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I saw it when it first came out and was delighted and uplifted by it. The main characters are a real-life Baal Teshuvah married couple. they used to be film stars and came back to Yiddishkeit. Their story is somewhat seen here in the movie. It is a tremendous testament to the power of bitachon, and of believing in the idea that gam zu l’tova. The characters were totally engaging, and I feel this movie appealed to a broad spectrum of audience members, not just to Orthodox Jews. there were non-Jews in our audience and they loved it.
Now don’t attack me about my above posts, these are WORDS OF CHACHAMIM and NOT my own. I didn’t say them. I am pointing out how some of the Rabonim, past and present, feel about this issue.”
Did you feel attacked? I am sorry about that, it was not my intent. I do not believe in attacking, nor do I believe that respectful disagreement is unreasonable. Not all rabbonim agree with each other and eilu v’eilu divrei Elokim chayim.
I like pina coladas, though only rarely at a simcha. You need cream of coconut, rum, and pineapple juice to make it. The recipe probably would be on the cream of coconut can.
The wigmakers are makpid now to use European hair wigs, so as to preclude any question of avoda zora. As to Mazal’s assertions, Mazal, by all means do not wear a wig. The Rabbonim you mention had their hashkafa, and other Rabbonim have a different one. There is a machlokess, and one does not pasken something for klal Yisroel that most people will not do. It is a machlokess because different men come from different backgrounds and mindsets, and there are as many choshuveh Rabbonim whose opinions differ from those whom you quoted. You are getting a little excited about this subject,and clearly it is an issue that is very important to you. Not all people are of your opinion, though I certainly respect your wishes to follow what you believe to be true, and to follow any gadol who resonates with you. My rov has no problem whatsoever with us wearing sheitlach. His rebbetzin wears one, and no one would mistake any of us for unmarried.
Nobody, you are NOT a nobody. You made a few really good points. we happen to live in very judgmental times right now. Half the population is (whether they will admit it or not) always judging the other. It is a two-way street, many Chareidim tend to think that those who do not follow their complete derech are OFF the derech – that they alone hold the keys to Olam Haba. The non-frum among us tend to likewise judge those who choose a very machmir lifestyle, as being old-fashioend or out of touch with the needs of modern times. Both sides err. There is a shvil hazahav, where people can follow the Torah, but live in today’s world. We can learn to live and let live and always try to be mekareiv instead of marchik other Jews. With the kind of divisiveness and exclusionary lifestyle that is rampant today, it is a bigger challenege than it ever was. There is a mindset that needs to change on both sides.
I see women all the time who have a great deal of difficulty with going to the Mikveh, much less covering their hair. Since none of us has ever been privy to HaShem’s intent about hair covering in maried women i.e. precisely WHY it is required and HOW it is required to be accomplished, but we merely SURMISE what those reasons may be, it would be a really good thing if people would be happy to see the mitzvah being fulfilled in ANY manner. Again, to take it away from this hot-button issue, if someone has never been kosher and is starting to keep kosher, would you criticize him for eating something that is clearly kosher, though perhaps not from the hechsher that YOU might use yourself? If you have diabetes and eating pastries can kill you, should the bakeshops be required to leave their most beautiful cakes and pies out of sight or design them less attractively, lest you walk by and cannot control yourself? The answer is – learn to control yourself. All of Torah is about learning self-control. Whether it is Kashrus, not stealing, not behaving illicitly, keeping Shabbos, even the halacha of not hating someone in our hearts for having wronged us, all of the laws teach us something about controlling our yetzer hara. We cannot simply do whatever we want. Nike is wrong – we should not “just do it.”
Women do need to be modest in their behavior, dress, demeanor, but some would argue what exactly constitutes “modest” behavior. Would anyone argue that Devora Hanevia was immodest for leading the Jewish army against Siserah? If a frum woman or ANY Jewish woman were to do that today, all the rabbonim would come out in protest. Yet, somehow, it was not looked upon as a bad thing in Sefer Shoftim. In fact, Yael, the real heroine of that story, who actually did some things that would be looked askance by frum standards (Yichud with Siserah, flirting with him in order to get his guard down, getting him drunk in order to kill him), did so in order to save Am Yisrael, as did Esther Hamalkah after her, and Yehudis during the time of the maccabees. None of these women were traditional in their behavior, but none of them would be thought of as untzniusdig.
