Forum Replies Created
yeah, those darn violent drug gangs, eh? always seem to put a dampner on the party, huh?
you have to google the “hebrew hammer”
must be bashert. Hashem is maybe sending you a message that you’re too important to waste your time in a forum when he wants your tefilla and tehillim.January 12, 2012 5:19 pm at 5:19 pm in reply to: Can you explain to me how YOU read a thread, in general, please? #843750
aw, thanks, but when I thanked him I really meant it. I thought that calling me mischevious” was a very “Gentle” way of saying something funny. Too bad posts can’t take on a tone.
ok, reality check please.
How come no body is really mentioning all the bad yummy stuff most people find it hard to resist? C’mon..hazelnut filled bamba, kokosh cake, choc brownies, ice cream, wafer cookies, choc bars, choc leben, Hot choc drink, chips, corn chips, ?
Or do you all really just go for quinoa and salmon?
sadness is tumah. Simcha is kedusha. What can be achieved through simcha cannot be compared to all the wailing one could do.
ha ha ha
Its all Torah, I didnt say the 5 books of moses.January 12, 2012 5:32 am at 5:32 am in reply to: Frustrated Mothers of Girls: Can we hear your ideas #845451
oomis , did you ever see Fiddler on the roof? Remember when the old shadchan /yenta hears that the maidel went to “Play” with the yingel, she says “from such playing comes more children”.
Mixing them is dangerous. You’re asking them to put their head in a lions mouth and ask for mercy.
bee pollen is good for energy and for allergies.
but the best food for energy is live alfalfa sprouts.
Sam2, I don’t know the source, but its a wide and well known poskuk “Mitzvah gedolah simcha tomid”. That means its a big mitzvah to always be happy. And its from Torah.January 12, 2012 5:07 am at 5:07 am in reply to: Can you explain to me how YOU read a thread, in general, please? #843747
shticky guy, ” But I know you have a mischievous streak and a…”
well,thats a nice way to put it. thanks.
BTguy, so MMA is like boxing/wrestling no? YOu know what I discovered that I really think is interesting? Krav magra…I would just love to train with those people and learn skills for fighting! Even just to get the adrenaline effect. You might like to see “the Hammer” from Israel on youtube. Try searching for it. He is from morroco or yemen and he comes from a lineage of body guards who served for the emperor or something. Very interesting.
I know what you’re talking about with your rabbi and your gym instructor being essential in your life. I have had the fortunate experience of having an amazing crossfit instructor at one time in my life. More than anything else it was her attitude that spoke volumes.
My husband use to to do martial arts. You know, I have this funny little imagination that I become efficient in martial arts,someday, And what if one time I am coming home late and walking under a bridge and I get jumped by some body and then “Bam, are they ever in for a surprise when this scarf clad wearing hasidic lady knocks them out. LOL ok …back to reality now…
So i ran today, it was great. Next time I’ll do some weights too. Can’t wait to get strong again. Im yirtze hashem. I will try to do more of that diet you described. I Like eating like that.
wow, so you are really a health nut huh? Are you vegetarian too?
I love bee pollen, and lecithin. Try nutritional yeast. You’ll love it. SPrinkle it over potatoes or ask me for more info I can share recipes. 1 tblsp has over 400% of B vitamins. amazing
what are chia seeds good for?
wow The Goq, you have put added a new spin of perspective to what I otherwise would have labelled disorder. You have made me reconsider that maybe I am upgrading to healthy activities? thanks
I see your point, i like it, but I am a very practical and usually industrious person. I prefer seeing somethign tactile come off my efforts, time and energy. Thats why I tend to do those mentioned activities. Although the CR has served as an “emotional outlet ” for me in the last few months, which is also good.
I have been such a loser lately spending every free minute on it. Dont ask me why or where I surf. I just love wasting my life here.
Never mind all the sewing projects sitting in the closet, the knitting I have waiting for me, the baking, the drawing, the painting, or the hand made puppets I wanted to do.
