Ex-CTLawyer

An advanced secular education in Law or Medicine doe NOT make one Modern Orthodox. It does make one able to function in the USA, earn a living, support our Jewish institutions and defend them in court.

How many times do we read here on YWN about attacks via zoning and other laws on our community. People with advanced secular education in Law are needed to fight and win these battles.

I don’t want prayer in the public schools, you want prayer in school, go to a private religious school and pay for it yourself, not with vouchers. MOs support vouchers to cover the cost of their kids in day schools.

I want the Civil Rights Laws strengthened, not weakened. I do not trust Trump.
I want the Equal Rights Amendment to be the law of the land, not just in some state constitutions here in the northeast. I want equal pay for equal work. Why should the wife supporting her husband who is learning earn less than a male in the same position?
That doesn’t make me MO

My family is not treading water, for 150 years here in the USA we have swam forward, bettering our lives and those of the frum community. We have stayed frum to the 9th generation. AND we weren’t forced to do that through social pressure in a ghetto in the Heim. We did it by choice and conviction.

MO men often clean shaven (with an electric), our family’s men have neat beards. Our wives wear wigs, they don’t wear pants.

I don’t like when Jews label other Jews, it brings no good.
I have seen the change in American Orthodoxy in the past 5 years and it has led to more division which is not good.

Today, I’ll be in Boro Park, for the first time in 3 years. I have a family funeral. I’ll not be shopping or dining out. BUT, 100 years since my great-grandfather moved from Manhattan to Boro Park we still have family members there. They are not Chassidim, They go to Yeshiva then college. Medical, Law or Engineering schools. The families are frum, we learn regularly and live our lives.

@Zahavasdad

If your family came through Ellis Island you are greenhorns.
Our family came through Castle Garden on the Battery.

Growing up, I remember one of my grandmother’s uncles referring to any loud and confusing gathering as “ah regular Castle Gart”

@Nonpolitical
Thanks for your observation.

It is not often that I am accused of being ‘Modern’
Too often the segment of the male Frum world that sits and learns and lets/expects wives, parents and in-laws to support them and their institutions undervalue the contributions of baal baatim.
I don’t consider having both a Yeshiva education and advanced secular degrees and a profession to be modern.
I need only point out Jewish figures such as the Rambam who was a physician, the Late Lubavitcher Rebbe who attended the Sorbonne, The late Rav J.B. Soloveitchick with his European University degrees.

My family has been in the USA since for 150 years. It has sent its children to yeshivas, day schools, seminary then university and professional school. AND STAYED FRUM.
We are not Johhny Come Lately Americans who arrived after 1945 or 1956 who existed on our benevolence while they made a new life, enjoying the freedoms my ancestors fought for. Yes, my Grandfather served in the US Army in World War ONE, My father and uncles served in WWII, one uncle in the forces that liberated 3 concentration camps.
My family fought housing discrimination and pushed for Civil Rights legislation. Many here are too young to remember when discrimination was legal in the USA. A hotel could turn away Jews, as could sellers of houses. It was the liberal wing of the Democratic Party that brought about the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Because I want all Americans to have certain freedoms, doesn’t mean I avail myself of every right.

The judges before which I appear would laugh at a label of ‘Modern’ being applied to me, as would my wife, children and grandchidlren and neighboring townspeople.

@Joseph
I might be a ‘Classic Litvak’
Definitely a Misnagid and follower of the Brisk

I find the whole idea of a Chassidic Court ridiculous, but to each its own. I may not support the system, but can admire and value the learning and institutions of many Chassidic groups.
Our family has financially supported the Laniado Hospital of the Sanzer Chassidim for decades becuase it is the right thing to do, not because we agree with their minhagim.

What I always find amusing about all these Wedding pictures is the lack of food. Thousands of Wedding guests and not a real meal to be seen. A few honored guests at the cloth covered tables get a piece of cake, fruit and a drin. Sorry, This is not what I consider a Seudas Mtizvah. Better to have 50 guests and serve a banquet than a thousand guests and serve next to nothing.

I guess that I may be considered old and a creature of habit.
As a youngster I learned to daven from a Shiloh Siddur. 60 years later I still remember the Shema is on page 50 and the Shmoneh Esrai starts on page 64. By the time I was 10 I was using a Tikun Meir Nusach Ashkenaz. The same as my father and grandfathers used.
My children also used the Shiloh and then the Tikun Meir as adults.
My grandchildren have been exposed to Artscroll siddurim or Tehilat HaShem in Day School. I think the Artscroll if fine to learn about the tephilot, but not what I would want to use for daily davening. I prefer something light in the hand. I also find no need for English Translations in the daily use siddur.

The CTL family still uses Kol Bo Machzorim for all the Yomin Tovim. Since we generally have a minyan on our property we are not subject to what choice/purchase has been made by the shul’s ritual committee.
The only times we use the shul’s siddurim is if one of us is davening for the amud on a yahrzeit.

As I have aged, I might have wished the font was larger in the Tikun Meir, but truthfully, those of us who daven thrice daily tend to know the tephilot and don’t really read from the siddur that much.

