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“Intellegent- just wondering why you spell ur name with an E instead of INTELLIGENT. “
ha ha 🙂 remember going through this a long time ago. lol. truthfully to be perfectly honest, it was a mistake! i did realize right afterwards though, but it was too late.
so i’m here over a year but my last post was about 5 months ago! i was running through the list of recent posterss and didn’t recognize too many! only tzippi and maybe gunther? that sounds familiar.
aug 28, 2008
I am also a very private person and have a sister who is the exact opposite! She shares everything! We can run into problems when she expects me to share things with her that she would with me. Personally, I am not really interested in all the things she tells me and would prefer that she keeps it to herself! I am not really sure what the solution is. I think she is starting to realize that we are just different.
In general when you decide to “go public” on an issue, make sure to tell everyone who you know would expect to be told. If you are still keeping something private, and you don’t tell anyone, no one can decide for you that you have to tell. Also please realize that you cannot try to hide something that is impossible to keep a secret so people might be hurt by such things too.
In general, I think you have to try to do whatever possible not to hurt people but you still have to live your life the way you feel is right.
moish01
that’s not mean, that’s pathetic.
Joseph
I guess researchers finally figured out what chazal knew a long time ago 🙂 (they just added two days to fit it neatly into weeks.)
I guess it seems everyone has a signature so I got jealous.
(at least it’s less annoying than all those $$$’s)
e
Joseph
I thought of that 🙂
you people are reeeeeeeeeeeeeally strange!
I know this was just an example and not your main point. But about the 4 inches. this is something that I struggled with as well. I think what their teacher meant that in order for the knee to be covered at all times it was decided that the skirt should reach 4 inches below the knee. So it is not the 4 inches that is halacha but a requirement in order to fulfill the halacha. (I don’t mean to say that it is necessarily the case that it must be 4 inches, I didn’t look into it enough but just explaining what they mean by “halacha”)
moish01,
I don’t really know you and even if I did, I would have no way of answering that question.
Also I should emphasize that most people do not fit neatly into one of those two catagories. People are very complicated. I know that I had some circumstances in my childhood that I could have used as the perfect excuse to rebel. I can’t even really say that I conquored my yetzer hara or anything, because I never really desired anything other than keeping a very high standard of frumkeit. On the other hand, I’m sure there were times I did things very wrongly as a result of the circumstances that I was in. My kibbud av v’em was compromised. However, although if I would have had the “perfect” situation (which no one has btw) I would not have acted the way I did. So what/who is to blame, my situation, or ME? The answer is ME. H-m gave me my set of nisyonos in order to grow from. We all have bechira and can choose how to deal with a situation. We also have a very strong yetzer hara which makes it extremely hard. H-m is aware of this but still our job here on this world is to fight and fight and fight some more (with the yetzer hara, not our parents 🙂 ). I like to say that we cannot “judge” anyone but we can say it’s “wrong”. which means that if someone decides to throw away torah, we cannot pass judgement and decide how wrong it is and what they should have done. However, we cannot either say that they are “right”. They are wrong but maybe if we would be in their shoes we would do the same.
You have to realize that after 120 everyone will be judged, no exceptions. Realize why you came down to this world and realize there are no excuses.
btw, I just went back and read an other comment you made and i think that you think that there is such a thing as not being held liable. if you say he’ll take the gehinom and stick with his friends that means that you think that you can do whatever you want. Oh well.
i didn’t read through all the threads so maybe i’m being repetitious. my friend had her pictures posted and she was not happy about it as she does not want her face on the internet. i think it should be obvious that someone should need to give their permission before their pics are posted!
Itzik_s
I just didn’t like the fact that you were doing something that you openly referred to as a shtus. if it is a minhag that has a basis then fine.
A lot of people go through nisyonos. Some grow from them and some get broken.
