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Don’t expect it to be successful on day 1. Or 2, or 3.
You don’t need bribery, though some kids benefit from rewards. The best encouragement I’ve seen has always been telling the kid he’s going to be a big boy who can go to school, not need diapers, etc. Don’t be upset at him if he has accidents, but do praise success. Also, don’t let him use a diaper part of the day and not others, or diapers when out. Insisting on using the toilet throughout the day is important. Take him to try every so often.
I’m sure others are going to say the exact opposite, but this was my experience :).
wow. thank you for sharing. I really needed to hear this now. Right after deciding i wanted to give up fighting.
thank you MiddlePath. They definitely are holding me back from my dreams, tho are sure its for my good. And I have trouble standing up strongly enuf for myself sometimes… Its definitely frustrating+.
Blabla- so so glad ur feeling better. i wish those emotions will quickly disappear. Feel bad the posts didn’t go through last nite and noone could be here with you.
Most encouraging yet frustrating and daring line i was told this past week: “I don’t think you have it in you to give up fighting (for a particular thing), though i understand you want to.”
thank you for sharing! so mind-opening and encouraging! May we all be zoche to see all the positivity of the world!
adams- if it comes there, there are gemachs for 1-alternations, 2-clothes in new or gr8 condition, 3- $ for new tznius clothes. b’ezras Hashem it never should again!
sorry, can’t find anything either. I’m sure if you want posters could make it up and post!
why are you doing this?
why are u doing it to me?
whhy are you forcing me
into something i say no to?
you think it’s good for me
i say no
doesn’t my opinion count?
overriding me again and again
what else should i do?
why won’t you listen
to my heart, to my tears?
don’t push me
though you think you’re helping
and i need you to force me.
you are wrong.
don’t do it
the pain and regrets
the damage seen next time ’round
why do you refuse to listen
why will you not hear?
i cannot, will not
yell myself hoarse
if no hope of you accepting.
what else, where should i turn
who will let me choose if not you?
who?
Shticky Guy- But what abt us quiet, innocent people who might have a question or discussion to start?
oh i forgot to mention the best trick for not too long trips- mint gum!
koillel101- interesting that u say to look out the window. From what i know that’s exactly why you get dizzy. i learned to only look out the front window, never the side, and that definitely helps for me.
Many ppl i know say only Gravol company works :). I believe in store brands too. Fresh air- no air conditioners! Sleeping is the best solution, if you can sleep in a car/bus. Ginger, in candies version, (chewable) natural nausea tabs, or gingerale- unfizzed, also helps. i was a terrible traveler all my life (am) and gravol only worked for me past 17 or so. Before that, we got some medication to actually rub onto the stomach to numb it. sounds weird but it sure worked!
recommend listening to Michoel Pruzansky’s Show Me the Way. Can help me feel, cry when i’m not too numb. The tefilla is all ours… The hashgacha pratis, the emotions…
Thanks oomis1105 and MiddlePath.
Day by day, i really appreciated ur piece and how it was written. i’ve felt that way… Why are there always ppl who blend into the wallpaper? especially in school….
MiddlePath- Ur responses are so amazing and encouraging and individualized. Its so special!
blabla- 🙁 Wishing you a much much better day tomorrow filled with smiles and warmth!
doesn’t rhyme, doesn’t flow (well it does in my mind), but it’s what came out of my pen…
one flame is still burning,
the last flame of chanuka,
ever smaller, weaker, less
the chag is soon ending
its ruchni boost dissipating
to keep that in us is our test.
the night has long fallen
its darkness surrounds us
yet one flickering flame holds strong
pulling up every drop
of life-giving oil
it tries to last so long
i want to catch that flame
plant it inside me
and never let it go out
for my neshama, alike,
a small, fluttering wick
to grow bright, ignite, so proud
no more flickering fire
‘neath winds of pain or doubt
do i ever want to see again
but for all those fires
to burst out in flame
feel the heat of love, not pain
for the warmth to fill them
to ignite their souls
to never feel alone anymore
to engulf heart and mind
and erase every hurt
from now and forever more
come on, little flame,
don’t give up, not yet
you have such power n the little spark
for you’ve done your job
spread your flame within me
shown me a light in the dark
i hope my poems don’t get out to the world! 🙂
No, sorry can’t help you. Though i know if i’d send an email to my contacts, and they liked it and forwarded it theirs… pretty soon i’d be getting it back 10 steps later…
Hey yentingyenta! who’s comparing! Any piece anyone writes can interest or touch even one person and that’s all that matters! We’d love to see your work. Don’t rate yourself. We’ve seen here posters who thought their work was worthless, and was truly amazing. Join us!
hey blabla, welcome back. u were missed around here! How are you?
