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BTW, if one has such a problem, in terms of Gebrochts/non-gebrochts, perhaps that young COUPLE should invite those parents to THEIR home for Pesach. Problem solved. And it is only an issue if the HUSBAND’S parents only eat non-gebrochts, because a wife takes on her husband’s family minhagim.
My son-in-law only eats shmurah matzah the whole Pesach. We only eat it for the sedarim. When they come to us for yom tov, whether first or last days, I prepare all their meals with Shmurah farfel and matzah meal in those side dishs that I normally make with regular matzah. It is NOT a problem for my keilim, according to my Rov. We asked the shailah. I cannot believe that it would be different for gebrochts/non-gebrochts, but that’s why we have to ask Daas Torah our Shailahs.
According to my Rov, who discussed this with us extensively in a special pre-Pesach shiur, Ashkenazim who eat in Sephardic homes absolutely MAY eat off the keilim that had contained Kitniyos. They just may not eat the actual kitniyos. Kitniyos as an issur, is an Ashkenazic minhag that has become universally accepted by Jews of that descent, but it is NOT chometz, nor should the keilim be considered as assur.
I know it from friends who ARE frum, but their son became UBER-Yeshivish, for want of a better expression (really way beyond what most of us think of us Yeshivish), and it has really harmed the family dynamic because of his gaivehdik intolerance of what most people on this blog would consider to be normal behavior in a frum household. I would give an example, but there might be people on this site who know the family and would recognize my description of them.
The bottom line, you want to be more observant, that is so amazing. Just don’t change your relationship with your family in an obnoxious way. People who have been reading my posts for some years, know that I am married to a Baal Teshuvah, a very earnest, ehrliche, and fine man, who was that way BEFORE he ever became frum. That is largely due to his wonderful parents, O”H, who were loving, baalei chessed in every way, and could have taught ALL of us the proper way to act bein adam l’chaveiro. When my husband became frum, he did it little by little, taking on new halachos each time, learning what was proper and what was not. He never once dissed his family, and they took great pride in him becoming more religious, though they themselves were not. They made an extra effort when we came over (once a week with the kids) to have only kosher food and snacks in the house, plenty of unopened paper goods, and never questioned when we felt we could not eat something, i.e. my father-in-law bought a snack with a hechsher that we do not rely upon. But that is because we never made a big deal of it. We thanked him VERY much for going to the trouble of looking for things we could have, but also told him that we are only comfortable eating store products with an OU, OK, or Chof-K, but not the one he found with a different symbol. It makes a big difference, and great Kiddush Hashem, to show our non-religious family, co-workers, neighbors, that being frum doesn’t make us high and mighty. That is for Hashem to judge.
Good advice so far. Take it slowly and make it really part of you. DO NOT disrespect your parents in your process. Always approach them in a responsible and loving manner. If they want to do something which you believe or actually know to be wrong (desecrate Shabbos, eat something from an objectively questionable hechsher), then refrain from doing the same or from eating it, but don’t for example, start tearing around the kitchen, throwing food out. You have no idea how powerful YOUR influence can be on them, when they see that the child whom they love has made positive, meaningful changes spiritually, but is still their loving child. Some baalei teshuva develop an unbecoming arrogance about being more religiously observant than their parents, and if ends up causing an unintended chillul Hashem.
I thought “Dutch Process” means something else, not necessarily from the Netherlands. Live and learn.
I have been here on and off. B”H busy with my four week old granddaughter’s entry into the world and babysitting, and a few physical issues that kind of blindsided me, but B”H all the tests seem to be ok so far. I have just been incredibly busy, as I am sure all of you are as well, and I know my limits. I HAVE been thinking of my CR friends, and that’s why I made the time today to actually read some posts and respond.
The Queen – I have no problem sharing my subtitle with any other like-minded phenomenal Bubbies. There is definitely room (and a need)for more of us. I B”H really enjoy being with my aineklach, and with my husband retired, we both get the chance to spend equal time with them, together.
