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“(so I guess my future D-I-L’s have the odds stacked against them.. oh well, with time and practice, I guess she’ll learn the ropes!)”
Recipes, please!!!!
chesedname
“do you work? have a family you take care of? if so you’re a winner in my eyes 🙂 “
Nice!
Maybe the girl should take a leaf from the woman and ask for sample of both the mother’s and the son’s writing, since the apple cannot fall so far from that tree!
The pressure cooker method saves times for SOME things. For rice, until the pressure comes up, the rice could have been done already.
I like to make basmati rice, meanwhile sautee diced onions and mushroom stems and pieces together (or even add chopped celery and walnuts), and mix it all together. Yummy. I have used that to stuff chicken cutlets, also, with an egg mixed in to hold it together better, and then rolled up and baked until the cutlet is done. Great with mushroom sauce poured over it.
L”Y, most date do not cost $750, and in fact, most SHIDDUCH dates in the Yeshivah world cost almost nothing, because they sit in a lounge and drink soda. Very few travel that great a distance without being fairly certain that it is VERY shayach.
If I were that girl, I would run as fast as I can away from that shidduch. It’s hard enough for many girls when the shviger is a normal person. This one sounds like the one who drayed me a kup for a half hour IRRELEVANTLY grilling me about a wonderful girl (her family, her extended family, her extended FAMILY’S extended family) in my community (I was a reference for her), only to tell me after mamesh wasting my time that she is not interested because she hears the girl is short, and she doesn’t want short grandchildren!
This can only happen when we allow it to. That woman should have been directed to a shrink to get her HEAD analyzed, not the girl’s handwriting!
Thank you Mod 80. I meant to say that previously.
GREAT STORY, and it underscores the idea that when you point your finger at someone, three of your fingers point back at yourself!!!
I did not win any money (I wish!!!) 🙁
But – I know someone who did, and they received a check for the amount less 10%. When they asked why the deduction, they were told the school assumed they would WANT to donate maaser to them. They did not make an issue of it though they felt it had put them on the spot, but I was indignant because they support other institutions to whom they intended to give that maaser if they were to win (spread out to four places). I just wondered if this is typical.
Poster, it is not your responsibility to see if the person you gave tzedaka to, used it or not, deposited the check, or whatever. Do you keep track of how EVERYONE spends the money you give them (and it could be cash, too)? You have an achrayus to give tzedaka, and we take that to be maaser, because of the halacha of maaser. But you cannot control what someone does after the money leaves your hands. If you think that you have to be worried about that, then ask your rov if you are not considered to have given tzedaka if you give a check and it is not cashed. If that is true, you should only give cash to people.
My son and daughter-in-law use their maaser money (besides giving regular tzedaka donations) when they go to Chinese Auctions. If they actually win something, then they take the same amount of money that the winning ticket cost them, and give it to tzedaka a second time, because they don’t feel they gave tzedaka when they won something. So if they bought a $20 ticket and put it in the box for a trip to Florida and they win the trip – they give another $20 to Tzedaka. When they actually won a cash award from the auction, they gave maaser on THAT award as well.
Now here’s a question, and I am curious as to your responses. It is a little related to this topic, but in a different vein. If you enter a contest from a Yeshivah or Shul at a Chinese Auction to win, let’s say for argument’s sake, $20,000 cash, do you think it’s ok for the institution to deduct a maaser from the amount and only pay out $18,000 to you(no small piece of change, of course)? Do you feel that they should or should not be expecting that maaser money to go back to their mossad? Should the winner be allowed to decide for himself where he prefers to give his maaser money, or should he fargin them the 10%? Is it ethical for them to deduct it in advance without asking, or is this the norm?
She may just be a later bloomer, which is no cause for concern. The point made about babies sleeping on their backs contributing to the problem in crawling, is very valid. The muscles babies need to use in order to crawl, develop when they are on their tummies. That is what “tummy time” is so crucial. The irony is that we out babies on their back to prevent (supposedly) SIDS chalilah, when 30 years ago the prevailing wisdom was that putting them on their BACKS led to SIDS. And now with the sleeping on the back all the time, babies are developing “flat-head” syndrome, where some of them need to wear special helmets to re-contour their misshapen skulls.
NY Mom’s advice was extremely sound.
edited
That may be so, liddleyiddle, but he should not be getting it from other students. It is showing them he suborns loshon hara, by actively encouraging it, and that he doesn’t have a more intelligent, productive, and proper way to get the information he needs to make a good decision (i.e. speaking to the child’s FORMER principal and teachers, not to mention the most important person – the actual child!).
