Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
@Joseph
I don’t think splitting the cost of a wedding 50/50 would entice a girl to marry a chasid, it might entice her parents to suggest it. Most frum girls don’t pay for their own chasunahAs the father of children who are all married and not so old that I don’t remember my dating experiences.
The man pays for the dates, the woman’s family pays for the chasunah. Dating is far cheaper.Your average date cost is less than the charge for one guest at the chasunah.
You are missing putting it through a meat grinder with some stale challah or a stale egg bagel, then mix in some Hellman’s Mayo and a bit of garlic powder along with your salt and pepper.
DON’T use the generic cheap yellow onions, buy Vidalia (sweet onions) if available or a large Spanish Onion. The small onions that come in the 3lb bags for about a dollar are bitter.
The Mayo is a Hungarian thing that Mrs. CTL learned from her step-father’s sister.Also, calve’s liver is not as bitter as beef liver.
We use equal parts chicken livers and calve’s liver. Salt, WHITE Pepper, Garlic Powder, Oil, Mayo, bread.
It must sit overnight in the refrigerator, then mix well and adjust seasonings.@DY……….
now I know we are contemporaries. Down in my basement are all those Rabbi’s Sons albums bought when I was a very new teenagerOn August 2nd I posted about the delay in seeing a specialist experienced by my MIL. There was a FIVE MONTH wait to see a gerontologist. Her Blue Cross/ Blue Shield Medicare combination would not ok durable medical equipment until prescribed by the specialist. They had rejected orders from her Oncologist and Internist.
The EARLIEST appointment she could get was for September 25th.Joseph asked if I could pay for the equipment from my own pocket while I was waiting for the approvals. The answer is that I went to our garage and brought in walker, wheelchair and commode that had belonged to my late mother. They were collapsible and we held on to them.
On August 16th while at Chemotheraphy, she was sent to the hospital for a week’s stay. She was released to a rehab facility and was there 23 days. Medicare and Blue Cross decided she was not making enough rehab progress to warrant the cost of care and we were give one night’s notice to bring her home. There were no private pay beds available.
MIL was brought home last Sunday morning and we arranged care in our home.
On Wednesday morning Sept. 20 the Gerontologists office called to cancel the appointment. He had decided to take a long weekend including Yuntif and we were told to call on the 26th to attempt to book a new appointment.
It didn’t matter……………………………
10:32 that night while our family was at the Rosh HaShanah dinner table, my wife and I and a private duty nurse were in my wonderful MIL’s room as she drew her last breath.The levayah is this morning……………………..all of her family was already here for Yuntif anyway. This will be forever etched in our memories as the worst RH of our lives.
Of course the Car Shadchan can fix you up with a 24 or 36 month marriage and you walk away with no strings attached,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
@Meno
Methinks you have imbibed too much ale if you list Ale as rhyming with AleKale
Snail
Quail
Whale
Skate (a trief fish)Connecticut has an anti-idling law…….no more than 3 minutes is legal. That coincides with a reasonable engine warm up time in cold weather.
It may not be one of the 613 Mitzvos of Hashem, BUT in our case it is a commandment from our town.
The main wing of our home was built in 1803 by a prominent local family. A picture of the home hangs in the Town’s Historical Society building and another in Town Hall. There is a plaque on the front of the house over the door with the name of the original owner and date of construction.
We are obligated to maintain the integrity of structure and design as seen from the street,
There was a major addition in 1903.
In 2003, Mrs. CTL (who is a designer/builder) went before the Zoning Boards and Historical commissions and received permission for an additional wing that can not be seen from the street. The views visible to neighbors must be harmonious with the earlier construction with wood siding, painted white with black trim. The entire rear of the house facing our woods and property is glass with soaring roof lines, skylights, etc.When Mrs. CTL wanted a ‘statement piece on the front lawn, it took years of negotiation for approval from the town. They finally allowed us to park an 1892 horse drawn carriage (without horses) with black cabriolet roof on a 45 degree angle to the street from April 1, to Nov 1 of each year. It has been borrowed fro use in our town’s annual historical parade.