Isnt it a pity?
Cheezy tasting Nutritional Yeast flakes
shuli, tell me you’re joking! PLEASE
I also tried the Ramban diet and I dont know…ok well I did lost 20 lbs at first but,, I didnt like it. IN fact I have tried plenty of good diets , but I think the problem is me.
I always have good intentions mentally, like tonight for example, I put my head into it and said “TOmmorrow we begin! (that means tommorrow b’ezras Hashem I will go to the track and beginning running again, and weights) BUT BUT…
but I ate a chocolate bar and a bag of hazelnut filling bamba PLUS a jam filled cookie = about 750 calories. YIKES! JUst typing it makes me feel sick.
Ok well I missed a lot of calories all day because I was running around town and not eating properly. But truthfully I Should have much more will power against my yetzer hara and its sickening how a healthy, moral , intelligent woman can willingly stuff a donut in her mouth. ..(did i say “a ” donut. ? Make that 10 or more over the course of Chanuka.
How can I get my old wise strong self back, who ate healthy, who worked towards a better self, a stronger body? Its almost like the pleasure of the choc bar gives me so much pleasure that I feel like “I don’t care” I am going to do it! its so weird.
BTguy, how do you know so much about diet ? THat is good sound advice what you gave. I know it works. I lost 60 lbs a few years ago doing that. BUt what makes you so into it?
Sam2, I think there is a lot of revelation about you as to where you’re holding, neshama wise having read what you’ve written in this thread and I think its possible you may have depression even starting since age 10.
I mean your thoughts are pretty down there. Have you ever considered getting evaluated? THen you could work on it.
Today a real neis happened. Its so big I cannot even mention it to y’all. My husband put it right when he explained ” we yidden see so many neisim that we tend to take it for granted”.
Its true, the fact we can even walk around healthy is a miracle.
But truly for this turn of events what happened here in our lives today is truly miraculous. Everyone in this world ought to know right now THERE IS G-D, running this Universe and EVERYTHING HE DOES IS GOOD.
IF we can’t see it then it just means we can’t see it. But really its all good.
Hoyde l’hashem ki tov, ki l’olam chasdo.
wow are there any jews you know of in Tennnesse? KY and all down there is weird. I can’t imagine being down there and religious.
running fast with scissors is the best way to beat your morning and start the day. With scissors you can cut up anything, you can make ribbons on gifts have that swirl affect, and you can look intimidating during it all.
what is a DH? a dear husband?
baalhabooze, that is so scary how your 5 fav’s are mine also! But I hope you meant plain yogurt with no sugar?
aries, please don’t feel this way. In fact, when I first read this OP line, a wave of panic struck me that maybe this thread was in fact started by you over how I criticized/insulted you.
I apologize profusely if I caused you such pain and just remember that painful thing I wrote came from a painful place within me.
Let’s forgive one another. And ourselves. And don’t leave. I like your long winded comments which are long for purpose of writing for others’ benefit. In fact in one case, I was really down about a personal issue I have with the society I live within and it was your comment that I remember more than anyone elses. You told me the problem was with them and not me. You said more about too but …anyways that was chizuk.
Yoya, dont feel that way. Its like moving into a new neighborhood. WHen I was new I felt like everybody here was good old friends. But there is always room for one more. You jsut start throwing in a few comments here and there and before you know it, ppl start seeing what you’re about, if you’re smart, or funny or serious or whatever. Believe me, I have been here 3 yrs I think and I still have no idea who is whose friend or whats really going on.
yeah, you’re right MDG.
you know what I wonder? why any website especially YWN would create a CR and then have to hire people or recruite volunteers to supervise it? Like what do they benefit from it? I can’t imagine anything except its fun for the posters, so why do they bother with all the headache it is for them?
I spoke last night to a Rav who is a MIMCHA in shalom bayis who is doing this 24/7 with others. Very experienced.
