank Trump for is his resignation and his permanent leaving the USA.
Her certainly has provided no service to the American people.
He has cost us untold millions in expenses
He and his family are the epitome of trash
A thrice married adulterer is no role model
I’d like to see the whole clan in prison, but don’t want the expense.

After they finish tearing down Confederate statues, let them start tearing down the Trump name from buildings, golf courses, etc.