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Torah- one of the people who went off his medicines.
Regarding your cut off – it sounds like you’re talking about people feeling depressed who can either pop pills or work on their problems. Some people have severe chemical imbalances and there aren’t really problems to work on per se, they just need to take their meds. And some of these people who followed this “advice” have more serious struggles like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. You can’t really work on it instead of taking medicine. And if your doctor believes you can, it wouldn’t be without some other intensive intervention.
There are a few individuals who followed his “advice” (he does state it more explicitly in subsequent printings) and went off their mess. For a couple the results were tragic. For another, he thinks he is shabtai tzvi.
OOM – Did you finish your doctorate and become too busy in the real world to visit? Or get married and adopt 10 kids and become too busy in the real world to visit? Or convert to Amish and swear off electricity? Or did all of our grammatical errors finally make it unbearable for you to be here? I know the possibilities are endless . . .
Where are you?!
WIY – thanks
Been there, done that. I think she will have to learn the hard way. But you are right that a lot of it comes from a need to be needed so instead of telling her what she is doing is wrong (tho it is), tell her how wonderful she is.
I think the divorce rate is not about age or sheltered-ness. I think it is about how we raise our kids. Our kids are growing up in a world were everything is on credit and little is toiled for. If we can’t afford it, we charge it. If we can’t charge it, we refinance. If we want it, we buy it RIGHT NOW online. If it is the wrong price, we bizrate quote. Bored? go online. Nobody answering the phone? message them. Parents yelled at you? text a friend.
When your world works like that, it is very hard to develop a value system that includes delayed gratification, compromise and time alone with yourself to determine who you are and how your behavior affects others.
I know friends who get in fights with their spouse. In the past, they would be left alone to process the fight or they may call a friend . Now they get online and ask a chat room full of people for their opinions and support. Or they get online and distract themselves til the pain goes away. The fundamental relationship developing skills are dwindling.
always – I always click on a thread if I see you’ve posted.
takamamash – I like your vort! I sat shiva three times in 6 years and people kept saying to me, “This should be the last time you sit”, “You should have only simchos” etc. I told some of them that the only way for this to be the last time I sit, is for me to be next! How about a wish that I should have a 50 year break before the next time. I think it took people aback because they meant well, but it was certainly making me feel uncomfortable to hear it as a brocha so many times.
I had a different screen name and picked this one for a private topic. But then my kids saw this one saw I kept it. I could use my other one for anonymous posting but I doubt I wouldn’t be figured out. I post like I write like I speak.
Oh. Just something about your sense of humor and view points that seemed so midwesternishesq.
I work Fridays and my husband doesn’t so he has made Shabbos (when I am not off) for 7 years. When guests compliment the food, they look my way but I tell them I had nothing to do with it. I’m starting to have a complex about it so I started baking Challos on Thursday nights.
that was a question, not a post.
my kids love those too
Can I please be a PRN “only when nobody’s available and hours go by without modding” mod?
WIY – that was well put!
WIY – do you have chicago blood in your ancestry?
I am sorry about your matzav, and sorry for the burden it brings you. Maybe you can think of it as a diet, painful for now but the schar is overwhelmingly worth while.
In a way it is very sad, and in some ways it is so wonderful that they at least have the written word. I work with many individuals with asperger type issues that make it hard for them to speak with fluidity and prosidy. Their awkward tone and movements make it hard for people to relate to the content. I also have one friend who is so unconfident that he just cannot speak to people unless they are very close friends. Anonymous blogs, however, are easy for him.
Sg- it’s not confusing because it’s who the person really is. Some people just can’t be any different in person and they are very uninhibited in writing. Nothing to remember because it isn’t by choice. Some I know wish they could bring their online persona to the real world.
I agree with jf, and I would also add that it is possible that the nisayon is different than you think. If you can only conquer it by ‘being good’ and then you choose to ‘be bad’, perhaps you are looking at too great of a picture. Without knowing your situation it may be hard for me to explain but let me give an example and hope it works.
Let’s say you have given up davening. You used to daven well and for a period of time you have been angry or disconnected and yo udon’t want to speak to Hashem. One day you feel like you want to repair that rift. You decide that starting today, you are going to start davening! So you do, for a week. Then you have a bad day, or you are tired or angry, and you say, “Forget it. I can’t keep this up” Now you feel that you have messed up that nisayon. But maybe the nisayon was about setting realistic goals for yourself. Maybe you are someone who often takes an ‘all or nothing’ approach and Hashem wants you to learn to bite off little pieces and learn to live with small, incremental successes. He wants you to say, “I KNOW I need to start davening again, I will say brachos every morning and more if I feel I can do it” You think you should be davening it all, you are single and have time, but this small, realistic, doable chunk may have been all that Hashem REALLY wanted from you right now.