Sorry to get on a soap box today – I apparently have way too much time on my hands this morning, and these are issues that really get my attention.
“oomis, I really wish I could say that this was on simchas Torah…
No, this was just 2 weeks ago Parshas Noach…
I do not usually get to shul for Torah reading, but had the “merit” to hear this for myself”
Interesting – I wonder what reason the man could have to be called up that way. Obviously, there must be a purpose of some kind, because a gabbai would not do something like that just stam azoy, I would think. Maybe the man is known so specifically by that name that it is halachically considered as his full name…? I remember I had a friend who was known to us by one name. It was not until she became a kallah that we all learned that in fact her real name was something totally different (and very unusual, as well as not so pretty-sounding). When her kesuvah was written and read aloud at the chuppah, her name was written as Hakallah “Name that we knew her by and the actual name she was given at birth.” The rov had paskened that she had to have a kesuvah with all the jewish names that applied to her, ebcause she was known to all by the first name, yet her real name was the birth name.
do you live in Passaic??
Nope – – what’s the deal with Passaic? I have Mishpacha near Lakewood, though.
No, it is not.
If a woman is wearing shocking pink or lime green, I am pretty sure people will notice that, too.
A 12 year old is not eating for the sake of nutrition. FTR, there are very few cereals as far as I know that have no sugar. They include Shredded Wheat, Puffed Wheat, and Puffed Rice. As far as I know all others have sugar in them. Cheerios is only LOW in sugar, though very nutritious.
I am not so into letting a child not eat his regular prepared dinner, but I would provide a variety of healthy choices. And even if he could help with the cooking, though many kids incluiding boys enjoy that, the family can sit down on Sunday evening and make a menu plan for the week together. Occasional sugary treats can be sprinkled in among the “good” stuff.
Daas Torah is for halachic issues, or hashkafic issues. I do not need a rov ‘s permission or even opinion, as to whether or not I should get a passport. If I planned to make Aliyah, I might discuss that with my rov, as he lived in E”Y for a while.
Why do some frum people feel the need to always ask a rov about every little thing they need to decide for themselves? This is not something that requires a p’sak halacha.
Mariner, I totally did not “get” your post. What did I say with which you disagreed so strongly? Maybe I am misreading you…
I meant to add oen more thing. I happen to be very fond of my machetonim, who are very fine, ehrlich and chessed-filled people. BUT…. when I first spoke about our kids (who met on their own and were dating) to my future machtenista, a woman who had first met me 15 years prior, and with whom I had a very pleasant budding friendship, which had petered out for no special reason, she smiled to me and informed me that she was so happy the kids were dating. THEN she casually mentioned, that as soon as she realized her son was dating my daughter, she had us “checked out and B”H all was well.” WHAAAAT????? She knew me for years as our sons attended the same schoo and we had worked together on projects and spent a great deal of time together. She knew what type of family I had, she had met all of us at school events, and we always got along very well. Exactly what was she checking out?
I know that some among you will have an answer for that, but the fact is that I can honestly say that I did not check HER out, as I trusted my own instincts that she is a good person. And she is. I did not require validation from some stranger who is a friend of hers, for that which my own eyes, heart, and brain could discern. And what are friends of a family GOING to say – something BAD??????
Sometimes we go too far, in my opinion in trying to dig up dirt. My frined’s son is a doll and happily married now. But when someone called one of the “references” about him and asked about his middos, etc. and was told truthfully that he is outstanding in every way, that was not good enough for the person making the inquiry. She asked the reference, ” Yes, but if you had to find SOMETHING negative to say about him, what would it be?” Please!!!!!!! That is not a shidduch inquiry, that is someone looking to hear loshon hara.
“Her brother eisav”
I know you meant to say Lavan. Esav was Rivka’s son and Yaakov’s twin brother.
Your post was otherwise totally on the mark. Nowadays, we would turn Moshe Rabeinu away, because he dresses like a hippie, is a sheep herder, and speaks with a lisp. Moreover, he was brought up by non-Jews and beat someone to death.
