Forum Replies Created
Not a chasuna issue… a mentchlichkeit issue. Not very uncommon these days, unfortunately.
I guess we really do need a sarcasm font. I was being sarcastic. Sorry that wasn’t clearer!
SJS, believe it! People do even dumber things than that. They leave infants outside stores in strollers without even a four-year-old to watch them! I personally know someone who told me that he once saw his sister-in-law’s kids (all under age 5) outside a store on a busy street in Boro Park by themselves and walked off with them – took them to ice cream. The mother was hysterical upon finding her children missing (who knows how much later she realized it?) and I think she didn’t talk to him for a very long time. I hope that it at least taught her a lesson. I’ve been tempted to do the same thing many times.
People also leave their children alone in the house, something that I cannot fathom. I once saw a young couple in my neighborhood taking a Shabbos evening walk and asked them who was watching their infant (I figured their parents or siblings must have been there). They simply smiled and answered, “Hashem.” I mean, yes, their bitachon is beautiful, but that is horrendously irresponsible!
Sister Bear, it’s not always a question of the kids’ responsibility. Haven’t we all heard stories about predators? Do you really think that a four-year-old will not talk to a stranger, especially one that looks okay and/or has a yummy treat for them? I once saw a little girl, no older than 7, actually engage a stranger in conversation as he was walking through the development. And I don’t mean that she just said hello, she perkily said, “Hi! What’s your name? Where do you live?” Some kids are just friendly! Of course, there was no mother in sight, and I made sure to stay nearby until the man was gone. Honestly, where are the parents?
The world is a sick place nowadays, and we have to do everything in our power to keep our precious children safe. There is no excuse for not watching young children outside.
Um… you put your 2.5-year-old in a baby carrier? How does that work for you? Either he’s really tiny or you’re really strong…
But you see, it sounds like your son is inherently more calm than many little boys. When my son is upset, holding him in place just gets him more upset, and I wouldn’t even think of confining him to a tight space (especially not a tight space on my own body, where he could wreak considerable havoc on me!) because that would just backfire. His time-outs are more of the screaming, flailing variety. And no, I would not potch him for run-of-the-mill offenses, but I do agree with smartcookie – most kids would not sit and listen nicely, especially younger-than-2 kids, because their attention spans are not made for that. Like oomis said, if there is a real danger present, sitting and talking to your kid will not help. A shout or a potch is much more likely to get his attention and will usually be more effective in the long run. Of course, this needs to be followed up by a talk about why running into the street, for example, is dangerous and why Mommy yelled at or potched you.
No one has been able to name a situation because there is no one-size-fits-all situation in which it is necessary. It all depends on your kid, his/her age, the action that requires discipline, how s/he has responded (or not responded) to other solutions, and your own capabilities of doing it right. Potching, like everything else, falls under “chanoch lanaar al pi darko” and you need to figure out what’s good for your kid and what’s not.
SJS, thanks for clarifying. However, I still don’t agree.
Toddlers think that a lot of things are acceptable because you do them. But they need to learn, as they get older, that there are many things that adults can do even though they cannot. Would you stop touching the stove because it’s unacceptable for your child? Would you not go into the street alone because it’s unacceptable for your child? I don’t think so. My son, who I believe is younger than yours, understands that there are things that Mommy is allowed to do but he is not. He will point to a sharp knife, for instance, and say “no-no” plus his name, then ask “Mommy?” Then I tell him that yes, it’s a no-no for him, but for Mommy it’s okay. And he accepts that. Why should potching be any different?
My nieces and nephews sometimes take to “disciplining” each other. My sister tells them, in no uncertain terms, that Mommy is the one that gives the punishments and that it is not their job to do so. Why is it that much harder for a child to understand that Mommy or Daddy can give a (small) potch when necessary, but that they can’t?
“PY, hitting a toddler teaches them to hit.”
SJS, didn’t you write in a different post that you had trouble with your older son hitting the baby? Where did he learn that? Truth is, toddlers hit. They push, and pull hair (something that my son just started doing, and believe me, I don’t pull his hair!), and pinch other kids when they’re frustrated, angry, or not getting their way. That’s just what kids do.
I am not an advocate of potching, but I do agree that sometimes it really is necessary. My kids are all different, therefore they need different means of discipline. My son, who is about a year younger than yours, knows not to go in the street without holding my hand, but he has gotten a potch or two (not hard at all, just enough that he cries because he’s insulted, not because it hurts) because you simply can’t reason with a two-year-old who REALLY wants to cross the street. I give him a light potch on his (well-padded) bottom and then we go straight inside. That’s it. Thirty seconds later he’s happily playing. And I’ve never seen him hit another child.
It does bother me when I see kids being smacked for not-so-grievous behavior, but I believe that sometimes, like when there is a real danger, it is necessary. I do it calmly, no yelling, and then we don’t talk about it afterwards. And it seems to work just fine.
Maybe your son is unusually well-behaved that you’ve never had to resort to a small potch. If so, lucky you! But you never know what your other kids will be like.
