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Rabbanit is hebrew; Rebbetzin is “english”. I guess Rebbetzin is really Yiddish, but it is used by english-speakers and I would imagine that you would be more likely to find it in an english language dictionary than Rabbanit.
The only mod that I know of that has mentioned a gender is 29 and she said that she was female.
Have any other mods mentioned a gender to you?
I think that there are probably mods from both genders, but I would venture to guess that there may be more female ones.
In any case, if there are mods of both genders, it seems to me that it’s preferable to have male mods with female posters than the other way around. Could be “שררה” issues here.
(don’t worry – I’m half-joking. The half that’s joking is that I don’t think it’s assur; the half that’s not is that I would think that given the choice, that way is in fact preferable).
ZD: “Lastly I dont care what anyone here thinks of me, I have a thicker skin, you have to have one on the internet”
I’m not sure what this was in response to. I don’t think I or anyone else here implied that they thought badly of you in any way. Did you think that something I wrote was a criticism of you?
I’m glad you have thick skin. It’s true that you need one on the internet -at least in the CR- that’s the only site I’ve ever posted on. I need to learn from you in that regard – you made a good point about that in another thread.
Mod 29 – lol, based on that ZD was completely off-target!!
Was that a typo or did you really not understand something I wrote??!! If you really had trouble understanding what I wrote, I would advise you to follow your own advice: “If you are trying to understand something, a good rule of thumb – asking is preferable to drawing your own conclusions.”
Btw, I found out recently that even if a goy does not get a chelik in olam haba either because he didn’t observe the 7 Mitzvos perfectly or didn’t do them for the right reasons, this does not mean that he will not be rewarded after he dies. A cheilik in Olam Haba is a specific type of reward (presumably the best) but there are other rewards.
I was very relieved when I heard this because there can be very good people who did not keep all the 7 Mitzvos perfectly or for the right reasons.
mik5 -shkoyach.
Shein – that is very interesting and answers the questions I was asking on the Purim threads. I googled and found some interesting articles on the topic. There was an interesting article by Rav Tzvi Hersh Haber on TorahLab if anyone is interested. There was a very amusing story at the end.
There was also an interesting article on a Chabad website about a judge who decided that Jews are not required to drink alcohol on Purim based on some things he read online. That really highlights the necessity of being cautious when posting online.
JA – that is really upsetting!!! I hate it when I find out that people have been spreading lies about me. I think you should try to listen to Goq’s wise advice. Over the years, I have learned not to care as much about what people say about me. It is important to learn not to care too much about what people say about you.
It is also important for you to try to find friends who are worthy of you and good for you. Try to stay away from those girls and try to find better friends. Meanwhile, stay strong and keep doing the right thing and no one will believe the mean things people say about you.
yes, one is hebrew and one is “english”.
WTP – if my husband is 75, I probably will.
Health – maybe it’s the men and boys who shouldn’t be allowed to post so there would be no tznius problem.
“If you are trying to understand something, a good rule of thumb – asking is preferable to drawing your own conclusions.”
I didn’t draw my own conclusions – I wrote that I “guessed” not that I “assumed”. I didn’t ask because it didn’t matter if that was your concern or not.
My point was two-fold:
1. As I recall (I can’t find the thread now), I was a bit concerned that the poster had somewhat of a “taana” against you for your comment. Even though it seemed like a relatively small “taana”, I wanted to point out to them a possible reason for your concern so that they shouldn’t have any “taana” against you.
2. When I was considering what the hesitations could be for such a post, it occurred to me that there may be readers who think that this is how ultra-Orthodox people date. I had a real reason for this concern based on some things that I came across online recently. As I wrote in that thread as well as this one, I wanted to make sure that any readers reading the thread did not think that this was the norm. So whether or not this was in fact your concern was irrelevant.
I heard recently that engineering is becoming common amongst Frum people in Israel. I heard this from a Dati Leumi friend whose daughter and son-in-law are both studying engineering. They are each studying different types of engineering – apparently there are a lot of different kinds.
Apparently the hours are better than the hours of computer programmers. I have a brother-in-law who’s an engineer and a brother who’s a computer programmer, and my bil seems to have much more normal working hours than my brother does.
ZD – I didn’t say they shouldn’t post it – I was just trying to understand why the moderator wrote that she felt there was a problem with a post.
