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“Kol echad l’fi rabo” -meaning , “every one according to his Rav” is the general way in which we act. Just as everyone dovens according to his nusach, everyone goes according to his Rav. Furthermore, if we follow the other rav’s kulahs, so we should also follow his chumrahs, which he has based on simular reasoning. Because if we go kulah shopping we might be making mistakes at other times.
Thank you for this beautiful and informative d’var Torah.
Also Rav Simcha Scheinberg, Rosh Yeshiva Torah Ore, Jerusalem ,son of Rav Chiam Pinchas Scheinberg, also Rav Simcha Wasserman.
The Sfardim use Simcha as a girl’s name.
Most yeshiva boys in Eretz Yisrael are in shiduchim by the age of 21, so it seems pretty normal to me, though I don’t understand the connection between this and the “shidduch” crises. Some say they should get married older and marry girls a couple of years older older than the boy.
Kibud av v’aim means you can lie by a couple of weeks. Always tell them two weeks later, which could anyway wind up being the truth. It’s true that they’re your parents, but chai-ye-cho kodem.
And a word to mothers-in-law, who are obviously also mothers, don’t stay at your daughter-in law after she has a baby. So you want to come to Israel for the bris? Find another place to stray. And don’t hang around their house the whole day. It is a very sensitive time and the hurts and wounds can last for generations. My mother-in-law ruined almost every simcha we ever had.
I even know a woman who refused to name any of her daughters after her paternal grandmother. (Her mother’s mother-in-law) So what did that mother-in-law gain? To be forgotten! Even another sibling who did use the name, did not have her in mind and the child doesn’t even know who she’s named after.
So take advice from a great-grandmother who’s also a mother -in- law and also a daughter -in- law, and be careful.
And mazel tov!
The situation in E.Y. is just as bad. Litvasher-Chasddisha? A litvashe girl wants a husband like her father-home on Shabbasim, close to his daughters as well as his sons, and also his wife. And so many other differences, which can’t be mentioned here. The girl will be very sad and lonely. Here in E.Y. we hardly see such “mixed” marriages. And there are so many older Chasidisher boys, it’s really too bad.
There are also thousands of Litvashe boys. All the comments made here may be true but they cannot account for the tragedy we are facing. What is the reason? How do we explain it?
It is a gezeira min haShamayin. Nothing more, nothing less. A horrible
gezeira.So what are we supposed to do? First, try to make shidduchim. Think, maybe I do know somebody for him/her. Or ask your friends if they know someone
Second, DOVEN! We have to doven our hearts out for these boys and girls. Let’s beg H-shem to nullify the gezeira. Let’s stop blaming the singles and have rachmanus on them and their families.
V’H-shem yasmiainu v’hatzileinu.
Hawking was only able to speak because of an Israeli invention. The littlest drop of hakaras hatov should have kept him from using his Israeli voice box to speak against Israel. You see from him what Chalzal say, that someone who is ungrateful to people will wind up being ungrateful to H-shem as well. That a person whose body was so dependent on others should not recognize from Whom all his success came is unbelievable. It just goes to show that a person can have the greatest brain the world and still not have any sechel. Like that famous doctor who said he dissected a hundred bodies and didn’t find a single soul, or the Russian sputnik who said he was in outer space and didn’t see G-d. Such fools!
When Rav Aaron Kutler was debating whether to do as Rav Moshe Feinstein requested and go to the U.S. or to immigrate to Eretz Yisrael, which is what he was longing to do, he did the goral haGra and it told him, “go to your brother Moshe in the desert”.
I know there are differences of opinion, but the late Rav Chiam Pinchas Sheinberg, of blessed memory, who was the Rosh Hayeshiva of Torah Ore, held that not every tzdacha is maaser money. He said that just as in the time of the Beis Hamikdash the maaser went to the Leviiim, because they were the ones doing the Avoda, today the maasser has to go the needy bnai Torah, because they are the ones learning and as such are doing the Avodah.
He was very makpid on this, and even when he was building Torah Ore, many years ago, and it was so important to him to have the building finished already, he never used masser money for the actual building. If someone told him that they were donating maaser money, he used that money for the food for the bachorim, but not for the building.The rebanim have given very clear guide lines in connection to this topic.