I second MiddlePath’s wedding compliment. Thats an amazing piece and really puts the emotions of the moment into words. I really like the baby poem- a start of a new life with all the opportunity it brings, to raise as well as one can…
as for the first 2, :(. Time to go out with some friends, let loose, and have some fun and whole-hearted distraction! Tell those thoughts to take a break!
sorry i write heavy stuff :).
hey blabla, how are you? you also hiding out like me?
wow, that is beautiful and written so well! thanks for the inspiration!
“for kids of all abilities” 🙂
honestly, don’t know too much, but a neighbor of mine sent their son- 13 with ADD and shadowed in school- there, and were VERY happy
camp kaylie?
hi everyone, i’m back. PrincessEagle and MiddlePath, thanks so much for the concern. Its a good feeling to know ppl notice and care, and more than that, can verbalize it. I’m doing okay, up and downing. Fighting frustrations not depression right now. Thankfully! but frustrations are just that still- frustrating! and can still wipe me out and get me down. Wanted to post, but didn’t feel like i had words, not to vent my feelings, and not to reply to others. so i took a break. on top of that, someone did find out who i was here, and i’m adjusting to the idea of not being anonymous… Back for now though!
Welcome to all new people! this thread is getting popular! a lichtige Chanuka to all and thanks for all your poetry!
PrincessEagle- what else to add? you’re really someone special. And i’m so glad to have ‘met’ you.
MiddlePath- your chizuk and outlook and bitachon is amazing and you so well pass it along. btw, i love reading your long essays and look forward to them. Such sensitivity, emunah, encouragement, care. and your individual responses always awe me.
observanteen- a delayed welcome back!
here i go- Your pieces are AMAZING! so good, and so much in them! Please please continue posting more!!
blabla- i’m sorry your struggling and hurting. Reviewing pasts, taking yourself apart, the slow process, the pain, the challenges now… I wish there was a way to lessen your pain. Keep writing here! Stay strong!
actually, dani king was the second bochur in the waterbury accident
WOW! if u were even able to finish that quik, u musta known something! :)i hope you made and surpassed your goal! I’ve still got one more exam! Enjoy your vacation and unwind!
i’m pretty sure we’re all discussing halacha here and not opinion, so don’t get high-and-mighty.
first of all, what difference does the wording betw those two make? why would one be muttar and the other assur?
second, no, i wasn’t trying to chance what was said to prove i was right, because i think the halachos i quoted still old true. Yes i misquoted the original, not to twist it, but because i copied it from another poster on this page. innocent error. my stance still applies.
i’m quite sure i admitted to possibly not knowing all halachos inside and out, but i sat with the C”C yesterday for an hour and those were quotes, not made up. If you give me a specific source in the C”C, i will gladly look it up.
and again, the discussion lately here is not abt the commment on tznius- which holds true for someone speaking up against it- but abt the extra insult which i terribly misquoted. to speak up in a way to bring attn to her dress, yes. to embarrass additionally, and without basis or knowledge of truth in her words, no.
Yes where are PrincessEagle and observanteen? it’s so lonely without you two. Especially since AYC left…. sigh.
Come back encouraging, uplifting, ego-boosting posters! And MiddlePath- don’t you run off too!
This q was actually just on Halacha For Today’s newletter. I’ll copy it here:
Reader’s Question:
Where is the makor (source) in minhagim seforim or even Halacha to give gifts on Chanukah?
I strongly believe it is none other than chukas hagoyim one hundred percent.Chanukah gelt perhaps has a source, however, this business of giving gifts? Where does that originate from? I am hoping that perhaps you can change my opinion.
Answer:
The Poskim disucuss this and conclude that it isn’t a problem of Chukas HaGoyim, as in all likelihood the Goyim’s minhag of giving gifts on their holidays was taken from us and not vice verca. (See Emes L’Yaakov from Rav Yaakov Kamenetskky Zatzal Siman 670 in the footnote.)
The Ponovez Rav, Rav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman Zatzal said that after the greeks forbade the Jewish children from learning Torah, their parents had to “bribe” them with gifts to get them to learn once again. Giving gifts on Chanukah commemorates that aspect of the Chanukah miracle.
