Forum Replies Created
I would never tell anyone what yes or not to do but I do feel that this vaccine has been produced too quickly with insufficient testing done.
My concerns are that G-d forbid we should not be in a situation as in 1959 with the Thalidomide vaccine which was also rushed onto the market and hailed as a wonder drug.
I have decided to post via this thread as I don’t want to make a public announcement via a specialized thread and I am not too sure where else to put it.
For the past few months I have been in hospital, hence my being away from the CR but it has just come to my notice that all over the world people were saying tehillim, going to k’vorim of Rebbes and davening at the kosel.
All this was unbeknown to me and I am very grateful. My family never asked anyone to daven for me, word just got around. There were guys who learnt in my name for my refuah, made Mishaberachs and generally just davened.
If this applies to any of you – my profound thanks. Of course my thanks firstly are to Hashem Yisborach for giving me life and refuah but also to every single person who took the time to daven for a stranger.
This stranger is acknowledging all your tefilos
May you all be zoicher to good health and simchas
I would like to suggest that you call the home and say you’d like to be Menachem Ovol in person and when would be a good / appropriate time for you to drop by. In this way it leaves the decision open to your neighbor and his family.
If, and when you do go I would further suggest that you go, remain standing, say what you have to say plus the possuk and then leave. This is not a time to be too neighborly or personal as the man sitting shiva is in a vulnerable state therefore a little formality would go along way at this time
As many of you know I am on the Chevra Kadsha and believe me I’ve seen it all. from the most bizare to the downright disrespectful to the incredible heart wrenching kovod and over the many years I have learnt a solid lesson.
People say the dumbest things and behave in the most appalling way at funerals and shivas. BUT…. it is not always them being crass. It is often the reaction of embarrassment or feeling uncomfortable and not knowing how to behave.
As part of our training we were taught how to behave and speak from the time of Y’tzias Neshomo (and even before) through the funeral, shiva, shloishim and even The Year. We always guide people by offering the families small /leaflets booklets which are left at the funeral grounds or near the door on Shiva ettiquette to that guests may find useful.
On a lighter note there are always those who try so hard to get it right and land up getting it sooo wrong it makes you laugh. Naughty I know.
We have been on quite a few cruises with Kosherica. To sum up in one word – brilliant. They are by far the best Kosher cruise line.
However November is a little early for cruising. By the end of November you can get cruises from Florida but not kosher ones.
With Kosherica, December – February is Carribean cruise time. June is cruise time for Alaska and July – August is cruise time for the mediterranean
Kosherica have cruises to Panama and I think this year are doing one to Australia / New Zealand but you will have to check with them.
Hope this is of help. If you do go on one you’ll be sure to have a memorable time.
Postsemgirl happy wonderful birthday to you and Mepal have a wonderful day when it comes with lots of presents!!!!!!!!!!
Believe me Mepal I’m not wallowing in self pity. I only made a jokey statement.
But jokes aside if you have to remind family and friends its your birthday then what’s the point? Also it’s considered impolite to remind people of one’s upcoming birthday
Thanks go to Mod 72 and Postsemgirl for your wishes.
May you all be g’bentched and your teflios answered l’toivoh
Whoa! Squeak I just saw your reply to my post, gosh you’re on top form!
Thanks BasYis and Mepal. It looks like the whole family and my friends have forgotten my b/day cos no-one has called/sent cards etc.
You know what’s funny though, if I miss their birthdays, I’m in serious trouble. Well there’s still many an hour to go till midnight…..
I think the reason that nowadays we do Kriyas Shema the night before a Bris and not on Friday night has evolved out of sheer practicality – distance ‘n all that. family driving into state etc.
Anything Kabalistic I steer well away from.
Either way, it’s a lovely custom
Happy birthday to me. 18 again, and again and again and again. Oh well, it does sometimes feel like it.
Kapusta there are always reports being published about the benefits of wine, red meat or whatever and at the same time the harmful affects of everything from water to fruit to flour!
My opinion – everything in moderation is fine. The big question remains – what is moderation??!!
As I commented earlier one should no judge snother person by his clothes etc.
