The 9 Days have passed, and I’m left with a gnawing sense of discomfort.
Yes, the food was incredible—elevated, creative, and, frankly, delicious. “9 Days Cuisine,” as some have dubbed it, was in a league of its own: gourmet dairy, elegant fish dishes, beautifully plated entrees—many far surpassing the standard offerings of the rest of the year. And no, I didn’t attend any siyumim to get around the meat restriction.
But somewhere between the truffle mac-and-cheese and the sesame-crusted salmon, something hit me: What am I doing?
Yes, it’s technically within the bounds of halacha. But is this really what the 9 Days are supposed to be about?
Halacha tells us not to eat meat during this period as an expression of mourning. And how have we responded? By turning dairy into a culinary art form—going above and beyond, not just to substitute, but to indulge.
It’s as if we’ve outwitted the spirit of aveilus with upscale menus and decadent takeout. In our rush to upgrade our meals, did we completely lose the point?
We are mourning the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. We are meant to feel its absence. And yet, here we are—comforting ourselves not with introspection or restraint, but with soufflés and sushi.
I’m disappointed in myself. I missed the moment. I allowed a time of mourning to turn into a celebration of culinary creativity.
Hopefully, we will not have the 9 Days next year and we will instead be celebrating the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash with Mashiach, bimheira b’yameinu. But if, chas v’shalom, we find ourselves in this time again, let’s look in the mirror. Let’s ask ourselves whether we’re treating this period with the seriousness it deserves.
Signed,
A.M.
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12 Responses
I wrote about this in last week’s FJJ letters. You just realized now? I’ve been saying it for years how disgusting we’ve come to treat our minhagim. It’s a no Brainer. How can someone even Contemplate that it’s acceptable to upscale upgrade their food davka when meat is restricted? What the heck? What part of laying low did we miss. Eat normal food you have to live, but don’t run looking for extravagance and defeat the purpose. But this message has passed our dor like water
Gut gezogt.
What about this – Isnt wearing crocs a lot more comfortable than shoes ?
So are crocs mutar or assur on Tisha Bav
This is a very good point but has nothing to do with the 9 days. Not over indulging and taking gashmius to an extreme is a core torah value that applies at all times. It will manifes in the way the writer explains during the 9 days but is happening throughout the year at kiddushim, bar mitzvot, weddings and all over. This is just a symptom the larger problem of human existence that once one goes down the path of indulgance it is very hard to stop.
2 years from now, Daf Yomi Berochos is being Mesayem on Av 6th in the heart of the 9 days:- Already Shavu’a SheChol Bo, but at least before Ov 7th.
These letters surface year after year. Always with an undefinable measurement. How fancy can 9 day meals be?
We have an alternative to Av that uses the same language.
“When Av starts we reduce our joy”
“When Adar starts we increase our joy”
2 sides of the same coin that can guide us in the correct path.
What happens in the Frum world when Adar starts?
Are schools closed through Purim? Do parents take off work? Do businesses close because the owners are busy fulfilling “increasing joy in Adar”? Do families tour the country stopping at amusement parks & other fun activities?
Not where I’m from. Perhaps a few hours decorating the school or a few extra minutes of recess was about all we could expect.
Chazal said no meat. Not no more than 4 ingredients in a dairy dish.
Perhaps spending Tisha B’Av day in the desert will really show how to mourn the Churban. After all, Chazal says nothing about air conditioning on Tisha B’Av & since they didn’t have it perhaps you shouldn’t feel comfortable using it.
Very well said. It’s sad how materialism is destroying us.
I believe you are correct.
Unfortunately this is just one of many examples where we follow the letter of the law but don’t follow the spirit of the law.
Well said. Hedonism disguised in Halacha when refraining our happiness from eating meat we engage in 10 times more happiness with parve or dairy food. We missed this boat along all the other boats that can be missed. I’m waiting for the Tisha B’AV retreats. As a matter of fact, I am utterly shocked I don’t see any adds for one in Mishpacha.
AM, are you the type to honk someone in traffic if they didn’t move the second right after the light turns green? I dont know that you are but that’s the point. Focus on yourself. This article is really not needed, and I’m usually not one to knock opinion piece’s, because everyone is entitled to them, but this is just plainly out of touch. You are chooosing to call out dairy cuisine eaters on the 9 days, when no meat is allowed. What are they supposed to eat, blocks of cheese? There is no ban of fancy dairy during the 9 days. But, sinas chinam is the cause of the destruction. AM, all the best.
I completely hear you and agree with everything you wrote and its really a shame how low we have stooped in klal yisroel.
Like the actual day of tisha b’av which is the saddest day of the year and a day of mourning has instead become a day of jewish entertainment movies to watch until the fast is over. How about mourning by taking something precious away from you during this time?-like your smartphone that most people are sadly addicted to or if you gamble then no gambling for the entire tisha b’av-
Are we TRULY mourning for the destruction of the Bais Hamikdosh? Sadly we know the truth. We’re so happy here living in today’s generation of a world of technology where a person can be locked in a room and still live a real life ordering everything delivered free from his smartphone. When klal yisroel starts to YEARN AND CRY for mashiach then Hashem will send mashiach immediately.
May we finally wake ourselves up from living in denial to FACE REALITY and accepting Hashem’s wake up call for serious Teshuva and Achdus together as one loving nation so Hashem can send Mashiach already b’karov.
@Kuvult has given a good demonstration of how ליצנות אחת דוחה מאה תוכחות. But he isn’t even a good לץ, so hopefully his drivel won’t detract from the letter-writer’s well shared soul-searching.
Let us all join this author in seeing the forest with the trees, כל המתאבל על ירושלים זוכה ורואה בשמחתה.