Thanks, DY. Whatever great attitude I have, I got it from my wonderful mom O”H, who really made Pesach preparation a joy in my eyes. I only wish her hands were still next to mine as I bensch licht. She always had a custom of saying after we lit the candles, “May the same hands that brought yom tov in this year, likewise help to bring it in next year.” Unfortunately 22 years ago on 28 Nissan, we forever lost that possibility. But I never lost my mother’s generosity of spirit and simchas hachayim. Or her love of Pesach…
I have zero anciety about Pesach cleaning. Not because my house is super clean (it’s not). Not because I have cleaning help (I don’t). And not because I am going away (I never do). It’s because we have to get rid of CHAMETZ, not do our Spring cleaning. If you do one room at a time, you will be done in plenty of time. If you have small kids, designate one area in which food is kept or noshed, and once you have vacuumed or swept, substitute only Pesach-friendly nosh, so even a mess is not a chametzdigeh mess.
When Pesach arrives, I feel I am in a new house. Everything looks different. I often turn my table around, to give the kitchen a new look. I think if we could try to approach the yom tov with an attitude of simcha, then maybe we will actually FEEL the simchas yom tov. Not trying to be preachy here, sorry if I sound that way. But I have listened to many women younger and older, complaining about the burden of Pesach preparations, and many of them will not even be HOME, so what’s the chiluk?
I have arthritic hands and unbendable knees, but I still cannot wait to start preparing my charoses, and cooking my Pesach specialties for my kids and grandkids, who are all coming for yom tov, and wait all year for some of these delicacies. And as an added treat, my son, daughter-in-law and brand new granddaughter will be with us for most, if not all of Pesach. Calm down everyone, or you will never be able to enjoy this amazing (and favorite of mine) holiday. It somehow ALL gets done, no matter how much we stress over it, so why bother to be stressed????
Thank you LF. I am not here in the CR as often, these days. Slightly busy with my family and preparing for Purim. Our new maideleh is a honeybun. Bli ayin hara, ain’t nuthin’ like a new ainekel!
Saying the word GET is not apikorsus, under ANY understanding whatsoever. It is a Mitzvah D’Oraisah to give a woman a GET under the necessary circumstances. It may be a sad and tragic Mitzvah to have to fulfill, but so is levayas hameis. Both concepts are because something or someone has died.March 17, 2016 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm in reply to: Giving Negative Information About a Shidduch Candidate #1142806
A very fine young man I know well, was being redt shidduchim in the community. I was getting all the “reference” calls about him and his family. People all agreed that he is wonderful, but they had a sensitive question about a family member. I was not comfortable with answering their question directly, but was able to actually turn the negative into a positive. I cannot explain here in this forum, how that was possible, but I was able to do it, especially since I knew this negative had no bearing whatsoever on the wonderful young man’s character, learning, and viability as an appropriate shidduch for some lucky girl.
He did not end up with this girl, but with another terrific young woman. My point is that someone should be very careful with these enquiries, and try to bring out the zechus whenever possible. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be sure your information is 100% accurate. And check with a Rov before dispensing potentially unpleasant information.
Thank you so much,and Mazel Tov to Queen as well. CT Lawyer – my dear friend is also known as Oma. Fortunately, my machetonim want to be known as Sabi and Savti, so hubby and I are still the reigning Bubby and Zaidy in the family. ð (I have no problem sharing the title, though).
Mazel tov to all of us for all these wonderful simchas!!!!! Kein Yirbu (or to be grammatically correct, kein tirbenna)!March 17, 2016 12:22 am at 12:22 am in reply to: Invited to the Wedding Feast, not the Ceremony-would you be offended? #1143006
My experience has usually been the opposite. The chuppah IS the wedding. What you are talking about is clearly Sheva Brachos. The kallah is going to wear her wedding gown all day???? Nothing terrible about your plans, but I personally would feel bad to be on the B-List. A second/third cousin or old Senibary classmate, with whom you have little or no contact, does NOT have to be invited if there is no real relationship shaychus to the chosson and kallah. But friends and family members who are close, should be at both, if at all possible.