Indeed, children should be told when receiving gifts that it is for this reason and that they are expected to increase their Torah learning because of the gifts. (See Sifsei Chaim from Rav Chaim Friedlander Zatzal; Moadim Vol. 2 page 134)
See also Shu”t Avnei Yashfeh Vol. 1 Siman 129:2 and Sha’arei Halacha U’Minhag Vol. 2 page 283
mdd- if we’re dispensing mussar and its for a purpose, no hard feelings involved, may i suggest you learn hilchos onaas devorim. I’d be careful before accusing anyone of anything, if they’re NOT doing an aveira which you believe would mattir it, so don’t accuse Aries of ignorance nor Sam2 of misplaced priorities. Learning how to be sensitive in speech is part of the teachings of the chofetz chaim. maybe reread sefer shmiras halashon. The chofetz chaim foundation also has an amazing sefer called positive word power. Not giving you a psak! just my opinion! And lets all try to keep the discussion practical and not turn it into personal attacks from now on. (i know that was soo hypocritical of me :), but i wanted to get that out- not a personal attack. I apologize if it came out that way)
there are many ways to be dan l’kaf zchus the lady for commenting on the tznius violation, and it may be muttar. the extra comment “her relative should be ashamed of her”…
“it is forbidden to say a/t about a person that might embarrass him if it were to be repeated in his presence… unless its for a constructive purpose.” what constructive purpose was there in that? being an opinion, not fact, also makes it hotzaas shem ra. only about a mumar l’hachis is it muttar to focus on his negatives-but still only facts. “however, one who sins out of ignorance or temptation is in the category of amecha and is forbidden to speak l”h about.”
i know, its terrible to quote an English sefer Cofetz Chaim, but its easier to type.
Breaks!! Come to the coffee room, go get yourself a coffee, take a walk around the block, or just close your eyes. I know the feeling… I’m a bad procrastinator on top of it. Studies have shown your brain works at max for 40 min, then needs a break. So if you can take just a 5 min time out every 40 min (or 60, or 80….) you’ll do yourself a world of good. Also, its a break to look forward to when you can’t concentrate, cuz its just 15 more min til a break…. On top of that, i need a longer break every 3 hrs or so. I like background noise, others do music. Or if you need quiet, at least make noise in your breaks. Let your brain cool down-its working overtime, and don’t need it overheating, let alone frying! Let us know how ur final goes! Hatzlocha!
“It probably is a good idea for you not to say Mutter or Ossur -it doesn’t sound like you have such a handle on Halacha like some of us here.”
Ouch. Can’t say i’d know if you have better halachik knowledge than me or not. I do know that i do try to be careful, and i have learned sifrei chofetz chaim and abt giving tochacha and about whats muttar to say or not, many times, alone, from teachers, and from rabbanei ha’ir.
You too only claimed you are “pretty sure that that comment is Mutter”. And I feel it is assur. to each their own? I am staying away from paskening because i am not a posek and have no desire to give others a psak. both sides were already argued, and it seems most the posters are stuck on their opinion, not really listening to find an answer. I avoided that conversation, and stepped back on my opinion too already. Each can go to his own sforim and Rav for a psak. I only commented on the biting comments and put downs that were going out. Like this one above? If you’d sent that line to someone else, i’d also comment to you.
Thank you MiddlePath for your moral support. I really appreciate it!
Health-meant i’m not getting into the discussion of whether it was muttar or not, cuz thats a halacha q. But i’m quite sure that the ‘hurting the relative’ comment was assur.
mdd- if you never speak loshon hora or do onaas devorim or have taivos from pritzus, then yashar koach, and i’m very impressed and i’m sorry i doubted you.
Because we can’t know who is working on something or not, we have the chiyuv of being dan l’kaf zchus. Its not outrageous to assume that someone is working on something, so shouldn’t we? Being dan l’kaf zchus is a bigger thing than many ppl realize…
I have also learned abt giving mussar to others. You can ask your Rav for his say, but I learned that nowadays, tochacha isn’t that simple. I was taught to only speak up if #1 there’s a realistic chance that the receiver will accept it. That means knowing them, and being close and caring. It means not speaking up if you are upset or were hurt by them. An example I recently heard was, being in a store, and someone taked something out of your cart. If you don’t care to give it up, but feel the person needs a lesson in behaviour, you shouldn’t speak up, because you were insulted.
Based on what I learned, I think for us to judge OP or make assumtions or accusations would be unfair and wrong. Whether or not the woman was allowed to speak to the friend abt the tznius (NOT abt hurting the relative), and whether or not the OP should have gone out are halachic shailos, but not for us to judge…
Think first-That is beautiful! The poem and the conversation it holds! So true, so important.
Blabla- how u feeling? How was shabbos?
“i had actually done something about it but it hadnt worked, and i was really working on it.”
sounds to me like she did try. hard. and yet, even when we try, we do fail sometimes, don’t we?
