Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
More than 30 years ago the Post Office changed the rules and new construction streets/developments don’t get front door delivery of mail. They either require cluster boxes at the end of the street or boxes on posts at the curb for delivery from mail vehicles. Our house was grandfathered for front door delivery, but when we built the house next door for my late MIL A”H we were required to put a post and box at the curb. We moved our box to the curb about 15 years ago because I don’t wish to shovel snow from the front walk in the winter. The family and guests all come up the driveway and use the walkway and stairs to the side entry.
@RebYidd23
We went for a three hour ride through the northwest CT hills this morning. No vegan attacks, but we were invited to ride in two small town parades with other bikers to celebrate the 4th of July.
Home now, getting ready to join sons and grandsons in the pool at 1 after the girls vacate.
BBQ @ 5…………………
Git a call from Joseph’s youngest wanted to know if she can come stay for the summer, she hates camp and had more fun here at the compound last year.We raised and married off 5 children, 2 boys, 3 girls.
The girls definitely cost more to raise through marriage.
The education cost was the same, Tuition for day school, yeshiva high school, college and law school was not sex dependent.
The girls had far more clothing than the boys and while a oy might wear the same suit from year to year until it was outgrown, a young lady needs (wants) new styles each season. Add to that the cost of accessories (handbags, scarves, jewelry, cosmetics and the costs go through the roof.
Our children all received cars at the same age, similar cost.
Wedding gowns cost more than Bar Mitzvah suit, hat and tefillin.
Weddings cost way more than B’nai Mitzvah (we paid 100%).
Unlike, others we did not furnish/equip the young couples’ homes. They were earning real incomes at time of marriage.
One year in EY after high school and before college for learning, similar cost.
Boys’ car insurance was higher, Girls’ medical expenses were higher, boys didn’t see dermatologist, gynecologist, etc.
Overall, it cost about 25% more, adjusted for inflation, to raise our girls than the boys.@DovidBT,
Born to be wild, yes..but not on tape. digital recording on iPhone or iPod
Leather Jacket, heavy jeans and leather boots are safety items. Although not required in CT, I always wear a helmet.Against
I think that YWN published TOO MANY PRO_Trump articles.
A news outlet should have no bias in news articles, they should not be pro or anti. That is what editorials are for.
@benignuman
The purpose of a car is NOT always to get you from point A to Point B
We have multiple cars. B”H money is not an issue in this stage of our lives. All the kids are married and earning good salaries. The house is long paid for.That said, Mrs. CTL has her original 1971 Jaguar XKE V12 Convertible. It comes out of the garage east summer for pure enjoyment sake. She has a modern SUV for daily point A to B driving.
I have a large luxury sedan….it is often used to transport clients. I would not do that in a Honda or Hyundai, etc. When billing $500 per hour the clients expect the attorney to drive a luxury auto. I won’t drive German or Japanese which is why most of our cars are English.I also own a 1972 Harley Davidson Motorcycle I bought when I was in college. Definitely not for getting from A to B, BUT when I need a release, a long rode through the northwest hills of Connecticut is great therapy.
We have never owned a minivan, we were the generation who had 9 or 10 passenger station wagons.
Buy what you can afford. There is quite a difference between THIRTY and SIXTY thousand dollars.
It is generally a bad economic decision to sink substantial money into an asset that loses value quickly such as a car. You seem to put on too much mileage for leasing but want a car without the expense of repairs that comes with an old, cheap car. SO, buy a late model off-lease car. It will have been maintained while under lease, have a known service record and the former lessee will have suffered the bulk of depreciation in the first three years.Flanken is short ribs that have been cut across the bones in 1-2″ bone lengths. Short ribs are the full length of the bone and separated into sections by cutting the meat between bones.
Music Yes, Video NO
I married off two daughters in the past two years.