True, looks dissipate with time, but what the OP has not yet learned, his idea of what is attractive, might ALSO change with time. When I was young(er) and stupid, I wanted a tall, handsome guy with a nicely-trimmed beard. Preferably with blue eyes. And he had to have a beautiful singing voice. I would not even accept a date if that last item was missing. So Hashem had very different plans for me. I married a phenomenal baal middos, average to short in height, as tone deaf as is humanely possible. Oh yeah, he had a nicely trimmed beard and blue eyes. So I got some of it…
By the time I met him, my entire perspective on dating had evolved. I was 25 when I got married, but I married someone very different from what I had ideally envisioned, because I finally grew up and realized what was really important and attractive in life. No one can hold a candle to my husband in menschlechkeit (not my words – but the words of anyone who has ever met him). That is a lasting quality. Looks can and do change, but one’s true character is forever.
BTW, are all these guys who want the shtotty models for wives, so good-looking and well-groomed themselves? Even if so, that does not mean they are worth more than the average Joe (no offense, Joseph, I was not referring to you who are clearly well above average). Don’t set your standards LOWER, but raise your impression of what constitutes a high standard.
You can def have cornflakes for supper, if you use tyhem to coat your chicken cutlets or flounder… (We have been known to have a cereal night or 100, over the last thirty-five years).March 1, 2016 1:43 am at 1:43 am in reply to: which is frummest? football, baseball, basketball or hockey? #1139560
Baseball. 1)clothing is tzniusdig 2) good exercise 3) not intrinsically dangerous like football or hockey. Kiddush Hashem was made by one of the most famous players, Sandy Koufax, who refused to play on Yom Kippur (I think).
There is no holiness to a hat. There is only potential holiness in its wearer.
Cruz WAS born on American soil. NORTH American. I still do not believe Obama was. Cruz’ mom is an American born citizen. That should have been the end of the discussion.
People tend to forget that as Hashem is the One Who Gave us ALL the Taryag Mitzvos, those that are specifically called “bein adam l’chaveiro” are ALSO bein adam laMakom at the same time.
according to chazal, if you’re learning torah and you look out and say, how beautiful are those flowers, thats called bitul torah. going out for a smoke is double bitul cause you’re killing yourself too.
I look at beautiful flowers and say, Mah rabbu maasecha, Hashem! That surely cannot be a bittul of anything. Agreed on the smoking, though!
I rise my challah dough under a plastic disposable tablecloth. I grease the dough first, and it has NEVER stuck to anything.
Flatbusher, there was no such thing as Mr. or Mrs. at one time, and people referred to each other by their names. Are you suggesting they were committing an immodest or disrespectful act?
Anyone who wants to be called Mr. Mrs. Dr. Professor, Rabbi,or whatever their title may be, should be. But some people really have no such desire, and THEIR wishes should be respected, as well. My Rebbetzin does not even want to be called Rebbetzin. She asked to be called by her first name, and if someone says Rebbetzin or even Mrs. ________,she gently says her first name to them.
There was a time when no one even had a last name. In my humble opinion, you should address a person the way in which THEY ask you to address them. Anything else is not respectful, though I am sure that might actually sound counterintuitive to some people. If a person I know continued to refer to me by my family name, when I specifically asked the person to please call me by my given name, I would be perturbed. I would be likewise put off if they called me by my first name WITHOUT my consent (as telemarketers often do).
ARTSCROLL still has the best way for most of us to learn Chumash.
It happens that I also attend an incredible women’s weekly parsha shiur on Monday mornings in ny neighborhood. Our teacher is an incredible young woman, well-knopwn throughout the community for the many Torah lectures that she gives for women, and we learn in a chabura-type style where she teaches a concept from the parsha and we respond with our own thoughts and questions. We do topical learning, rather than posuk by posuk. I cannot begin to tell you what personal enjoyment this class brings to me.February 11, 2016 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm in reply to: Gut chodesh! Are we supposed to be marbeh b'simchah now? #1137277
Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha, no matter WHAT the month. And if we are zochim to two Adars, then we should be mesameach even twice as much.