SJSinNYC
It’s amazing how you can remember things from so far back! i remember in third grade, I was still in middle of s.e. and the class was already saying oleinu. the girl in front of me was very particular about where she stood and she pushed me not knowing i was still in middle of se (why it would be fine to do that if i would not be davening is an other story.) I still remember how horrible i felt being pushed in middle of shemona esrai.
Itzik_s
I am definitely NOT modern. I don’t agree with bending rules etc either. I just don’t think making up chumros makes sense. If you want to maaser your food because that is what your family, posek, etc does, that’s fine because it has a basis in halacha. If someone kashers their own chickens it doesn’t mean that someone who does not is not eating kosher chickens they just want to be extra careful. someone who doesn’t mish on pesach is doing that because of the minhag but there is a background to the minhag! toiveling a material that does not require tevilla is not being extra careful or following a minhag.
according to jothar there is a basis for toiveling plastic so by all means do so, but not because your neighbors do and even though you think it is a shtus, you do as well.
itzik
your logic doesn’t make so much sense in my opinion. just because you think it makes sense to toivel plastic, doesn’t mean it does. a rav/posek makes such a decision. does this have any basis from such a source or just some stupid person who thinks he is being “machmir”. you can’t just come up with your own halachos or even chumros. they have to have some basis in reality! why do you think it is more strange to toivel cardboard rather than plastic? they both seem equally strange to me! (I am coming from a place where we toivel alumanim pans, maaser all israeli products [but only food, not our plastic dishes] and do various other chumros that many people never heard of. But they ALL have a basis in Halacha. Of course others who don’t do these things are perfectly frum. But this is what we do and that’s fine, as long as there is a basis to it. If I decide that we should maaser our dishes or toivel our food or do anything of the sort than I am a crazy lunatic, not machmir. As oomis says, if there is a basis in halacha and someone who we hold by comes out with a psak I will be second in line after her 🙂 )
maybe put in another post soon after apologizing for your comment, like “i take that back”. not sure. it’s good to regret it but don’t be ocd.
SJSinNYC
for once I agree with you! 🙂
it’s rediculous
If someone comes up with a source then I accept but if it is done plain out of pure stupidity then it’s crazy.
reuven bought a cup that was made out of thick plastic and thought it was glass. He toiveled it.
Shimon saw Reuven toiveling plastic so he toiveled his plastic salad bowl
Levi saw Shimon and since he was of the opinion that disposable things have to be toiveled if they will be reused. He toiveled his pack of 500 plastic plates.
This story never happened but somthing similar probably did!
Itz, one thing i don’t get, if you think it’s a shtus, why do you do it???
Also, is anyone positive that this can fall into the catagory of chumra? As far as I know, a chumra has to have some kind of basis to it in halacha not stam a misconception!
By the way, do I need to toivel my husbands socks? what if someone finds it on the floor of the mikva thinks it’s his and takes it home. his wife maybe uses socks to hold apples in or to strain her soup and maybe they are of the opinion that cotton needs tvila.
(btw, if there is some kind of source that plastic needs tvila, I don’t want to make fun of that minhag. I just think it’s rediculous to toivel plastic just because you see your neighbors doing it. I never heard of this practice before. It would be a good minhag for me because it would be simpler for me to wash the dishes than to toivel 500 plastic plates. So i’d save money!)
However, to clarify, I don’t think we should be the ones to say how big people’s olam haba will be based on their material wealth on this world. I simply mean that there is something to having plenty on this world instead of in the next. Of course we cannot begin to understand how these things work and I’m sure it’s possible that there are rich people with all the good on this world who will have a bigger olam haba than someone with the worst tzaros on this world. I hope i didn’t make it sound like we are able to pass judgement.
about cleaning ladies, i presently cannot afford one, but plan on getting one as soon as I am able to. Some people need it in order to run the household decently.
by toiveling plastic keilim, the fact that it is disposable is beside the point! Alumanim pans are different because it is made out of a material that requires toiveling. the only question is regarding the fact that it is disposable. Since when does plastic need tevilla!?!