We have live bands at both (NOT one man band). We also set a playlist of live music and recorded music to be played during specified band breaks,
The contracts (which I wrote, that’s what lawyer’s do) specified that we got to control volume level. It listed one of my sons and one of my brothers as having authority to tell the band leader to adjust the volume and/or personally do so. There was a large monetary penalty in the contract for noncompliance. We wanted all guests to be able to hold conversations at their tables. They were joining in our simchos, NOT attending a concert.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We did the video thing for the first two children’s weddings. Waste of money, never look at them anymore. Nowadays, everyone has a smartphone with video capability. We asked guests to upload their clips to a website and made a video collage that was sent to family who could not attend. Total cost less than $100.There is no blanket answer, each case is different.
I own, but I drive less than 6K miles per year and pay cash for my car and keep it an extremely long time (my current car is now 14 years old with 76K miles on it and I’ll probably drive at another 6 years,Mrs. CTL prefers a lease. She drives about 15K miles per year, wants a new model every three years and 100% warranty with roadside assist and the dealer picking up and delivering the car for each/service. Everything but gas/insurance is included in her lease.
Our firm leases cars for our senior staff. It is a set monthly amount and deductible as business expenses.
My 21 year old wanted to buy a new car this year for commuting to work. She wanted a Nissan Altima. Due to the high residual value, the cost per month was much cheaper to lease than buy with the promotional low/no interest deals.
She won’t be keeping the car more than 3 years, by then she expects to need a larger family car. Her husband bought his car using a 0% loan from the manufacturer.There is an adage that you don’t make capital investments into things that depreciate in value, and that is true of most cars. Sit down and do a financial analysis. How much can you afford to pay in total car expense each month and how much of a car can you buy or lease for that amount?
Then consider the peace of mind that comes with knowing you are under warranty and won’t have large surprise bills.
By the first half of 2016, 32% of all new cars delivered in the USA were leased not sold. If it didn’t make economic and/or emotional sense for many people the number would be much lower. I leased a car the first time back in 1977 and the market share of leases was less than 5%. Things have changed, as have car prices. Today an average new car costs more than I paid for our first 3 bedroom home in 1976.@Joseph
The chances are that the patient would be redirected to a public hospital.Childbirth in the early stages of contractions is not considered an emergency situation. 10-15 minutes apart, there’s time to send you to a public hospital within 10 miles. 3 minutes apart..admittance.
We have two hospitals in our adjacent city. One is considered a public hospital, not owned by the government, but in the way it is subsidized by the state government. Both accept emergency room patients without regard to insurance or ability to pay. The private hospital does not accept elective patients without prior insurance company authorization and collection of the patient’s deductible prior to admission. The ‘public’ hospital bills the deductible/co-pay after the fact.
@Joseph
It is ONLY public hospitals that MUST accept all patients without regard to ability to pay or requiring payment in advance.
Private hospitals are not bound to do so for non-emergency situations. They do not consider normal-childbirth an emergent situation and at registration if you don’t have the acceptable insurance or prepayment they can redirect you to another facility if the travel time would not be detrimental to the mother or child.People have different levels of wealth and standards of living.
I was born into a comfortable business owner’s family.
I’ve lived through boom and bust.
I give my share, and more, or Tzedakah.That said, I usually find that people who question what I spend on cars, clothes, my home and its amenities are just plain jealous. They may express it in terms of ‘he could be giving more to help others, if he drove a Chevrolet instead of a Jaguar’ but it is their jealousy showing through.
We are not Essenes of biblical times choosing to live a life of voluntary poverty and deprivation.
If there are those in my neighborhood who lack what to eat, I am more than happy to help feed them, to help educate their children and to help them find employment so that they can provide for themselves. That doesn’t mean I should have to do without things I can afford.That said it is never appropriate to show off. The discussions of the ‘over the top’ vacations, and vehicles are a sign of the nouveau riche. Established wealth is discreet and not showy.