I think we have all gone off the deep end, and THAT is why our kids are not getting married.
To me there are only a few real red flags. How does the father treat the mother and vice versa? How do they treat their children? Do people in their community have MANY positive things to say about them or are they keep-to-themselves types? How does the young man or woman in question act towards wait staff in a restaurant, or to tradespeople, store clerks,etc? How do they act around little children? These are important questions to seek out the answers – not which summer camp they went to, or whether or not a seminary was too “modern.”
But let me ask you something- Have you ever met a modern person that does NOT think THEY are superior? I have yet to meet that modern person who accepts chassidishe pple. They all think Yeshivishe pple are absurd, narrowminded, withdrawn pple and that is very far form the truth. How about looking at it that way.
Good question – you ARE a smartcookie!!! The answer is, YES. My husband is a baal teshuvah, as I have stated once or twice before. He has always been in AWE of people who are frummer than he, and that still holds true today, though he has been disillusioned on too many occasions by some of those people. By Yeshivish standards, though I cover my hair at all times, I would probably be viewed as “modern,” whatever that truly means. I do not think ANY Yeshivish people are absurd, but I absolutely do find so many of them to be narrow-minded, and somewhat withdrawn. I make a point of saying good Shabbos to every woman I pass on the street. Some respond (as is proper), but most don’t even look me in the eye. I would call that withdrawn, unless you want to call it by its proper name – RUDE. Being tzniusdig or frum, does not mean one should be ill-mannered. The behavior described in the pharmacy, was very typical of what I have witnessed. I suspect that same man would be just as rude and loudmouthed were he NOT a frum-looking guy. But the sad fact is that his appearance defines him to others and it is a great chilul Ha-Shem. By the way, I do not feel I am superior, but I am well-mannered (most of the time), considerate of others, and try to be warm and friendly when I see a new face in shul. You may call that superior if you choose. Truthfully, I think it is a notch above the person who does not display such attributes bein adam l’chavero.
Smartcookie, while you make some good points, I have to say that in my experience, it is the majority, not merely “some” of Yeshivish people who think in terms of black and white. Only a handful truly see shades of grey. Many of those who see things b & w have tried to convince themselves that they are open-minded and tolerant. But they are only fooling themselves. When push comes to shove, they believe their way is superior, and do NOT accept others who hold differently. That is not to say that they would not be friendly in a superficial way, but they are not really inclusionary. It is only the very rare person in those circles, who actively seeks to befriend and socialize with someone who is different from himself. There are many very lovely, kind Yeshivishe people, but they still keep to their “own kind” for the most part. And that is how our youth become alienated and disenfranchised.
I find it very interesting, Gitty, that you are posting on this site altogether (friend/informant who recognized your mother’s posts, notwithstanding). Clearly you feel a connection of some kind to the Orthodox world. Otherwise, all you need to do to express yourself, is to pick up the phone and call your mother, who sounds very loving and supportive. Why should you feel the need to explain your situation to any of us? We are all virtual strangers. I believe that deep down inside, you are still not so happy as you claim, in spite of your protests to the contrary.
If all you felt from Shabbos was that you needed to sit in your room and wait for it to be over,then clearly something was lacking in your Shabbos experience. That is not meant to imply any criticism of your family, by the way. I know many teens who feel that way. The idea is to get involved in activities that give purpose to your Shabbos, where you may not yet have felt any. My son, for example (who admittedly has never been off the derech), spends many Shabbosim volunteering at Yachad Shabbatons, or HASC, or Bais Ezra. He spends a meaningful Shabbos , doing something that matters, enhances his Shabbos, as well as the Shabbos of kids who don’t always get to experience Oneg Shabbos, has made friends with tons of wonderful, normal, religious young men and women, who all have the same goal as he in helping others, and has so much fun doing so. It sounds to me as though you missed the boat in finding that kind of meaning during your teen years. I don’t say that you are not happy. But neither do I believe that your new lifestyle will bring you great happiness over the long haul. It never makes us truly and totally happy when we achieve that at the expense of the happiness of those who love us. Just my opinion, and observation over the years.