Here in small town America, Firemen don’t get paid,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
They are volunteersIn the large city next to our small town Police and Firemen get the same pay
@dovidBT
In those days there was a general lack of demand for Glatt by the typical EuroTraditional customer and the shul rabbis who supervised the butchers and caterers did not require Glatt. Many ate stam kosher in their own homes and shuls. The populace was not willing to pay higher prices that Glatt demanded.My late parents didn’t buy glatt meat until they retired to Florida and it was all their local butcher sold. Mrs. CTL and I made a decision to have a glatt home because we anted all our friends and relatives to be able to eat here, not because we held by the chumrah of glatt.
I rec’d a notice top report here in CT on Wed 09/20. Lawyers are not exempt. At 5:30 PM tomorrow I’ll check the judicial website to see if in fact I have to report. If it says yes, I’ll click to reschedule. If it says no, I’ll be deemed to have served my obligatory service and can’t be called for 3 years.
4 years ago I was scheduled for jury duty two days before Pesach. I showed up and was sent to a courtroom for questioning. The bailiff was laughing his head off, knowing I’d be excused because I know almost all the lawyers and judges too well. There was a new kid prosecutor going through the background of the case. He asked if any of the jury pool knew any of the lawyers, defendant, detectives or the judge. I raised my hand and was asked who I knew. I replied all of them. I referred the defendant to his defense attorney, my son in law………..the prosecutor’s jaw dropped and he said excused.
@slominer
Back in the late 70s I was in both the kosher bakery and restaurant and catering business. Health Department inspections vary greatly by municipality.
In the New Haven area they were very tough and frequent, in Bridgeport not as tough and once a year@Meno…………
twice ion all the years I’ve gone with the shochet to the local farm he rejected an animal. The animal was then processed and sold to non-Jewish customers (providing it meets government standards) and the farmer provided another animal for slaughter@DovidBT
For an understanding of the problems with spoiled meat sold in major chains I suggest you Google ‘Food Lion Spoiled Meat Scandal’
Back in the early 1990s this 1100+ store chain in the American South was found to be bleaching tainted meat to make it look better for sale and remove odor.
Tricks of the trade are to turn the bad side down on the foam trays, to mix in fresh red liquid to old ground beef to refresh the color.
Nowadays much supermarket ground beef is in packages that has been gassed to preserve the food for a longer period of time.
Most OOT cities with populations of 50,000-200,000 no longer have a kosher butcher shop. Kosher factory produce poultry and meats are sold in general supermarkets such as Stop and Shop or Shop Rite. The meat always is a sickly color in mini cryovac packages, the poultry (generally Empire) looks better, but when opened is never as clean as the same brand sold in fresh packs in a kosher supermarket….population 150,000 in the late 50s, early 60s>>>
I grew up in New Haven, there were 12 kosher butchers and 9 kosher bakeries. Today there is one butcher and no kosher stand alone bakeries. There are a few kosher in-store bakeries in Stop and Shop. Same population numbers.
I live near Bridgeport, the largest population city in CT. My wife grew up here. Bridgeport had 3 kosher butchers and 2 kosher bakeries until the 70s, now nothing.Three things killed off the local kosher butchers…………..
#1 The death of Euro-Traditional Jews (non-Orthodox) of my parents generation. They were children of immigrants who kept nominally kosher kitchens so bubbe and Zaidy would feel comfortable eating in their homes.
#2 The decimation of the local slaughtering and processing business by the emergence of factory farming and the Agriprocessors of the world.
#3 The shift to the right by the current frum community. Now everything had to be Glatt. Local supervision wasn’t good enough, local shechita wasn’t acceptable. Food orders would be placed on Tuesday nights for delivery Thursday morning from suppliers in Brooklyn. All of a sudden the local day schools, yeshivos and shuls were buying from out of town while still expecting the local merchant to be financially supportive of the institutions….it drove them out of business.I haven’t read the letter……………………
BUT, many a shadchan gets paid when a marriage takes place after the introduction.