He pointed out to me that its important we/he gets very professional counselling to alleviate the internal pressures that are resulting in this kind of behavior. (Just as HaLeivi explained above). He also said that people can make serious mistakes and this doesn’t mean we run to break up the home. We try to fix it. I agree. And you must understand, as I now do that it was not maliciously intented! And how do I know? well listen to this…. last night when he was not home, my daughter and I were in her room at bedtime rehashing the story, as we were standing by the bed and wall which were involved and she said “No mommy, He didn’t know as I had hit my head. ” Meaning yes, he pulled her (with authoritative force) by the hand to bring her out of the room (as she & he explained me) and which resulted in her hitting the door frame, but he wasn’t aware she had hit her head on the door frame because he was leading her out of the room, while facing the hall, pulling her out with one hand.
And that is what he has been saying over and over to me. And now my daughter said it. Now the truth comes out! she said that he wasn’t aware. I feel a bit bad having accused him of deliberately smashing her.
And there have been NO further conversations between the father and daughter on this. So him “contaminating” her with brainwashing as to what happened is out of the picture. How do I know? I am the mother and know whose sitting where and talking what because I am always around the kids. Our abode is not so huge that we have a north and south wing of any kind. There can be no private conversations without me knowing my husband and child are talking something somewhere.
But just as the Rav said, I will pursue the advice of getting a professional involved. because of the fact there are still other issues.
Flowers, and Aries. I am sorry. I felt bad after I wrote it. However some of the suggestions thrown in Aries statements were far fetched and utterly ridiculous and I lost my patience for it.
Please forgive me Aries, I still want to be good with you.
But one cannot expect a person to hear ideas of having syndromes that aren’t relative to the situation. Its good to hear from professionals their opinions rather on these things.
I know Shalom Task Force is necessary and probablly a very good thing, but the lady there jumped in with a dramatic undertaking, advising me to see that this whole relationship/ situation is not normal, and not healthy, and that I have to have a back up safety plan to escape if necessary and I feel its all kind of like overly jumping the gun and making a mountain out of a molehill.
She didn’t really use logic like a man giving advice would. She was using emotion.
mom12, we are the women! And must keep the fort!
Have you read “women’s wisdom” by Rav Shalom Arush? Its good. Read it.
mom12, we are the women! And must keep the fort!
Have you read “women’s wisdom” by Rav Shalom Arush? Its good. Read it.
Very strange. But wasn’t Boteach put in Chayrim? I thought he was like no longer a reliable source to go to for yiddishkeit?
is IMHO regular internet slang on any blog or just the CR?
THE GOQ, tzadik,
Your posts have always seemed light, humorous, and intelligent and after reading what you wrote above, sharing your personal story, with us, of pain, I really respect you.
You’re nisht stam a puyshite yid. But a groise neshama who had to take that upon themself, that, what would be impossible for others to grow into a nice person inspite of.
I give you a blessing that all the hard days you’ve m’kubel should serve as a koikes and bracha in simchas ha chaim.
Aries, thank you for your long-winded but usual, good-intented post.
In order to write anything coherently helpful, its useful for one to first comprehend fully the written word which they are reading in order to have an acurate picture of whats going on. Therefore, allow me to enlighten you as to what it was, I actually wrote, on the previous page, to which you erroneously quoted me on, and hence, concluded I have Stockholmes Syndrome. (and, btw where did I say i was being held captive?)..
anyways here is what I had actually written, in response to dozens of concerned people, who had seemingly obtained the image that my husband is victimizing me physically :
“I must reiterate HE IS NOT VIOLENT TOWARDS ME or even walls or objects (i have done that) he just lost his temper at our child”
And the will to take action is what propelled me to start the thread. But how could people advise me if I don’t clarify what he does or doesn’t?
Maybe it would have sounded better had I taken out the word “JUST”. Or how could I have taken your advice above and written “he just hits me and not the children” which is completely not true.