I guessed that she may have been concerned that some people might really think that Frum people date that way and that’s why she wasn’t sure if the post should be posted, so I made sure to let the world know that they don’t so it wouldn’t be a problem.
But I don’t know what that has to do with my posts here – I didn’t write any satire. All I did was defend men who are concerned about tznius. I see nothing wrong with that.
In some cases, semantics matter. In this case, it doesn’t. Which in a way is good because it makes for a more peaceable argument since it doesn’t matter anyhow.
Avram – I would assume that she feels that speaking to someone when they happen to pass by in the hallway is different than knocking on his door late at night.
She does mention that if the situation were reversed, she wouldn’t want him to knock on her door. So she was acting towards him the way she would want him to act to her.
I actually just noticed now that she wrote that. I think that is an important point for anyone who may have judged LB unfavorably to keep in mind. She was not “being Frum at someone else’s expense” but rather, it seems that she was considering what she thought he would prefer her to do (and even if she was wrong, it was just a mistake and she had no way of knowing what he would want – she could only go by what she would want in a similar situation.)
“However, if you’re not involving your parents, you definitely need a shidduch mentor.”
I agree with that. And I also agree with you that Rebshidduch should not date 30 year olds. I wasn’t arguing with that point.
bmyer – wow! Was there a story behind this? Why would a teenage girl marry an old man?
Wolf – oh, well. I guess you’re right and it’s more common than I thought. So maybe there’s hope for me…:)
Mammele – yes and no. Many people seem to feel as you do and expect older girls to go out with guys with a greater age difference than they did when they were younger. And there is definitely truth to what you are saying.
But there is another side to it as well. When you’re 25 (for example), a guy who’s 15 years older than you is still young, but when you’re 45 (for example), a guy who’s 15 years older than you is very old.
One problem with marrying a 60 year old is that their average life expectancy is not too far off. Another problem is that it can be scary marrying a 60 year old man who was never married before (if we are talking about someone who was never married before). A third problem is simply that 60 is old and 45 isn’t, and most 45 year old girls don’t want to marry someone old.
So while there is truth to what you say, there is another side to it.
Do other Rishonim posken differently?
bmyer, thank you. But l’maaseh, don’t we “posken” that way? Or is it the type of thing that remains a machlokes?
“The only way to do anything is the power of persuasion . You have to be able to “sell” someone keeping Shabbos, Kosher, Tzniut etc and persuade them to follow.”
maskim.
ZD – I have no idea what you are referring to. I don’t recall having used satire at any point in this thread. And what did I write that can taken negatively? Please explain. Thank you.
RY – I’m never sure if you’re serious or trolling. You sound like you are trolling in this case, but if your are serious, I’d be happy to explain tomorrow when I’m more awake, b”n. let me know if you are serious.
I met them in Queens, so I thought they lived there, but it’s possible they were just there for Shabbos. I’m pretty sure his family is from Queens. Is the family of the guy you are talking about from Queens, and did they get married around 2005-2007?
Are you serious or trolling?
Take what I said out of context – that is horrifying.
You are trolling, right? I assume you are aware that you are completely taking what I said out of context, and you are just trolling, right?
because you did.
There are very few men who are married to women 16 years older than them. And even amongst those that are, it is unlikely that there are too many who davka got married at those particular ages. And we are limited to the Frum community. And we are talking about someone in this generation (at least someone who is alive right now). And I assume we are both talking about Americans. And since you live in New York, there’s a good possibility that we are both talking about someone who lives in New York (or at least used to live – I have no idea where they are now, but I know they were talking about moving oot). So I think it’s more likely than not that it’s the same couple.
“So now you’re saying women are poison?”
So take what I said out of context, why don’t you?
That’s interesting, Geordie, because I just came across that story this week as I was Pesach cleaning (it was on some pages that hadn’t gotten ripped out of R’ Yaakov zatsal’s biography), and I’m pretty sure it said that he didn’t know the reason for the minhag. If I come across it again, I’ll double check.
I found it interesting that on the one hand it was so important to him to keep minhagim that he kept it even without knowing the reason and even though it came from his grandmother (as opposed to father or grandfather) and on the other hand, he gave it up (at least temporarily) so spare his wife’s feelings.
What captcha? You need a captcha to log in?
PBA – I don’t think you are allowed to say things like that.
bmyer – is this a joke? I mean, people are always trying to get me to go out with older guys, but that’s a bit extreme!!! That would mean that she’s around 35. If they have a teenage daughter that would mean that when they got married, she was no more than around 21 and he was 76.