I haven’t read every single post on this topic, so if I am being repetitious, I apologize in advance. While it’s true that Man was created to be vegetarian, the Dor Hamabul altered that state and HaShem permitted us to eat meat (probably because it was due to Noach’s care that they survived the flood), and that permission comes with specific restrictions (only KOSHER meat from non-carnivorous animals, no mixing of meat and milk, etc).
AS frum Jews we accept the concept that Ha-Shem would never give us a mitzvah that would cause harm to us. The Mitzvah of Korban Pesach is VERY specific as a chiyuv to all Jews, who must eat of it and finish the meat before the morning. If we were really supposed to remain vegetarian, Ha-Shem would have made a proviso for that. It is not a suggestion that we eat this meat – it is law. Liekwise there are many korbonos that are mitzvahs to be eaten in a certain place (i.e. Yerushalayim), or for a specific reason, or by a specific person (the kohein or levi). Do vegetarians honestly believe that Ha-Shem meant everyone to follow these mitzvos except for them? We were also created to live forever, but Adam HaRishon and Chava caused us to lose that privilege. We were created to live our lives in Gan Eden, but that too was taken away. Just because Man was created a certain way, does not mean that his own actions could not cause Ha-Shem to modify the original plan.
I am in agreement with the measurement and the fact that oil (especially canola or olive) are better for us than margarine. BUT…… certain recipes cannot use oil and margarine interchangeably, so if it is a baked good, like a cookie or pie, you may be altering the texture, or it may not come out right. If you are using it to saute something, or just add a little fat to, say, a rice dish, then the oil will do fine. For the amount of margarine in a given recipe, sometimes it is worth just eating the darn cookie, transfat and all. Occasional transfats, like occasional indulging in anything, probably will not hurt you. It’s the chronic abuse by eating transfats all the time, that clog our arteries.
If not for shidduchim then for Hashem Yisborach
who says in the Torah “Ushmarted Me’od L’nafshoseichem”.
Then I assume that ALL the Yeshivah bochurim AND their rebbeim are also no longer smoking, are not sitting hunched over their Gemarahs for long periods of time (because it is VERY bad for both the circulation and the spine), and are exercising regularly so THEY do not become overweight due to their sedentary lifestyle. Also, re: looking attractive for their spouses, presumably they are also using Rogaine, so as not to go bald and thus be less attractive to their wives. Are they bathing regularly, and making sure their beards are not unkempt, that their shirts are tucked into their pants, and that they use deodorant regularly and brush their teeth?
EVERYONE needs to look out for their health, but not being a size two has nothing to do with health and has EVERYTHING to do with extreme shallowness and a non-Torahdig way of looking at one’s priorities of life.
Apropos of shared birthdays (and just because I would like to dim some of the acrimony here buy changing the subject for a minute), my oldest son was born on my mother-in-law’s birthday, my daughter was born on my mom’s birthday, my next daughter was born on my son’s and mother-in-law’s b-day, I went into labor with my next daughter on my older daughter’s and mom’s b-day (but missed the date by less than an hour, though in the USA time zone where my brother was when we called to tell him the news, he was still on the previous day’s date…), and then when my youngest son was born, though he shared no date with either his brother or three sisters, his bar-mitzvah parsha nevertheless came out that year to be the same as that of his oldest brother. BTW, my only sister and my husband’s only sister share a birthdate, and my husband’s sister and her husband were married on my birthday. And even though in the great scheme of things NONE of what I just posted is terribly important to anyone other than my family, I just thought this was more innocuous than talking about Hitler OR Ann Coulter.
Shindy, thanks for the kind wishes for my girls. AMEIN. For the psoter who feels it fell apart when being sliced, it might help to FREEZE it first, then slice the frozen pie. Let it thaw and serve it. It IS very soft, but freezing gives it the firmness needed for slicing. Making a bottom layer helps, and I always use Crisco for the fat in this kugel/pie
Times have changed, we live in a very dangerous world (even in heilegeh Monsey), and there is no such thing as SAFELY leaving a young child alone. If G-d forbid a fire broke out, guaranteed if the child survived, he would be removed from the home and the parents would be the subject of every news report.
Would you mind posting the recipe for the black and white rolled meatloaf? We have the other cooking blog from YWN, but nothing new has been posted in days.
G’MAR CHASIMA TOVA TO ALL!