However, the following has come to mind
A man with a black hat, beard, black suit, white shirt and tie walks into a shul to give a shiur – what would the congregation say about the man? I suppose it would go along the lines of “Rabbi…..” If a guy in chinos, shirt and blazer walks in and gives a shiur, I must confess it doesn’t carry the same weight – like it or not. We would look to this guy as just that – a guy giving a shiur. Nothing wrong with that you say. Correct. But it does add to the extra kovod of shabbos of a suited guy who goes that little bit further to how he dresses.
By the way the same applies to women in their manner of dress.
The fact that the neighbor commented means that they felt the same way.
I still maintain we should not judge but maybe the way of life is that we should not cause the positionn where the comment is then made.July 10, 2009 8:58 am at 8:58 am in reply to: Out Of The Mailbag: (Cautionary Story About Hotels) #650082
Thank you so much for this enlightening story.
Please may I take this opportunity to remind people that in Israel many hotels employ staff on shabbos who are Jewish so please be careful when ordering something and the waiter/ess starts writing down your request or doing anything else Mukser (sp?)
We always check before shabbos with the Hotel Manager what the staffing policy is over Shabbos/Yom Tov
My analagy of the car was merely plucked from the air and not directed at you personally therefore I was not snapping to judgment. I was trying to show how younger people compared to older people look at a car. Repeat – not you personally.
Next… “but not if you are not interested in raising a family the way you were brought up!” Again this is written in a negative, confrontational tone. If the manner used to your parents is more explanatory and courteous you would get further.
Parents are not unresaonable – they just a good explanation as to why their kids have come to this decision (whatever it is) in their lives and they want to ensure it is not a spur of the moment, fad, outside influence, friends, sem, etc etc
Gatwick to Heathrow is about 40 mins
Heathrow to Luton about a hour
Gatwick to Luton a bit of a schlep of over an hour
There is public transport which is a hassle and a big schlep.
EasyJet are very strict on luggage allowance but easy on hand luggage as long as the bag fits in the overhead compartment. They charge for everything. There is no preseat allocation, its first onboard grabs a seat. There are no tickets just online etickets. No food is served on the plane but its roomy as long as you’re not a giraffe
Go to http://www.easyjet.com
All in all they’re not a bad airline as long as you allow for possible delays
I wonder what the linings of the stomach looks like if the teeth go yellow
Squeak does this mean we can put in a request for Feivels Wonders of the day bulletin or rather Hashem’s Wonders as reported by Feivel
SJS – Guidance goes a long way. As I said parents usually base what they are looking for on how the children were brought up and the home environment they came from – that does not mean they always get it right but it usually a safe place to start from.
We must realise that proper shidduchim are way different from the goyshe way of seeking a partner and the tznius way of a shidduch is to take guidance from the parents and not go out clubbing or holidaying seeking your own partner or discussing the shidduchim with your friends. I am not saying that everyone has to marry via this method but if you are going down the shidduch route then guidance from parents is the correct way to go.
Whilst I appreciate your comments about your own life again I would say that the experiences you went through made you grow up but only as far as it is possible for a 16 year old simply due to the fact that you have had limited years on this planet.
I agree that life is different to when we grew up and I am much older than you but I am young enough and I hope wise enough to also know that I was once a teenager who really did know everything and my parents knew nothing. Furthermore I was sure my parents had no idea know who I wanted to marry because they were too old to know anything about my life. But……. many years down the line their guidance helped me in the transition of life from youngster to adult and I now appreciare that although they are no longer alive for me to tell them
Yank/d/u – I take everything he says with a minute pinch of salt and I believe he does exagerate for the purpose of being the centre of attention. Not a hope he’d switch to anything else and in fact even when I’ve been in his company for several hours I’ve never seen him with a cup. I just wondered in case it were true……
Whoa, you appear to be one very angry young lady.
I will not draw on your actual case as it would be wrong to comment on what you say about your parents (a) not knowing you and (b) not knowing your parents and finally (c) not being able to verify both sides of this argument.
I am not naiive or in conflict with my kids or in denial. I am a lot older than you so I suppose you’ll write off my opinions as dated and useless.
You comment that your parents have never had your lifes’ experiences. Sorry but at your age you have not had any life experiences. All you have had until now is childhood and teenage years.