The difference is in the binder ingredients, not the active ingredients of the specific medication. Some generics are high in starch on the binder side and can cause problems for people with diabetes. My BIL had this problem and for three of his medications the doctor must check BRAND MEDICALLY NECESSARY. His insurance company stopped complaining after they paid for his third hospitalization caused by reaction to a substituted generic drug.
Just what we need a MARXist……………………..
FDR………….
he had the courage to take the country out of a mess, stand up to Congress and America Firsters.
and yes, I know he did not admit many European Jewish Refugees, but the question is about a President for the USA, not the world.Clinton……….great economic times and a balanced budget
Nixon…………….terrible person, but a brilliant strategist in Foreign Diplomacy
@DY
Yes CY, even though I don’t believe it is necessary (sam ewith my Rav), but this way everyone may eat.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
As to Mrs. CTL, she is holding her own right now B”H
2 more surgeries scheduled in the next 2 months. Problem is that the medicines to help with the pain from the problem also can cause the problem.@Neville
You missed my last post about butterFor the record, like CTRebbe:
I DON”T LIKE CREAM CHEESE, either.For 40 years, I have paid for the butter at my shul’s Sunday morning breakfasts because the shammos insisted on only serving cream cheese.
My eldest brother also does not eat cream cheese.
Our nieces and nephews know that if you invite the uncles to a milchige event, we will show up with sealed packages of butter. We tired of eating dry bagels decades ago.So, if cream cheese was $10 a container or 50 cents it would not affect my purchasing decision. As for hats, a good hat that is properly cared for: cleaned, blocked, stored in the cedar closet on the summer, should last many decades. At this point I am wearing my summer straw collection in colors to match my suits. Today I’m wearing a medium blue with a navy hatband to match my navy suit with a medium blue pinstripe. I have to be in court at 9 and as I’ve posted before: Judges wear Black, smart attorneys do not (hear in Yankee New England).
@CTRebbe
“1. Supply and demand makes no sense;If there are less customers than 35 years ago they automatically produce less hats. It should not affect the price.”Sorry, but you are wrong.
My first degree is in Management Science.
In freshman economics we learn about ‘economy of scale’
The more you produce (manufactured goods) the less it costs to produce.
The hat manufacturer will get better prices on larger quantities of supplies: thread, boxes, ribbons, machine needles, etc. Larger facilities rent for less dollars per square foot, there are volume discounts for shipping, insurance, etc.@JerseyJew
For more than 50 Years I’ve bought my Borsalinos, Stetsons and other hats from Delmonico Hatters in New Haven. Less than 1% of their business is from Jews. Their business is thriving, in the store and on-line. My father A”H also bought from them.@Joseph
If you read my post, in its appropriate legalspeak, it said that CTRebbe and I were not related to the best of my knowledge.
How do I know, you ask?
I know all my relatives up to the 5th cousins. There is a very limited number who have or currently live in CT and are male (who might use the handle ‘rebbe’).
Having seen most of them at our daughters’ chasunah, last summer, during shivah for Mrs. CTL’s mother this fall and a family funeral/shivah in Boro Park this month>>>The Coffee Room was a subject of discussion. 5 Family members admitted to being members of the CR, 2 Lawyers (myself and a son) and 3 doctors (1 in Brooklyn, 2 in NJ). Not a Rebbe in the family.@doyouapprove…..
CTRebbe is NOT related to CTLawyer (to the best of my knowledge, and I should know)@5ish
First, I apologize for all the typos on my post above, it was made from my phone and these fingers do better with a keyboard.I am recommending these classes BOTH for the transcript and the necessary skills (English Composition) and knowledge (History, Western Civ, Political Science) needed to properly digest and understand the material thrown at an 1L law student. Self teaching does not accomplish the same thing as a college course with a qualified instructor leading the way and providing feedback.