The parents in question had a really horrible experience keeping CPS at bay. They had to rpove they were not unfir parents. Maybe it’s because the burglar alarm went off (thus, the cops had EVERY right to enter the house). In any case, I personally babysat when I was 11 years old. I would never leave an 11 year old babysitting while SLEEPING, though, and I would never leave ANY child alone in the house sleeping, while I went off jopgging, walking, or to daven. The trend among some really UNBELIEVABLY foolish parents to leave the house with a baby monitor on, while (presumably) some other person is within earshot (and lots of young couples in apartment buildings or bungalow have done this), is beyond belief. And judgmental or not (and yes,when it comes to child safety, I am extremely judgmental), this is poor parenting at best, and outright sakana, at worst.
I think that kids’-minyanim is a great way to get the children excited about going to shul, in a way that does not cause problems for the adults.
“If that person were your sister or brother, would you still feel the same way? I am telling myself this same mussar as well! “
Sorry, but my parents taught my sister and brothers the same thing they taught me, i.e., to show kovod for Ha-Shem and other mispallelim in Shul and not to talk. I am sorry you feel I am being judgmental, rather than saying that Ha-Shem is the one judging that behavior. Personally, I would like to see people getting judged favorably because they have derech eretz. If more people would think about their actions and the impact of those actions on others in shul and out of shul, perhaps Moshiach would be here already. Believe me, I know I have a great deal to work on regarding my own middos and actions, but talking in Shul is not one of those things, and it is SUCH A SIMPLE THING TO CORRECT.
NO ONE should EVER leave a child who is sleeping alone in the house. By the way,mariner, I know someone in my neighborhood who left her responsible 12 year old babysitting at home, while she an her husband went bowling. Unfortunately, the burglar alarm went off unexpectedly (a loose wire or something), and the daughter did not know the code word for Central Station, so the police showed up. It was a whole mess, and Child Protection Services was called, and the parents had a whole gedilla to rectify the situation. CPS wanted to take the kids out of the home. TWELVE YEARS OLD, in NY. The police said the law is that the sitter must be at least 16 years of age.
Leaving a 10 year old alone is not IMO a criminal act, but it is extremely unwise, especially when the child is sleeping. What if there were an emergency, a fire, chalilah, whatever – what difference would it make that the child has a cell phone? I am with Mommish who suggested she invest in a treadmill. Is it worth risking losing one’s children to CPS and being charged with neglect?
Done. May he have a refuah shelaima b’soch sh’or cholei Yisroel.
Da lifnei mi ata omeid…. ABSOLUTELY. I am noheig not to speak at all during davening, for that reason. I feel it is a slap in Ha-Shem’s face kivyachol, to carry on a conversation with someone while davening. I see that a lot in Shul, too. It’s no wonder the children of these moms and dads are not behaving in shul. Look at their role models.
“If someone is greatly disturbed by children not behaving in shul, perhaps they can go to a hashkoma minyan so they can concentrate on their tefillos.
This past purim, I was surprised that many mothers brought babies and newborns because the shul had a party to break the fast and have music afterwards. I asked one mother if she was concerned that she might not hear the megillah if her child makes noises or cries and she shrugged and said I don’t really care, what I hear, I hear. I was very miserable during laining because the kids did make noise. I also never brought little ones to laining until they could be quiet, but it seems like today it is a different generation. The end of this is that I decided that next year I will attend a different kriyah for megillah where I can be sure I can be yoetzai the mitzvah. “
I copied your entire post because it struck so many chords in me. It would not help me to daven in Hashkama, because in my Shul no women daven then. Some men go home so their wives can go to shul at the regular time. Very commendable of them. Others daven early and then go learn. Their wives bring ther small kisd to shul and let them run amok. For Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur we have only the one minyan, no Hashkama. We pay several fine (non-Jewish)women who work in pre-schools, to watch the children during the davening both days of R”H, for Kol Nidre, and all day Yom Kippur. Several women refuse to avail themselves of this free (to them) service, and their kids come in and out all day, and on Y”K it is especially annoying because they rbing food into the main shul and ezras nashim. One woman in particular brought her five children, including an infant, and the little ones were crawling under my seat, as she stood by and beamed. I couldn’t speak, it was during Shemonah Esrai, but I guarantee you my davening was worth nothing, because ALL I could think about was “be quiet, already, and get your kids out of here!” That is not how I want to approach Ha-Shem. This is NOT chinuch, all it does is teach the kids that they can do what they want and mommy and daddy will smile with pride. One mother,who had the grace to look embarrassed, actually said to me after Shul, “I couldn’t do anything, I was in the middle of davening.” DUH…..!September 25, 2008 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm in reply to: Is it the correct thing to have takanos for weddings? #623119
” I don’t believe that they’re attempting to impose their criteria on anyone.”