You should follow the doc’s advice, but ALSO take your baby to a pediatric ENT specialist. An ear, nose and throat doc who specializes in children’s conditions, can best advise you as to whether or not she needs an operation. If you are not satisfied with what is told to you, get another opinion, but go to someone who specializes in this field with children. They will have more experience and expertise than a regular ENT.
If this were my child or granddaughter, I persoanlly would not wait the 8-12 weeks with her suffering like that. I would want to get her checked ASAP, especially when the breathing is affected to the point that the baby is snoring. All potential surgery on a baby sounds scary to us, but if it becomes necessary (and it may not be), then you look for an excellent doc and do what has to be done. I would try calling ECHO for a recommendation for a doctor. Hatzlacha rabba, may she have a refuah shelaima without the need for further intervention.
How come my post appeared twice? Was it twice as good as my other ones????
You post so much, they are multiplying by themselves.
If you take each paycheck, deduct 10% off the top, put it in a separate bank account and then use that account for all your tzedaka payments, you will be sure to always give a maaser. That doesn’t stop you, of course, from giving a little more, up to 20%, but you get the idea.
“For a date a boy spends:
Car rental: $45.-$85
Gas and tolls: $25.-$250.
Parking $35-$69
Drinks or food: $5-$150.
Clothing and cleaners: $7.-$50
Total $117-$604″
Not in MY house, they don’t!
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. “
GREAT LINE!!!!!!!
What a Pashuteh Yid says is very true. It is easy to criticize ANYONE, older singles, overweight people, parents whose kids are OTD, but unless we really know what it feels like to suffer in that way, we should not be insensitive to people’s nisyonos and speak to them in a way that ADDS to their pain. That’s a horrendous aveira.
“exorcism ”
you got the spelling right.
yeshivah kids are not reliable arbiters of what constitutes a good bochur to be accepted into a yeshivah. This is hitting an old nerve of mine, because something along these lines once happened to me before high school. I was the one asked about recommending students for getting certain grades in class, and I was very much shocked that the person who asked for my input, did so. I immediately said I was not comfortable with being put in that situation and excused myself from the conversation. It was a VERY, VERY awkward situation for me, knowing that this person was basically asking me, a student, to unethically give out the grades that I deemed “proper.” Don’t ask me how I resolved the situation – it was a private matter, and I would not disclose what I did to handle it.
Hello99, I agree with the last part of what you said. The mother of the spy should have called the other mother if she was really concerned – not reported it to the school, if there was a toeles. But the truth is, the spygirl apparently observed NO inappropriate behavior, her friend was in a very public place, dressed tziusdikly, not appearing furtive, merely bowling. She should have been dan l’chaf zechus. And I left out the part where the mom WAS in fact threatened that the daughter would be suspended for her behavior. I did not think it was necessary to mention, but I now see it was.
Lovely story, Best Bubby.
” Actions speak louder than words, so if she dresses like a BY girl and her friends all live in Lkwd and she turns down all the YU boys because they are not “frum enough”
Where from ANY of my posts, did you EVER get the idea that she and her friends are BY girls and from Lakewood??? YU boys are unfortunately now too young for her, but from RIETS they would be frum enough (at least the RIETS that I remember from 30 years ago). Modern Orthodox Machmir means just that. Modern Orthodox, but davens in a minyan
every day, wants a boy who doesn’t miss a minyan, makes time to learn (even if an hour a day in the evening), wants to grow in his hashkafa, but also is well-educated and makes a living in a chosen field. She has specified this over and over, but keeps getting shidduchim with boys who are either black hat yeshivish and still in Beis Medrash at age 28-32, or like to go clubbing and to bars. Both types are at extremes (for want of a better word) that she is not interested in. My children have never
portrayed themselves as anything other than what they are, which is to say, eidel, balabatish, frum, but also very active in the secular world. And that is what they are looking for in spouses.
Most important, if someone specifies to a shadchan that they have a deadly fear of
something tangible, the shadchan should NOT set them up with someone who wants to bring that tangible whatever into his future home. A shadchan who does that is a fool or shows very little regard for the client he is suppsoed to be helping.