I hope that that is somehow useful/applicable. And either way, the fact that you care means you are one step ahead.
there are three seat belts, why wouldn’t that be considered three seats?
VM – yes, that is what some people are saying. My comment was geared more toward the others.
I know two people who got married and they both had good jobs. Now she has a bad job and he has no job and they have no money for rent, gas, phone bills etc. Too bad God forgot to check their plans.
you didn’t say you found a girl and are planning to set a date davka before graduation. You asked if it is okay to date. Absolutely. You have no idea when you will finally meet that person or how many people you need to date before meeting them. You don’t know if they may have a job or savings that will last until graduation, or you can meet them and marry close to graduation. Your parnassah is decided yearly by Hashem, not by the want ads. Starting a process is just that, starting a process. Don’t be swayed by those who live by logic.
You’re right, it might be your sensitivity toward your friend’s situation. I just found (find) it odd for someone to need so much clarification from someone who states they found a Limud zchus for nasty posters. Not much to ponder.
As it often is, I find you to be ready and willing to answer questions and explain yourself and I respect that.
And I wish your friend a yeshua. If he is innocent, Hashem will reward him heavily for his tremendous yisurim.
You sound surprised. Are you sure you are that familiar with every discussion? Not all discussions involve names, and I would assume there are discussions that you don’t take part in. I find your surprise somewhat puzzling myself.
And I’m still wondering why you are so focused on this.
why are their defenders not indeed nasty?
That was what I used to think. Then I found out that some people just don’t want to know things. They are unwilling to accept certain facts or realities and when they lash out or defend, it is from a certain level of ignorance, not nastiness. This goes for so many other discussions as well, hashkofik, theological, and philosophical. Not everyone who says nasty things knows that their words are nasty. Some really believe they are speaking truth. And in person, there is often too much emotion surrounding these discussions for it to be seen so clearly.
DY – That is the second time now that you have changed my words and then denied it being said. Either comment on my post, or don’t, but please don’t put words in my mouth. And either way, why do you care so much about what opinions I’ve changed and how accurate or reality based they are?
DY – Not sure why you’ve chosen this to to jump on but if I am saying that I thought the defenders of molesters were evil, it stands to reason that I am referring to situations in which one is allowed to be mekabel LH. And situations where it is NECESSARY to act for reasons of pikuach nefesh.
Interesting presentation of words, though. I can’t fathom your motive, but it is not lost on me.
my daughter said one of the seminaries had built ramps for a girl with CF. It’s probably worth asking specific seminaries or girls who have gone in the past if they have any knowledge of it being done.
DY – I said molesters
And PLEASE don’t try saying nobody defends molesters.
trust 789 – me too, sometimes.
Not those types of opinions but I have changed other opinions regarding people. For instance, I always thought that the people who say nasty things or defend nasty people (molesters included) are evil and doing it knowing they are wrong, I have learned through the CR that they really have no clue and I can judge them more favorably.
Thank you for telling us about him. May his neshama have an aliya
The scary part is, the younger generation of women are growing up with this, and they’re thinking it’s normal.
I’d give this comment a standing ovation
Mazel Tov!!!!! And may Hashem give you strength!
Mazel Tov Oomis on a recent birthday (right?)
We got Chanukah gelt from our parents and relatives and after Chanukah my parents would take us to buy what we wanted with our money.
the city you were born in, only months or weeks (IIRC) before I was born in that same city.
Yes, I must admit I said “here” but did NOT mean NY.
I don’t know who you are, but I am wondering if our paths crossed when you lived here. But I assume that if I knew you I would have heard you got engaged . . .
me too
I use the recipe in Spice and Spirit. It’s really good and they are really puffy! Today I cooked leftovers.
**PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT**
that is NOT getzel.
I don’t really read the NY news so I was just talking about situations I know personally.
sg – smart lady
JF – there are women who are mentally unstable and unable to care for their children who have rallied behind the “Get” crisis to schmutz their husbands. What people *don’t* hear is that sometimes the husband doesn’t want to give the get until the wife agrees to counseling, joint custody, no custody or maybe even just a bit of responsibility for her mental issues.
I wouldn’t say this is prevalent, but I would bet it is done more often than you think.
Hashem Hu HaElokim
I know one woman (well, actually her lawyer) who refused a get because they were hoping to launch a smear campaign on the husband later, but he botched their plan. They were also hoping to use a bais din that allowed the wife to attach lots of extraneous paperwork to the Get (congress style) but he botched that too. So they refused the Get but didn’t tell anyone it was offered.
Apparently slime can run in both directions.
plonis – than don’t do it. But in my house it works well since I work 9-3:35 ten months a year as opposed to my husbands 8-5 year round for the same price. Can’t imagine why you should care if we don’t.