People do make serious mistakes. And I am taking action by seeking help/treatment/therapy to make sure it doesnt escalate and get worse. But I have a problem with your “smartness” because you give a lot of advice that sounds like the banging of an empty drum.
what does IMHO mean? I saw it today.
yes thanks i am going with g-d’s help to steer our family in the healthy direction…..However, you all should know how I am a bit afraid of when my husband is going to walk in the door from work tonight because this is the first time I have EVER called the Rav, the only man in this city my husband truly loves and respects. THe only man he would die from shame to have to face in this scenario. I dont know why i feel afraid. Just of his barking at me, and his angry mood. Nothing more. Oh and lack of loving friendship of course.
yeah flowers you’re right. he did try to cover it up!
but would it have been truly better if he had have just admitted it and expressed true remorse off the bat? Mabye he was just scared of the ramifications of admitting the truth? tell me what you think pls.
People, people, people…Thank you.
Although its very overwhelming to have to read 89 posts, to date, its also chizuk to feel supported. However, you must understand that I am part of the problem. And that my husband is also a victim. He is a victim of his “mental illness” called undiagnosed/untreated Depression, leading to these behaviors. And I have also been a nasty person in the home towards him and the children. So, I have sometimes toyed with the idea of giving my children to a happy healthy family seeing as I am too weak, unskilled and lost. Oh did i mention depressed and hopeless?
But I would never, I am in fact capable and happy to rear my dears, this is my tachlis in this gilgul. Being a “new comer” to a chassidish village was not easy, nor is it ever going to be easy to live as a war survivor with not one family member in life to share the joys and sorrows. Bearing the baggage of my painful past, lost friends and family, and the present burden of living with a control freak in poverty are some of my obstacles.
AND having been brought up by a very violent woman, my own mother, who use to beat us, verbally abuse all of us, and demonstrate the power of intimidation through violence and violence against my father etc. I BELIEVE that is why I was attracted to a controlling husband.
After all, I DID CHOoSE HIM! It was my stupid judgment.
I must reiterate HE IS NOT VIOLENT TOWARDS ME or even walls or objects (i have done that) he just lost his temper at our child.
And of course its not ok. But it doesnt make him a rasha. Or ok maybe it does?
ARe you posters telling me that not one of you has ever lashed out and struck someone in your immediate family, under the category of what would be called ABUSE by the authorities? But could be called “a mistake” by ordinary people? Maybe we are the only sick family on the block?
I am so weak from life. However, inside I am an amazingly funny, creative strong person with ideas. But i’ve handed my strength over to this person. willingly. And I firmly believe nobody can abuse unless you LET them. I have been allowing this for some strange reason.
Ok, so then- I have to stop him from this koikes. I know.
Just for an update, I did call Shalom Task Force this morning, and she said all that you Posters are saying. “Its not normal, its going to escalate…..that He did this to hurt me, and control me”. I did as she instructed and called our Rav, who is waiting now to hear from my husband. The Rav was extremely disturbed and animated in his response making it clear to me that this must be tackled as a priority issue. That he finds it unacceptable. My husband feels weak and nervous, like he is going to “get it”. I feel bad for him. I would also feel terrible if he had have called the Rav when I was having a nervous breakdown screaming at him and the children. ONce I was so angry, I threw a yartzheit candle that still had hot liquid wax in the bottom of the tin can, right towards his chair which he was sitting in. Luckily it splashed on the fabric and not him. I felt very bad.
yes, we need help. yes its all unhealthy. But i blame him, because i wouldnt have been so angry if he had have been reasonable and gave me a conversation and communication whereby to help repair the marriage, in that incidence above. But, yes it was wrong. WE both need help.
Mom12, I hear you. I also can relate where you had said that when you have to reprimand your husband in his crooked ways then he acts like “then you run the whole show” .