Just as in Yeshiva a bochur will learn with a chavrusa, most law students have study groups. The other members will likely not be former Yeshiva students. Their is an expectation that all students have a basic underlying BA or BS education that would include the above courses and knowledge. The OP’s son would soon find himself an outcast, shunned by other students in study groups and at a disadvantage.
The bochur has no experience with college classes, so suggesting learning in another type of forum will not help him be ready for law school instruction. Yes, many law schools use the Socratic Method of instruction, but the required first year courses in subjects such as Legal research and writing require the underlying English Composition class I suggest.
#1
It is late for most on-line summer college classes. They mostly start in May or the first week of June and run for approximately 8 weeks.
Your son should enroll in on-line classes offered by a public community college in his official state of residence (so he pays in state tuition)
Here in Connecticut 3 credit undergraduate courses in the community colleges (which are all accredited institutions) cost approx $600 for in state students.
He should take:
Freshman English and Composition (highest priority)
US History I
Western Civilization I
Political Science such as American GovernmentHe will find these invaluable if he intends to attend Law School.
Do NOT waste the money to take these Freshman courses at 4 year colleges, the cost will be at least double (for public colleges) to quintuple for private colleges. None are the for profit colleges which are just a rip off.There is much interaction with the professors in on-line classes (I know, I teach several each year at both college and Law School levels). Some professors use Discussion Boards which require students to post theri work and comment in other students’ work. Others are live via Skype.
An English Composition course usually has the student share their papers with the Professor via Google Docs and the Professor can make corrections on-line and the student can see each version of the work.Writing is key for lawyers, and the chances are a Yeshiva student does not write well enough to do well in law school and the job market without brushing up on their skills. Some law schools have entrance exams as well as using standardized tests. This allows the entrance committee to examine a potential student’s writing ability before making a decision.
BTW>>>I own a small law firm (about 20 attorneys) and usually hire 1 or 2 associates each year. I have found those former Yeshiva students with BTL degrees to be fine for doing legal research and suggesting ways to handle situations based on rulings and precedents, BUT not able to draft client letters and write appeals briefs. My paralegals do a far better job.
As to whether your son will make a great living in Law, the boo days are long over. The internet has killed much of the bread and butter work. Far too many things can be accomplished with on-line forms without paying an hourly rate of $250-500.
I allowed and encouraged my children and their spouses to enter the field because I own the firm, they don’t have to work the thousands of billable hours a Wall Street firm requires of new associates. They don’t have to worry about becoming a partner. They will end up with the firm and my client list. No non-family member will ever become a partner while it is my firm.Replies to all, especially Moderator 29.
My absence does have to do with Mrs. CTL’s health, not the topic and/or controversy.
Mrs. CTL was hospitalized three times in the past two weeks, had surgery and has to have another surgery tomorrow.. Bina Chana bas Sorel Rivel (yes that is a slight change from two years ago, we found some documents that corrected her name when going through my late MIL’s things this fall.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For those who questioned civil remarriages of formerly married partners who had a civil divorce and subsequent marriages also ending in civil divorce. Yes, I checked with my Rav. These are to gain civil benefits (e.g. Tax advantages). The couples were already living together before I signed the licenses and performed the ceremonies as a Justice of the Peace. None of the men have been Kohanim (to the best of their knowledge and my investigation). None have been frum, ans ALL are past child bearing age so mamzeruz will not be an issue in the future.I do not now when I shall be able to read or post in the coming week. Please do not think I would post and run, just trolling or stirring the pot.
@DY
I can only perform civil ceremonies, religious marriage is left to the religious authorities. My ceremonies allow the couple to partake of civil benefits that require a civil marriage to be in place.As a family law attorney for many decades I agree with much of what Rav Miller said. Our CT courts require couples to undergo marriage counseling before granting a divorce.
That said, I have convinced the Chief Judge in our GA to permit that counseling to be performed by a ‘religious authority’ as opposed to a Pyschologist, LCSW or other Therapist.