But is that not precisely what they are doing? If a rov whom you respect says he won’t come to your simcha unless you do x,y, and z, what does that mean to you? Sometimes that kind of measure, though drastic, is necessary for the greater good,but it still is somewhat intimidating, would you not agree?
1) I use money, because the thought of picking up a chicken and twirling it around my head, makes me queasy. I also cannot stand the idea that the chicken is getting shechted specifically because of me. (I know, that sounds really dumb).
2)Why would someone make fun of anyone who does not eat gebrochts? Personally, I do eat them, but I totally respect my friends who don’t, and when they come to eat by me on Pesach, there are no gebrochts on my table. I may not agree with someone’s particular minhag, nor they with mine, but we can respect each other’s avodas Ha-Shem.
What about (for next year obviously) making arrangements to go to a Madreigos, Heritage, or similar Kiruv type Yomim Noraim experience? My daughter and son-in-law are going to one, because my son-in-law is very involved in this type of work. The idea is bedavka to make the davening resonate more strongly with the people who attend the program.
Not only can the person be arrested, but they can lose custody of their kids, and CPS can take the children away. All it takes is one phone call from someone who sees the children unsupervised. The moms have no idea how serious this can be. I know someone who had a lot of trouble because they went out bowling, and left their 12 year old daughter babysitting. The burglar alarm went off for some reason, and the cops came and decided the children were left unsafely. IMO that was an extreme reaction, and having babysat at age 11, myself, I don’t think that CPS should have been called, but kal v’chomer when two little babies are left alone, this is so much worse. There is NO shopping that is so important that a mother or father have a right to do this.
I also like what Smalltowngirl said. It shows compassion and love. BUT….
This is a particular hot-button issue with me. I really get upset by parents who shuckel away, oblivious to the fact that their little Soraleh or Dovid’l is disruptive to the rest of the people who are trying to daven. Too many people think of Shul as a babysitting service (i.e. moms who send the little ones with the father, so they can get some much-needed rest). One cannot do a mitzvah such as davening, on the backs of other mispallelim. I never brought or sent my children to Shul to sit there without zitzfleish and be disruptive. I took them to Hakafos, and when they were old enough, to the Megillah Leining. Then I brought them to Shul for short periods of time to acclimate to being in Shul, until they were old enough to actually daven. My neighbor either blew shofar for me, or I went to a specially-arranged shofar blowing after the davening, when my husband could watch the small children who were not old enough to be quiet during the shofar blowing. It seems so obvious to me, that this is what young women should be doing nowadays. Understandably they feel confined to the house and they want to get out, so they go to shul. But on whose cheshbon? What mitzvah are they getting? More important, what aveira might they be getting for preventing other people from davening? Some children are too young, too immature, and too antsy to be “shown the beauty of davening” until they are much older. And that is not a crime. They are, after all, little kids.
I believe that the test of Rosh Hashana is not how tolerant we are of other people’s wrong behavior, but of trying to make this world a better place. Maybe the FATHER of the child was the one being tested, to see if he would use the opportunity to teach his child derech eretz in front of the Aron Kodesh. It is so amusing and a little sad to me, that when someone is clearly in the wrong, it is always the OTHER guy who is supposed to be changing HIS behavior and reactions. And noch di tzee, he is further accused of failing to pass the nisayon! Put the responsibility squarely where it belongs, on the errant father and his ill-behaved child. If the child is too young to understand and behave, he is too young to be in shul,and that is NOT his fault, it is his parents’ faults.
