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You are implying the chofetz chaim foundation published the wrong halacha in their book of halachos which thousands of people learn from daily. You should contact them about that before the next printing.
Chofetz Chaim – A daily companion – Day 74
” One should not praise someone in public,” says the chofetz chaim. This is because the law of averages dictates that there will be at least one person who either is jealous of the person or has something against him – in which case the praise is sure to set off a negative reaction.lol, nothing like a little dig while defending posting nice things about people
It’s not about voicing it. It’s still not okay.
thank you 100, that was exactly what I was going to say. There are additional issues regarding praising someone in front of others who may disagree and I am not sure that it is worth taking the risk of hurting someones feelings anytime, especially elul time.
Hey Froggie – hope you don’t feel bad. (we haven’t forgotten our more sensitive posters…) if I was going that route, which I for obvious reason am not, I would have put you on there. So there!
(so what kinda stuff did the relatives say about you, hmm?)
there’s a very good chance that this is a very bad idea.
Absolutely, tho not exclusively! Tho many people here would rather believe that Hashem just couldn’t figure out how to bring enough boys into the world (lost the recipe?) or that His timing seems off somehow, because it absolves them from the responsibility of introspection, tshuva, charata and finding a way to actually be mechanech the coming doros on what qualities in life as actually being important.
When someone has 50 girls names and 50 boys names, and then some mothers check facebook, and google plus as well as their 4 “shidduch WhatsApp groups” they come across pictures, stories or rumors that automatically toss 20 (arbitrary number) girls or boys into the “no thank you” pile. Not even worth finding out if the “research is relevant or legitimate”. They don’t like the smile, the weight, the friends, the fact that there was a picture online….you name the reason (SPECIFICALLY *NOT* halachically sound reasons, just preferential reasons).
Now our “pool” is shrunken, a whole bunch of people are in the “reject pile” and the numbers are uneven. So many girls and boys have been dumping shidduch suggestions after their social media research which is, unfortunately, not always accurate and upstanding. And after dumping all those names…they wonder why there “are no suggestions coming in” (well, of course, I only mean GOOD suggestions. theyother names don’t count)We used to be very careful who we approached for information. We never sent out bulk mailings to find out about someone. If you asked 100 people about almost anyone, you will invariably find people with a vendetta, similar sounding name, bad experience.
And since you don’t really “know” many of the sources of information, how can you possibly interpret their subtle descriptions “she’s definitely her own thing”, “oh he used to be all over the place” (in kindergarten, but…whatever) “definitely intense”.
I, for one, am pretty sure Hashem is still making shidduchim. I have seen enough to believe we no longer “sift through” our options very well. When 10 people are in a room and someone walks in, looks around and says, “where is everybody” it is obvious that they have specific people in mind. but it is also obvious that they just batuled those 10 people.
And it is an old lesson that when we fail to adequately appreciate the gifts that Hashem gives us, and we start tossing them in “reject piles”, Hashem gives less gifts so that we can do a cheshbon hanefesh, figure out why we are suffering from this deprivation, AND CHANGE. Finding sociological excuses is denial. Thinking Hashem is depriving people of shidduchim because the gene pool is off kilter is offensive. Daven for the singles, and daven for the dor who can’t figure out if they really want to be stuck with someone who wore brown flats with their mustard colored skirt and stood next to a lady who was ugly in a picture they got from someones status pic.
warrior – thank you for responding (kind of) but I was asking what their own reasoning was for segregating themselves and their kids from the other frum families in the community.
“U have no idea what you are talking about how abou go read level לב of Tanya it’s all about אהבת ישראל that’s the heart (לב) of the Tanya go read it and come back to me and tell me what u have to say because Chabad loves everyone and we accept them for who they are ”
That may be nice but I live in a very large Chabad community and they do not give the other frum people the time of day. We have ten frum families on our block who all play together and come to each others houses and the two Chabad families keep to themselves. They don’t join the other kids and don’t even know our names. The Chabad families never show up to any community events and are not even familiar with the names of some of our city’s prominent rabbeim. I have never understood why they will not mingle with any other frum people or why they keep themselves away from us but even when I asked I never got a direct answer.