I counsel clients that divorce should be the last resort.However, sometimes it s necessary for the safety of a spouse and/or children. When one spouse has an addiction problem that has not been solved despite repeated treatment, or is physically violent to the other spouse and/or children divorce may be the correct answer…along with protective, support and custody orders.
I have had non-Jewish clients divorce and then remarry later. As a Justice of the Peace I have performed a number of these ceremonies.
I have only had one Jewish client (that I am aware of) who later remarried his ex wife and that was more than 25 years later when the 2nd marriages had both ended in divorce and the original couple kept seeing each other at family simchas and realized they belonged together. The male felt that he was pushed into divorce by his overbearing parents and the were no longer around to interfere with the remarriage.
An advanced secular education in Law or Medicine doe NOT make one Modern Orthodox. It does make one able to function in the USA, earn a living, support our Jewish institutions and defend them in court.
How many times do we read here on YWN about attacks via zoning and other laws on our community. People with advanced secular education in Law are needed to fight and win these battles.
I don’t want prayer in the public schools, you want prayer in school, go to a private religious school and pay for it yourself, not with vouchers. MOs support vouchers to cover the cost of their kids in day schools.
I want the Civil Rights Laws strengthened, not weakened. I do not trust Trump.
I want the Equal Rights Amendment to be the law of the land, not just in some state constitutions here in the northeast. I want equal pay for equal work. Why should the wife supporting her husband who is learning earn less than a male in the same position?
That doesn’t make me MOMy family is not treading water, for 150 years here in the USA we have swam forward, bettering our lives and those of the frum community. We have stayed frum to the 9th generation. AND we weren’t forced to do that through social pressure in a ghetto in the Heim. We did it by choice and conviction.
MO men often clean shaven (with an electric), our family’s men have neat beards. Our wives wear wigs, they don’t wear pants.
I don’t like when Jews label other Jews, it brings no good.
I have seen the change in American Orthodoxy in the past 5 years and it has led to more division which is not good.Today, I’ll be in Boro Park, for the first time in 3 years. I have a family funeral. I’ll not be shopping or dining out. BUT, 100 years since my great-grandfather moved from Manhattan to Boro Park we still have family members there. They are not Chassidim, They go to Yeshiva then college. Medical, Law or Engineering schools. The families are frum, we learn regularly and live our lives.
@DovidBT
Sorry my car analogy offended you.
Would you be happier if I referred to my Machzor Kol Bo as a Classic and the new Art Scroll as a successor but not a classic.Mrs. CTL’s car was bought new 47 years ago. The insurance industry labels it a ‘classic’ and the State of CT issues Classic Car license plates which come at a reduced rate. That is why I mentioned it, not because of its current market value. Our daughter’s car is hers, not ours. Earned for and paid for by her labor.
If your family came through Ellis Island you are greenhorns.
Our family came through Castle Garden on the Battery.Growing up, I remember one of my grandmother’s uncles referring to any loud and confusing gathering as “ah regular Castle Gart”
@NevilleChaimBerlin
You hit the nail on the head. There is nothing ‘Classic’ about the current Litvish community in America that has moved far to the right in the past 35-40 years.
40-50 years ago I was considered to the right of MO. MO synagogues commonly held mixed dances in those days.Here’s an analogy……………..
Mrs. CTL has her orignal 1971 Jaguar XKE, that’s a classic. One of our daughters has a 2017 Jaguar F Type. That’s current version/sucessor, but not a classic
@Nonpolitical
Thanks for your observation.It is not often that I am accused of being ‘Modern’
Too often the segment of the male Frum world that sits and learns and lets/expects wives, parents and in-laws to support them and their institutions undervalue the contributions of baal baatim.
I don’t consider having both a Yeshiva education and advanced secular degrees and a profession to be modern.
I need only point out Jewish figures such as the Rambam who was a physician, the Late Lubavitcher Rebbe who attended the Sorbonne, The late Rav J.B. Soloveitchick with his European University degrees.My family has been in the USA since for 150 years. It has sent its children to yeshivas, day schools, seminary then university and professional school. AND STAYED FRUM.