You are at a vulnerable and impressionable age and this is where maturity of age comes into the equation. Older folk see beyond what you are seeing right now. For example; You see the family car as old, cranky and an embarrasment to be seen in or drive. We see the car as a means of getting to A – Z quickly and comfortably. We own it and can afford it. You don’t and can’t!
There is nothing wrong with listening to what your parents have to say without interpreting it negatively – you won’t get anywhere with that attitude and it’s childish. Cildren feel when they reach a certain age it allows them to overide anything their parents may have to say on any matter.
Fact: No parent will force a child into a marriage they say is perfect for them and that the child does not want.
Fact: Most parents will try to draw from the child’s form of education, school, sem/yeshiva, chinuch in the home, hashkofa etc to make some form of conclusion as to what MAY (note the word may, which means possibly not definately) be suited to their child in regards to a shidduch.
That all said, along the way there may well be arguments such as: I want a learner for minimum ten years (and who will fund this??) or I want a clean shaven, kippa sruga guy / a girl who not cover her hair (Oi Vey, but our family all wear shtreimels/hats on the shetel).
There are many reasons as to why parents feel a shidduch is unsuitable. So act like an adult, and talk to them, explain the direction you wish to move in do not discuss these things with your friends who are as young and impressionable and opinionated as you.
Actually jokes aside I would like to ask a question.
A guy told me that he has up to 15 cups of regular coffee each day (not always finishing them all) and puts two very heaped teaspoons of coffee into each cup.
I find this information a little hard to swallow (pun intended!!!). I would have assumed that the intake of so much caffeine would have a serious detrimental affect to the physical health as well as the emotional health of someone taking such quantities
Your views and thoughts on this would really be appreciated.
Yesterday was Geese and today’s topic of interst is Locusts.
1. You have a secret job at the local zoo
2. Ypu’ve just subscribed to national geographic
Mod 72 – 1% fat mailk?????. Why bother putting any milk in the coffee at all if you’re using 1%!!
It is so sad that people are judged by the way they dress, speak, their nusach, hechshers they use or don’t etc.
I bet if Moshiach came today someone would have something to say about his dress, language, etc. The sad thing is this statement is so true it’s emabarrassing to even think about it
Not only a great story but a wonderful reflection on how your mother brought you up.
You can you be proud of your mother’s efforts to support you and your brother and she can be proud of how you treat others, how you see beyond the staggeringly obvious and of your eloquent words.
This date in Jewish History – July 1st
70 c.e. Titus set up battering rams to assault the walls of Jerusalem.
1388 Jews of Lithuania received a Charter of Privilege.
1776 First Jew to lose his life in the American Revolution.
1862 Russian Jews granted permission to print Jewish books.
1920 Sir Herbert Samuel became first British High-Commissioner of Palestine.
1941 Pogrom in Jassy, the cradle of Rumanian anti-Semitism claimed 5000 Jewish
Whoa, I’d forgotton all about him. I thought he was much older.
I thoroughly enjoyed his music and even today if I hear his songs they evoke wonderful memories of my teens. He had a very distinctive voice and sound and in fact he was banned in our school as being far too ‘modern!’
A600KiloBear and cholentkugelkishke have you both thought of starting a Coffee Room AA meeting point?
My tipple is a freezing cold vodka on the rocks but I have yet to find one that’s really smooth and believe me I’ve tried a lot.
Also like Gin & Tonic with lemon and ice and a good cognac all served in the appropriate glasses of course!
That said, I do enjoy a beer such a St Miguel and I have no idea why it tastes better fom the bottle or in a tall glass
Of course all drinks ‘taste’ different depending on where and with whom you’re drinking such a bar, a simcha, the californian sunshine, Israel, Europe or wherever
This thread is beginning to sound like Alcoholics Annonymous and my (until now) immaculate reputation is fast going down the drain.
Jax, it would a lot funnier if you could see exactly who’s who here and find that half the CR are related!
I’m not commenting on the swine flu but I want to post a small comment having read through this thread
I have been called, Mr, Mrs, a guy, a girl – the lot. I have never said which catagory I fall into because it is irrelevant nor have I posted my pedigree or academic qualifications.
