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You can have your opinion but that doesn’t change the facts 😋
Telz davening is well worth the hour walk (and passing tens of shuls on the way)!!!
coffee addict – you beat me to it! I was gonna say that I had a meeting with a really nice co-worker from New York. At the end of the meeting I found out she was born and raised in Chicago!
“Are you a teen who’s looking to vent as I’m imagining it a married lady?”
Or some bored guy, you never know who’s really posting.
oh, I was wondering why you have so much free time.
it can’t be. a judgement has to be an opinion of sorts. facts don’t qualify.
Gamanit – awesome post! I agree wholeheartedly. It’s a nice time you find out if your kid had questions he was embarrassed to ask or how well he is doing.
I have also noticed Josephs overwhelming support of the chassidish way vs all other ways but when I asked him specifically he claimed not to be chassidish.
Not that that confirms anything.
usually a tutor is someone who gives assistance with the learning, but it sounds like the rebbe was just recommending someone to oversee the homework or chazara. There is a huge price difference, and needing a tutor for homework implies that all these boys need help with the material. Did he mean that they would all need tutoring or did he just think children would balk less if an outsider was chazering with them?
Actually I’m not, which I know you know. So sorry.
Meno – you don’t like my feelings on babysitting any more than I like yours. And I am welcome to say so, as are you. But I don’t bully you for saying so or doing so. And I don’t go around trolling threads to bring out the worst in people.
There is a huge difference between disagreeing with someones beliefs and bullying them for expressing themselves.
If you disagree, feel free to say so, instead of telling me I’m not allowed to disagree.Not that it’s your place to bully people for expressing their beliefs but I would counter with – Stop making abandoning your kids to a third party sound like it’s a healthy option.
redleg – nicely put!
“Now you’re getting it.”
Yeah, but the kids aren’t. but whatever.
True, I mean it’s just a kid. So what if they feel abandoned every now and then. They’ll get over it.
Modesty – I agreed with you up until this last post. I think the pull that some girls have toward non tznius clothing is beyond some people’s understanding. You should know, though, that this isn’t a challenge for all girls. And I do not believe that wearing these clothes is “fun”. Getting attention may be fun but I think it is more like satisfying an addiction than enjoyment (my opinion, not telling you what you feel) I also don’t believe that tight clothes are more comfortable. Some people may find them more comfortable, but many don’t, I think it goes back to the yetzer hara, as you say, feeding the wrong attributes.
The rest of your post made me so sad. Some people who look up to the wrong role models will feel “beautiful” wearing clothes that those role models wear (ie magazine, Hollywood). They see a certain look as being “in” based on what they see in that world. Not because of attention, but a draw to be beautiful in the sense they have adopted. But to make yourself into an object so that you can fit into a club and be noticed is more than just a pull of the yetzer hara. That sounds like using your body to detract from your ‘self’ in order to fill a deep hole of inadequacy that says, “I don’t know how much person I have to offer so I’ll just offer some skin. That never fails and the personal, emotional risk is so much less”
Your posts are amazing. I have found many of your comments to be mature and impressive and you sound like someone who has a TON to offer to the RIGHT CROWD! So if you can only find a club where people think of your outsides as being your focus, you might want to ease in to another club. You can wow them as well for parts of you that are much more valuable and have real friendships that are not about how tight your clothes are.
Hatzlacha Rabba – keep up the great work!!!!
celery
“In those times we didn’t need kiruv professionals since Beis Din would give a nice beating to any Jew who violated the laws of the Torah until he started complying with Jewish Law. (When you hear people refer to “the good ‘ole days”, that’s what they’re thinking about.)”
Oh my goodness, Joseph. even for you that comment is completely ridiculous.
My answer would probably be about how heartbreaking it is to think of a sick kid being home with a babysitter instead of a family member which nobody wants to hear so I’ll refrain from commenting.