Frankly I think it’s pretty sad. So you can say all you want about accepting everyone and not hating anyone, but when you have a school of 150 people who couldn’t give you the name of the frum families on their blocks that is not achdus, love or anything of the sort.Well folks, here we have it in real time. Lets not focus on our young ones going OTD, losing their taste for staying home with kids, feeling fulfilled at home, over focusing on looks and materialism, losing their passion for various aspects of yiddishkiet….lets crunch those numbers! Let’s draw graphs and do sociological studies! C’mon guys, any thing but facing the reality that Hashem, who actually knows how to make shidduchim *even* across an age gap (or have you all forgotten that fact) has found reason for many of our children yo be single. Perhaps He is offering shidduchim and our children have lost their clarity and are sending each other away. WHY NOT ASK HIM instead of turning it into a huge scientific study?
Yup, definitely nothing wrong with our spiritual compasses, must be the chair.Yup!
Didn’t even know there was an Irma
Shoulda also said, “yes meir, beautifully written”
”… so aside from a gezera milmaaloh whats holding it up???”
BINGO!!!!!!!!!
You are stuck on the idea that the gedolim are supporting this theory. Nothing you said proves their concern is on anything short of the gizeira of the situation the singles are presently finding themselves in. For all the various reasons they are in it.
“Being concerned about, and especially taking achrayus for an issue that affects the tzibur, is not a chisaron in emunah”
Yup, that’s just what I said.
But choosing to call it a shiddich crisis, wasting valuable time, resources and brain power, on the invention, support, and publicity of this new theory and all its details instead certainly is.I have an idea – you work on the statistics, research, data collection and pr of finding worldwide solutions to the shidduch crisis/age gap stuff, and we’ll work on finding people to fix our friends up with.
what I wrote was:
Nursing in public – COMPLETELY COVERED vs
no nursing in public – even tho you are COMPLETELY COVEREDI never brought up the issue of “nursing in public without trying to cover themselves” because I don’t believe it is applicable to this conversation.
VERY VERY USEFUL IPHONE TIP:
THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE!
YOUR CHILDREN WILL THANK YOUI will second and third this!
I got an email from a menahel. He closed with:
“Ty,
[signed name and title]-sent from my iPhone”
not sure which was more unimpressive, signing an email to a parent in text speak, or having a menahel with an iPhone.
“I assume you were talking about more than 1 baby over those 17 years, but the way it was phrased….”
ha ha! yes, I had to stop when the first turned 10 so it was actually 2 kids. (just kidding!!)
“Also, how did you manage to nurse a baby buckled in a car seat? na, you don’t have to answer that one, but I am impressed.”
thanks for the pass…..don’t think I could dredge up those memories in quite that much detail…not my fondest moments!
” That said, I have a big problem with the attitude and motives of a shopping mall storekeeper who has no problem with immodestly dressed women wandering his store, but harasses a mother who is quietly nursing her child. To me, the discrepancies in the response of such a storekeeper is reflective of a perverse culture. And people like the storekeeper are the reason so many states have laws protecting nursing mothers in the first place.”
never experienced such a thing, didn’t realize people still do.
Agree fullyavrum –
August 30, 2017 11:44 am at 11:44 am
#1351238
Reply
chabadgalParticipant
If the baby needs to eat, he needs to eat. Obviously its better if the mom uses a nursing cover but sometimes its not possible. Taking care of children superceeds many other mitzvos. For example if your davening shemoneh esrei and a baby is crying and no one else is there you are allowed to go get the baby.I fully agree that you can interrupt davening,, I was commenting that it is a totally different, non-comparable issue.
oy huju, you didn’t go in there and check each one did you????
hearing so many intelligent bnei Torah talk with such fear about these shidduch and age gap crises makes me so sad. I (and mechanchim I’ve spoken to) see it as one of our greatest displays of a lacking of emunah and awareness of Gd among torah true yidden. (the other is money related). I don’t care if you agree or not, your lack of ability to recognize it and your fight to disagree with it is, in this view just more of the same. It is truly heartbreaking and as this dor is suffering from the nisayon of emuna (according to some) it speaks to how far we have left to go.
this conversation is silly. Implying that you are allowed to expose yourself while or in order to feed a baby is nonsense. When people talk about being allowed to nurse in public are they really talking about showing skin?! Or are you talking about being completely covered but still complaining that it isn’t appropriate?