I was potched once in my life. My husband was potched twice. We both remember these occurrences quite clearly. Are we resentful? No. Were all of our siblings potched? Nope. It all depends on the kid and the situation.
Giving a light smack, with no anger, is not violence in my book.
Aviva? Aviva’s not unusual. I know lots of those!
I haven’t read through all the posts, but I think Sinai is a pretty unusual one. My friend named her son Sinai, after her grandfather.
and I think it’s spelled Attila.
Woohoo! Mosherose is back! Loving the “frivilus [sic] talk like good morning.”
SJS, I also have a friend who is deaf. Texting is a lifesaver for her. It makes communicating so much easier.
Everything has its pros and cons. If you use (and don’t abuse) texting, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with it.
lavdavka, you’re complaining that people are being nice? Really?! I can’t stand walking into shuls (and many other places) where people act as if you don’t exist. To each his own, I guess…
“LAer, I hope I misunderstood your meaning of WMD.”
myfriend, have you heard of sarcasm? Or am I not getting your post?
“Defining girls / mommies are harder, but 16 pasenger vans and snoods in public screams super yeshivish (extra points scored if the snood covers the ears)”
Okay, BP Totty, now this is getting scary. If I don’t already know you, I think we have to meet.
My husband and I have deemed the ear-and-eyebrow-covering-snood-wearing, 16-passenger-van-driving women “weapons of mass destruction.”
REMINDER: Today, July 11, is Chaveirim of Lakewood’s safety inspection! It will be taking place at Orchos Chaim (corner of Cedar Bridge and Oberlin) from 4-8 pm. [It is not a DMV inspection.]
No, I have to admit, I already knew it… I’m not THAT smart!
Because there was no Chanukah yet!
blinky – George lives in a lighthouse. When he turned off the light, he caused a shipwreck, which is what he saw in the morning. His guilt led him to commit suicide.
Actually, I used yichud as an example because it fits the comparison much better than eating pork or speaking lashon hara. Eating pork is something you can’t do AT ALL, while yichud is permissible with certain people, such as your wife. Just like yichud is okay with your wife or other relatives, mixed swimming with your wife or certain other relatives is an exception (not “acception”). Did you actually READ my post, or just the parts that you wanted to see?July 1, 2010 1:26 am at 1:26 am in reply to: Chofetz Chaim: It's not just a Yeshiva. It's a way of life. #989154
Okay, so now I KNOW that mosherose is writing tongue-in-cheek here…
“Are you curious abotu where it says its assur to eat pork with yur wife? Or say loshon hara with yur wife? Or wear shatnez with yur wife? It doesnt say it becuz its assur all the time. So is mixed swimming. It doesnt matter if yur wife is with you or not.”
Um, yeah. Now that’s just silly, comparing apples and oranges! Yes, it’s assur to eat pork with your wife. You can’t eat pork with anyone (“I will not eat them in a boat. I will not eat them with a goat”), but you are allowed to be home alone together with your wife, which is something that you can’t do with other women because of yichud. You are allowed to be alone with your mother and sisters just like you’re allowed to swim with them (unless you’ve decided that that’s assur too, and if you do I’d like to see sources for all this mishegass of yours), so why can’t you swim with your wife?
And please, learn how to spell! (Unless spelling properly in English is not something approved by the rabbonim…)
smartcookie, you have no idea. You should hear the stories these guys swap when they get together. When I have time later I’ll post more, bli neder!
Chaveirim of Lakewood is holding its annual pre-summer safety inspection on Sunday, July 11th, from 4-8 pm in the Orchos Chaim parking lot (corner of Oberlin and Cedar Bridge). The purpose of this inspection is to check tires, fluids, blinkers, etc., on cars before people take time off for summer vacation and long drives, to ensure that they stay safe.
People here take Chaveirim for granted. I grew up in LA and had never heard of Chaveirim until after I was married and living on the East Coast. I couldn’t fathom calling a frum guy to come help you change your tire or let you into your house. I have never managed to lock my keys in the car or house and automatically think of calling AAA to help if my car breaks down. I think that people tend to be more careless because they know they have someone to rely on!
Now, from the wife of a Chaveirim member: it’s beautiful that people are posting their stories up here. It’s really nice to see that people appreciate Chaveirim’s work and selflessness. My husband just happens to be one of the members who assisted in the Sheva Brachos story in the OP’s post.
This should be a lesson for all those people who expect Chaveirim to come right away, who yell at members when they are unable to help them or take “too long” to come, who don’t even look at the member or thank them, who are not waiting with their car or at their door when the member arrives, who are overall unpleasant and ungrateful (or downright rude), who give the members their outrageous stories to share when they are together…
Remember that Chaveirim is there purely as a chesed to you. All members are volunteers and the dispatcher cannot tell you when someone will be available to help you. They are helping you out of the goodness of their hearts. Nobody is paid. The ENTIRE organization, from their members to their dispatchers to their board members to their graphic designer, works for free. Your donations are sorely needed to support this organization and pay for their equipment.
