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sacrilege, i am very calm and not worried in the least, however i am a little offended at the “shiddichum” that are being retd,,,,
artchill, yes if i was 27-31 i would agree with you, however i am not yet 20 years old!!!
“but what do you call settling?? To go out with a boy from the same backround as you??” how about to go out with bochurim who they themselves have been married and divorced, is that fair? i dont think there is a/t wrong with the bochur per say, but i dont think it is fair to say that since my parents marriage did not work out i have to marry a bochur who has been married previously, and may even have kids….
IDK, its just confusing to me, y would u not look at the person and instead look at the parents situation in shiddichum? im not trying to sound like a balas gayvah or a/t but BH i am VERY happy, healthy and ttly NORMAL!! i have no “baggage” to speak of, if anything u could say i already learnt from very early on how to deal with a “mother in law” and i BH have a very warm relationship with my step mother…the only thing that i could think would b able to b a p’gam would b the fact that i would have to visit both my father and mother, for some reason i dont get the feeling that its that reason that bochurim refuse to give me a try….my brothers, parents and of course me myself are not interested in settling, is there a reason why i should not b zoche to as chosshuva a shidduch as all my cousins just because my parents, who are both raising BEAUTIFUL, TOIRATIK homes are not living together??
could anyone figure me out?
“and the shadchan is no longer the go between” hu? not in my circles……
(did you speak to your parents yet, bjjkid) The proposal is about starting to build the connection between the guy and girl. It is about actually verbalizing (hopefully) to the girl his feeling for her and that he wants to spend the rest of his life together. yes, i spoke to my parents about what u said, i am not going into e/t they did, or did not agree with, however one thing that they made very clear was that there is mamish NO difference in status from before an engagement till after, there is just a commitment. as far as change in status, that only happens after kiddushen (the chassana)
yaakov ovinu also ‘proposed” to lovon to marry his daughter, isnt this diff then proposing to the girl herself?
yes, i mean the question, not that the decision is out of the chossen and kallah’s hand just that the actual question and/or cutesy proposal is eliminated
Its important to learn what others do and apply it to your life as applicable. – i dont think i will apply to my life, but thanks for the advice! u may bring me closer to finding my bashert :)!!
does a smoker mamish define s/o as a person?
where i come from, after three dates we almost start planning a l’chayim! 🙂 🙂 we for sure check dor yeshurim before meeting once!!!
SJSinNYC, no, sorry; u ttly did not change my way of thinking, just made me realize that not e/o has as “narrow” views as i do, but i am still proud of my strong and norrow views and dont plan on changing a/t!!!
i come out the same! i have strong ideals and hashkofos and i am not quiet about them!
it depends what u feel is comprimising…certain shittos u have u should never comprimise on, however if it is a narishkiet, u will prob realize and do away with it on ur own….
well then it is hard for me to comment b/c such a thing is VERY far removed from s/t i would have ever dreamed of doing
i dont know, a boy who has s/t to get angry about on a date knows he is on a date and will control himself, unless you say u spy on him for months i do not c how this would help….
so ur saying that if i explain things to my bros three times they may chap me? and if its the age gap, it would not apply cuz they r around my age!!!!
BUT, i want to delete one part of the bracha, I want to stay in AMERICA untill mashiach so I can continue to gain from the hashpa of my wonderful family.
and you really think that you will c that from going miniature golfing?
sorry about that. for sure!
May she continue to maintain her Bais Yaakov hashkofos – every single one of them – forever iy’h!
AMEN!!! what a beautiful bracha 🙂
does he smoke or is he a smoker? dont get all self righteous about something that is not ur nisayon…..
what does not going out as a group have any shaychus to getting engaged after 5 dates????
Took me three reads to figure it out. what could u not figure out?
of course he is trying to figure me out, how else shd i/he decide i/he am good for me/him.
sorry, i am not a student, but what do u consider recently graduating? and i got all my hashkafos from my wonderful family and not my school per say,,,,,allthough BJJ did a TON to fortify e/t….
doesnt sound like s/t that a yeshiva bochur/sem girl should b doing, but i could b wrong. and going mini golfing? doesnt sound like the best way to figure out if a person is for u,,,,,
its fine, i know ill do the same for them!!
i do have good brothers, and i love what they do for me!!! cant say that they r not a little bit too overprotective over their sister though!!!!
care to explain?
got it 🙂 nashim bimay zachyan?