🤒😢👶🏻💔
I think that is very much a personal opinion. Many may agree but I’m sure many disagree on both points as well.
Randomex – what are you talking about?
um, yea like which part was the screaming?
yea, whatever
Here, I’ll lay it out – –
CT said you were taking his advice and learning from it and your response to him was:
“Yea, whatever”I commented on that not being an appropriate way to respond to him, and that it didn’t seem to support CT’s claim that you were accepting his advice.
Your response to me was to “sha”
so I said you seemed to be missing a few key points about respectyour response was:
“Ooooh I’m so burned….. NOTTTT!!!! ”Hopefully you can figure it out from there…..
my dad gave my mom a band with 🥕🥕🥕
(think about it)
you answered back twice without knowing what you were responding to?
WTP – that’s brings up two points,
1. natural outcome sounds like something wholesome, are you saying it is inevitable and okay?2. I think by 5th grade peers don’t speak that way to each other either.
but you seem to be missing a few key points about respect and how to speak to people….so ya
” she took it the right way and B”H will learn from it”
…or maybe not
” think that they were perfect “youngstas” themselves”
I think you are misunderstanding their point. Most comments like that aren’t people saying that they themselves were perfect, they are pointing out that 40 years ago (or 50, 60…) young people as a whole would never speak like that (act like that etc) toward older people. Whether we like it or not, times have changed and many things regarding morals and values have not gotten better. When teenagers make snide comments to an adult, it is hard to not be taken aback because it is not something that had been acceptable or present as a general occurrence just decades ago.Neville – how naive (and incorrect) of you to think that it is an MO thing to be sick of hearing Joseph speak as if we do no wrong?
But more ironic are these to quotes of yours:
“Can we just officially recognize it as the national slogan of the Modern Orthodoxy?”
“Do people have nothing better to do than spread conspiracy theories about how …. people all think as one collective brain”
Do they, indeed?
“I agree that that is largely the case; however, would you agree that bringing up the other spouse’s wrongdoings in order to parry responsibility for one’s own wrongdoing is counterproductive and harmful to a relationship?”
no. I was just saying that an abusive marriage should be ended regardless of what the vitim also does wrong because abuse is never acceptable. But that doesn’t mean the abuse victim is free from fault in other aspects of the marriage and if a counselor fails to address these issue with HER, her second marriage may not work out either.
Case in point, my ‘friend’ from above ended up marrying a man who was always very passive. His first wife did not handle the stress of their difficult life situations well and was often angry and screaming. He reached a point where he couldn’t even tolerate being home with her anymore. They divorced. The ex went to counseling, he didn’t because he believed he just needed a non-abusive wife. His second marriage with the above wife did not last very long either as his passivity lent itself to other issues as well.
So no, it isn’t something to discuss with the abuser, but it is imperative to work thru with the abuse victim before setting off on another try.
“assuming he went to counseling to seek help improving his marriage”
no, unfortunately he went to address his attraction to men (and dwindled attraction to his wife).That is why she was not told he was going to therapy.“there is no right or wrong”
I agree with JJ that sometimes there is absolutely right and wrong, but I think a better description would be that nobody is free of some blame. Yes, abuse victims are not AT ALL to blame for the abuse. But within the MARRIAGE, there MAY be areas of blame to be placed on both parties.Regarding empowering the wrong people – A fireand of mine was concerned about her relationship months after her second son was born. She found out her husband had not only been going to counseling, but that the thereapist recommended that he follow up on his feelings of being attracted to other men and “be true to himself” instead of stifling himself in a false relationship that wouldn’t be fair to anyone.
Separate from the underlying attraction issue, is that really how you steer someone who is ALREADY in a marriage and just had a second child? Is that REALLY in everyone (or anyone’s best interest?) That therapist did a lot to convince him that he was hurting his wife by staying with her and that he should explore who he really is.I don’t mind nuking food, I mind when people pronounce it “nucular”
Ah, I see what you are saying but those are both irrelevant in a sense. They are either reasons why it is assur to praise in public or a condition you must meet before being allowed to praise in public. Both, therefore result here in it being assur. Not because I know someone will object, but because the halacha is that you would need to know that they won’t.