The shadcan may have worked many hours to find a suitable match. The client may have needed to date many potential mates before a successful match was made. Then the hourly rate is far lower than a case where the Shadchan spends 1/2 an hour with the girl (or parents), 1/2 an hour with the boy (or parents) then makes one phone call to set up the date…the couple hit it off immediately, both sets of parents approve and a chasunah results. The hourly rate can be very high.The psychologist has a static hourly rate and collects for each 50 minute hour that a patient is seen.
So if a Shadchan gets $2000 for a marriage and it takes 2 hours work, the Shadcan makes $1000 per hour before expenses. If it takes 40 hours work over 6 months to a year, the hourly rate is only $50
The Psychologist may be billing $125 per hour. If the therapist takes insurance the actual rate they receives may be as low as $35…the rest is written off. The psychologist has to work and bill 16 hours to a private pay patient to earn the $2000.
@Lightbrite
Regarding store made chopped/ground meat, etc. a couple of stories.
My mother told me that she never had hamburgers growing up. Her mother did not trust meat ground by the butcher…never mind what was already ground in the case, but even if you picked a piece of beef and asked that be ground fresh…………WHY? She didn’t trust the butchers to properly clean the grinders during the business day. Maybe they properly cleansed it at the end of the day’s business, but she was afraid of germs growing on the equipment during the workday.In 1972 I was at a local general supermarket buying a case of soda. A woman came in carrying a huge parcel wrapped in butcher paper. The manager asked her if there was a problem. The lady said’ I just bought this shell of beef and had your butcher cut it into 1″ steaks (FYI Shell steaks are treif sirloin). When I got home, I went to separate the steaks and wrap them for the freezer…I could see that the inner slices of the shell had spoiled, they were off color and stank.’ The manager gave her a refund for the 12 pounds of meat and she left the store. The store manager paged the meat department manager to the service desk. The meat man arrived, the store manager handed him the package and instructed the meat man to ‘grind this up with the next load of 90% lean ground beef.’
I never bought anything in this store again. The local chain went out of business about 1975.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am very careful about cleaning my meat grinders. The sink and dishwasher cycle is not sufficient, after cleansing with hot soapy water, I boil the metal parts, then run them through the dishwasher.@Coffee Addict
My parents and elder siblings moved from NYC to New Haven in 1952. The local Jewish community considered them NYers until their deaths. Only by their grandchildren’s generation was the family considered part of the local Jewish community. With a community dating back 175 years it’s not unusual to have 7th generation locals.I was born in New Haven to parents born and educated in NY…For almost 65 years, every time I open my mouth I am accused of being a NYer….
@LilmodUlelamaid
IIRC sometime in the past year I read Joseph posting that he taught history in the NY public schools
Now he posts that as a public employee he has accumulated so much time due him for personal days, etc. that he has time for kiruv.
There are some who have accused Joseph of being a troll, I have found from experience, that trolls trip up eventually and post conflicting information/hints about themselves.
I’m not saying he is a troll, but stories change on line to fit situations
@Lightbrite………..
our kids probably tasted raw chopped meat from about the age of 3, our grandchildren the same…@DovidBT
Avoiding bacteria………..
I buy primal cuts and butcher them myself under sanitary conditions and cold temperatures. I have never had a problem. I don’t buy prepackaged or store ground beef. I often buy from local farms and have a shochet who will slaughter on site. A non-Jewish neighbor takes the hind quarters. Mrs. CTL and I are old enough to have started our married life when one kashered meat at home (as opposed to buying factory processed and kashered meat) and don’t mind doing so with locally raised beef.@syaglchochma
There is a difference between being Chasidish and being a member of a Chasidic sect.I’m a misnagid, but say Ebesther, but I also say Tayrah
My mother OBM always tasted the meat mixture for hamburgers, meatballs and meat loaf and let us kids do so. She also was known to serve steak tartare as an appetizer on melba toast.