I have been told my views are good, bad, rubbish and on occasion thoughtful or interesting. People may agree or disagree with me and that’s all fine too
However, one thing I am known for on this site and that is I never knock or belittle someone, judge them or give retribution on a post. Kal V’choimah from someone who should know better.
Like others this thread should be closed for fear of further responses that some of us have been pushed into in whilst wanting to suport posters we have communicated and befriended albeit in a cyber fashion with over a long period of time.
Whoa! this is a controversial one! Unfortunately society itself, in other words, we have created the situation we face ourselves with.
If a boy is in learning in one circle – brilliant
If a boy is working/studying in anther circle – he is admired
In one country if a boy leaves yeshiva – it’s bad news – oh man! bad news!
And elsewhere the same boy will be looked at as responsible.
Sems also seem to put a focus on marrying a guy who will stay in learning which doesn’t help.
We all need to stop pretending that we don’t care what the boy does as long as he is a decent mench. Rubbish! we do care. We all want to say “My son/son-in-law…..”
Take a long hard look at what we are doing to the future generation of men and be honest. Not every one can learn. The least we can do is to put them into an environment where they can work or study and maintain some level of learning like a daily shiur or programme where they will develop into hard working guys with a yeshivish attitude to their way of life.
Further more we need to stop the culture of parents working until they are put into their graves to supprt their kids. Married children must realise that it is fine to learn as long as you can put bread on the table and shoes on the feet of your kids. When you can’t – you go earn a living. It is surely more Kibud Ov V’aim to earn a living than to make your parents work well past their retirement ages.
Of course they are exceptions to every rule but as a general this is how I believe.
End of rant!!
Most unlike me!!
ICOT and Yankdownunder – your replies remind me of a Rov who once told me “It is only because people come and ask Shielahs that people like me are employed”!
I learnt from this always ask your LOR!
Yey! Oomis you and I agree for a change on the subject of shidduchim!!! PS I have another compliment for you. I bet my reasons for not wanting to suggest why some boys and girls have not cultivated the art of conversation match your reasons and I agree that’ll open not just a can of worms plus all the extras as well.
I agree with your comments that those who have nothing more to talk about are more than likely to be boring or just lack the social skills and art of beautiful conversation.
By the way many of today’s girls and boys also lack the art of good conversational English and the skills to communicate.
Those who are looking for a cop-out because deep in their sub conscience they don’t want to get married will not be boring they will just say he/she is not quite what I’m looking for
ok here goes………
– I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
– Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill it.
– I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
A600KiloBear – Please may I correct you on one point. Your statement “In Europe we do not have fish stores under kosher supervision” is wrong.
Antwerp has several fish stores with Hechsherim so does London as well as other citires in Europe.
I do not know where in Europe you are based but I have been to many fish stores with hechsherim
My child was upset not because of the rejection, as you say that’s all part of the process but because they were used. Double daters do indeed sit there and see which offer is the better and then drop one and date the other.
This is my last post on the subject. Date one person at a time. What’s the big deal so you wait a day or two for the next one. I think people’s feelings are more important than double dating, comparing or whatever you want to call it. Life’s not that short that a shidduch cannot wait one extra day.
noitallmr – I smile because very often the song in question brings me happy memories
Jaymatt I must have misunderstood – sincere apologies. I thought you were asking if it is correct to inform the other party regarding looks or intellegence if the shidduch has been dropped for these reasons.
Even as a shadchan and I have been involved in several over the years, you should not comment on either of the above for reasons I stated previously.
As a shadchan when I have been faced with he/she is not on my level and I cannot hold a deep/intellegant conversation or he/she is not good looking enough, I did not repeat this but said that they were sorry but they were not going further with the shidduch as they felt it would not progress into anything or it was not going in the direction they had hoped.
The reasons people drop a shidduch are always useful for further suggestions but intellegence or looks?
Someone may be looking for Mr/Miss Brain of the World They meet someone who did not finish College but has so much common sense and is so streetwise that it is a perfect match. The next person hates red heads. Meets someone so fabulous that they say red heads? who cares what colour the hair is? So although I agree in theory with people’s likes and dislikes as being informative I do not use them as set in steel.
It’s funny there are many songs I associate with events or people and they make me smile even though the songs are no great shakes. Do any of you get that feeling when you hear a particular song/melody?