“I don’t think thats a nice way to think about it. Maybe a better way is that if YOU had it would take away from YOUR olam habah? Just because someone has all the fancy things in the world, doesnt mean they won’t have a great chelek in olam habah. “
good things in this world can and do take away from olam haba as yesurim take away from gehinnem!
tomorrow is “2” B’shvat HAAAAAAAA!!!!
aren’t there certain materials that require toiveling v’zehoo?
also, don’t refrain from ever talking about your children but don’t overdo it either. no point in rubbing it in all the time.
SJSinNYC
sometimes it’s better to get a little cheaper and not as good than wait 10 years to get something that is really important. Also, I heard that there are second hand furniture that you can get from old people or something. most were made way back when, when they actually made things to last! Then you can put in some money to make it nice and there you have a great piece of furniture that will last forever and looks good to!
Talking from experience, don’t say anything like “is it hard for you?”. I think that is the dumbest question and does not serve any purpose other than putting the person in an awkward position. It’s also condescending. What is she supposed to say??? I had one person who always did this to me, telling me it must be hard, telling me that so in so is expecting and feels so bad for me. I felt like all she was accomplishing was turning me into a nebach case because I didn’t have a baby 9 months after my wedding! (this person was completely DESPERATE when she was married 7 months so thinks everyone is like that.) The main thing is to treat people the way they would want to be treated and not the way you would. everyone is different and deals with things differently and should have their needs respected!
Of course don’t put off telling her because than she will think that you were avoiding her. Don’t complain about how hard it is or anything.
In my opinion, the best thing to do is just to tell her how you would tell her anyone else. One thing that I think works is to precede the actual news with an introduction such as, I have some good news to share with you (you can leave out the “good” if you feel it is insensitive and just say that you have some news.) When I was married about a year and a few months and not pregnant(I don’t mean to say that it was the end of the world but it was a while compared to her), someone who was married about 4 months told me her news. This is how she said it. She started saying something about not feeling well but since she was married so short, I didn’t connect. then she says, “so we’re growing and growing and soon we’ll pop!” I was in such shock and didn’t know how to react because she said it in such a wierd way! I felt so stupid about it and thought it was so silly and immature of her! I don’t think you would do anyhting like that, but i think it’s good for other people to read this and realize that in certain situations, don’t try to be funny; saying it straight is the best way! (ie, i have some news to share with you, I’m iy”h expecting in…)
a bit of a long megilla, sorry!
sjs,
“intellegent design”
Did I confuse your spelling???
I can only try
While I agree with your first part, I don’t agree with the last part about giving out contact information. If they want to give a general hotline number or some other address for help that’s fine, but I don’t think the benefits outweigh the risk of giving out random email addresses to random people.
who said i was arguing? 🙂
I didn’t meant to argue, I just mentioned your name because it was sort of in reference to what you said.
areivimzehlazeh
when I was talking about contact information the reason it would be absolutely necessary for mods to not post email addresses is because if one of your “lunatics” (and not the typical cr type of lunatic) decides to post their email address so someone who is say struggling with teenage issues can contact him/her, an innocent kid might email and you never know where that could go. it’s dangerous. Everyone, use your seichel!
about mazal’s point, there is no definite limit on luxuries for simchas. Everyone is different and has different needs. However, when it is taken to the point of extremes, I sometimes think of those people who don’t know where their next penny is coming from and can’t help but feel that all that extra money they are spending on all the silly extras like ice sculptures and waterfalls and who-knows-what can go to families who would gain some menuchas hanefesh! (I am not judging people because everyone thinks that when they are rich, they will do it right but obviously there is a big nisayon of being rich, we just don’t get it until we are there.)
areivimzehlazeh,
Do you have a basis for that? I think it is much worse to do bad in E”Y because it is compared to someone doing somehting in the palace of the King! (I read an article that E”Y can have an amazing effect on someone moving in the right direction but if he is on a downward slide to begin with then it would have the opposite effect.)
as far as names, I think Rivky Friedman is the most common combination for girls! For some reason Faigy Friedman seems to be quite common too even though Faigy is not as common a name.