I still eat uncooked chopped meat.That said, we do NOT buy ground meat from the butcher, or kosher supermarket. We grind or chop all our meat at home in our kitchen. Different blends of cuts are used for different dishes, as well as different consistencies.
Our favorite mix of cuts for hamburgers is ground neck and skirt with about a 15% fat content, less fat dries out to quickly on the grill.
For meatloaf and meatballs we use a coarser grind of shoulder steak about 7-9% fat. More fat yields a slimy feel in the mouth when eating these items.Steak tartare is made with asst. cuts of chuck that are hand chopped in a wooden bowl with a hochmesser. It must have chew and bite to it. It is not a pate.
And as a reply to the OP, we never use ketchup in our mixes
@freddyfish
Talk about judgmental………………………Where is the halacha that religious Jews cannot be Zionists?
OOT, in small communities we leave politics out of our kids’ education.
“bottom line – can a seat be a particular someone’s to the point that they’re entitled to it”
Absolutely if the shul has sold it to the person. Ownership is more than entitlement
@Joseph…………………….
I remember these policies from when I was a child more than 55 years ago…………..
There are many congregants who have relatives that come for yuntif. I did not state they are coming 45 miles on Yuntif, they may be at the parents for Yuntif. My eldest brother and SIL live 16 miles away and my Eldest sister and BIL live 30 miles away. They will be here for the Yomin Noraim. Our shul also sells associate memberships for those who belong to instate shuls but visit often. It is a nominal fee of $150 per family.In many OOT Orthodox there are 3rd and 4th generation members who are not frum and do drive the 40 miles from their homes on Yuntif. They wish to spend Yuntif in the shul where they grew up, where Bubbe and Zaidy’s names are lit up on the Yarhzeit Board for Yom Kippur. They keep paying dues because they want to be buried along with their ancestors in the synagogue’s cemetery and plots are free to members and not sold to non-members.
Requiring the letter of good standing keeps Jews belonging to and supporting their local shul. This concept was taken in the 1960s from the Jewish Welfare Board which was the umbrella organization for JCCs in the USA. Your membership card from the New Haven JCC was honored at a JCC in Chicago, you were not subject to a guest fee to use the facilities.
College Students….as I said I grew up in New Haven, Yale Students (all males in those days) were more than welcome. They were considered a good catch for the local girls. Our Shammos married his eldest daughter to one, who went on to serve a lengthy term on The Federal Reserve.
As for Yeshiva Students…unmarried family members get tickets. I don’t live in an area where there are OOT Yeshiva Students who would be davening in a neighborhood shul and not at their Yeshiva.
The shuls who generated these policies during the baby boom, predate the MO nomenclature.
@iacisrmma
OOT, shuls are dependent on dues to maintain the buildings and staff year round. Therefore they do not as a rule sell tickets to anyone who lives within 50 miles. You get enough seats for yourself, spouse and unmarried children.
Visiting out of state relatives may receive tickets when they provide a letter fro their home shul that they are members in good standing with dues paid up to date. College students are welcomed at no charge, just asked to call in advance and be placed on the seating chart.@motcha11
While your shul may say no one should tell someone else that he is seated in someone else’s seat, I don’t believe that should apply to seats in shuls that are sold for major donations and have name plaques on them.
A visitor should not presume to seat at a seat with a nameplate unless directed there by the gabbai.When I was growing up in New Haven, it was common for families to belong to multiple shuls and pay dues to each and have permanently purchased seats. I remember on Yom Kippur my father would start the day with us boys at one shul and make the rounds of 3 or 4 shuls during the day, greeting friends and relatives. In each shul, the family seats would be open awaiting our arrival. He varied the order each year.
When my father was niftar in 1989, I received 3 nameplates in the mail from shuls where he had purchased a permanent seat.