SJS forgive me if I sound out of turn but if you were not married via a shidduch and married the only guy you ever dated then you cannot comment as you cannot imagine the emotions involved or the delicacy of the situation.
To date two people even for two days to use as a comparision is wrong. Your comment that the first few dates are more like an interview are also wrong. It has nothing to do with whether it worked out fine or not. Do you know the emotions felt by the person involved in double dating but was turned down after a comparison?
Some years back a child of ours went on a shidduch. Liked the person and wanted to meet again. After days of waiting and back and forth by the shadchan we were told the person had said no. We found out that they had double dated with our child who was mortified, humiliated and could not understand why they were being used and what was wrong with them and what was so much better with the other person. This child is now long married with their own family but still remembers this event. I therefore feel I can comment on this subject.
Double dating is wrong and the fact it carries on every day does not make it right.
Jaymatt you are kidding aren’t you????
1. The word dumped is awful and derogatory – I say this not only to you but everyone else who uses the word
2. Your opinion of attractive is your opinion and may not be held by someone else
3. Ditto intellegence.
Moish01 there are many yeshivas which are not heavy duty nor black hatted nor pressurised. Have you taken a look at something like Ohr Somaech in Jerusalem. There is very little pressure put onto boys. You attend shiurim on your level when you want and they also offer Rabbeim who you can talk to – all educated men who understand exactly your dilemas.
They also offer summer learning programmes for those who want to study but also want to do a stint in yeshiva. This may be an idea for you to look at
aggadah99 the reason why you are not always told when you are quote ‘dumped’ is because there are people who want to refrain from hurting the person and therefore will just say something along the lines of sorry, but I do not want to continue any further….
You may not necessarily have said or done anything wrong but merely that the shidduch is simply not going anywhere.
this conversation evolved from earlier posts, read through them
Dating has to be done in a somewhat selfish manner (at least to start with)
So basically you use two people to see who you prefer and then dump one of them ‘cos the other is better.
Or, you date two people like both of them so you toss a coin>
I’m sorry but the idea of dating two people simultaenously is wrong, for whatever reason.
What an amazing post Yisroel and a real wake up call. I cannot make any comments here other than to offer admiration for your letter as I have not been in your situation or any situation even remotely similar.
I am involved with Kiruv and some aspects of teen and adult advice but ony on a superficial level. I do not feel competant to offer real guidance as I cannot truly understand the pain and anguish you have been through. I know of similar 12 step meetings as I have a friend who is involved in such programmes through his behaviour in the past and we all applaud and back him up all the way. We listen to him repeat in lengthy detail about his meetings (he goes to other groups as well) and we support him on the bad bad days and believe me there are many. Even one Levaya is too many and I should know from the young people I perform a Tahara on.
I have often been asked and wondered myself about Teshuva and it’s power. I think the way your life has turned around and the help you offer to others is more than teshuva it is something so wonderful and special that Hashem has turned the teshuva around into a zechus for you to be in your position now of helping others. Your help no doubt is saving actual life and soul and the reward for this is way high up.
You ask : Will you see past my mistakes and see the person who is caring loving and a true asset to Klal Yisroel?
The answer is an overwhelming yes and with honour.
Striving your original post was cute in that it was so innocently asked. It shows you to be a fine sensative young lady.
I will not say anything negative about your actions – ‘nuf said there.
All I want to say is that everyone has a beshert and when your time is right he’ll just be there for you whatever your friends, shadchonim or whoever says.
Much hatzlocho and may you be zoicher to many simchas all in the right time!
noitallmr – Just because loads and loads of guys are doing it – it doesn’t make it right and it shpouldn’t be but it will continue if all guys have the same attitude as you – sorry.
BasYisroel2 – you are perfectly correct!
SJS – I am sorry but your reasonng is wrong. You date one person at a time with the intention that this is for me. If not, ok move on. But with the attitude of multiple dating for any length of time you get only more confused.
You can easily choose who is right or wrong by simply saying yes or no. If the person has potential then say yes and carry on dating. If not say no, call it a day and move on. But to compare by dating two people at the same time – no way. By the way this practice is almost unheard of by non American born people