But more than just running the show, do u know what bothers me? It’s the burial of the dream that we could really be happy, whole and healthy together. What kind of a life is a life without that enjoyed closeness and sharing when I have to live separate lives while living under the same roof?
Dasyochid…let’s try out your ruach hakodesh skills….who was I in my last screen name gilgul???
Dasyochid…let’s try out your ruach hakodesh skills….who was I in my last screen name gilgul???
Aries, I don’t get what u r incinuating as “the appropriate call” ? Do u mean shalom task force? Yes of course I just called 10 mins ago but these blessed ppl only work during selected short business hrs on certain days of the week, as explained on their answering machine…..???? I was very surprised and disappointed
Or do u mean I should call someone else?
I actually got a phone number for a mimcha in shalom bayis but he didn’t pick up.ill call tommorrow. I am seriously fed up and I want my kids to have a good life.
I blame myself largely for the entire thing because everyone knows that the mothers moods set the tone of the home. If I was fair to him or more even tempered he n
ever do this. I pushed him over the edge by being mad and angry at him.
real brisker, I was a REAL jerk under that other name, in that one instance that I went over the top with a politically incorrect argument! And i just haven’t had time to apologize to the YW Mods, or the humility. But its on my list of things to do. And why are you following me? LOL
no, i didnt. Its not going to help. But as soon as he goes to bed in a few minutes I will. BUt it wont help. BUt I’ll do it.
I want everyone to understand he has never hit me. But he’s rough on the kids cause they get on his nerves because he has a tremendous amount of life pressure that is unique to most ppl. Its no excuse but thats it. He is just not the father/husband I hoped for. I sometimes fall asleep shabbos afternoon and have these beautiful exotique sweet dreams we’re sitting on the sand watching the kids play with buckets and shovels at the shore, and we’re drinking tea we’ve brought in a flask, in silence, in pure contentedness watching the sunset, the clouds, the waves, the birds. But he will never allow himself to pick up and just go with it, and give me the time of my life by a picnic or outing that way. I wake up from these dreams so sad.
by the way, i dont have a rebbetzin. I have plenty of rebbetzins living in the shtetle, whom I love, adore and respect, but who calls them for these things?
I feel really bad reading all these comments, encouraging me to get away with the kids from him. He is really a very sweet kind person when he is his usual self.
I also feel bad to “take action” against him because he has had such a hard life, and needs my help as a wife, and needs a base as a home and his family/kids. He could /chas v’shalom have a heart attack if I punish him with a break up. It would very much stress him out.
Although I truly hate the way he interacts with the kids. I am not allowed to be nice or good to them. No toys. No outings. NO spending money. No bikes. When I do- then he just snorts. I have to buy little things from the dollar store and encourage him to “give” on chanuka or on a “family night”.
If i get a gift of a beautiful royal table cloth from a friend, he calls it garbage and wants it thrown in garbage, because its too luxis. He hates luxeries. So when I say we need a new couch you can forget it. I am suppose to be the only lady on the block who is so heilige with the dirt all over mine.
He threatens to divorce me if I take zoloft for depression.
He threatened me last night to remove the children from my home if I feed them too big a supper portion. (causes obesity).
I am sick of being controlled.
mom12 please do say a whole lot more, as you said you could, even if it takes a whole page! i am listening.
And unfortunately, I am just as “snappy”. I grew up in an abusive home. Never mind. Ok, I am going to call shalom task force to see what I should do. But i really have NO WHERE IN THIS WORLD TO GO. Do you understand. NOT A SINGLE PLACE.
That is because I am a baalas teshuva who cut off from her mother and family years and years ago, and they are not material I want myself or children around, nor do I have “Friends” from those days, unless you consider bleeding heart liberals who are goyim as friends. And I have no money. I’d have to get on a Greyhound to Los Angelos and beg in the streets with all my kids playing harmonica around me for bread.
Health, how did you get blocked? I thought one had to be a seriuosly official jerk to get blocked?