” Actions speak louder than words, so if she dresses like a BY girl and her friends all live in Lkwd and she turns down all the YU boys because they are not “frum enough”
Where from ANY of my posts, did you EVER get the idea that she and her friends are BY girls and from Lakewood??? YU boys are unfortunately now too young for her, but from RIETS they would be frum enough (at least the RIETS that I remember from 30 years ago). Modern Orthodox Machmir means just that. Modern Orthodox, but davens in a minyan
every day, wants a boy who doesn’t miss a minyan, makes time to learn (even if an hour a day in the evening), wants to grow in his hashkafa, but also is well-educated and makes a living in a chosen field. She has specified this over and over, but keeps getting shidduchim with boys who are either black hat yeshivish and still in Beis Medrash at age 28-32, or like to go clubbing and to bars. Both types are at extremes (for want of a better word) that she is not interested in. My children have never
portrayed themselves as anything other than what they are, which is to say, eidel, balabatish, frum, but also very active in the secular world. And that is what they are looking for in spouses.
Most important, if someone specifies to a shadchan that they have a deadly fear of
something tangible, the shadchan should NOT set them up with someone who wants to bring that tangible whatever into his future home. A shadchan who does that is a fool or shows very little regard for the client he is suppsoed to be helping.
We are getting away from ourselves here. The simple facts are thus 1) there is a rule to have no cellphones in school 2) the principal is enforcing that rule by ensuring that the rule has been adhered to. PERIOD. It makes no difference if ANYONE went OTD here – we are talking about a RULE in school and how it is followed and how the principal follows up on it. There are no Constitutional rights of illegal search and seizure issues, here. This is a PRIVATE school. Only those who do not follow the rule need have any anxiety about being checked for “contraband.”
And it is not a case of whether the phone is good or bad for a student. Even if it is the best thing in the world (like non-Jews like to portray chazir and lobster), it is still assur to have it. Our kids are very much spoiled nowadays with all the naarishkeiten that they believe is so necessary for their existence – and that is OUR fault for giving it to them, in the first place. We got along just fine without these kuntzim, and it is time for them to do so, as well. At least while they are in school, anyway. Because THAT is the rule.
No one said they are a bunch of bums. What was said is that this is the school policy, and the principal was enforcing it. If he felt the need to do so, there must have been some students who failed to adhere to the policy. No one bothers good kids for no reason, and unfortunately because there might be one bad apple, the whole bushel gets tainted in the process. it is called collateral damage. I am certain if no one used the phone inappropriately, it would not have sent up a red flag to the principal to be checking up on the students at random. And maybe it is not random – maybe he is checking on students who have caused a problem before. If they have nothing to hide, they should not be humiliated by being asked to turn out their pockets. That is NOT the same thing at all, as being searched in the airport.
The article was good CC, but one size does not fit all. The person at the top of the maze is only good to give the rest of the folks direction, if his eyesight is good and he is seeing clearly. Not every rebbie is equipped to give good advice to every bochur (maybe the rebbie has his own tzoros in marriage), and just because one is a rebbetzin, that does not qualify her to give advice to a girl in the parsha any better than her own mother could (and her own mother at least knows her well).
On the other hand, my son’s Rebbie gave him the best advice I have heard in a while. He told him, “When it comes to dating, don’t force a relationship and don’t fight it.” That makes a great deal of seichel to me and more important, to my son.
The NY State law is that even with a median, if there is a flashing red light school bus stopped ALL traffic must stop. My friend learned this the hard way when she was ticketed for passing a school bus with red flashers, the equivalent of two small blocks across from her (traffic in either direction was divided by a median and each side of the median was the size of a three lane highway). She tried to fight the ticket only to learn that she was in the wrong.
As to the ambulance – if the persons not allowing it to pass were to discover that their loved one died in the ambulance because it could not get to the hospital in time, they would feel very sorry. We have to think of every ambulance in that way, and maybe we won’t be so thoughtless AND BREAK THE LAW.
You win some, you lose some. If the shidduch HAD worked out, that shadchan would expect a great deal more. The fact that he worked on a shidduch that did NOT work out, does not entitle him or her to compensation. Salesman seek to close a deal and can work on it very hard and the deal still ultimately falls through. If they are paid on a commission basis, they make zip. The shadchanus gelt is the commission.
in Hebrew a mouse is an achbar, I believe. i could make a case for the first syllable, “ACH” being exactly what I would think if I saw a mouse in my house. 🙂
I don’t think this post was about mossering, was it? It was about the principal being asked by students, who it was that he farhered for the next year, and telling them. While I don’t think it was probably a proper move, that is a far cry from accusing him of encouraging boys to be moser on each other.