Chemotherapy as Metaphor, whats that?
bored out of my mind? why is a date in a lounge boring? all i want to do is talk to the bochur and figure him out,,,,,not in this for fun. and i live in the tri state area and none of the lounges ive been to had such expensive parking,…..
i guess maybe we are exceptions, i dont really know because its not like any of my frnds or a/o i know for that matter has the same sitch, it was just always my fam and i cd honestly say i LOVE my step family and its one of Hashem’s biggest presents to me, but i thought that was regular, ive been wrong before 🙂
who said a/o was WRONG?
i dont know,,,,its much more normal to live with an abba/totty then to live with a zaidy, i would think that it shd/wd b much easier for e/o if life continues on as quickly as possible……and parents would/have killed themselves for their kids, how could u say that they only care for themselves??? i think e/o would b happier if the kids thought for a moment how much their parents do/did for them and want them to b as happy as possible,,,,,also, e/t wd b much easier if there were not preconceived notions about step parents,,,,,,,,NO, they r NOT witches,,,,,
i dont like what earlier posters wrote about making sure your children are happy, children will b comfortable, adjusted and happy if they grow up in a home that thats what the parents believe, my “blended” family was always soooo normal, and yes, i cried for days when my mother told me she got engaged,,,,,young children are not old enought to b taken into the cheshbon, parents know what is best for them.
yes, it is priceless to raise your children alone, but nothing compares to a house of torah……..and since i grew up in such a home i know the children are not neglected, and no the babysitter is not mommy even if she watches the kid the whole day…..mommy was/is always learning to b able to b mifarnes the family so totty was/is able to sit and learn shtarkly in yeshiva……
if a/o is applying to bjj, be careful with whatever u say and make sure u have a REASON for saying/doing it. do not say thank u if it would b a shayla of ribbus, do not kiss the mezuza if u r just doing it out of habit and dont even know what u r doing. it may b scary, but all my frnds who got in came home saying they had a horrible interview, just b honest and answer the reb’s questions with thought out clarity, if you need her to repeat or explain s/t just ask. do not b ashamed if ur mother is a stay at home mom – she will love that….just “chilax”, kol tuv and lihisrois 🙂
2: shiddichum list
3: only simchos
4: yeshiva world
5: google maps – street view is amazing!
whats the diff btwn good frnds and chossen and kallah? or am i missing s/t………you will become better frnds after you get engaged and BEST frnds after you get married,,,,,,,
a hotel lounge is free 🙂 okay, there may b an 8 dollar parking fee but its perfect for up until u become chossen and kallah 🙂
does she want to live a life of mesiras nefesh without the zechus of her husband learning? even if her husband earns a parnasa she will have to live with less if it is only one salary, and in such a case she would be living a kollel life style without the zechus of Torah, i dont envy her.
wow! ur brother is actually retding u a shidduch? i would jump at that!!!! all my bros are good for is nixing bochurim and when it turns out that i prob will go out with one of their BEST frnds they spend days and nights telling me reasons y it fasure wont work out!!!!
isn’t dating for the purpose of finding your bashert and getting married?? how would such a thing bring u closer to the ultimate goal?
Aishes Chayil, I said SOMETIMES i wish……and i know you could but if your name is not an indication of your yichus then not everyone knows……
Passaic, Passaic, Passaic, Passaic 🙂 🙂 🙂
yichus IS s/t to be proud of, at the same time you have a responsibility to live up to, so it is not always easy….s/t’s you wish you could b a plain person with a regular last name and know that not e/o is “looking at u” and “watching what you are doing”, at the same time, if you do manage to live up to your yichus then it IS s/t to b proud of. That does not mean you are a bal gayva, but there is s/t to knowing where you come from, and what you aspire to be, i know i am proud of it :), even when it is hard!
my father ALWAYS fahers the bochurim……