We are not Johhny Come Lately Americans who arrived after 1945 or 1956 who existed on our benevolence while they made a new life, enjoying the freedoms my ancestors fought for. Yes, my Grandfather served in the US Army in World War ONE, My father and uncles served in WWII, one uncle in the forces that liberated 3 concentration camps.
My family fought housing discrimination and pushed for Civil Rights legislation. Many here are too young to remember when discrimination was legal in the USA. A hotel could turn away Jews, as could sellers of houses. It was the liberal wing of the Democratic Party that brought about the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Because I want all Americans to have certain freedoms, doesn’t mean I avail myself of every right.The judges before which I appear would laugh at a label of ‘Modern’ being applied to me, as would my wife, children and grandchidlren and neighboring townspeople.
@ThelittleIknow
This mid 60s aged attorney doesn’t hang out. He lives in small town Fairfield County, Connecticut and can be often found in his law office, Superior or Probate Court and his local orthodox synagogue.That said, I have attended hundreds of weddings over the past 50 years, but never one in a Chassidic court. That is why I made the comment/observation about what I see or don’t see in the picture posted in YWN.
I also have never attended a wedding/chasunah where I was not invited for the entire affair: Tisch, chuppah, seudah…….I have never been invited for part of the festivities.
I would not dream of dropping in uninvited to wish someone a mazal tov.
When our eldest daughter married, our future SIL asked if he could invite some Yeshiva friends to the schmorg and chuppah or for dessert/shevah brochos, as he didn’t expect us to host these boys for the entire evening. He was told that we don’t invite or host people in separate classes. If he wanted them, then invite them for everything (Mrs. CTL and I would pay, that’s what the girl’s parents do).Also, growing up and living OOT, one does not have the opportunity to just drop in to a local wedding hall and wish a mazal tov as may occur in Brooklyn, Monsey or Lakewood. In fact all three of our daughters were married right here on our grounds. I doubt an uninvited guest would have gained entry.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
As for your comments about my being an “classic” Litvak…it is only on my paternal side which arrived here in 1872. My mother’s side is Yekke and they arrived in 1868. Oma always thought my mother married down to a ‘peasant from the east.
I attended yeshiva at a Litvish establishment in NYC many decades ago. Our family followed in the ways of Brisk. I do not consider my politics to negate my observance or beliefs. Just because I want something for the general populace does not mean I shall avail myself of it. My religious prescriptions and restrictions are taken up by choice and should not be foisted upon the general American public (beyond the Noachide Laws). Before I got involved in local politics 45 years ago I discussed this fully with the Rav J.B. Soloveitchik. He was best suited to deal with a Litvak living as a traditionally observant Jew in New England. I received great guidance and advice which I’ve followed all these years.@Joseph
I might be a ‘Classic Litvak’
Definitely a Misnagid and follower of the BriskI find the whole idea of a Chassidic Court ridiculous, but to each its own. I may not support the system, but can admire and value the learning and institutions of many Chassidic groups.
Our family has financially supported the Laniado Hospital of the Sanzer Chassidim for decades becuase it is the right thing to do, not because we agree with their minhagim.What I always find amusing about all these Wedding pictures is the lack of food. Thousands of Wedding guests and not a real meal to be seen. A few honored guests at the cloth covered tables get a piece of cake, fruit and a drin. Sorry, This is not what I consider a Seudas Mtizvah. Better to have 50 guests and serve a banquet than a thousand guests and serve next to nothing.
The late great Allan Sherman…………….
who also brought us Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah,
Grow Mrs. Goldfarb
Harvey and Sheilahin the early 1960s
I guess that I may be considered old and a creature of habit.