Mom12 and mybat, both highlighted a problem, however, that I think is very serious in the Yeshivahs today. First of all, no principal should ever discuss a potential talmid with another talmid, before having met him. Children are not adults’ confidantes. He probably should not do so anyway, even if they have already met, because it can lead to loshon hara, unless there is a valid reason for the discussion. Second, no student should be spying on another one in or out of school and then reporting to the hanhalah. It is especially creepy when the spied upon student is not in school. I know someone to whom this happened. She was out bowling with her (male) cousin, a not so frum boy who was visiting from out of town. Within two hours of being seen by her friend from school, the mother of the first girl (and aunt of the boy) received a call from her daughter’s Yeshivah informing her that her daughter was seen by a classmate, out in public with a scruffy-looking boy, and they thought she needed to know. The mother calmly informed them that this was her nephew,she sent them out to the bowling alley herself, and the person who called the school (and so quickly) was guilty of L”H, and they would spend their time better in teaching their students the hilchos of rechilus, motzi shem ra, and L”H, than teaching their girls how to spy on each other.
hello99, she is not sending mixed messages, she has told me exactly what she says to them, and in fact showed me her profile on-line, to see if I thought she HAD been clear enough. I found what she posted to be very straightforward and honest. She specifies she does not want a boy who is sitting and learning, but rather, one who sets time to learn on a regular basis, and has a full-time parnassah in his chosen field for which he was secularly educated. They somehow do not believe that she is serious, apparently.
My own daughter has had a problem with both private shadchanim and frum websites that consistently redt shidduchim to her with guys who have dogs or are real outdoorsy types, when she has specified she is deathly afraid of dogs and is not Miss Nature Girl. It only shows that the shadchanim either really are not paying attention or simply do not care, because they KNOW better, and if she likes the guy it won’t matter. But it DOES matter, because guys who have dogs (and their families) do not get how someone can be so scared of them, and insist on “exposing” her to dogs “for her own good.” Now I agree it would be wonderful if my daughter could get over that fear for lots of reasons having nothing to do with shidduchim. But it is not up to a stranger to decide what is good for her. They have to respect her enough to hear what she is saying.
bombmaniac, B”H this was not some nutjob with a gun. Some people will deliberately drive well below the speed limit ahead of you, and hog the road, to elicit a reaction from you. They are spoiling for a fight. When I see someone like that, I try to get onto a different block. The confrontation is NOT worth it with someone that inconsiderate. He probably has a screw loose somewhere.
Thanks for the update, Yoshi.
Mazel Tov, HIE!!! How wonderful! Much nachas.
That’s iffy – I would say a qualified “probably not.” I can’t imagine why he would discuss it, unless they are related to each other.
haifagirl, I did not mean to imply that I think Yeshivah kids should be randomly drug tested (unless there is just cause, of course). I was using it as an example of a rule or law that is suspected of being broken, and the right of the head of the school to ensure that it does not happen again.
Bombmaniac, I hear what you are saying, also, but I strongly disagree with you. Just-a-guy said it well. When a student knows the rules and flouts them, it is demeaning to that trust and relationship you want him to have with his rebbie, and insults the rebbie. I suspect you might be quite a bit younger than I am, so perhaps that influences your approach to this subject. As an “ld lady” however, I look at years of experience watching young people of all types grow up, and they are mostly all the same. Maybe they are good kids, but they will always try to get away with something if allowed to do so. Sometimes that is not even a bad thing. But in this case, I am on the “erring on the side of caution” side of the fence.
Is it only if the child is the MOTHER’s firstborn son? What if a woman marries (a second marriage)someone who never had children, and they have a son. The child is HIS firstborn male. Does he require a pidyon (I know it is bechor peter rechem that requires it, but does that expression mean for just the FIRST husband)?
I could see the sperm donor (if non-Jewish) being a potential shailah, but the MOTHER is Jewish, so her child is, too, and all Jewish children are chayav in the same halachos.
North is gorgeous. Boating on the Kineret is awesome. I loved Natanya, Rosh Hanikrah, etc., but Yerushalayim always was my favorite place to be. I have not been able to go back for almost 40 years, but I assume the Land is as gorgeous and emotionally uplifting as ever, if not more so.
Let ’em honk!!!! The law is the law. And if you do NOT stop, pull over, and yield, you can get a moving violation. In the case of the school bus, even if you are on a DIVIDED road (think Park Avenue) and the bus is across the street but with red flashers and stop sign, you MUST legally stop. I am not certain if that holds true for the ambulance or not, but it would make sense to me that ALL vehicles need to pull over to the side until the ambulance passes, because it might need to go into the “wrong” lane, in order to miove through the traffic much faster. Whatever you do, do not let an impatient fool honking at you, convince you to break the law. The law is in place for reasons of safety.