@Haimy
You want a rational explanation why so many girls are not finding a boy to marry>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’ll give blunt and uncensored answers that may offend the community.
My children are aged 22 to 42 and B”H all have married. My youngest 2 (girls) married within the past 18 months.

#1 our daughters are NOT buying husbands. As soon as questions as to my income and how much I am willing to settle upon the young man, provide housing and how long I’ll support the couple/grandchildren while he sits and learns and expects my daughter to earn a living while keeping house and raising children…HE IS A REJECT.
If a boy wants to sit and learn until he’s in his late 20s, then he should not be looking for a wife. It is not her family’s job to support him in his endeavors. Let his family do it.

#2 My daughters are highly educated having both seminary and college and professional degrees and licenses. This knowledge and earning power makes them threatening to the Yeshiva bochur with no ‘real world’ experience or ability to make a proper living and support wife and family.

#3 Attaining college and graduate degrees and professional licences takes time and these girls are older than the boys when they seek husbands.

#4 the social stigma against marrying a girl a few years older than the boy is nonsense and should be discouraged. My eldest brother is 3 years younger than his wife. My eldest sister is older than her husband. Both couples are married more than 50 years. My two eldest daughters are both about 2 years older than their husbands…big deal.

#5 Time to get away from the professional shidduchin with endless shidduch questions and resumes. This makes marriage harder and creates false supply and demand. Let the mothers/friends/relative network do its job. They know the young people and the families best and know who is suitable or compatible much better than a shadchan with hundreds or thousands of names.

None of our children were married through the services of a shadchan. In fact, only one was tried when a daughter was going to Australia for an extended visit. The experience was horrendous. Every boy suggested was just looking for an American meal ticket and green card.

Our eldest son’s MIL went to summer camp with my wife and the ladies have been friends for almost 55 years. They realized the children would be a good match and made it happen.

2nd son was introduced to a neighbor of first DIL.

Eldest daughter was fixed up with male cousin’s roommate at Yeshiva.
Next daughter married brother of college roommate.
Youngest daughter ended up married to cousin of SIL.
My nephew married his sister’s sem roommate.

My parents met at summer camp in the 1930s. Dad was a counselor at the boy’s camp on one side of the lake, mom was a counselor at the girl’s camp on the other side. Motzei Shabbos the camp owner hosted get togethers under supervision for the staff to meet. They were married more than 65 years. Many of their staff friends met their mates this way.

Mrs. CTL and I had many mutual friends. I was on a bad date with one. She told me that I was not suitable for her, but she had a friend who would be a good fit. Turned out to be the future Mrs. CTL.

SO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ignore the age differential. Learn to network. If you or your child has a shidduch suggestion that is not worth a second date, don’t just say goodbye, consider if one of your friends might be suitable for the rejected person.

The crisis is not real, logistical problems and artificial roadblocks can be surmounted.

It is NOT about the money.

@Joseph
Scooter Libby, who I know from growing up in New Haven is NO American hero. He is a a self-denying Jew. Calling himself ‘scooter’ to avoid his name, Irv Lewis Liebowitz Jr. in order to fit in at all the Protestant WASP boarding schools he went to: such as Eaglebrook and Phillips Andover. Many Russikes in New Haven started naming their sons Jr. to fit in with the long established German Jewish Reform community which named for fathers emulating the protestant settlers of New Haven.
Disbarred for Moral Turpitude. An embarrassment to the New Haven Jewish community

@JJ2020
I wear a cap when driving, not just a yarmulke. No problem keeping it on if the side windows are up.

@DovidBT
If it was raining I would had the expense of two vehicles going, parking,. etc. BUT it was not an issue today.
I live in reality, not theoretical when it’s time fr a case to be in court. Theoretical is for drawing contracts, not
enforcing them

Thank you Joseph
The good news is that if the 16 year is going to be in the High School division he will be in the new Durham Campus……..an extremely rural self contained location which is far from the Schmutz of an old broken down mill city>Waterbury.
Note: the CTL family has operated businesses in Waterbury since 1958, and seen its decline. It was known as a city of ‘hills, mills, and dirty necks.
This means the bochur will not have the pizza shop, bagel shop or other commercial establishments to distract him.
Rebbeim and learning is top notch at all levels of the yeshiva.
I highly recommend it for a young man who does not want to be in NYC and the family is not sending off to EY.
It passes the old lamb chop test….your children should be farther away by car than the two hours it takes for lamb chops to defrost in transit. An easy drive from the 5 boros in under 2 hours

A little organization by the shul can go a long way. Our shul has a group of high school girls who volunteer to walk a route and gather younger girls (whose mothers don’t attend) walk them to shul, supervise them during davening and hand them off to their fathers at kiddush.
A program with sign up sheet has operated for about 30 years.