Thanks for reading!
-The proud wife of a Chaveirim member
Nope, no colonies for me… doesn’t my screen name tip you off?
BP Totty, yes, I’ve noticed that we seem to think alike! But no, I don’t think I know you. Did you mention that you only have bigger boys? Unless you have a married daughter I don’t think I know any other BP Tottys…
Oh please. He specifically says that the boy has Down syndrome – not exactly an inconspicuous disability. Most people realize that people with Down are very affectionate, almost like small children. Would you say that it’s “very inappropriate” to hold a small child’s hand? (If you would then there’s something seriously off with that.)
There are still many people who do not do Dor Yeshorim, which is why diseases such as Tay-Sachs still affect our community.
For those who were wondering why our parents and grandparents didn’t have children with these diseases, like Wolf and oomis said, there’s no doubt that children did die from them – they were simply unheard of. Cancer, MS, Lou Gehrig’s disease, even Down syndrome and other conditions EXISTED before they were “discovered,” but people were not diagnosed or treated for it. People with diseases and conditions that are well-known and often treatable today died from their undiagnosed conditions, were shunned, or simply deemed “meshuga” years ago.
mosherose, day camp?! How can you send any heilige yiddishe neshama to day camp? Don’t you know it’s bitul zman and bitul Torah, with all those arts ‘n crafts, sports, sprinkling, trips, color war, and activities? Oy, a bizayon! A shanda!
Sheesh, mosherose, lighten up! Just because not everyone does exactly what you do (or what you CLAIM to do, or what you preach) doesn’t mean they’ll “roast” for it.
Am I the only one that’s waiting for the day that mosherose pops out and says “Surprise! I’m really an open-minded, colored-shirt-wearing, YU graduate with a PhD in astrophysics and nothing better to do with my time than stir up other people”?
That’s actually AWFUL. Poor girl!
Wolf, true. But the rest of my post did say that most of our daily conversations are “silly talk”… and I can’t imagine any marriage without it!
mosherose, of course you’re allowed to make “silly talk” with your future spouse. In fact, before he started dating, my husband asked his rav (a well-known rosh yeshiva) about talk and dating in general. His rav wisely told him that the first couple of dates should definitely be laid-back, not talking “tachlis,” more shmoozing, because after all, for most of your married life you talk about regular, everyday occurrences and other so-called “silly talk.” We’ve been married for quite a few years now and of course that’s true – we don’t spend our time discussing Torah (well, sometimes, but it’s definitely not a big part of our communication) or learning together. Most people don’t!
The “Al Tirah” on the Waterbury CD was composed by a Waterbury bochur who was r”l niftar shortly after writing it. It was sung by his friends in tribute to him after his petirah.
I know someone who had AIM too, but got totally messed up. Yes, the head doctor is American, but I would suggest that if there is a problem ALWAYS go for a second opinion… my friend did and it was well worth it.
icot, very punny. No, I didn’t make it up, someone sent it to me a long time ago.
mt mehdi, you’re absolutely right. Who cares? If you don’t like it, don’t do it, but don’t judge other people. Some really do buy it for the quality, some find it for amazing prices (that person whose wardrobe is made up of Ralph Lauren shirts? They may have gotten them for $12 each at Marshall’s), and some people nebach have very low self-esteem and feel the need to prove themselves. If it’s not affecting you, leave it alone!
Not sure if this one’s been posted yet.
A woman shoots her husband. She then holds him underwater for five minutes, and then hangs him. However, five minutes later, they go out for a nice dinner together.
How is this possible?
1. (no square provided)
3. Yes, they just don’t celebrate it
4. The match
6. None. Noah did.
7. You don’t bury survivors!
9. Peacocks don’t lay eggs
10. No stairs – it’s a bungalow!
11. (Fill in your name here)
12. Impossible? 16,515?
13. Their middle name
14. A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush
potpie – no “e”?
The easiest way to get the filling to stay in is to use pie filling rather than jelly. Everyone I know who uses jelly complains that it leaks, but pie filling generally doesn’t. Also, make sure that the corners are really pinched together tightly and it shouldn’t be a problem. Good luck!
“Or when sounded as ‘a’ as in neighbor and weigh”
Where can’t you get chocolate spread??
I’ve heard that chocolate spread works well. Never tried it, though.
Oh well. They’re my friend’s sister and brother-in-law (brother and sister-in-law?) and I thought that was so cute. And by the way, they’re both really skinny!
Hey! I know those people!
Um… hate to tell you all this, but calling someone a fruitcake is not a compliment. Usually means that the person’s a weirdo.
Oomis, yes, it’s only if it’s the mother’s firstborn. Firstborn children with subsequent husbands don’t “count.” However, if a man has more than one firstborn son with different wives and all other requirements are met, he needs to make a pidyon for each qualifying child.
Jothar – no joke – I know a girl (not a young one either, but already married!) named Mamala. And yes, that’s her real name.