The first thing to help with kavannah is to make absolutely sure that NO LITTLE KIDS come in and out of the shul. Too many mothers who felt “deprived” of davening all during the years when their babies were being born, seem to forget that they have no chiyuv to daven in Shul specifically BECAUSE of those children. I cannot tell you how hard it is for me to concentrate when thoughtless parents (read: moms, in this particular instance) allow their kids to come in and out of the ezras nashim, talking, whining, doing what normal little kids do,w ehn they are bored. Event hough our shul has provided FREE babysitting for those children, the moms do not ensure that the kids are staying with the sitters. Ok, enough of my ranting. Now for practical suggestions:
I always focus on thoughts of my family, my parents O”H, my siblings, and most especially, my children and grandchildren. THAT helps me focus on ym davening, because when I daven for my family, I really connect with what I am saying. It becomes even more choshuv to me. It’s not that I am davening for this request or that one. It is that simply reflecting on the many brachos in my life given to me by Ha-Shem, which I am reminded of when I think of my family, helps me to concentrate on the tefila and feel even more humbled and grateful.September 25, 2008 2:41 am at 2:41 am in reply to: Sharing The Good News With The Potential Grandparents & Family #846959
I waited until my first trimester was safely over to tell first my parents and in-laws, and then the siblings, with my first child. The second time around, I told my parents when I was two months along, and then on Chanukah a couple of days later, told my in-laws, which turned out to be a terrible mistake, because I literally began to miscarry the pregnancy five minutes after we told them the news. Had I waited, I could have spared at least THEM the anguish of our loss. they were much older than my parents, and took it harder. When I became pregnant again, I told NO one until I again had safely passed my first trimester. B”H I never had another problem with my five children, kinehora. I believe grandparents should be told first, followed by siblings, then other family and friends.
All these guys who are turning down shidduchim with girls who are larger than a size 2/4, often end up out of shape and a little chubby themselves. Plus they might find their hair thinning or go bald altogether. Are they such pictures of perfection themselves that they should be having such an attitude about women’s weight? People who love each other and want to truly build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel, should look beyond externals. yes, there definitely needs to be an attraction, but perhaps it is time for us as a people to re-define what “the rules” dictate as being attractive and teach our kids to be less superficial and look for other more substantive qualities that attract them to someone.
First of all, refuah shelaima. I have just a touch of arthritis and I am not a younger person, and it can be really painful. I will assume you have been to a rheumatologist and endocrinologist to rule out such auto-immune disorders as Lupus, Thyroiditis (Hashimoto’s Disease), and other muscular-skeletal diosorders,as well. If not, make an appointment ASAP. because AI diseases can cause painful joints and swelling. Good luck in getting a handle on this, I am sure you are in discomfort much of the time. Do drugs such as Ibuprofen help?
I am more a lemon-meringue pie and cheesecake kind of person. But For the Yomim Noraim through Simchas Torah, we have GOT to have lots and lots of really good homemade honey cake, much of which never makes it to the yom tov tisch.
That was it exactly,Sarah. Have a good Shabbos.
Sara, you also mean well, but one may accept or not accept any and all peirushim. I did not agree that what Rashi was actually conveying was that Avraham Avinu first noticed after decades of marriage that his wife was a beauty. That is not the same as saying I think Rashi was mistaken, though being human, that is always a possibility. As I stated previously Ramban and Rashi are often at odds, and they cannot both be right if they have opposing viewpoints. yes, we do learn both viewpoints, and one may resonate (to use
your own word) with us more strongly than another. That does not make us wrong for feeling that way. It happens that the idea that I expressed did in fact come from my chumash classes during my yeshivah educational years. I had a rov who even asked the class that very question on the Rashi cited. We agreed that our own understanding of the Rashi could be structured in a less literal way. He explained to us that Avraham Avinu was not merely concerned with the physical aspects of life, but that his spirituality superceded it, and it was only when he realized that there are others who would not look at his wife with spiritual admiration, but rather only raw physical lust, that he needed to take precautions.
Thank you for your comments. Have a gebensched and healthy new year.
