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i was not gonna post it cuz it was so choppy and stuck together and weird! well, glad i did!
How are u doing?
MiddlePath- thanx for the publicity to this thread. This IS the #1 thread for caring and inspiration and is why I joined. I may give, but I take more. And the poetry here if amazing!!!!!!!!! This is the only thread I consistently follow, cuz here it feels like a CR family.
Its so painful and hard, but deep down u know u were chosen because u can and will overcome and soar!!! It seems impossible, but I guarantee if you hold tight, you WILL come through! And it will be brighter and better and happier than you can imagine right now!
Dave- you are so right, how chesed just turns your view around. Gives u someone else to thing abt, s/t else to try and fix, and way to see you can make a difference. Thank you!
If your arguments
fall too short
we’re ready to show
your argument support.
challenge those thoughts
again and again
til the debate
comes to an end.
the world IS crazy
but don’t let it touch u
show them all
how pure u’ll come through
as you brush off the nonsense
and sidestep the lies
your determination
shines from your eyes.
like your real life
is hidden from others view
their challenges also
may be hidden from u.
focusing on just one
good point of yours
Is a first step
to winning the wars
you’ll see how special
you truly are
and build ur esteem
and go so far
choose one thing
like ur poetry gift 🙂
see if it’ll make
some feelings shift
we care for u here
can’t wait to see u through
when you’ll look back
and see just how u grew
i know, that was truly a rambling poem… 🙂
PE- why should i be? Here in good times and bad. Especially if can get someone to smile, or laugh at me! 🙂 🙂 🙂
observanteen- ur really inspiring! And keep reminding us how it WILL pass. You’re an amazing writer, and so much is contained in your poems. I hope that one was written a loooooooooooong time ago!
Blabla- How u doing? Ur not the only one who eats emotionally… I just try to find other outlets and not focus on the weight. I like the idea of writing here instead!! So keep the conversation and poems flowing!! Can’t wait for your next post!
In a good mood, hooray! Yay for finishing a hw project! Yay for upcoming vacation! Yay for Chanuka!
blabla, reading ur last post, i was getting more and more excited and happy…til i read the last sentence.
Try reading it and replacing the last sentence with “no more thinking about my weight”, which i’d hoped it’d said…
Now let us cheer you on and on and on and let’s make that the reality! Very soon iy”H! I believe in you!
Blabla- i also really liked that poem! don’t worry, i won’t think too into it :). It’s so….. just GOOD!!
I do feel that way in my downs still, and i guess less intensely in my ups too. Its funny that you say i “seem to know where you are heading”, when i feel like i’m lost with no map or goal. at least i know the general direction i wanna go- UP!
Thanks for the response x2!! and thanx specifically for this line-i needed to hear that again.
“You talk of “doing your best” – your best is just TRYING, . there are times this is just holding on tight!!!”
+1 BPG. I personally feel like a lot are sick jokes. but i feel that way about racist jokes too, and not everyone agrees with me…
Began this a couple of months ago, but never continued…
“Why, oh why?” she weeps and cries
“I can’t take this any longer.
The hurting and pain, the distance I feel,
The loss of self keeps getting stronger.
Why do I feel so deserted, alone?
Why is my emunah challenged?
I want to connect, to be good and to care,
But my heart feels so torn apart, ravaged.
So many opportunities for growth,
The tests keep on arising and coming.
I know what a gift they really can be,
See myself tripping and falling.
With no goal in mind, why wander around?
Apathetic, uncaring- appalling
Too many losses in too short a time
The urgency I once felt not there anymore
Disconnected, my feelings betray
Contradicting feelings- defend! Then put down!
A roller coaster of emotions
One day near tears, little things set me off
The next: nothing felt, empty motions
methinks your status says Joseph…
why, mods, why?
Is this to give the CR a fresh start?
Observanteen- I can’t believe it, i didn’t really say thank you for your time and care and sharing! So, here’s a huge THANKS TRULY!!
Princess- First of all, just wanna say again, you’re really special. Your long individual replies and the obvious concern…. thanks!
You gave me a list of pointers. you hit all the important things straight on :). and that list is gonna be written down on a paper by my bed to review and review and make sure i can answer.