“A very good Gentile friend said “If Hebrew is the original source of all languages, how come your people’s menus are all in Chinese?”
LOL
Waterbury has no mikvah????? That IS a surprise!
“Out of sheer ignorance, do you have a pidyon haben if a baby was concieved through IVF or other modified means?”
What a great question! I cannot see why not – – if the birth is a normal one. The torah does not talk about the way the baby was conceived, only how it exited the womb.
Rabbis?
SJS, I want to wish you a belated mazel tov – for some reason (probably a senior moment), I had not realized you had given birth already. What did you have?
Who said they were perfect? No one but Hashem is perfect. And it is not coddling a grown woman or man to refrain from hurting them by telling them how much they need to work on themselves to improve themselves. What right does anyone have to do that? That may be true for SOME adults single or not, but to imply that is why so many if not most are still single is wrong. I know a lovely young woman about to turn 29. She is pretty, has a warm and lovely personality, is a great conversationalist, witty, great cook and baker, not a size 2-4, but not fat, either,and she is set up with one inappropriate shidduch after another. One was borderline developmentally disabled. She does not have to “work” on herself and change her outlook on what she wants. She wants an ehrliche, non-Yeshivish, modern but machmir frum, down-to-earth guy, who is warm and loving, has a spirit of fun and humor as well as responsibility, and wants to raise a family in a Torah environment that also includes the secular world. I would venture a guess that many of our singles want the same thing. Instead, she meets guys who are DECIDEDLY Yeshivish (and after she spoke to one shadchan about what she is looking for, he set her up with a guy who at 32 is still in Yeshivah, with no parnassah). Please don’t tell me she needs to adjust her thinking or work on herself. She is a terrific young woman, and everyone who knows her adores her, but they just don’t know guys for her.
There may be some young people who could benefit from what you are saying, but I doubt that this is true for most of them. And it is unfair to say that it is. If they refused to go out with a dark-haired girl because they only want a blonde, or a guy who is 5’7″ because they want 6’2″, then you would be right.
So what if the principal did NOT see it, but the boy is talking on his cell or texting, or accessing the internet? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, did it fall? If no one sees us commit an aveira of any kind (Hashem sees it, though), are we still guilty? Come on. HS boys are worse than elementary, and you and I both know it. Kids will do whatever they can get away with doing. I don’t think the phone itself is intrinsically the problem. I think the problem is that a rule of a school is possibly not being followed, and the principal wants to enforce it by all emans. If there is no phone in the pocket, the boy will not be caught. WOuld you feel the same way if it were random drug testing?
I hear good things about Waterbury, but don’t know about the clothing aspect.
Like everything else, these singles represent a sampling of older singles. I guess we can never really get an accurate picture without speaking to every older unmarried person. Bottom line, may Hashem bring all single people of whatever age, together with their basherter, ASAP, so they can get on with the mitzvah of building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.
Personally, I loved going to the pidyonim that I was privileged to attend. People came from all over the Tri-State area and even E”Y, and virtually everyone I spoke to told me it was their first time, ever. (And yes, there is definitely something in our water!) 🙂 Anecdotal or not, it is still interesting to me.
It is not a violation of a student’s rights, and if the principal is doing this, clearly there is a reason for it. If some boys did not abuse the privilege (NOT the right) of having a cell phone, there would be no need for this type of reaction. If the principal is merely exercising his authority to the point where it is abusive, then the parent body need to meet with him to discuss the problem. But he still sits in the driver’s seat. If the students don’t like it, they should not bring phones to school,or they should find another school more to their liking (good luck with that). It is precisely the teenagers in high school who cause problems. Generally, third graders are still more obedient to authority.
Wolf, you don’t think that 10% is a rarity? All I know is I live in a community where lots and lots of first babies are being born, and almost never heard of a pidyon being done.
Anuran, thanks, but I am exhausted after reading your post – I would never have the stamina for further discussion. My Rov is a retired teacher and published author, with an expertise in Hebrew grammar, as I said earlier, and studied linguistics as it relates to the Hebrew Language. I remind you again, he did not write the book, he SPOKE about it in a lecture on cognates and Hebrew. I can appreciate your comments, but I guess we will agree to disagree.