As a youngster I learned to daven from a Shiloh Siddur. 60 years later I still remember the Shema is on page 50 and the Shmoneh Esrai starts on page 64. By the time I was 10 I was using a Tikun Meir Nusach Ashkenaz. The same as my father and grandfathers used.
My children also used the Shiloh and then the Tikun Meir as adults.
My grandchildren have been exposed to Artscroll siddurim or Tehilat HaShem in Day School. I think the Artscroll if fine to learn about the tephilot, but not what I would want to use for daily davening. I prefer something light in the hand. I also find no need for English Translations in the daily use siddur.The CTL family still uses Kol Bo Machzorim for all the Yomin Tovim. Since we generally have a minyan on our property we are not subject to what choice/purchase has been made by the shul’s ritual committee.
The only times we use the shul’s siddurim is if one of us is davening for the amud on a yahrzeit.As I have aged, I might have wished the font was larger in the Tikun Meir, but truthfully, those of us who daven thrice daily tend to know the tephilot and don’t really read from the siddur that much.
I agree 100%. It is extremely poor taste to invite part of a married couple to a social event. In fact, I would refuse the invitation if my wife was not invited.
@Haimy
You want a rational explanation why so many girls are not finding a boy to marry>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I’ll give blunt and uncensored answers that may offend the community.
My children are aged 22 to 42 and B”H all have married. My youngest 2 (girls) married within the past 18 months.#1 our daughters are NOT buying husbands. As soon as questions as to my income and how much I am willing to settle upon the young man, provide housing and how long I’ll support the couple/grandchildren while he sits and learns and expects my daughter to earn a living while keeping house and raising children…HE IS A REJECT.
If a boy wants to sit and learn until he’s in his late 20s, then he should not be looking for a wife. It is not her family’s job to support him in his endeavors. Let his family do it.#2 My daughters are highly educated having both seminary and college and professional degrees and licenses. This knowledge and earning power makes them threatening to the Yeshiva bochur with no ‘real world’ experience or ability to make a proper living and support wife and family.
#3 Attaining college and graduate degrees and professional licences takes time and these girls are older than the boys when they seek husbands.
#4 the social stigma against marrying a girl a few years older than the boy is nonsense and should be discouraged. My eldest brother is 3 years younger than his wife. My eldest sister is older than her husband. Both couples are married more than 50 years. My two eldest daughters are both about 2 years older than their husbands…big deal.
#5 Time to get away from the professional shidduchin with endless shidduch questions and resumes. This makes marriage harder and creates false supply and demand. Let the mothers/friends/relative network do its job. They know the young people and the families best and know who is suitable or compatible much better than a shadchan with hundreds or thousands of names.
None of our children were married through the services of a shadchan. In fact, only one was tried when a daughter was going to Australia for an extended visit. The experience was horrendous. Every boy suggested was just looking for an American meal ticket and green card.
Our eldest son’s MIL went to summer camp with my wife and the ladies have been friends for almost 55 years. They realized the children would be a good match and made it happen.
2nd son was introduced to a neighbor of first DIL.
Eldest daughter was fixed up with male cousin’s roommate at Yeshiva.
Next daughter married brother of college roommate.
Youngest daughter ended up married to cousin of SIL.
My nephew married his sister’s sem roommate.My parents met at summer camp in the 1930s. Dad was a counselor at the boy’s camp on one side of the lake, mom was a counselor at the girl’s camp on the other side. Motzei Shabbos the camp owner hosted get togethers under supervision for the staff to meet. They were married more than 65 years. Many of their staff friends met their mates this way.
Mrs. CTL and I had many mutual friends. I was on a bad date with one. She told me that I was not suitable for her, but she had a friend who would be a good fit. Turned out to be the future Mrs. CTL.
SO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ignore the age differential. Learn to network. If you or your child has a shidduch suggestion that is not worth a second date, don’t just say goodbye, consider if one of your friends might be suitable for the rejected person.
The crisis is not real, logistical problems and artificial roadblocks can be surmounted.