1- the boy/girl is not obligated to tell the shadchan or the boy/girl in advance. Perhaps the shidduch will not work out anyway, and he/she does not have to compromise his privacy.
2- After they have met a couple of times and it seems to be progressing, but before it gets so serious as to cause heartache, he /she is obligated to tell her.
Also, please remember: The same pasuk that says “Al taleich rechil b’amesecha (don’t speak loshen hoccccc
There is no such thing as Palestinians. It is one big lie. They don’t and never did exist. There never was a Palestinian state or nation here or people. True the British called the whole area Palestine. but there never was such a people. The people who use that name today are former Jordanions. adopted the name “Palestinians” and the world, as well as some Israelis, accept and forget that it is ne big lie.
I don’t know what’s doing in the U.S. or in the rest of Israel, but here in Jerusalem I have always had the top women doctors and when in a hospital and a male doctor came to examine me, I always refused and they sent a woman. But if there would not be a woman doctor, then what can you do? Then there is no choice. I had a small growth removed a coupled of years ago and my surgeon, oncologist and all the other doctors were woman. During radiation I insisted on only women technologists and this got them very angry (Haddassah Ein Kerem). I told them, “This is my body and I will decide who sees it and touches it I have enough problems right now and you don’t have to add to them.” They were furious, said I was obsessed and fanatic and I don’t know what else. But I got what I wanted. This did not add to their love of chareidim, but anyway they hate us and what do I care? There were always women on duty and it was a chutzpah gedola to send in a man. One time they wanted to send me an Arab man and of course I refused . The Leftist secretary misunderstood and turned red like a tomato and was almost steaming. “I can’t stand your prejudice” she said, almost chocking from anger and shock, and her love of all mankind. I told her that I didn’t mind at all if she sent an Arab woman.
Women’s rights, where are you?
When in-laws become out-laws our lives can collapse. As a daughter-in-law and also a mother-in-law I can tell you that the best thing is to remain close and loving to your daughters/sons- in- law. Believe me, you will only gain by being close. And lose by starting up and interfering. If it’s not life threatening, keep quiet. I have a sister-in-law who refused to name any of her daughters after her paternal grandmother because of the aggravation she caused her mother (the daughter-in-law). So what did that women gain?
P.S.
to Avram in MDYour wife sounds like a very special person and a devoted and sensitive mother.
To Avram, in MD
That was SO funny! You’re right about the bracha, but I was thinking of her swallowing it. And by the way, there are daos that if you wear the ring even when you knead dough, then you can keep it on when you wash.to C4ndom3x: you’re right, it’s zircon, not zakor. Thank you for the correction.
It’s true, wedding expenses should be kept down so the parents don’t go broke, and so there will be money left for the next in line, and so you can help them more with rent or buying, and also we shouldn’t make other people feel that they have to keep up or be embarrassed. But I would cut back on something else, and not the diamond ring, unless in the States it’s out of control already. One of my daughters just brought her daughter-in-law a beautiful diamond ring for $700 and the girl is glowing from happiness. Maybe it’s different here in Israel.
Thank G-d we have married off all our children and are seeing our grandchildren getting married and are great-grandchildren being born. And I wish all of you naches and bracha and hatzlacha.rabah.
to Joseph
There are times when you need emotions and not intellect, like when giving a diamond engagement ring. But for sure don’t spend too much. Also, she has to look at the ring every once in a while to make sure that the little “teeth” holding it in place have not become thin and weak and make sure that the diamond is not loose. If she takes it off for netilas yadayim (not everyone does) be careful! Don’t leave it on the side of the sink and not in your mouth!PLEASE dear friends. Just because someone made a mistake and thought it was pagan doesn’t mean that he’s pagan. Let’s be careful how we speak and we may see Moshiach any day this week.
A zakor is these glass stones they put in rings to look like diamonds. In English it’s a (zorkanda or something like that.)
Perhaps the word “powers” is wrong, but the Cohen Gadol wore certain stones for those reasons. And a pearl can cause a baby to be born sooner and many women (after they are safely in bed in the hospital) will swallow down a tiny seed pearl ( at a certain point in the labor and not sooner) and the baby will usually be born within half and hour.