I think Esty and Rivky are most common girl names and Moishy the most common for boys.
Shkoyach Charlie!
I think most people posting are saying things with the assumption that they are completely annonymous. There is nothing wrong with that. It is human nature to not want people to know everything about you and is normal to not always feel comfortable expressing your views. Therefore if someone is revealed it can be very uncomfortable to say the least. I know I have revealed some things about myself that if someone would know it’s me I’d be very upset.
That said, I think everyone has a responsibility to protect their own anonymity (sp?). No one can pry information out of someone who is unwilling to share. You can’t blame your mistakes on others. Of course it’s not right to try to pry information but it is still the poster him/herself who is responsible. If I remember correctly, in one case her identity was revealed to one person by answering a question straight out! She actually gave herself away willingly. I don’t really get why it helps to “hide” afterwards, but whatever.
An other point that I think is appropriate to mention here is that in the past people have offered their email addresses for people to contact them. I was very surprised to see that it is posted. Who knows who they really are? Isn’t that one of the extreme dangers the internet is notorious for? I think that should NEVER be allowed!
Okay, I wonder if anyone actually read until here :).
squeak,
Whaddayamean I won by default??? If there would have been an other one then it would have been nominated also!
By the way I am feeling awfully popular around here. I normally don’t get so much attention in most threads! 😀 Where’s Charlie?
Mod72,
I admit. That was a very dumb comment for me of all people (who spelled my username wrong) to make a comment of misspelling of the year. (Do I get to win the dumbest post of the year?)
Trust me you are FAR from winning dumbest post of the year! YW Moderator-72
asdfghjkl,
thanks for the welcome back, but i didn’t go anywhere, just tried to convince myself that the world will not come to an end if I miss some points on some threads! So when I realized that hte world did not come to an end, that confirmed it :). You can try it although you might not want to take the chance. 🙂
btw, I usually don’t notice these things, but seems like bored@work dissappeared as well, unless she came to the same realization as me so is not posting all day 🙂
I’m waiting for the day when two posters (a male and a female) will notify us simulataneously that they are engaged!!!!!!!!!!!
qwertyuiop, for once and for all, what is with all those $$$$$$$$$???????????????
By the way, maybe we should also have a thread for spelling of the year (or make that “misspelling of the year”.) I’m sure we’ll come up with some funny ones.
Since I was the first to ever be nominated as post of the day (I am totally blushing by the way) I think I am worthy of adding a rule. Any posts that are so obviously trying to sound sharp so they can be nominated is not eligible. 🙂
(By the way, I guess, I am nominated as post of the year for 2008.)
charlie brown,
Aren’t you the one who is supposed to raise my self esteem and not point out my mistakes? I think that’s squeak’s job if I ricall (JK) correctly. No, I didn’t spell that way on purpose, but I’ll have you know that last time I replaced the “i” with an “e” was this same word, so I’m not really so bad.
havesomeseichel,
Would you open a kosher grocery in a city where there are only 4 jews? People who open these jewish college programs do it to make money, not to do you a personal favor. It’s only worth it for them if there is a demand. That is part of why many people chose to live “in town”. It is just so much more convenient. If you chose to live elsewhere you have to realize that it comes along with some cons although I’m sure there are many pros as well. You can’t expect to live in Alaska and everyone else should come running after you to take care of you.
Pashuteh Yid
What do you mean by that?
I’m actually proud that I didn’t make that list that everyone is referring to (although i did find mention of me in a later post). That means I am slowly being cured of this rediculous coffee room syndrome. I am proud to say that I am totally not updated on every thread! I actually had to go back to last page to skim through to see what everyone was talking about. It’s okay, I’m sure I didn’t miss much! 🙂
havesomeseichel
Firstly, Baltimore is NOT a state. Secondly, what on earth is the shaichus bet baltimore and NY????????