Yes a breach in tznius can affect other people too. (though we don’t know if any men saw OP-it was a woman who commented). Speaking loshon hora also affects people, and we cannot say which is the worse aveira. Can you expect ppl to always be able to stop themselves and never fall? You can hope, but if we didn’t have these struggles, and falls, what would be the purpose in life, no? (NOT trying to get into that discussion 🙂
For some ppl tznius is easy, and not they’re area of challenge. Some cannot understand the challenge even. But it is there for others! and we can’t blame them for needing to work on something. Only commend them for recognizing this struggle, and working on it!
oh, come on. You’ve never struggled and failed? Getting insulted/mussar -whether its right or wrong- hurts most then. Instead of comparing it to motorcycles… how abt when you know you should get up early and get ready so you won’t be rushed and stressed later, and you have an internal battle and then hit snooze. if s.o. tells you, well you shoulda got up early!, doesn’t that hurt? you know u struggled.
or a different view: OP said she tried fixing it, but failed, and went anyhow. how about if you planned on going to a wedding/parlor meeting and your ride fell through. You could technically find another way, but don’t.
You know what you’re wearing may not be topnotch for that circle, and you may even know you’ll get looks. but you go anyhow to be mesameach choson v’kallah. No one can know which was more important.
yasher koach to OP for working on your tznius, and struggling to fix it before you went. As far as i know, we all struggle and fail, and that is the learning and growing experience.
Side point: Tznius is compared to limud torah, not a man’s yetzer hora for pritzus. Compare struggling to concentrate and not get distracted or take coffee/shmooze breaks to constantly being aware of tznius. Overcoming a challenge equates to scheduling and extra hour in of learning- neither is a one time thing.
pba- +1! and for keeping your head and your cool.
thank you so much, dash and yenta, i’l chk those out!
Think first- u really can do poems- and so well and powerfully! Songs are poetry, so why not :). please keep them up!
Puppy-welcome back! you had great pieces in the past, and you still do! The wanderer poem has such a nice message, it touched me reading- “he falls in too, to comfort from within.” got me thinking how many people i would do something like that for, and who’d do the same for me…. If you can count one, you have what to appreciate!!
PE- Thanks so much :]. i’m avoiding your q, cuz i’m not sure. Feel like i’m on a precipice and we’ll see which way i fall. But i’ll speak confidently and say doing good, still going 🙂
She may know her hilchos loshon hora and not be allowed to say anything, or she may just not see the compatibility, or she may not like to take others suggestions… don’t read into it too much
Winnie the Pooh: People who don’t think probably don’t have brains; rather, they have grey fluff that’s blown into their heads by mistake.
blabla-
You can cope
You can go on
It soon will all be done
The pain, the hurt
The struggling
replaced with joy and fun
the carefreeness
and laughter
will be your constant friend
Cuz you’ll come through
And stronger yet
By holding on til its end
Don’t let the shadow
or the darkness
Stop you from your walk
Rebut its words
its insulting
teach it sweeter talk
And turn this challenge
upside down
Make it your source of growing
As you overcome
and it pushes
you to keep on going
it can be the block
in your way
that continues to hold you back
or the fuel inside
that drives you
always farther down the track
don’t give up
hold on tight
know you will soon overcome
believe in yourself
and the power your have
and know what you can become
The shwekey link doesn’t work. Does anyone know where to get sheet music?
think first- wow…. So powerful, so emotional. Beautifully written too. You are right, we’re all given the exact circumstances for our mission. Whether it seems pleasant or painful, our challenges are ours to grow from and build on… I so glad you expressed it so clearly and in a touching way. The cigarette burn story is soooooo powerful. i should bookmark it to read to myself and others when in a tough time. so poignantly rhymed… Thank you for these all
because of second and third hand smoke
Just remember to copy Jothar’s undo directions before you block yourself from accessing them 🙂
Did you mean ICOT? cuz i don’t think i mentioned parents….
But i hope ur reply was in regards to speaking to your parents.
Blabla, princesseagle, observanteen- Thanks so much for ur kind words and compliments! I really thought twas a bad post, but i’ll reconsider now! 🙂
Thanks for the ego-boost!
tell them y u want to go to this seminary and what u hope to gain. Why this would be a good sem for you over another…
just a point: A work environment is usually more focused on work, than people roaming around between classes, looking to chat.
i love coffe: do u agree that a jewish psychologist would be first choice? I would be scared of the anti-Torah values.
blabla- showed a friend one of ur poems (hope u don’t mind?)
wanted to share her response: wow she really writes amazing and expresses herself so well! she expresses what i can’t