Furthermore, women wear a ruby against their skin to prevent miscarriages, if I’m not mistaken, and these thing have their source in Gemorrah and are NOT pagan.Check out the stones of the Cohen Gadol and see that each has a deep meaning.
Real stones, i.e., diamonds, rubies, etc., have certain powers in ruchnious. You simply feel better with the real thing. Also gold. And don’t forget, diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Stop this business of giving a kallah a zakor!
All the above is very interesting BUT you left out the most important point.
Hillary’s closest friend and adviser is that Arab woman, Hula, born in the U.S., lived in Saudi Arabia from age two till 18, returned to the to get college degrees, headed the Muslim Brotherhood and other Arab terrorist groups. Hillary said she’s like a daughter to her.
If Hillary gets in, the USA will be flooded with Syrian “refugees”, women and girls will not be able to safely walk down the streets, and there will be Arab areas that American policemen will not be able to enter, like in England. Can’t happen in the US? Oh no?
Also Obama loves her and wants to see her president in another four years.
THINK before you vote!
Why doesn’t Lakewood have enough schools for everyone, so that no child will be left out?
It is not a matter of “holier than thou”. A child exposed to internet, etc. is simply a different child with different language and different ideas. His parents have ruined him. If they live in Lakewood and want him to be accepted why don’t they think of this earlier?
Also, if Torah613Torah is correct, he says that he doesn’t know of anyone who couldn’t get onto the school of his choice, what is everyone carrying on about?
It seems to me that the solution is more schools. We had the same problem here in Jerusalem. If a girl couldn’t get into the sem of her choice, she would sit home for months until she would give in and agree to a different seminary.
If a school has room for 200 and has 300 applications, what are they supposed to do? Now we have many sems here and from what I understand from my grandchildren, all the girls get in, though not always to their first choice.
Also, how can any one believe such loshen horah against an ENTIRE frum comunity? There must be hundreds of exceptions.
The above answer, “Sorry, my rav says it’s an issue” is surely the best reply. You don’t even have to ask him.
First names: Rav Falk (Manchester) says it’s assur. Also, Rav Chiam Pincha Scheinberg ztal, said it’s assur. When asked, “But what if you’re close friends?” , he answered, “Then you’re too close!”
If there’s no last name, say “rebitzen”.
Not only do all the Chereidi gedolim say it is asur to go to Har Habayis, but all the Mizrachli also said so including Rav Kook. It is just the young Mizrachi rabonnim of our times who say it’s okay. Who gave them the right to override Rav Kook?
I love to go to shul on Simchat Torah though I don’t watch the men dance unless it’s my husband or children. But I love the singing and I follow along in the machzor and find this spiritually uplifting. I also dance with women and we enjoy ourselves very much. A Sefer Torah with the women? Crazy idea and unnecessary.
This is very sad and I am sorry that this happened to you. Sometimes a boy can’t make up his mind and his advisers tell him to keep going out until he is certain that it’s “no”, so that he doesn’t make a mistake. Meanwhile the poor girl doesn’t know that he has this doubt and thinks he wants to marry her. This happened to my friend’s daughter and she was absolutely heartbroken.
But then, when the real one came along and she got engaged she realized how lucky she was not to have married the other, and how H-shem watched over her.
Now you are in pain and disappointment but one thing is absolutely
true, that boy was not your bashert.
May he come soon for you and every bat Yisrael.
I have read all of the above posts and even if they are correct that is not the point. The point is, what are we supposed to do? There are two choices :1- let them kill us all in order to avoid civilian deaths, or, 2- fight this war in order to defend our country. Many of our precious soldiers have been killed because they did not have
enough air support because the pilots were not allowed to help them in order not to harm Palestinian civilians. Why should a Jewish soldier die for this reason? Our boys are also innocent and ours is a civilian army, each soldier is someone’s father, son, grandson or husband. Who’s life is more important? OF COURSE, they should be and are being careful. But there is a limit. This war could have been over two weeks ago with half the amount of soldiers dead if the government realized who it is supposed to defend.