I have some amazing friends who help me through my tough times and good ones, and an AMAZINGLY dedicated mentor, who i can’t thank enough. (btw, you sometimes sound just like her-that’s a good thing :-). My better times i treasure and try to get as much growth into. Generally when i post, i am coping. When i’m really down, i don’t know what to say, unless a poem forms…like the betrayal one. Am i doing ALL i can? i doubt it, cuz i doubt myself. but there are many things that hold me back, and i’m trying to work on them when i feel strong enough to. i used to write poetry to vent, then stopped when i was really down. Now, here, i am beginning again. Davening? Prayer is hard… but one day at a time…
Wow, i never thought i’d be able to actually share myself here… i guess i do have another outlet :). Good to be able to talk out my thoughts. Thanks so much for your words and advice and care.
and I come hoping that you blabla posted again, put my emotions and struggles that i cannot face into words and poetry, and i know i’m not alone.
Please come back! We miss you!
Not at all hurt! And i replied because i knew you understood.
I know that so much (all?) lies in my messages to myself, in my decisions to do and change. But even what you said about how doubting myself stops change, and it’s more, that negative messages create my reality, I know it’s true. I can have an internal conflict, hear a negative message and telling myself it’s my yetzer hora and that blocking it will give me the ability… all the self boosts, and knowing where its from, and telling myself to knock off putting myself down, etc, etc… I’ve had ups and downs. and for myself, i know that in the downs, its empty words, i guess. And until i start a slight incline, that those words won’t help, but may even add to the despair, seeing myself not changing, feeling more responsible for my mood. I’m having a hard time articulating it, but that’s what i wanted to add. Hope something came out :). And thanks for all the feedback and support.
Blabla’s words were mine too, so i am replying to ur response, observanteen.
Knowing the right thing to do doesn’t make it easy. And it doesn’t always even seem doable. I know i am the only who can do anything about my life. I know no matter what the adults in my life say or don’t say, do or don’t do, only i can make the decision to act or not. But that doesn’t make it easy or even make it feel within reach. and that’s what depression does. Makes things seem impossible, huge, hopeless, despairing.
Your message rings so true, yet for me, i can say i know its my goal, but one that’s right now out of reach. Its where i’m heading, but many steps above me still.
But thanks for your words and encouragement 🙂
Yank- Follow real isreali! SaysMe makes mistakes more than once!!
How about a non-local OR? 🙂
There are lots of halacha phonelines, where you can call and ask anonymously.
Bais Hora’ah Of Lakewood 732 905-9992
whoops!! NO, that was a mistake! 4,2,5,3,1. THANKS!
Point is to not cut any next to each other. I don’t know the source, but the order is 1,3,5,2,4, 4,2,3,5,1. It’s just skipping one every way, then going back and doing odds, then on the other hand, the same thing.
no one asked who or what you are. But some of your posts, even like the fact that you posted 3 right here-put them together?- can get annoying for some people. And you do bash a lot…
Like what was the grandma post about???? Please don’t post nonsense just for nonsense. And please check your spelling!!
And he might feel weird being asked. So don’t! 😀
ice cream- possibly you are overreacting? I found it interesting you only picked at the point of who your siblings married and not what they do or what schools they went to. What harm is there is hearing who your family is, including your siblings in law? Is that so different than hearing who your siblings are? And what if someone rejected the way they were raised? Or if you are different than your siblings or family? None of that represents you, but it still is part of who you are.
gumball, ur right that you cannot neccesarily stop him. He wants to stop, but right now the stress is getting to him. Talk to him, daven, but don’t worry about the details. It doesn’t really matter if he smokes 1 or 4 or 10 a day. The danger is real, yet it’s all in Hashem’s hands. Many bad smokers have lived long, healthy lives too. You just daven, and continue showing you care and it scares you, but don’t let this bog you down.
What kind of fantasy life would it be to live in a house of money without the blabla your family, friends, neighbors and fellow CR posters love and care for :(? Your health and happiness is worth every penny in the world! Don’t think about the cost, just focus on getting better and seeing the joy in your life once again. Rooting for you!!
no. Amen is like agreeing to the brocha. If you are the one saying the brocha, there is no meaning in acknowledging the truth of what you just said.
never ever rely on pull. anyhow, don’t you want to be accepted for who YOU are?
PrincessEagle-thanks for caring. And its always nice to hear a compliment on my writing. I think its so special how u take time to comment and question each poster and show how u notice it all. And your cry/tefillah is so beautiful and shows such emunah!
Thoughtful- ur name describes what comes through in your writing. And the message was so well portrayed!
Syag- That letter belongs in both. The emotions and the message come through so strongly. It can be written with pain, but it is in such a positive light! Thank you so much!
Blabla- I hope you have since learned that you are not the worst writer in this thread, but one of my favorite of all threads! You truly do have talent.