I would expect that the man who travels and returns (as a pattern) is entitled to his seat. The newcomer has been ‘squatting’ but has no permanent claim on the seat.m
In my experience, most shuls that sell tickets offer seats first to the person who bought them the previous year.Our shul has brass nameplates on the seatbacks for those who have purchased permanent seats. We don’t sell tickets for the holidays, seats come with membership dues.
@Ramd0m3x
I make no secret of my Misnagid Litvak/German background. I am proud of my heritage.Why do I assume Joseph is Chadisish? From hundreds of posts he has made. His choice of words, attitudes and experiences…all point to him being Chasidish…and he has never contradicted my deduction. BUT, if he is feeling mischievous he might.
I always say that growing up and living OOT you have to get along with all Jews. There aren’t enough Frum Jews in most communities to have separate shuls and minyanim. This morning the man davening for the amud at Minyan davened Nusach Ari, tomorrow, I have yarhzeit and will daven for the amud using an old Tikun Meir, nusach ashkenaz. Not a problem
BD…………….
Joseph and I have an unspoken understanding. We are able to tell when the other is posting tongue in cheek.
When Joseph instigates, he is provoking thought and analysis on the part of CR readers.
I like to give him a little reality check from time to time,This interaction between a Hasid and a Misnagid of Litvak/German background is enjoyable to both of us.
I can tell you that if need be, Joseph will be there to cover one’s backside.@Joseph…………………
Shrink? I wrote physician
I was born in New Haven and have lived in CT for more than 60 years. My father left Brooklyn in 1946.
I don’t work in a gritty anything.You have claimed to teach in the NYC public schools, can you really get away posting during work hours? I’m self employed and my time is my own.
@770Chabad
An observation, not a put-down
I don’t care how good you think the Yiddish education is in Chabad schools. Your English education has been terrible. You are posting in an English forum and can’t spell, can’t write proper sentences and are all over the place.
I get asked to hire frum young women as secretarial and administrative staff (because Shabbos and Yuntif is no problem in our firm) but would never consider someone who exhibits the writing level such as you post.BTW, this goes for non-Jewish employees as well.
I spend about 30 minutes per day on the internet doing ‘fun’ things such as being in the coffee room.
It is not unproductive time. It permits stress relief and necessary diversion from business and family life. It was highly recommended by my physician as being equally important as my daily walk or swim.
Food for thought>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
In the past half century, the birth rate for frum Jews has increased and the birth rate for most secular Jews and non-Jews has decreased (USA).
Lower birth rate, fewer marriages in a community. Fewer marriages, fewer divorces. This doesn’t even deal with the non-religious (Jew and Gentile) living as partners without the benefit of marriage.
I don’t like Jelly……………..
so, I often ate Peanut Butter and Honey sandwiches as a child. Still love the combination, but more likely on a cracker than bread these dayshuju…………
There are those couples who enter marriage counseling because they are experiencing problems in their marriage. Counseling does not resolve the issues and they divorce.
Then there are those couples who reach the judge for dissolution of marriage….the end of the divorce process and are asked ‘did you undergo marriage counseling?’ If they answer no, they are sent to family relations in the courthouse to arrange for counseling and the divorce is put on hold.
I did not (nor did the speaker at the APA seminar) include this second type of couple in the observation.Competent family law attorneys will ask the prospective divorce client if they have gone to counseling with their spouse. If the prospective client is the one seeking the divorce, they are told to come back after counseling if they still want to start the process. If it is the spouse being sued for divorce, they are told that they will be required to undergo marriage counseling before a divorce is granted.
Anecdotal evidence from years in the courthouses, the vast majority of those sent by the judge to family relations to arrange counseling (instead of the divorce being granted) are those couple not represented by counsel.
CT procedure has a minimum 90 day period for a divorce. Those with less than $35,000 in assets, who have no children and don’t own real estate in an uncontested divorce can fast track to a 35 day divorce.If you have minor children and will have any type of custody or visitation after the divorce you are required to attend parenting classes.