It is NOT about the money.
Here in small town Connecticut………
Fire in the fire pit
BBQs are going full blast
Set up archery targets for the older kids
It’s 91 degrees Farenheit, 2nd day in a row, so we uncovered and opened the pool for the season (never opened this early in the spring.
It’s not Meron, but nicht shlect………………………….@Joseph
Scooter Libby, who I know from growing up in New Haven is NO American hero. He is a a self-denying Jew. Calling himself ‘scooter’ to avoid his name, Irv Lewis Liebowitz Jr. in order to fit in at all the Protestant WASP boarding schools he went to: such as Eaglebrook and Phillips Andover. Many Russikes in New Haven started naming their sons Jr. to fit in with the long established German Jewish Reform community which named for fathers emulating the protestant settlers of New Haven.
Disbarred for Moral Turpitude. An embarrassment to the New Haven Jewish communityNavel is the best cut of beef to make pastrami from. It yields nice slices suitable for sandwiches. The fat content was perfect for commercial use when the pastrami would be put in the steambox in the morning and pulled out as need to slice for sandwiches in the deli. At home or in restaurants that don’t use a steambox/table and heat with a microwave or grill it is extremely fatty and greasy.
A less fatty cut that can be used is shoulder, but it is tough to chew if not sliced extremely thin.I cure my own meats in my backyard smokehouse and always use navel for pastrami.
@JJ2020
I wear a cap when driving, not just a yarmulke. No problem keeping it on if the side windows are up.@AviK
45 degrees when we left for court, expected to be 60 when we leave. This is delightful weather for New England, definitely top down weather.
Yesterday, I finially turned off the heat for the season.@DovidBT
If it was raining I would had the expense of two vehicles going, parking,. etc. BUT it was not an issue today.
I live in reality, not theoretical when it’s time fr a case to be in court. Theoretical is for drawing contracts, not
enforcing themThis morning I had to take a female paralegal with me to court in a city about 30 miles away.
I solved the yichud problem by taking my convertible with the top down. Yes, she sat in the front passenger seat, this is no rear seat.My Rav approved of this method years ago.
Thank you Joseph
The good news is that if the 16 year is going to be in the High School division he will be in the new Durham Campus……..an extremely rural self contained location which is far from the Schmutz of an old broken down mill city>Waterbury.
Note: the CTL family has operated businesses in Waterbury since 1958, and seen its decline. It was known as a city of ‘hills, mills, and dirty necks.
This means the bochur will not have the pizza shop, bagel shop or other commercial establishments to distract him.
Rebbeim and learning is top notch at all levels of the yeshiva.
I highly recommend it for a young man who does not want to be in NYC and the family is not sending off to EY.
It passes the old lamb chop test….your children should be farther away by car than the two hours it takes for lamb chops to defrost in transit. An easy drive from the 5 boros in under 2 hoursCharter Oak is a Connecticut State College and fully accredited. They not only offer BA degrees, but BS and Masters programs. It sounds like your daughter is being steered to Liberal Arts by the seminary. This leads to few jobs. Take a good look at the catalogue on line and see if your daughter can take core courses that can then be applied to the requirements of a BS degree (such as Business Administration) when she returns home.
A degree from Charter Oak will be accepted when applying to graduate school. BUT…some brick and mortar schools have a bias against on-line degrees.
Also, be aware of cost when taking on-line classes.
I am familiar with in-state fees. My youngest niece got a BS in Criminal Justice from Charter Oak. CO charges about $900 a course. CT community colleges charge $600. Niece took some on-line classes from the community colleges and had the credits accepted by CO, saved a lot of money that wayA little organization by the shul can go a long way. Our shul has a group of high school girls who volunteer to walk a route and gather younger girls (whose mothers don’t attend) walk them to shul, supervise them during davening and hand them off to their fathers at kiddush.
A program with sign up sheet has operated for about 30 years.