#1 Costco will take it back and refund your money
#2 Divide in ziploc bags and freeze

@Avram
Our Jaguars are not considered super luxury cars in our town. Lots of Maseratis, Lambos, Bentley. Ferraris in town.
The average 17 year old at the public high school is driving a BMW 3 series or Audi A6.
Minvans are usually driven by the soccer moms who used to drive Volvo station wagons

@Klugeryid………………..
I didn’t say anything is wrong with a minivan, they are not Mrs. CTL’s style (nor mine).
We are old enough that back when we had a carload of our own children they still made full size 9 passenger station wagons. We owned one of those. I always had a Full-sized 6 passenger sedan with 8 cylinder power.

Living in the country, we did not need cars that fit into restrictive city parking spaces.
None of our children have owned minivans, they have had SUVs (with three rows of seats if needed).

@Toi
What a despicable sexist remark about women drivers.
My wife and daughters are excellent drivers.
I much prefer to have MRS. CTL drive and I can relax.

I use a card case in which I keep business cards, drivers license and 2 credit cards (business and personal) cash goes in my front pants pocket.

If I plan to go to a particular store and shop using their credit card I take it from my safe and place it in the card case for the excursion.

@DovidBT
about 10 years ago I attended a pre-Pesach shiur. The Rav stated that one could have canned chometz dog food using a separate can opener that was simply placed in a zip loc bag and not washed during Pesach, and use plastic disposable spoons and bowls. One could not use chometz canned cat food, becxause some human eat it. Instead one should buy Pesachdicke tuna for the cats.
I laugh, because if ever anyone served our kids chunk light tuna instead of solid white albacore they’d refer to it as cat food and not eat it.

@Joseph,
Did you pay attention to my remarks about the Shabbos issues of having a dog in a community that requires they be walked on leashes, never mind requiring to you pick up their leavings. Many Frum Yidden I know don’t hold by eruvim in NYC.

@Joseph

@Rebyidd23

I love my dogs, I also love chicken soup, chopped liver, and swimming in my pool.
This is NOT the same ‘love’ I have for my children and grandchildren.
However, it is a level above ‘like.’

It is nonsense to belittle someone who says they love their pets by comparing that to loving Jewish children.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Life is the country is different than in the city.
I live in a small town where everyone lives in a single family home. There are about 13,000 households and more than 13,000 licensed dogs (per our Town Clerk). Many are not licensed. We have 4 dogs. Our shul Rav has two. I don’t know any local non-senior citizen frum Yidden who do not have a dog. Many had them when they were younger and did not replace them because the senior Yidden in town tend to be snow birds and many have Florida condos that do not permit dogs.

When my parents OBM lived in NYC, prior to 1950 they did not have dogs, neither did their parents. They were not suitable to life in a six story apartment building and required walks on leashes, Shabbos being a real problem. As soon as they moved to CT and had a single family house with a fenced yard they got a dog. All one had to do was open the door and let the dog run in the yard. No leash, no Shabbos issues.
I am in my mid-60s, the only time I did not have a dog was when I spent a year in Yeshiva in Brooklyn after yeshiva high school in New Haven, and college. Mrs. CTL is of a similar age and has always had dogs.
All of our children and grandchildren have dogs, all live in single family homes.

We have 4 dogs and two cats………………
We don’t sell them for Pesach.
We don’t use commercial pet food any time of the year.

During Pesach, the dogs eat a mix of sweet potatoes and Turkey with carrots mixed in.
The cats eat bits of fish, turkey, chicken or beef, chopped up with vegetables from the soup pot.

All of them like gefilte fish, particularly Ungar’s .

@Zahavasdad
No one has to contest anything……….
If the man dies without a will and any property (house, car, bank accounts, stocks, etc.) are titled in his name then the estate must be probated in order to LEGALLY distribute the property to heirs. Then the statutory distributions may be made.

It is NOT possible to ‘contest’ an estate distributed in this manner. One can only ‘contest’ a will. One can mount a challenge in Probate/Surrogates Court to any particular heir based on testamentary evidence or challenge paternity.

@Millhouse
“The main point is that the GOP has no control over this, and is not responsible for him in any way. He is not a Republican.”

Sorry. I don’t agree.
In some states, such as my own, Connecticut, the courts have ruled that a Town Party Committee can have a member of the party stricken from their rolls if that person disavows the party’s platform, rules, beliefs, etc.
Once, stricken of party affiliation, the elector can’t run for the nomination or be on the general election ballot as the candidate of the party.

The CT Appellate Courts rued on this within the past 3 years when a Town committee instructed the Registrar of Voters to remove party affiliation from a member.

@Mod100
I’ve checked with my Rav before we set this up years ago.
He is of the opinion that what you quote from the Shulchan Aruch uses the word Etzel meaning next to or adjoining the oven. So I would not knead the dough on the couter whoch abuts the oven.

Our work tables are steps away from the oven and he paskens that if just fine. Outdoors that distance is more than sufficient to make sure the work surface is not warmed by the oven which could cause the dough to rise at an accelerated rate.

We did our baking this past Sunday. The temperature was about 34 degree Farenheit. The 4 ft distance from tables to oven door were not affected by the heat from the wood burning oven.

Thanks for your concern, but we checked it out long ago. Since our Rav not only gave his ok, but eats matzo from our oven, I’m fine with it as it stands.