“Therefore, it is wrong to praise someone in the presence of a large group of people, ”
Same again
“f in fact the speaker determines ”
Which you have to admit is not readily possible with an anonymous audience to meet this criteria.I am actually familiar with what is written inside but I am reading what is in the english version. If he meant that, he unquestionably didn’t state that, which would be a grave error.
Either way, with the condition not met the halacha remains.
Couldn’t remember if you had, figured a brocha never hurts.
Coffee – my thoughts are with you, hope you’re safe!
” it is very easy to misunderstand the exact meaning. In fact, it is almost impossible not to, since there is no such thing as a precise translation.”
That makes no sense. If that was even remotely true there would be no English translations. They would all be nichshol everyone who reads them. Did the gedolim miss that point when endorsing these volumes? Or was the point to say people who study from the English versions are inferior because they are not REALLY understanding Torah.
Even though I knew it was coming I still wish you could admit a mistakes and not push it back. I don’t need to reread your post. Frankly, I knew what you would say before you wrote it.
There is no misunderstanding of the words”set off a negative reaction”. I know very well what that means. But the Chofetz Chaim’s words were not to give words of praise in public. it does not say “IF you will set off a negative reaction” it does not say, “unless you know it won’t set off a negative reaction” It was NOT listed as a condition. It is very clear how it is written and IF you want to say that really he meant it to be a condition – then you are implying that the sefer was published with the wrong Halacha. Take it up with them, not me.
“Personally, I do not think that I would have made that mistake” can give the impression of arrogance and I don’t think any person should be so confident that they don’t make errors even where they least expect it.“And a small PS to Syag,”
thanks for the hug…
” Whoever got thrown out for wearing the wrong pair of socks that was about uniform. He knew he could get thrown out as did we when we tried to skirt the rules. No one was surprised. Parents should take the responsibility to make sure there kids adhere to uniform and let them know if they skirt the rules any issues are their fault.”
You are way off. And once again you speak as if you were there, tossing aside someone elses experience as if it was nothing. May be worth a re-read or a humbling “it seems to me” before your responses.
No, he didn’t know he would be thrown out because it wasn’t clear enough of a violation. No, you don’t kick people out of Davening before musaf and send them packing for a one hour walk that will ensure they miss musaf for a “uniform violation”.
No, it is not true that no one was surprised. People were horrified. It was a very damaging experience to both student and spectators.
Their parents are responsible, the rules just change across staff members, students, and time.“When the halacha keeps changing it makes the whole thing sound fake”
Yes! that is the problem many kids face, the perceived changing makes the whole thing sound fake.golfer – many people speak out very strongly against those who have that permissive attitude but I feel like you left out the middle route. Shopping is harping more on schools making rules and parents disrespecting them and the authority figures who enforce them.
The problem that I think is being referred to here is that schools can have rules, and parents need to support them, and kids can handle that, but when schools make rules and are: 1) not clear about defining what is Halacha and what is a school rule, 2) clear but wrong in labeling non halachos as halachos, (perhaps hoping for compliance?) 3) using humiliation to enforce rules.
I have mentioned before that I know a boy who was sent home DURING DAVENING (from a dorm, one hour walk from his home) for wearing socks that are not halachically problematic but are a problem at that school. Is the yeshiva allowed to have such rules? of course. Will that rule make a kid go OTD? of course not. Will throwing a kid out of the bais medrash during davening, in front of everyone, sending him on a one hour walk that with no doubt meant missing mussaf send a kid OTD? Whatever your answer, I believe you understand the point being made.
Kids can deal with a rogue staff member but depending how many, how often, and how humiliating (besides how inappropriate…) may answer that question.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😆