@huju
Thank you for your kind words.There is an adage I learned in my Statistics class 50 years ago this semester:
Figures never lie, but Liars often figure…………………………………….
It is very easy to skew numbers to ;prove’ almost any theory.
Haimy…………………………
You post VERY FLAWED numbers
You quote Dr. Schecter about a divorce RATE of 10%
You then quote a statistic that 9% of those in NJ describe themselves as divorced.Divorce RATE and MARITAL STATUS are not the same thing.
I had a non-Jewish client get divorced on Thursday and married to the next spouse on Friday.
The divorce goes into the rate, but if asked to describe herself on either Thursday or Friday, she could have honestly answered married.
Once a divorced person marries again they no longer describe themselves as divorced, but have contributed to the divorce rate as a percentage of marriages that have been dissolved.As for why the divorce rate is increasing in the frum world? The frum world is often decades behind the non-frum world in many actions.
@thefrumguy
I write about basic legal issues in the CR. I don’t and can’t offer specific legal advice to non-clients. B”H I am nearing retirement from a long career and can afford to give advice of this nature without charge.
I am careful to state the rules vary by jurisdiction and that I only carry licenses in CT, MA and FL.In this thread, huju, points out the 30 requirement to put NYC on notice of intent to sue. That is exactly the type of jurisdictional difference I warn about.
I enjoy these discussions or I would not proffer experience in my profession.
@Geordie613 Thank you
@NevilleChaimBerlin There have been many scholarly studies about today’s youth and desire for instant gratification. I make no judgment when I point this out to Daddysgirl. My generation, baby boomers, grew up when news came in a daily newpaper or hourly newscast on the radio. Nightly network news on TV was only 15 minutes and stations signed off overnight.
As for technology, I learned computer programming back when computers used punchcards and have kept up.My advice to Daddysgirl was fatherly and said with love, she took it the right way and B”H will learn from it. Patience is acquired through the aging process and life experience.
Listen to poppa>>>>>>>>>>>>
You must learn patience, your generation expects instant gratification and you’ll not find it here.
Many members visit the CR daily, but we have lives and can’t answer on demand. We are not following on our smartphones and running to answer every ding. We have professional and business lives we live.I am not picking on you, BUT
Motzei Shabbos you posted a new thread addressing a question to me at 11:06 PM
You bumped the thread at 7:52 AM Sunday morning when I had not answered you.
Last night, Mrs. CTL and I were out visiting friends after Shabbos and I wouldn’t be on the CR at that time.
At 7:52 this morning I was still at minyan, it starts later on Sundays OOT.I came home saw your post and crafted an answer.
Learn patience
Read the CR once a day when you have time, do not let it become a diversion from study, work, familyLecture is over…daddy loves you
Daddy’s girl>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..
The first question that must be answered in both cases is:
What is the statute of limitations in the jurisdiction. That sets out the time limits for filing lawsuits after an incident. It varies by jurisdictions, and also may vary by type of lawsuit.
In some places it is two years, other states are three years. Please don’t ask for specific info on your state, as lawyers are not licensed country wide in the USA. I only maintain CT, MA and FL licenses at this point in my career. I can’t answer specific questions as you or the hurt person is not my client.The next question to ask is:
Who owns the property where the injury occurred?
For example, if the park is town owned, a suit can be filed against the town. If it was a state park, many states, including Connecticut, may not be sued without first gaining their permission, They have ‘sovereign immunity.’Just because someone is injured in a location, doesn’t mean the owner was negligent and that a lawsuit will be won.
This is why a consultation with an attorney (they generally don’t charge for this first meeting to evaluate whether there is a case to pursue) is important.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
Let’s talk about the fall on the ice,
The attorney will inquire whether there was a storm going on, or how long the fall occurred after the storm ended.
Some communities give property owners anywhere from 4-24 hours after the end of a storm to clear ice and snow. That may be daylight hours, so that if a storm ends at 2 AM the clock starts ticking at 8 AMDid the person that fell see the path was not cleared and entered anyway. If so, contributory negligence may be a factor and in some states could reduce or eliminate the award in court.