If I am milchig and craving something, I get a sugar-free 60 calorie chocolate pudding.
If fleishig, I have sugar-free gel. In general, I try to avoid eating ANYTHING after 8 PM, unless I am at a simcha. I find it’s better for my self-discipline not to nosh.
Joseph, since you bring this up again, yes there is potential for great harm. It is a potential choking hazard, it is a potential hazard if the bottle falls from its prop, it’s a hazard of damage to the teeth when they emerge, and most important it is crucial hazard to the baby’s emotional development.
A parent who will prop a bottle regularly, may also not be holding the baby during other parts of the day. Babies physically and emotionally need one on one physical contact. True, it does not have to be the mom, but that is certainly the ideal. So if the mother for whatever reason cannot regularly hold her baby, she should find someone else, who will.
If the mother of the boy is asking for the pic – she is not the one who has to be attracted to the girl. If the BOY is asking – that sits very poorly with me. Pictures lie. Some people photograph badly. Some photograph SO well, that meeting them in person is actually a let-down. There has to be a better process in place. People should just meet each other and then see if they are interested.
How is it any different than a driver’s license picture? You need a license to drive, and a license has a picture. You need a resume to date and a resume has a picture. “
So Popa, now you want the GOVERNMENT involved in our shidduchim??????February 7, 2016 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm in reply to: Almost meaningless words used in marketing and fearmongering #1136240
Sugar-free, when used on a cake package. Anything made with ANY starch, even potato starch, cornstarch etc., much less actual flour, is not sugar free. The starch converts to sugar in the body.
It’s despicable that this is even allowed halachically, unless POSSIBLY in the case of someone who lives VERY far away (across the country or in another country), and the financial cost to meet, would exceed the cost of the date. Then, a person should have some idea if there is any potential before going to such time, trouble, and expense, though I personally don’t hold this way.
Health, in my humble opinion, it is NEVER a waste of time for two people to meet. Even if they are not meant for each other, they may be meant for each other’s relative, friend, co-worker. And in this day and age, they need to learn how to interact more normally. If one views a date as a waste of time, rather than as a learning experience,then takeh, it IS a waste of time.
It ain’t over til it’s over, originated with Yogi Berra, I thought. He was known for skewering expressions.
I know at least three posters IRL.
Chili? I say “chuh-lent” and you say “chew-lent” but it’s all good. And it all gives you an upset tummy, no matter WHO you are. Cholent subscribes to a non-discriminatory gastric policy. So shore up your intestinal fortitude and essen, mein kinder!
Well I’M here. I hope that answers your question! One way or the other…
Queen, totally with you…
Schindler’s, which gluten free, or Ungar’s.
Someone to write grahmen about the guests, and sing them.
Fish oil can come from shark and other unkosher fish.
Uh, yes, of course!January 28, 2016 4:18 pm at 4:18 pm in reply to: No, you don't own the parking spot you dug out for the next two weeks #1134027
You don’t know the dynamics on my block ( I don’t live in Brooklyn), and how unmenshlech some very young people have been all too often. This weather does bring out the worst in people. Very often, I am unable to GET into my driveway, because some kid (and worse, some adult on his way to minyan) has thoughtlessly parked in such a way blocking my driveway enough, that it’s impossible to get over the mound of snow next to us. Now, not only had he taken my dug out spot, but also prevents me from parking in my owned spot. I have never, ever done that to anyone. The woman next door to me is even older than I am, and has the same problem. It’s frum people doing this.
Whether or not someone has a legal right to the street parking, is not up for debate. I understand your point. But that which is legal, we all know is not necessarily ethically or morally correct. Think about some of the marriage laws which have been passed recently.
