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Rebitzen, you sound extremely confused and you are not making any sense (or you keep changing your mind) I think at this point you should take Lilmods advice and find a mentor / therapist (who is jewish and reliable) or maybe you just need a friend who is (NOT A GUY) a positive influence or has similar hashkafos as you (even though it’s not clear what you yourself think…)
The ONLY problem is that I want someone learning full time.
Rebitzen, your ok with the FACT (you said it…) that he’s not religious???
Joseph: Clearly the girls / their fathers know / find out…
WHAT??!? WHEN?????
BE A MAN (sorry if you’re a girl I can’t help you)
As I said before if he’s been in yeshiva for 5 years and is STILL not religious I wouldn’t hold my breath…
but,
WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?????????
” I don’t think people understand that his experience in other areas of life is a pro, not a con. “
I’ll make sure to tell people to go otd before shidduchim so they have more “experience in other areas”…
If you read what I wrote I NEVER said it’s the right thing but I EXPLAINED why this is the situation…
IT is NEVER ok to be judgemental it is ALWAYS ok to be thorough when looking for a wife (or husband) some people just say no because they are not interested in being thorough or think that you can’t be thorough enough.
?? Can you clarify please? I’m confused.
What is too hard?
What other guys?
Hats off to any bochur like 2.0
I agree (theoretically) but you have to do extensive research to find out why people did the things that they did. I do not think a bochur like 2.0 (assuming he’s really legit) should lose out on a good girl c”v but a lot of perspective girls / parents do not have the time / patience / wherewithall (or trust?) to go for it…
Repeat after me:
I will STAY AWAY from person x.
I will not give person x rides.
I will not look at his tattoo or anything else he shows me(because I am staying away).
I will daven that he should do teshuva shleima while staying away from me.
I will daven that he should not get hurt by my actions.
I will daven that hashem should send me my true bashert at the right time (and that the right time should be soon).
Then do everything you just said…
“your concern should not be any bigger with someone like this than with someone with no past.”
Really?
Every yid has a chezkas kashrus but if they do something to hinder that you have check MUCH more carefully into them…
To clarify i’m not saying to go into any shidduch blindly (proper hishtadlus is necessary) but when someone goes otd you have to be MUCH more careful…
rebitzen: Could you just say outright that you’re going to stop giving him rides / hanging out (or whatever…) and we could shelf this whole discussion? We all just seem to agree (including you) that he’s bad news and you should STAY AWAY from him…
“no one can ever be certain about anyone”
True. So you should just not date…
TS he said “BEST WINES” unquote…
I didn’t say that but there’s clearly something very wrong and I wouldn’t hold my breath…
And to everyone who thinks people should be judged by their past are you saying even if you know they have done a full and complete turn around?
No. But how do you know?
rebitzen- you’re saying he should “give in” ?
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It is if you’re trying to get drunk and you don’t like wine…
Not everything is about NYC…
rebyidd: If that’s true it’s forsure ISAAC HONIG…
LU: I agree (that was all included in my answer)
shver: that was a very serious answer if you read it right…
5 years in yeshiva and he’s not religious??!? Is that not a RED flag??
Try cutting them differently or buying a different brand. Know this: if you do come to be that happy from pickles you will also cry when you get separated from one…
I understand your predicament but 23 is pretty early to “give in.” You’re not the only who is dating at that age and didn’t yet get a compatible mate…
I’m not even sure that’s the best idea,
LU: THAT was my point it’s not the best idea (if you look earlier I gave about 5 other ideas) but as a last resort…
shver: he said he wanted to get drunk…
Let’s say a girl used to be very heavy then lost all her weight, should a guy who is concerned with weight not go out with her because she used to be overweight?
Maybe. You can’t know maybe she’ll gain it right back. So too some people feel that once someone (especially a girl) goes “out to the world” you can never know if they’re really back (or what they did or what caused it). That’s the hesitation…
Try a few different ones (preferably highest alch. content 12-14%) see what goes down easy…(some say room temperature some say if its cold it goes down easier) as chumras said it’s mainly taste and price range…
Would a shul have a closet or place to lock it in the front area?
Usually a coatroom, depends on the place but you can usually leave it there for davening without a problem.
There’s no I in team. There’s an I in wIn…
in learning and yiddishkiet I can roll with best of them, to the extent that I would say when it comes to certain things especially inyunie emunah and kedusha I would say I’m miles ahead of half the bochurim who have went through the regular system.
Any upstanding Bais Yaakov girl and their father wouldn’t even look at me.
But you wouldn’t consider a girl like that?
You all missed the point she wants to get rid of him and after giving other ideas i said to at least STALL and tell him to come back AFTER he becomes a rabbi…(we all think he wont be able to do it so therefore there would be nothing to talk about) then on the off chance that he actually becomes a better person thats not a bad thing thats all i was saying and it wasnt my first option.
bright yellow
The following was dangerous advice and do not listen to it…
A “tell him when you see a change you will reconsider (even if you wont).”
Ha. Yea right. So he can fake being a learner for her? She isn’t interested and that needs to be 100% clear.
LB: this is a stall tactic + she can get schar if he actually learns so even if this might not be the best way to get rid of him for good she might actually be mekariv him…(there is a chance however small it may be)(mitoch shelo lishmah ba lishma)
chaim yisrael
being untruthful to keep the peace is a big sugya (a lot of gemora but your a girl so…) the main sources are bereishis 18; 12-13 and rashi on 13 also bereishis 50; 16 and rashi. The basic gist is there’s a machlokes between rashi and ari hazakein if you’re allowed to lie outright (a”h) or only allowed to change / mislead (rashi) i heard from a gadol that we paskin like the ari. Either way there should be no problem telling him your “exploring your options” or even “seeing other people” if that would get him to stop being inappropriate in a peaceful manner…
its must be fine to have a cr because how else would we know if we should have one?
q: if we say everything goes after the majority most of the world is not jewish so why are we jewish?
yct: rov only applies if theres a nafka mina l’halachah but since being jewish has no n’m l’halachah we dont go after rov…
STAY AWAY. tell him your not interested. tell him he offends you. tell him when you see a change you will reconsider (even if you wont). if u need to- tell him your seeing someone else (i believe it is permitted to lie i can get you sources in halachah…)
angel
death
coffin
wood
floor
table
eat
hot dog
summer
cant wait
lose weight
shidduchim
so your question is settled?
joseph: being the official posek is it ok to have the username hashem26?
its a friend who is bothering me block him please do not block me
btw theres singles events on a reagular basis in lakewood so ask around…
edited. And yes.
the fact that your asking means you either feel desperate or lonely, have a little faith, get your priorities in order and be’h you’ll find the right one soon
if he shouldnt think so why should you?? you just answered your own question…
just sounds suspicous you “meet” a guy he falls in love and shows you his tattoo and is becoming a rabbi all in a few weeks and your not dating… (yet)