Thank you Mariner. You are correct, and Devorah misunderstood what I posted, because she did not really read what I wrote. She read what she THOUGHT I wrote, and it is for this reason many Jews have machlokess with each other. Right away she called me out for my “chutzpah” without first ascertaining if she understood me correctly. There are shivim panim LaTorah, and each word, each letter, can teach us something important. Ramban OFTEN totally contradicts what we understand Rashi to be saying. Would Devora say he is full of chutzpah, too? I LOVE learning Chumash with Rashi. He was a brilliant, insightful tzaddik,without whose sage peirushim, we would never have the comprehension of Torah that we enjoy today.However, there are different ways of understanding not only a pasuk in the Torah, but also the meforshim on that pasuk. I stand by my first statement – I think that Avraham Avinu was really being forced to confront the fact that not only did he find his wife beautiful (something that was taken for granted by him because his love for her was based on way more than physical appearance), but the danger was that his enemies might take notice of her, as well, something he had never before had to consider. The potential danger opened his eyes to something that he took as a given.
To take this idea away from the Avos and Emahos, how many of us really notice the beauty of nature around us? We take beautiful sunsets for granted, the spring flowers, or autumn leaves, and maybe we only really notice it when someone razes the forest and the fields in order to make room for the building of condominiums and malls. Ok, the analogy is not 100% complete, because the real estate developer is not caring about the beauty he is about to destroy, but it often takes the actions of another, to make us aware of things that we take for granted.
Devora, I assure you I meant no disrespect to Rashi whatsoever. I do not agree with the interpretation of that particular Rashi, that would have us believe that Avraham did not notice his wife was a beautiful woman. Ha-Shem created us to recognize beauty and appreciate it.
Make a salad and throw in a can of chick peas and cubed smoked turkey. It makes a meal.
Also, it might help to soak the dried chick peas overnight before cooking them.
“Marrying a non-Jew is one of the most cardinal sins a Jew can commit”
Tell THAT to Esther HaMalkah. (I am being facetious, so don’t bombard me with a response). There are three cardinal sins that a Jew should NEVER commit 1) Avoda Zara
2) Shfichus dam and 3) giluy arayos.
A Jew should not marry a non-Jew, but sometimes it happens, chalilah. The idea is to try and keep the lines of communication open. People divorce their spouses, they do teshuva, they change their minds. If they don’t and if the wife is the Jewish partner, all their children are ALSO Jews. Are you prepared to treat a Jewish child as the product of a cardinal sin because his father is a non-Jew? If the husband however is the Jew, there is a greater problem, obviously. But it is not so simple in this day and age to dismissively say “all contact must be broken off,” and “sit shiva for them.” It is unrealistic to think that a Jewish mother in this day and age could easily do that regarding her child. Better to examine what is lacking in our frum society, to cause a Jewish child to seek out non-Jews for socializing purposes.
How can black be because of the churban? NON-Jews wear black as a sign of mourning. Jews do not have a mourning color.
honey mustard sauce (equal parts mixed together and brushed on the chicken liberally). Bake at 350 until done. Lemon chicken is also good.
With all due respect to Rashi, without whom we could never learn Torah properly,the fact that HE infers from Avraham’s words that he never before noticed that Sora was beautiful, does not mean that a) Avraham never noitced his wife was beautiful or even b) that we have to take that interpretation literally. Avraham could have meant any NUMBER of things by that statement, one idea being that he had taken her beauty so for granted (as SO MANY HUSBANDS often do), that it was not until he looked at her through the eyes of strangers, that he realized just HOW beautiful she was. Or he might have meant that looking at her objectively, he realized that there is a potential problem when deaaling with a corrupt society which objectifies its women. which could result in danger to him. I do not really feel that it is likely that Avraham Avinu never looked at his wife. Ha-Shem did not create us to be like that. We are supposed to enjoy the beauty of this world, that HE created, not abstain from it. The mitzvos are meant to enhance our pleasure of this world, while reminding us that the Borei Olam also wants us to follow His Torah. But we say V’chai Bahem, when referring to those mitzvos. There are entire brachos that we are supposed to say when we see the beauty of this world, a great ocean, a beautiful scene of nature… Tzniusdig behavior is meant to prevent us from abusing that pleasure, not to refrain from it altogether. Those who do that are called ascetics, and that is not a compliments to them. Remember the nazir may be holy, but it is because he is incapable of controlling himself that he has to become a nazir in the first place.