Did the person who fell notify the owner promptly?
So many questions?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Basic answer, if you are within the statute of limitations and the entity is one that may be sued according to the law, you can sue. Will you win is quite a different question.@K-Cup
Yes, I’ve met many people who after being divorced wished that they had stayed married to their previous spouse.
Being in the family law business, my exposure to divorced people may be higher than the usual CR member, especially as many of my clients are not Jewish.
There are different categories of wishing they were still married to the former spouse:
#1 Spouse who did not seek the divorce>>>>forced out of the marriage
#2 The person left the marriage for another and the grass is not greener on the other side. The relationship breaks up once the married person is free. The ‘third wheel’ has a pattern of seeing married people because it doesn’t call for total commitment
#3 Still loves the ex-spouse>>>>pushed into divorce by meddling family, friends, therapist
#4 Misses the kids…visitation doesn’t cut it
#5 Poverty is now the state of living for the ex spouses and children. The same income can’t support two households
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Every year, I have a couple of clients who have been divorced, may have had another marriage and divorce, who end up remarrying their original spouse.Joseph………………..
More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages…………
Having seen that divorce ended an untenable marriage the first time and life goes on, people will end a bad second marriage more quickly than the firstIt is a requirement of the Family division of the Superior Court, not a state law that couples seeking a divorce go through marriage counseling. I have seen couples before the judge expecting their non-contested divorce to be granted, asked if they have gone through counseling and if not (to the satisfaction of the judge <testimony, letter from counselor, etc..) be sent to the mediation center to arrange counseling,
It has nothing to do with making the process more amicable. Some couples go through months or years of counseling before seeking a divorce and the process is still ruthless and bitter.
I had a client last year who had the marriage counselor release the records of counseling sessions to both attorneys. After the 3rd session, the counselor stated to the couple that the marriage should not be saved, additional sessions would be a waste of time and money and that divorce was the answer.
Also, I practice family law, which also includes wills, estates, trusts, adoptions, guardianships, conservatorships. I am not a ‘divorce lawyer’ per se.
@Golfer
two years ago I attended a symposium on the success of marriage counseling given by the local chapter of the American Psychological Association.
The subject of the success of marriage counseling was discussed in detail. The results presented by the panel of practicing CT marriage counselors mirrored my observation of couples going through the civil divorce process.
Few marriages are saved by marriage counseling. Once the marriage is so far broken/damaged that both members of the couple are willing, or court ordered to undergo marriage counseling, the marriage is not saved. The counselor often shows the couple why the marriage should be dissolved, often reinforcing the feelings of the party seeking the divorce.this is quite DIFFERENT from one partner seeking a therapists help in trying to improve the marriage. Individual, or even couples therapy may strengthen a weak marriage, but that is not the same as marriage counseling which does not deal with an individual’s underlying psychological state
Daddygirl………………..
Yes, Youngest Ms. CTL was married about 6 weeks ago. She and SIL are occupying MIL’s home in the compound as we had to move MIL in with us for additional care.
It is only 25′ between my home office door and her house.We do not expect them to live in that home permanently, but as SIL is both new to the family and the USA, it is a good place for adjustment. They expect to join the family firm in some capacity so I expect they’ll choose a home nearby or in commuting distance, figure out what they like, want and can afford and Mrs. CTL will put her designer/builder/realtor skills to work.
As much as we love them in the compound, we believe a bit of distance would be healthy
Joseph………………
I am honored that you picked this quotation out form my post ion another thread.Everyone should be aware that I am referring to counselling by a licensed therapist (social worker, psychologist, etc.) not a clergy member when making this observation. In fact, our court system which requires counseling prior to divorce lays out the categories of authorized counselors and does not include pastoral counseling.
My statement should not be taken to impugn the advice of a couple’s Rav, or possible success or failure in saving the marriage by that Rav.