And internally, you can try to work on wanting to want to do chesed without acknowledgment. One of my favorite quotes is: Expect the worst, but hope for the best. Expect no recognition, while you hope they do. That way you won’t be as disappointed or let down when you get no feedback.
It is very frustrating though, i know. But if you feel angry after, then it’s not true chesed. It’s not worth doing for yourself if you feel taken advantage of. Hatzlocha!
Abie Rotenberg. Journeys 3 i believe. it’s called teardrop.
You should write her a note on the back of your next test saying how much you admire her and appreciate her class, and what a great teacher she is. Spread the good feeling 🙂
Please let’s stop the bashing
blabla: re you can break a heart. U know exactly what i mean! (or do i know exactly what u mean?)Thank you for putting my emotions to words.
and just like we all have to grasp this concept of a child’s pain, why do people have a hard time knowing what seems insignificant to them can be devastating for another? You have an amazing talent for poetry, and for expressing feelings and messages in a touching way
and puppy, you put the feeling into words beautifully. Someone crushes you, and thinks a kind act cancels out that pain, but it doesn’t always work like that! I love ur writing style btw.
Welcome back! Your disappearance was felt
ok MP, what are u looking for? 😀
Only once we have it shining from within, can anything else enhance. Otherwise it’s like getting all dressed up to sit in a dark room. We need the light. And once we have that, we’ll clearly see what really enhances that inner beauty and what only detracts and hides it.
I liked it. You don’t have to. But i wanted to share 🙂
and i wish i could post long posts…
Looks are whole bunch of zeros. you can have or want a lot of 0’s- be it skinny, curves, pretty, hair, clothes, jewelry, makeup….. But alone, it’s just that- a bunch of Zeros-worth nothing, and doing nothing.unless you put a 1 in front. Only if it is PRECEDED by yiras Hashem can it do something. Yiras Hashem gives us true beauty- INNER beauty.
I heard this vort once and i really liked it. I’ve heard with variations too, but the original way i learned it was based i think on the pasuk from Eshes Chayil, “Sheker hachein, vhevel hayofi. Isha yiras Hashem hee tishallal.” The question: how come we’re saying chein and yofi are completely unimportant, but yet we are supposed to look dignified and nice? Yes it’s not important, but beauty is something-noone can say it’s completely nothing. BUT only if it comes after yiras Hashem.
It makes perfect sense. Struggles and temptation everywhere you turn.
And it’s the same kind of writing as my last posts :).
“but it not for everyone i dont date because i know im not marriage material never have been but i will live my life to the fullest and be the best me i can be. “
Goq- why would you put yourself down like that, and limit yourself? Just like you know you can be the best you can be, you could be ‘marriage material’ and you can find your zivug. Everyone has one, though it may take longer for some to find that one. But why give up? Yes, live life to its fullest in whatever situation you currently are and don’t just sit around waiting. But that doesn’t mean you have to take marriage out of your goals and dreams.
I believe it can happen very soon. Do you?
It all came pouring down
A pot overflowing
Boiling with hurt
Turned back on its creator
To teach a lesson
To show the power
But without any warning
Left me cowering and shaking
In pain. Broken, alone
How could he?
How could he?
No more doors to slam
To protect myself from pain
Broke all the barriers
And continued on
And broke my heart
It shattered audibly
It shook my very being
How I had trusted
How I had believed
Naively accepted each word
Had faith when told
That those slights and slips
I threw in my pain
Forgiven and forgotten
But alas, it was not so
Betrayal
What a word, what a feeling.
A slap in the face,
A punch to the gut.
Total feeling of discard,
Of dismissal, of uncaring.
All the trust thrown away
In just a few words
As he threw the daggers,
Unaware of the danger/impact.
I heard each door slam
Closing the hallway opened
Between us over time
And as the stabs continued
They approached ever closer
Each addition, repetition
Deeper, harder
Twisting in my stomach
Until it went too far
on a similar note, how do you see profiles?
princess- WOW. ouch, hit home. THAT’s the inner strength i wish i can create.
PE- unfortunately now with the experience and fears of then. I did say i was overloaded. I’d luv to comment and compliment the powerful peoms (and prose) that went up here this past wk. It was really truly amazing and moving and strong. Unfortunately, no individual responses from me this time… Too preoccupied with my emotions. Keep up the writing- its majorly supportive to hear how strong ppl are and want to be, and how sensitive and deep you all are.
Just a point to keep in mind: CH/KH applies to the impression we make to other Yidden as well, not just to goyim