I think that there could be an inyan of hasogas gevul here. I am not asking my LOR if that is so, because I refrain from doing it to others. I just hope people who have been guilty of this, will give it some thought, and try to avoid this, for a couple of days after a storm. That’s all. Thank you, for your insight and input, which was expressed respectfully.January 27, 2016 8:13 pm at 8:13 pm in reply to: No, you don't own the parking spot you dug out for the next two weeks #1134011
Oomis, while I feel your pain, I completely disagree with you. This is called life in the big city. Sometimes it stinks, but you obviously feel the positives outweigh the negatives and continue to live in the big city. You want your spot, dont move the car. they are blocking your driveway, have them towed. You need groceries, call the store and pay for delivery. You want your own parking spot waiting for you every time you come home, then buy a house with a driveway and enforce your rights to your driveway. “
First of all, I do not live in the “big city.” I am in a very residential one-side-of-the-street-only-parking block (my side), and we are surrounded by Yeshivahs and shuls (as well as someone building their house), where people are constantly looking for parking, without looking to see if what they are doing is menschlech. They will take up TWO spaces instead of moving one foot forward or back, so that another car can fit. Sorry that I feel that is wrong.
I would NEVER call a tow on someone, because while they have no business parking across my driveway, I know it’s frum people, and I don’t want to be moser on them. I leave a note asking them to be more cognizant next time.
We have a car, and my daughter has a car. My husband and I are not youngsters, and walking from all the way down our block, especially with packages, is difficult in good weather, and extremely hazardous when the weather is inclement. My husband has already fallen twice. So please forgive me for my strongly felt opinion that it would not be a bad thing for people to refrain from stealing a spot for two or three days after a storm.
First just to clarify You didnt dig out a spot you dug out your car. (If there was a empty spot that you went ahead and dug out so that you can put your car there, then I agree nobody should park there before you do)
More importantly though. when you left the spot where did you park? You do realize wherever you parked was dug out too thes now didnt fall leaving you empty spots at wherever you may need to be in the next few days. right?”
I dug out my car AND the spot next to it, so two cars could fit there. It cost a lot of gelt to do that, and my husband and I are not physically allowed to do that type shoveling anymore.My daughter did the best she could after Shabbos, but it got to be too much for her after an hour. No one came by until the next afternoon. Why should someone who paid NOTHING for the work we had done, benefit that day or the next? Sorry, but I stand by my opinion, and though some folks might be too afraid of the backlash to admit it, I am sure many others agree.
I did NOT take anyone’s parking spot from them. I parked at meters when I went shopping. That is also a pain when there is a lot of snow, but B”H it’s melting now.
BTW, does anyone honestly believe that any couple, much less the elderly, should feel compelled to be totally homebound, because they are in fear of losing their parking spot that they dug out? Someone took our spot in front of my house, last year, and LEFT their car there for a week! I found out it belonged to someone who lives several houses further down the block (where there IS other side of the street parking) from me, and there was plenty of parking near them. This is not a nice thing to do. And my next door neighbor and I DO exchange parking spots. Because we treat each other with derech eretz.
I guess, folks, we will have to agree to disagree. Always respectfully.
We need to daven for his refuah. We have been saying Tehillim for him. I had heard he was very ill. I hope that is not true, and that he has had a refuah shelaima by now.January 26, 2016 1:20 am at 1:20 am in reply to: No, you don't own the parking spot you dug out for the next two weeks #1133992
Sorry, Yitzy, but that makes no sense to me. I pay a lot of taxes for the house in front of which I park my car. It is not too much to ask that for a couple of days after digging it out, that I be able to park my car in front of that house (which by the way, were someone to fall on the sidewalk that a homeowner has to pay to shovel, the homeowner could be held liable)without fear of losing the space the second I drive away (and if you are intellectually honest, you would feel the same way, were you in my position, and that’s why this is such a hot-button issue). That has nothing to do with a path to a grocery store, on a public road that I not only do not own, but upon which I do not have any liability.