I guess that’s a joke.
I agree with you and I would have knocked on the door or found another solution. But for some reason, LB didn’t think that it was such a problem leaving the keys there and she did think that knocking on the door was a major problem. Since I’m not her and I’m not in the situation, I wasn’t sure that I had enough information to tell her what she should have done. I felt like there were too many unknowns here. Why did she not think it was a big deal? Is the door to the building kept locked at all times and they live in a very safe neighborhood? Did she have reason to believe that he would notice soon? Why was she so uncomfortable?
The main issue is that if she felt so uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable telling her to knock on the door. Especially since I don’t know her so it’s hard for me to know where that discomfort is coming from and how justified it is.
Personally, if I had felt uncomfortable knocking on the door, I probably would have tried to keep an eye out to make sure that he eventually brought the keys in (and not someone else). Which is why I asked her if the keys were still there.
Apushatayid & misteryudi – no one said that you don’t have to dress tzniusly when there are no men around. I was just explaining why men have a right to be concerned about the situation.
RY – Terrible analogy. It’s not an allergy. An allergy by definition is not the norm. You wouldn’t refer to an inability to handle poison as an allergy. If the Torah has established the fact that normal men are affected by certain things and are not allowed to see them, that is not an allergy. According to the Torah, dressing untzniusly is lifnei iver.
Additionally, most schools don’t allow peanuts on the premises if there is even one student who is allergic.
lol
I once heard of a bumper sticker: Honk if you believe in G-d; text if you want to meet Him.
Wouldn’t it be funny if the CR really started producing bumper stickers that say, “Honk if you’re Joseph”? That could make a lot of money that way.
What’s a freeze dryer?
I think courtship is the word they used in the older days and dating is the contemporary word.
It’s always much easier to give advice to others. Sometimes the best way to make a decision is by taking yourself out of the situation and imagining it’s someone else’s issue. Imagine that they are asking you for advice – what would you tell them?
For example, pretend that Johnny Appleseed is in your situation – what advice would you give her?
Don’t post a response right away – just think about it.
One of the problems is that girls don’t realize that tznius is a bein adam l’chaveiro issue and that they are being cruel to men when they dress untzniusly.
Many of the girls who dress untzniusly are davka very nice people who would never dream of hurting someone else. If they were made aware of the fact that it’s not nice to dress untzniusly, I think they would stop.
Often it is presented to the girls as something they have to do for men. But the way it is presented sometimes turns them off, and their reaction is, “Why do I have to dress a certain way because men have a problem?” Which is a ridiculous reaction because men didn’t choose to “have a problem”, and it’s not actually a problem since Hashem created the world that way for a reason and it is the way it is supposed to be. However, if it is not explained correctly, that is the reaction.
I once discussed it with a student who was having the above issue. When I explained it in terms of “bein adam l’chaveiro” and how it’s being mean to men to dress untzniusly (since you are causing them to go to geninnom which is not very nice), she was mekabel.
But it was clearly a big chiddush to her as it had apparently never been presented to her that way before (she was not from a very Frum background and was attending a modern modern orthodox seminary, so I don’t know if this would be as true for someone from a different background, but I think there would still be some truth to it)
Misteryudi – they are the ones who are affected by it. If men were treating women badly, no one would have a problem with the women discussing it.
Avi – That is why I deliberately wrote “the upper arm” – I didn’t want to get into anything controversial. When I wrote that the girls were wearing short sleeves, I did not mean that the elbows were showing or even less than a tefach above their elbows – I mean that their “upper arms” were clearly showing regardless of the possible definitions of “upper arms”. In other words, they were wearing cap sleeves.
btw, this idea of adding a tefach is not at all poshut. I believe it is a misconsception. In the non-BY seminaries, many people (at least the students) used to think that was the case, and many of the schools allowed it. However, over the last 30 years, people have begun to realize that it’s a problem, and I think that most of the seminariess no longer allow it.
It seems to be based on the halacha that b’dieved a man can say krias Shema in front of a girl who has less than a tefach exposed, but that does not mean that she is allowed to have that exposed l’chatchila.
In any case, it would be less than a tefach, not a tefach. And when girls wear sleeves that are just under a tefach above their elbows, more ends up showing since their sleeves are not glued to their arms. That is also the problem with having sleeves that are above their elbows even if one holds that the elbows themselves don’t have to be covered.