And the people fighting that there nursing in public trumps all rules, are you implying that because you are nursing you can uncover yourself?! Is everyone here really even having the same conversation?
Next point, in 17 years of nursing, I cannot ever say that my baby was so hungry that I just couldn’t help but to disrobe in front of people. It’s not like vomiting folks, you can find a place without women, or stay covered COMPLETELY, or let your baby cry til you are safe somewhere and don’t let it happen again. I have had to nurse a baby while they were buckled in a car seat of a moving car somewhere on a highway between rest stops and I wouldn’t have considered not covering either myself or the windows in. Comparing it to interrupting shmona esrei is beyond apples and oranges.The two sides could only be”
Nursing in public – COMPLETELY COVERED vs
no nursing in public – even tho you are COMPLETELY COVEREDanyone implying that tznius allows for exposure is probably either pushing an agenda or having some parenting struggles
you are talking about a very specific crowd.
GH – here’s the thing. You keep addressing Joseph’s points as if they are not only legitimate Torah view points, but with a disdainful tone indicating that you had expected no less, that you see this as the mainstream yeshivish/chareidi/Torah (pick your label) view. It’s been pretty obvious here that few people give credence to his presentations and some have even spoken out about the damage his attitude and expression can do/does to readers. So although you seem to feel that he is representative of your view of chareidim, and you are happy to engage him in arguments about all the things he says that are wrong that you expected from us “black hatters” anyway, you are only giving these views more credibility than they deserve.
yes you did. I stated that I was giving my opinion and you responded:
“but not to your own set of facts.”which part of my opinion is a set of facts?
” but not to your own set of facts.”
which part of my opinion is a set of facts?
what’s your basis to make up things about people and make false claims about things they say or don’t say?
I’m entitled to disagree with your claim that someone heard he said it.
You are entitled to your opinion.
Believe it or not I am as well.
Novel concept 😮while your at it, be careful not to pass a mcdonalds, Gd knows how tempting those fries smell and I wouldn’t want you to duck under the seat of your car and go thru the drive thru.
Yes. just like any Gd fearing Torah yid won’t take his son’s ritelin or anti depressants or pain killers for himself or to make a few bucks, a Gd fearing Torah yid will take the sealed phone box to TAG and have a staff member open it and put on a filter. Is life really that base for you and your friends? I don’t even get your question.
oh please. you have no access to a world wide data base of gittin nor would that list help you know what label to smack on people’s foreheads. Do you really think people will buy this stuff or are you actually believing it yourself?
well since this isn’t about contraband its yet another twisted argument. An honest parallel would be do you focus your energies on the pharmacies or the addicts.
my daughter has 5 friends who are divorced. 5 bais Yaakov yeshivish friends married a year or less. and they are under 25. we have divorced MO couples as well but nothing like that. Gd willing when I speak to Rabbi Soleveichik next, who is round the clock involved in gitten, unfortunately, as well as in the shailos preceeding many of the divorces, I will ask him his opinion.
” How much experience do you have dealing with butei dinim cases of gittin?”
how much? Tons! I actually get kick backs from the batei dinim, one free slurpee for every marriage I break up and send their way.
oh c’mon, as if your personal experience spans the globe. please.
“Further proof to this is that the Modern Orthodox community, ………has a significantly higher divorce rate than the Yeshivish and Chasidic communities.”
rubbish. you made that up and I’m countering your opinion based claim with my opinion based claim stating it is rubbish.
Hard to define things that don’t exist
“I frequently will type a post, read it again, then end up not posting because it’s too sarcastic.”
Yes! Same hereGosh, so clever…
ha ha, I guess so. Or that I’m an experienced stalker….
rats, I was set up and I fell for it! even though I thought I was careful.
🤦🏼
” Or they knock on the door and get no response, but hear disturbing noises inside. What do they do?”
Hatzola members would be trained to handle such a situation, at least I know they are here in Chicago. I have called them with concerns of non-medical emergencies before. Or am I misunderstanding the question?GH – you seem to be missing the point. Those who are hesitant to get help are doing so *because* he is Jewish. A non Jew would actually get help with no questions asked.
I always thought robots were cool but vacuuming is not a chore I mind at all. And it’s one of the few chores my kids will volunteer for. I’m waiting for some more sophisticated household help I guess…