Lest you think I am ignoring the gluten issue, only someone who actually suffers from Celiac Sprue, needs to avoid gluten in all forms. There are people who are allergic to WHEAT, but not to spelt, barley, and the other gluten grains, and they do NOT benefit from avoiding all gluten. In fact, gluten is necessary for the absorption of many nutrients. That is, unless one has celiac, in which case, it PREVENTS the absorption of nutrients and can lead to malnutrition and a whole host of other problems, some of them potentially life-threatening. Nothing to laugh about there.January 26, 2016 12:56 am at 12:56 am in reply to: No, you don't own the parking spot you dug out for the next two weeks #1133987
Joseph, I do not think it is right for someone to steal the spot I or anyone else either dug out with our own hands, or paid good money to have someone else dig. And yes, I think it is reasonable to have to wait for a couple of days (if not three) after a storm, unless they were in that spot to begin with. Otherwise, they should leave a note with a phone number where they can be reached, so the person who dug out the spot can return and ask them to move. FOR TWO DAYS OR SO. That is not unreasonable. What IS unreasonable, is for someone to watch and wait for me to leave, then immediately chaap my space, and then stay there. That has happened to me more than a few times, and I AM NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!!!! Winter brings out the non-best in me…
Sorry folks, my sense of humor leaves when it comes to this subject. There is NOTHING to joke about with allergies. My grandchildren have severe nut allergies, and my grandson is also allergic to eggs. He has had three emergency visits with epi-pens needed, and none of them occurred when he was being watched carefully by his family. Both children know since a very young age, and I mean VERY young,that they are allergic to certain foods. They eat nothing without first making sure it is safe for them and getting permission. Is this really so different from teaching a young child about something being kosher or not? Fortunately,while certainly not a GOOD thing, accidentally eating traif won’t necessarily send you into anaphylactic shock. Eating a tiny piece of a cookie that was produced in a facility that also processes nut items, potentially can and WILL.
BTW, just as an FYI, which we have learned to listen to scrupulously, the so-called “heimish” brands not only have no kedusha/shemirah attached, but can be lethal to an allergic child, as they do not necessarily list that the items may have been processed in a plant which also makes other things containg traces of nuts. Our frum allergist who wanteed to impress the severity of the allergy on us, told us of one of his young patients who unfortunately went into shock from eating such a cookie at a birthday party. The company’s response when he confronted them on behalf of the parents? It is easier to settle a lawsuit than pay to re-label all their packaging. Seriously??????????
Please do not make jokes about this extremely serious issue. Not to someone who has a loved one who is allergic. My daughter makes all the snacks she sends with her children, or buys known safe items. Yet, she and we STILL read the labels EVERY time, on even products known to have been of past safe use, because formulas are changed all the time. Look at how certain products are now made on dairy equipment, though they contain no dairy ingredients. A child who is allergic to milk could react to even that item.January 26, 2016 12:15 am at 12:15 am in reply to: No, you don't own the parking spot you dug out for the next two weeks #1133983
My daughter made a cogent statement today, and I think it OUGHT to be a law. If I spent money and/or time, and physical labor to dig out my car, then for three days after a snowstorm, there should be a law that only the person who dug out the spot may use it. After that, it’s up for grabs. I live next door to a Yeshiva/Shul, across the street from another Yeshiva, and there is another Shul being built on my block. I have already been greatly inconvenienced by inconsiderate people who blocked my driveway a couple of feet, which made it impossible for me to get into my driveway without risking breaking an axle.
Should someone ALSO benefit from the money that I paid out to a couple of guys to dig me out, just because I left my house briefly to buy needed staple items? It’s not right. It might be legal, but it is really unmenschlech. And no, I have never done that to anyone else. Moreover, when this was done to me last year, the person who parked his car didn’t move it for two days. I am not a youngster anymore (so my knees tell me), and it is extremely painful and teacherous for me to carry groceries or even just walk on the snow and ice, from a parking spot all the way down my block. People should not be so thoughtless. I understand I do not OWN the spot, but at least don’t steal it out from under me until after a COUPLE of days after the storm. Bad enough when it happens in beautiful weather.January 22, 2016 6:10 pm at 6:10 pm in reply to: If you do not have s'micha, can you advertise yourself as "Rabbi"? #1134318
My son’s rebbie, many years ago, was called Rabbi So-and-So, though he definitely did not have Smicha. It is an honorific that is often conferred on someone, so that there will be a certain level of respect shown to that person.