☕ DaasYochid ☕

You’re way off, squeak. Ubiq is saying that the dating unevenness is causing the problem, and that addressing the age gap is wrong because it will detract from the much more important issue of uneven dating.

As to whether or not (s?)he is or isn’t contending the age gap, I really can’t figure it out; I think it changes from post to post.

Sam2, I agree it’s lacking sophistication and discernment, I was just impressed with the emunah peshutah. Except that popa’s probably right.

It reminded me of the story of the holocaust survivor who said he lost his faith when he saw someone selling (for bread) the rights to don his tefillin. Someone pointed out to him that he should have instead looked at the fact that people were willing to give up their meager crumbs to wear tefillin.

Mi k’amcho Yisroel that some people bid real money on it.

I’m still curious to know what you think is holding back certain girls from getting dates, which “silly criteria” boys have, how to possibly change their priorities in criteria, and why a different set of criteria wouldn’t simply result in a different set of girls being under-dated.

I suppose we can argue about B. forever.

I addressed C.; the way the constantly renewed influx of boys could help is if they go out with older girls. You seem to agree to this point, which is really NASI’s goal, so I don’t quite understand your point of contention.

Actually I usually see Beer and Schnapps (Hard Liquor) at the Rebbes Tishes.

How many drunk chassidim do you see?

Josh, I (mistakenly) thought you were implying that Shabbos shoes were a luxury and are not valid tzeddakah.

Jewelry is standard, especially a necklace, and especially pearls.

Josh31, why the mental gymnastics? If a poor family was given vouchers to buy Shabbos shoes, let them buy Shabbos shoes.

A. Your point about adding chairs and players is worth commenting on because it does indeed affect the equation. The problem is that more players are added than chairs. Unless the boys entering shidduchim marry girls who were already in shidduchim (IOW, older girls), it won’t help the disparity.

C. Then the others won’t get married. Different players finding seats, same number left out. I’m disappointed; I think I could have come up with something better than that.

Granted if ONLY the hearing is addressed 12 girls will still be left standing, but at least the game is fair.

I think getting more girls married is a much more worthy goal than fairness.

I think the OU has a job board.

Writersoul, you don’t know what’s the cause and what’s the effect- and that’s what I think is the problem with NASI, not so much that they’re necessarily WRONG (they may well be right for all I know) but that they think theirs is the ONLY right answer, which locks out so many other possibilities.

It doesn’t have to be the only answer. If they’re right, than aside from whatever else ails our society, the numbers issue must be addressed if the issue is to be resolved.

I’m not sure why they haven’t stressed this, but their being correct is not only based on anecdotal evidence of more single girls than boys. Even if I would have no observation of how many older singles there are and the disparity, just knowing that there’s a gap and population growth would predict such a disparity. Of course, one can argue that there’s no gap, and that we don’t typically have large families and a growing population, because there are no studies. At some point, though, it just becomes ridiculous to deny the obvious.

Aside from grammatical issues, the veracity of the whole story has been called into question.

This statistic thing just bothers me. Maybe it’s because I feel that some girls may lose hope because of it.

I understand that. It’s just that making it known and understood is a key to making closer in age marriages more acceptable, which is the hishtadlus we need to do to help solve the problem.

We should all hear lots of Mazal Tovs!

Amen!

Right, no statistics. Probably, there’s no shidduch crisis because some men marry two wives. After all, there are no statistics to prove otherwise, and no controlled studies.

I did say we have to do our hishtadlus (see one of my previous posts). But we also have bitachon and know that Hashem is the One in charge.

Okay, so would you agree, that based on the statistics, it makes sense to do hishtadlus to give an oppurtunity for all girls to get married (all the while recognizing that it’s completely up to Hashem whether or not it succeeds)?

It so happens that singles events, meals, or other ways of introductions (not shadchanim) might change the demographics, if boys would meet and want to date girls older than they (or their parents) would consider “on paper”. You’re right, though, that it would meet resistance, so NASI is encouraging the consideration of older girls, within the system which uses shadchanim.

Your first two ideas would have no effect, and just show lack of understanding of the underlying cause.

My kids said they’d prefer the Guinness on the side.

The facts are they can find dates with older guys. I and many guys I know would go out with these girls.

Then who would marry the women in your age group?

Gefen, I hope your family doesn’t run its budget that way.

It is amazing to see that in only 5 years, it has become so normal and accepted for boys and girls to be of similar age. And this is all thanks to the awareness that NASI has brought to the forefront.

I’ve noticed the same (I was just recently at a vort of a 23 year old girl whose chosson is a bit younger. The girls’ father credits NASI for helping make it more acceptable). Yes, anecdotal.

BTW, the title of this thread is “There is NO Shidduch Crisis”. That’s at best anecdotal, so the OP is guilty of his own accusation.

If this has happened to you frequently, it seems that when you arrange the interview, you should ask up front if it’s a paid position.

It’s kind of hard for me to make observations about an era in which I didn’t live, so yes, it’s guesswork, although if your only talking about 20 years ago, not 30-40, my observation is that you’re wrong about their not being more unmarried girls than boys.

A similar observation to the one you make, that you can’t get married without dates, can also be made that a certainl number of girls cannot get married if there are fewer boys in shidduchim than girls.

While a surplus of girls can certainly explain insufficient dates, the opposite cannot be said, that insufficient dates cause a surplus of girls. Your argument ia, in fact, quite irrational.

Its a statment of some sort

It’s relevant to the story; it shows which demographic he’s trying to reach. I think you’re making something out of nothing.

I guess you didn’t know what you were agreeing to (or were agreeing to semantics, not substance). Anyhow, it’s not a mathematical truism, it’s an anecdotally observed phenomenon.

Your theory is mathematically incorrect, so it simply can’t be true.

You can either accept that your observation, that the gap is the same, is incorrect, and others’ observation that it has risen is correct, or, I guess, you can (continue to?) argue that Hashem made a nes and suspended the laws of math, (as He did in Noach’s teivah), and would continue to do so if only we pooled the dates so that boys are told who to date and all girls get a fair shot. I guess on your (real?) planet, Hashem is punishing us, for not forcing everyone to date who we want them to, by suddenly following normal rules of math.